The Power Pack in "Battle at the Mall".

Primus drank the rest of his Orange Julius and counted the number of people in the food court.

15 people. He walked over to Radioactive Dude, who was standing next to the indoor fountain.

Primus: There's 15 people in the FC.

Radioactive Dude: I've always wondered; how many people you reckon have gotten their wishes after tossing some coins into this here fountain?

Primus: Probably not too many. I don't believe in wishes.

Radioactive Dude: Ayuh. But I do believe in coincidences. But, I have to wonder if this is a coincidence.

Primus: What's that?

Radioactive Dude: You showing up at our door the day before we were gonna take this here Mall hostage to call you Power Packers out for a final battle.

Primus: Final battle?

Radioactive Dude: That's right. We have been doing some heavy talking the past couple of weeks. We are ready to do serious business, and we wanted you chaps out of our way.

Primus: So, that's what we're doing here?

Radioactive Dude: Ayuh. We are going to hold these people hostage and drag your former buddies here. This is your chance to prove yourself. You help us get rid of them, you are a part of our team.

Primus: That's fine.

Evil Gnome joined them.

Evil Gnome: It's almost a shame that most of the stores in this mall have closed down. I used to have fun here as kid. There's 23 people in the Gap.

Radioactive Dude: 38 people. That'll be enough. Time to call in Llama

He took a walkie-talkie off his belt.

Radioactive Dude: Llama, this is Dude. We are a go. Bring em in. Dude Out.

Dealy Llama brought in four boxes in a shopping cart. He took the boxes out and honked his nose. The shopping cart transformed into the Mrs.

Dealy Llama: The Mrs. and I are ready. How many we got?

Radioactive Dude: 38. 15 in the food court. 23 at the Gap.

Dealy Llama opened one of the boxes and and took out two AK-47s. He handed one to the Mrs.

Dealy Llama: I got the food court you get the bastards at the gap. They'll all be white, so let's make you a black guy.

Llama honked his nose and transformed the Mrs. into a 6 foot tall muscular black guy.

Dealy Llama: Let's round them up!

They ran off into the mall.

Evil Gnome opened the other boxes.

Two of the boxes contained six lawn gnomes each. He got them out and set them down. He opened up his flask and took his finally sip of alcohol. He was ready to control the gnomes.

He commanded them to get into the other boxes and strap the explosives inside to them.

He turned to Radioactive Dude and Primus.

Evil Gnome: We're ready.

Behind them, they heard screams.

Radioactive Dude: Now, the two of them will wrangle everybody in. Primus, go ahead and call the news channels. I want to make sure the Pack knows we're here.

Primus ran over to the payphone and called the local TV news station.

After he hung up, he looked back at his new friends. They were gathering the hostages in a circle. Gnome was having his gnomes surround them. He couldn't believe he was in this situation. He would rather be a hero, but he wanted to be somewhere he could be respected. Looking at the group, he hoped he made the right choice.

He walked over to them.

Primus: The news crews are on their way.

Radioactive Dude: Thankya Primus. Now, y'all know the drill. As soon as the police get here, I will do the talking to hold them off. When the news people get here, Gnome will send out a hostage with a couple of the gnomes following, then we'll show the Pack we mean business.

Within a few minutes, the cops arrived. Radioactive Dude spoke with the Police Negotiator. They agreed to allow FF to send a message to the Pack in exchange for a hostage.

Radioactive Dude picked out two hostages. One male, the other female.

Radioactive Dude: Miss, you are free to leave. Now you, partier, are going to help us out. Two of these here explosive gnomes will escort you outside. As soon as you get out there, holler over to the cops that you will be delivering a message. Here it is.

Radioactive Dude handed the man a piece of paper. The man read over it. He looked scared.

Radioactive Dude: I know what the message says, but trust us, you will not be hurt.

The man read over the paper again. He went outside. Evil Gnome sent his gnomes with him.

Radioactive Dude: Well, now it's your turn Llama. What do you have in store for that gentleman.

Before Llama could respond, they heard an explosion. The looked outside. The hostage was gone, and in his place, was nothing but shattered glass, some fire, and a lot of smoke.

Dealy Llama: What the fuck did you do Gnome? You weren't supposed to kill him! I was going to have the Mrs. go out there as a dog and piss on his leg!

Evil Gnome: It wasn't me! I didn't tell the gnomes to detonate the bombs!

Across the street from the mall, was a Holiday Inn. On the roof of the Inn, stood a man with a sniper rifle.

The Jaded Poet smiled as he sat the rifle down. He called Lichton.

Jaded Poet: I have disposed an innocent captive and have incriminated the rogues for the malfeasance.

Lichton responded and Poet ended the call. The plan was to make sure Pillz and Pero held nothing back in their next attack on this group of villains.

Poet picked up his binoculars and waited for the Pack to arrive.

Pillz was on speaker phone with the mayor.

Pillz: I understand the police want to take them down now. Listen, they want us. Let us lure them out of the mall and the police can go in and rescue the hostages while the Five are distracted.

Mayor: Fine. I'll tell the Chief of your plan.

Pillz looked over at Pero.

Pillz: You ready for this? This will probably not end well. They took a life. There's no holding back this time.

Pero: Their day of reckoning is at hand. I got that from a book I read. I think it was by Dr. Suess.

Pillz: Primus will be with them. We have to label him guilty as well. Even though he probably didn't have any real say or part in it, but he made his choice and he has to live with it.

Pero: I don't need to convince myself that we have to take him down.

Pillz didn't respond, but he knew Pero was right. That's exactly what Pillz was doing. Whether he liked it or not, Pillz had come to see Primus as a little brother, and his betrayal had hurt like no other. Despite all of that though, Pillz felt a little guilty for Primus' actions, but he had to be dealt with. They had to be dealt with.

Pillz: Call back to the other car. Let them know we are a couple of blocks away from the mall.

In the other car, the three occupants were arguing.

Burnsy: Don't worry about how I drive! I drive just fine.

JeNewBee: Women are not to be the best drivers! I have seen many wrecks. Women do the most of them!

Raptor Pat: Will you two pipe down, I'm trying to concentrate.

Burnsy: Who are you texting, anyways?

Raptor Pat: Don't worry about it.

JeNewBee: Texting is too softcore. I like to penetrate with my words. Rape your mind with my voice!

Burnsy: And you do that quite well. My phone is vibrating.

She got out her phone and handed it to Pat.

Burnsy: Who is it?

Raptor Pat: It's Pero.

Pat answered it. Pero told them they were almost at the mall.

Raptor Pat: We are almost there. They said to hang back and wait for Pillz' signal to move in.

Burnsy: What's the signal going to be?

Raptor Pat: I don't know.

Burnsy: That's just great.

JeNewBee: Justin will know when the time is the right one. Justin always knows. He can talk to me. He tells me his secrets!

Burnsy and Pat ignored him.

Raptor Pat: Maybe he'll hold his hand in the air and wave for us to attack.

Burnsy: Why don't you just call them back and ask?

Raptor Pat: Good idea.

Pat called back. They talked for a few minutes and Pat hung up.

Burnsy: Well?

Raptor Pat: He's going to put his hand in the air and wave for us to attack. Oh, and Jewb, he wants you to use your power on Primus.

JeNewBee: That's a great idea. If I knew who that was!

Raptor Pat: Pillz said he will be confronting Primus, so just use your powers on whoever that's going to be.

JeNewBee: That's fine! Whatever you guys do, do not count to 100 by fives. It will be your downfall! The Law will protect me, but not you.

Burnsy: Quiet down. We're at the mall.

They found a spot to park the car. They got out and saw Pillz and Pero walking up the entrance of the mall, which had been blown out in the explosion.

Pillz looked at the devastation. It only made him angrier.

Pillz: Fucktastic Five! We are here, come out!


Radioactive Dude looked at the approaching figure and smiled when he heard him shout.

Radioactive Dude: I can tell that man has come here for a real showdown. Let's give it to him. Let's head out. Leave the guns behind, this is going to be a fair fight.

The Fucktastic Five exited the mall and faced Pillz and Pero out in the parking lot.

Radioactive Dude: I know what you boys are thinking. You are thinking we killed that poor man. Well, think what you like, truth is, we had nothing to do with it.

Pillz: Your hostage. Your gnomes strapped with explosives. Your responsibility.

Radioactive Dude: Well, be that as it may, you are obviously here with an intent to put a stop to us once and for all. We share the same goals for you two. Any last words?

Pillz held his hand up and waved.

Pillz: Power Pack! Assemble!

Pillz' words caught the Five off guard. They didn't see a blur heading in their direction. As they felt a gust of wind blow by them, Evil Gnome looked down at his gnomes.

Evil Gnome: My gnomes! Their explosives are gone!

They heard shouting.

Raptor Pat: Over here! I've got your bombs. Nynah nynah nynah nynah!

Evil Gnome: Nobody messes with my gnomes and gets away with it.

Gnome gathered his minuscule troops and headed for Pat.

Radioactive Dude: Well Pillz, I see you rounded up a posse.

Pillz: Indeed I have.

Burnsy and JeNewBee gathered with him and Pero.

Dealy Llama looked at JeNewBee and whispered to his Mrs.

Dealy Llama: What the fuck is he doing with them. If he's a hero, then I must be a goddamn savior. Oh well, five of us, five of them. The Law is never wrong. We won't fight one of our own, let's take on that chick.

Pillz: Now Dude, I know it's custom for the leaders to spar, but there's some one else I intend to deal with personally.

Radioactive Dude: He's all yours. Primus, take out Mr. Pillz here. I'll handle the big fellow.


Raptor Pat saw the man in dreadlocks head right for him. The man was being followed by a bunch of lawn gnomes. Pat always found those things to be a little creepy. He thought back to a couple of years ago, when a woman asked his to find a thief that stole her gnomes right off her lawn.

He ended up finding the guy and her gnomes, but couldn't get himself to gather them up and return them to her. There was just something about them that made Pat hesitant to touch them.

Gnome approached the speedster, but for some odd reason, the speedster didn't move. In fact, he seemed to be in a daze.

He commanded his gnomes to latch on to the guys legs to pin him down.

Pat decided it was best not to think about the things touching him, only to realize that's exactly what was happening. The gnomes were climbing up his legs and latching on somehow. Each of them felt like they weighed 15 pounds each, and now there were 6 of them latched on.

He tried to kick them off, but he could barely move his legs. He lost his balance and fell over.


Dealy Llama dodged the fireball.

Dealy Llama: I love it when a bitch gets all hot for me! Come on baby, give me all you got!

Burnsy wanted to fry this bastard. The prick somehow was more obnoxious than JeNewBee. She formed another fireball and launched it at Llama.

Llama raised his shield and blocked the fireball with it. He sat the shield down.

Dealy Llama: I'm going to remember you for later. The Mrs. here can become anything I want her too. And I know she's going to have a blast looking like you tonight.

Burnsy: You're disgusting.

Dealy Llama: I'm just an honest man. Now tell me something hot lips, what's a fine thing like yourself doing with these dumb fucks?

Burnsy: I have my reasons. So, is boring me with conversation part of your tactical plan, 'cause it's not going to work.

Dealy Llama: I have better tricks up my sleeve. Let's see how well you do against two targets.

He honked his nose.

The Mrs. became an eagle. She took to the sky and made a dive for Burnsy. Llama began to run after her.


PeroHulk ran towards Radioactive Dude.

The Dude sidestepped him and tossed his rope over PeroHulk's head.

Radioactive Dude: Just like a bullfight!

PeroHulk: My mom says I'm bullheaded, but I am not a bull.

Radioactive Dude: Well I will be horsewhipped. None of that "PeroHulk smash" talk.

PeroHulk: Too bad we have to put up with that silly cowboy talk.

Radioactive Dude: Touché , yellow man.

PeroHulk grabbed the rope and pulled the Dude towards him. As the Dude was being dragged towards the behemoth, he unfastened the custom made cattle prod from off his belt.

PeroHulk pulled the cowboy to him, as he picked him up to toss him away, he felt the high voltage of the cattle prod course through his body. Then there was darkness.



Pillz and Primus stared each other down. Both of them knew what they wanted to say to each other but waited for the other one to speak first.

Pillz finally broke the silence.

Pillz: Why?

Primus: You know why. You kept berating me and treating me like a subordinate. We founded that team together.

Pillz: If I was hard on you, it was for your own good.

Primus: I think it was for your own good.

Pillz: I did what needed to be done for the team. You were the one too concerend with yourself. Now look, you joined a team of killers.

Primus: We didn't kill him.

Pillz didn't respond. He clenched his ringed hand. He had to wait until the right moment.

Primus cocked his head to the left, as though he were listening to something.

Primus: What the hell does that mean?

Pillz: What?

Primus: Somebody said "My bologna has a first name. It's O. M. G. U. S. U. C. K."

Pillz knew that was the sign. He activated his ring. Primus saw this.

Primus: My powers can block yours. I can block anything.

Primus clenched his teeth and tried to make something happen. Nothing did. He saw that Pillz was making a prison around him with the energy coming from the ring.

Pillz: This is what happens when you are unable to fpocus your mind and concentrate on your power.

Primus wondered why the hell his power didn't work. He closed his eyes and tried to think. That alien voice returned.

"Who does the cutting? The blade or the person holding the sword? Either way, you are a stupid person. Orajel tastes nasty! Ha. You're in a prison! Don't drop the soap!"

Primus knew the source of the alien voice was causing his powers to malfunction. He concentrated on the voice, trying to get it out.



JeNewBee was staring at Primus. As soon as he made a psychic link, he could figure out the nature of Primus' power. To keep Primus from triggering his defensive powers, JeNewBee kept transmitting bad thoughts.

Then, he felt a new sensation. The person was fighting back. It was as if he was pushing JeNewBee's thoughts back into his own head. JeNewBee concentrated harder.



Primus remained focused on getting rid of the alien voice, but he glanced around to see if he could find the person they were coming from.

He saw him.

Primus saw a man in a ridiculous get-up staring right back at him. Primus called out.

Primus: Radioactive Dude! Get the man over there in that stupid costume!



Radioactive Dude looked up. Primus was being held captive by Pillz, but the boy wanted him to attack the strange looking fellow with silver face paint. The Dude thought the sight of this man just standing there was queer, but he realized the stranger was staring right at Primus.

The Dude finished tying up PeroHulk and headed for the strange man.



JeNewBee heard his bird, Justin, squawk.

JeNewBee: What's that boy? The cowboy is headed right towards us and left Pero alone and you want to go untie him! Go get him!

JeNewBee let the bird out of the cage.

JeNewBee hoped the effect on Primus would last. He broke of the connection with him. And started to do his dance.

Radioactive Dude saw the strange fellow release a bird, turn towards him, and began to dance. The Dude would have chuckled at such a sight, but he knew in his gut that it was trouble. The dude reached for his old iron six-shooter. He hated to have to use it, it was always meant as a last resort, but there might not be any other way to deal with the strange fellow.

The Dude held up the gun.

Radioactive Dude: I'm for a little dancing as much as the next fellow, but I'm going to have to ask you to stop.

JeNewBee stopped his dancing. It was all up to his bird now.



Evil Gnome continued to hammer his fists against Raptor Pat.

Raptor Pat: I give up! Stop!.

Evil Gnome: I'm usually not this violent, but you managed to tick me off. Then again, it could be the alcohol.

Raptor Pat: Please stop! I'll make it worth your while.

Evil Gnome stopped hitting him.

Evil Gnome: Really? You know, you are quite cute. I think we could arrange something.

Raptor Pat: No! That's not what I meant! I'd rather you keep hitting me.

Evil Gnome: I think I'll let my gnomes take care of you.

As Gnome watched his lawn ornament minions gather around his victim, he noticed a strange shadow covering over them.

PeroHulk: Time to say hi to your old boyfriend Sparks.

Evil Gnome: You! Attack him!

The gnomes left Pat and leapt onto PeroHulk.

PeroHulk: I can get this. Go help that fire chick.

Raptor Pat ran towards Burnsy.




Burnsy was shooting fire from both hands. They weren't as powerful as her normal fireballs, but they were enough to keep Llama and the Mrs. from overpowering her.

By this time, the Mrs. had turned into a lion.

Dealy Llama: We can keep this up all night! Pretty soon, you are going to run out of heat. And then I ain't going to need the Mrs. to turn into you, we'll just have you to play with.

Burnsy: I'll set myself on fire before I let a midget clown and his freak wife have their way with me.

Dealy Llama: Don't knock it till you...

He couldn't finish his sentence, he was knocked back by a quick blur.

Llama was thrown all the way back into a wall. He collected himself and saw Raptor Pat in front of him.

Raptor Pat: You know, I hate clowns. In my hometown, we have this clown that calls himself Mr. Smiles. He likes to give kids candy that has Ritalin inside of them, so the kids will do better in school. He tried to give me some, but I never trusted clowns, so I arrested him for misconduct with minors.

Dealy Llama: You should have taken the stuff, you fucking dumbass.

Llama noticed the Mrs. was headed for them. He also saw the the fire bitch was aiming a fireball right for her. He honked his nose and transformed her into a hummingbird.

The Mrs. took off at a fast pace and managed to get away.

Raptor Pat knew what was happening.

Raptor Pat: She wasn't aiming for her.

Pat sped off. Llama noticed the fireball heading in his direction. The fireball stopped right before it reached him, and dropped to the ground. The fire began to spread around him, trapping him. He honked his nose and and the Mrs. flew in, this time in the form of a gryphon. The Mrs. picked up Llama with her talons.

Dealy Llama: We're getting the fuck out of here. Fuck the two of you!

They flew off.

Primus could feel his power coming back. He looked at the green energy bars around him. They were all around him, except under him.

Primus could feel a new strength flowing through him. He punched the ground from out under him

Pillz saw this and new Primus' powers had returned. He undid the prison and began to shoot blasts of energy and Primus.

Primus knew he had to escape. His powers changed, and he began to fly.

Primus: This isn't over!

Pillz aimed for him, but for some reason held back. He watched as Primus looked towards Llama and the Mrs, then, much to Pillz' surprise, flew off in another direction.

Raptor Pat came speeding over.

Raptor Pat: Doesn't that ring let you fly? Go after him!

Pillz: I can't.

Raptor Pat: Why not.

Pillz looked angry. He screamed out.

Pillz: Because I'm afraid of heights!

They heard screaming. It was coming from Gnome.



PeroHulk busted a fifth gnome.

PeroHulk: We never had lawn gnomes at my house. We did have this lawn jockey once. I named him Howard. Growing up, I never had many friends. So, Howard became my best friend. I would take him everywhere. We went fishing together, camping together, but never horseback riding. I used to like horseback riding. But one time, when I was trying to get up in the horse, he stepped on my foot. But that was before I met Howard. My parents bought him to remind me of what I would never become since I gave up horse riding. Howard never brought that subject up, because he respected me. I think my parents resented him for that. They gave him back to the orphanage.

Evil Gnome: What the hell are you talking about? Quit smashing my gnomes!

Gnome then found himself trapped in a green energy cell.

Pillz: Game's up Gnome.

Radioactive Dude came walking over with his hands up.

Radioactive Dude: I reckon it's time to throw in the towel. I didn't want to, mind you, but that nice lady with the fireball helped convince me.

Pillz: The two of you will be escorted by the police to your jail cells. Then you'll be tried for the murder of that hostage.

Radioactive Dude: So be it, son. Let me tell you this though, we had no hand in the cause of the explosion. Our plan was to make fool of the guy, not to kill him.



The police placed the Dude and Gnome under arrest.

Police Chief: So, 3 of them escaped, correct?

Pillz: Yes, Primus, Dealy Llama, and his Mrs.

Police Chief: Well, thank you for responding. We were able to save the rest of the hostages.

Pillz: That's good.

Pillz looked over at the front of the mall, where the man was killed. He then looked over at the Holiday Inn, and saw a figure moving on the roof. The figure soon moved away from Pillz' vision, but Pillz' instinct told him nothing good was associated with whomever that was.

Raptor Pat: Well, we got two of them. Looks like the hard part is done.

Pillz shook his head and stared off at the Holiday Inn.

Pillz: I'm afraid it might just be beginning.



To Be Continued.

The Power Pack in "New Recruits"

Pillz read over the note again.

Primus had left it in Pillz' office. It had been two hours since Primus had went out for a walk to "clear his head".

Pero stepped into the office.

Pero: All of his stuff is gone. I think he ran away. I ran away from home once. Well, more like rolled away from home. I was in a wheelchair, because I broke my leg when I playing on my friends trampoline.

Pillz: Why did you run away?

Pero: Because the day after the accident, my parents bought me a trampoline.

Pillz decided to leave it at that and looked over the letter again.

Pillz: In the note, he said he wanted to meet new friends. If he joined up with our enemies, then we have some serious problems.

Pero: Now they outnumber us even more.

Pillz: Yes, that and Primus knows our hideout and our weaknesses. This could be a mess. I tried to call him on his cell phone, but he blocked my number. Try yours.

Pero: I don't own a cell phone.

Pillz: Why not? Everyone else has one.

Pero: The fact that most people out there today never leave their house without their cellphone attached to ear is one more sign that we are becoming to dependent on technology. I will not allow myself become a slave to electronic convenience. That, and I can't afford one.

Pillz nodded.

Pillz: Let's just hope he comes to his senses.



Meanwhile, at the Duplex on 23rd.

The Fucktastic Four had looked at Pero with shock. Before any of them could ask him what he was doing there, Primus explained that he left The Power Pack to join up with them.

Radioactive Dude: Come on in, son. We'll palaver.

Dealy Llama: Hold the fucking phone! When one of my enemies comes walking through my door, I don't shake the fucker's hand and welcome in.

Evil Gnome: I think we should listen to what he has to say.

Dealy Llama: That's exactly what he wants to do to us! He's obviously here to spy on us.

Primus was beginning to wonder if he made the right decision. He could no longer stand Pillz' attitude, but this Llama guy's attitude was even worse. But, he's already made it this far, no turning back now.

Primus: I'm not here to spy. I have left the Power Pack for good.

Radioactive Dude: Well, son, that's easy for you to say, but Llama here has a point. Last time we saw each you, you were fighting us. Now, you want to join us, clear out of the blue. I'm sorry, but we can't exactly trust you right from the get go.

Evil Gnome: Listen Primus, perhaps you should explain why left and came here.

Primus: I got tired of Pillz' crap and I left. I thought I would join up with you guys. Simple as that.

Radioactive Dude: Now, I don't doubt for one second that Pillz has gotten under your skin. He knows how to press a person's button. But that's when you man up and show him that you can take his criticism and better yourself.

Primus: I didn't come here for a lecture.

Dealy Llama laughed.

Dealy Llama: I know what this boy's real problem is. He's got a problem with authority. Now, how do you expect to be a part of a team if you can't take orders.

Primus gave Llama a serious look.

Primus: I'd be the one in charge.

The other four looked at each other and laughed.

Primus: Fuck this! I don't need you guys. I can go solo. You guys need me more than I need you.

Primus began to walk out the door.

Radioactive Dude: Now hold your horses son. We didn't mean to insult you. It just struck us as funny that you'd be walking in here and placing yourself in charge.

Primus: I got info on the Power Pack. Info you need.

Dealy Llama: Enough of this! Listen here Pumice, you can give us all the "information" you want, still ain't going to make me trust you. Not until I put you through a test.

Llama honked his nose.

The Mrs. turned into a polygraph machine.

Radioactive Dude: Now, what is that contraption?

Dealy Llama: It's a lie detector. Let's strap this jerk up and see if he'll pass.

Primus: Fine, whatever it takes.

Evil Gnome: I hate to intrude on this, but given what I've come to understand about his powers, they may help him pass a lie detector test. Besides, just because she looks like a lie detector, doesn't mean she is one.

Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. returned to her original form.

Dealy Llama: He's right. It was just a test to see if he would agree. But those damn powers of his.

Llama shaked his fist at Primus. So did the Mrs.

Radioactive Dude: Listen son, if we can come up with a test for you to prove your trust, will you do it, no questions asked?

Primus: Yes.

Llama smiled.

Dealy Llama: I got just the thing.

He honked his nose.




Back at Pillz' place.

Pillz: My cell is vibrating. I'm getting a message.

Pillz looked at his phone.

Pillz: It's from Primus. It's a video.

Pillz played the video and held it out for Pero to look too. The video contained Primus standing in a room with his pants down. He was receiving oral pleasure from someone that looked exactly like Pillz.

Pero: Great, now I owe him 20 bucks.

Pillz ignored this and skipped through the video, that's all there was.

Pero: You two didn't have to hide it from me. Yeah, it would have been awkward at first, but I would have gotten used to it.

Pillz: That wasn't me. It was probably Llama's Mrs. I just don't know what he's trying to do. He's either trying to insult me or he's going to try to blackmail me.

Pero: Maybe he did it to gain their trust.

Pillz: I don't see how, but, knowing them and knowing you, that's probably the reason.





Back at the Duplex.


Primus: Don't put that on the Internet!


Dealy Llama: Why not? You have to admit, she did a great job.

Primus: Yes she did, but everyone who sees that will think I'm gay.

Evil Gnome: Then we'll put my face over yours.

Radioactive Dude: There's no need to put that video on the net. Primus has proved himself. Welcome to the team.

Primus: Thank you.

Dealy Llama: So, I guess we are the Fucktastic Five now. You better spill your guts Primo, cause those two may think you're ok, but I trust you about as much as I trust a librarian in a video store.

Primus: I don't know what that's supposed to mean.

Radioactive Dude: I don't believe any of us do. But no matter. We have plans for tomorrow. You will join us, and we'll see how far your loyalty, to us, is willing to go.



The Jaded Poet arrived at The Agency headquarters.

Lichton was there to greet him.

Lichton: Welcome back Poet. We're going straight to the conference room. Travis and a few other agents are there and we're going to discuss our new plans in light of these new circumstances.

Jaded Poet: The apostate paladin has brought a most refreshing course to these affairs.

Lichton: Indeed.

They made their way to the conference room. When Lichton had left it to greet Poet, everybody in the room was talking to each other. Now, they were silent.

Lichton: What's the matter?

Travis: The boss called. He's on his way over. He wants to be part of the meeting.

Lichton: The Emperor is coming here?

Travis: He'll be here in 15 minutes.

Lichton began to worry. He turned to Poet.

Lichton: This is not good.

Jaded Poet had listened to the exchange, not feeling the same sense of dread everyone else felt. The Poet had yet to encounter "The Emperor".

Jaded Poet: Who is this Agency sovereign that has filled you all with such consternation?

Lichton sighed.

Lichton: It's not that we fear him, it's just that we really don't like him. The Agency was started by a great man. When he died ten years ago, he left his son in charge of all of this. The Council pretty much runs things, like it always has, but whenever the son wants in on something, we can't say no, because he is the de facto leader. And he's a little brat and he insists we call him Emperor.

Jaded Poet: Charming.

Lichton: If you'll excuse me, I have an announcement to make.

Lichton walked over to the phone that was mounted on the wall. He dialed out to the intercom. His voice was heard all over the Agency Headquarters.

Lichton: Attention Agency Employees. This is Agent Lichton. The Emperor will be here in less than 15 minutes. Remember the protocol for dealing with him. Do not look him directly in the eyes, especially if you are female. If he talks to you, asks you questions, give him short and direct answers, especially if you are female. If you see him coming in your direction, pretend that you are hard at work and too busy to engage in a conversation. Especially if you are female. Thank you.

Lichton looked over the people in the Conference Room.

Lichton: Did he say why he wanted to be here?

Travis: He has taken an interest in the Power Pack.

Lichton shook his head.

Lichton: This is not going to be good.






Pillz and Pero arrived at Pero's house.

Pillz: Who's car is that in the drive?

Pero: My mom's.

Pillz: I thought you said she wouldn't be home.

Pero: She home now.

Pillz: Ok then. Will she mind me being here?

Pero: I'll just tell her you're my imaginary friend.

Pillz: But, she'll be able to see me.

Pero: That's what she calls all the guys she brings home with her.

Pillz: I just hope she's as interesting as you.

Pillz and Pero entered the house.

Pero's mom was standing in the living room. She was 35, tall, blonde, and beautiful. She could have been a model. Pillz mouth dropped. She was the opposite of what he was expecting.

Pero's Mom: Hello Pero. I see you've brought a friend. Make yourself at home. Can I get you boys something to drink?

Pero: Bring me a coke mom. This is Pillz, by the way.

Pero's mom walked over and shook Pillz' hand.

Pero's Mom: It's so nice to meet one of Pero's friends. He hardly brings them over.

Pillz: It's finally nice to meet you, Mam. Pero talks about you quite a bit.

Pero's Mom: Nothing too bad I hope.

Pillz: Not at all.

Pero's mom brought them a couple of cokes. They went into Pero's room.

Pillz: Your mother is very nice. Not what I pictured when you spoke about her.

Pero: She's my step-mother.

Pillz: I don't remember you telling me your parents were divorced.

Pero: They're not.

Pillz tried his best to comprehend what he had just encountered, but decided it was mystery best left unsolved. Besides, he had a bigger problem.

Pillz: Okay, we need to figure out our next step.

Pero: What about getting some new people to join our team?

Pillz: That's a good idea. If we knew any other people with superpowers.


Pero: I do.

Pillz: From where?

Pero: The ASMB.

Pillz: The ASMB?

Pero: Yes. The Awesome Superpowers Message Board.

Pillz: I have never heard of that.

Pero: It's a good place. I'll tell them we are having tryouts for the team. They can come here. We'll set it up for tomorrow. How does that sound?

Pillz: This could work. Here, I'll make out a list of requirements.

They got to work. An hour later, the bulletin was posted.




Back at The Agency...

The intercom in the Conference Room buzzed. Lichton answered it. The voice on the other end told him that the Emperor had arrived.

Lichton: Here we go. Brace yourselves.

Jaded Poet: Does this Sultan of Exasperation have an appellation?

Lichton: Zeni. We call him Emperor Zeni.

Emperor Zeni stepped into The Agency.

He immediately began to scan the room for girls. He saw one. Sitting at her desk. She glanced up at him, only for a second.

That's all he needed to know that she was interested.

He made is way over to her.

Emperor Zeni: Hey there. I couldn't help but notice you were checking me out. Can't blame you. If I were a woman, I'd check me out too. Look at this.

Zeni began to flex his right arm.

Emperor Zeni: See that? That's all me. I don't take drugs for that. That's hard work. Would you like to go out some time? Don't think that you have to because I'm your boss. I know you like me. I can see it in your eyes. What's your number?

Lichton entered the room.

Lichton: Emperor Zeni! We are anxiously awaiting your arrival down in the conference room.

Emperor Zeni: I'll talk to you later babe.

Lichton: Right this way sir.

Lichton led Zeni over to the elevator. Zeni looked back at the girl and made the phone gesture with his hand. He winked at her.

They got into the elevator.

Emperor Zeni: I think she likes me. But she didn't talk to me. She just wanted me. I could see it in her eyes. So it's probably going to be a one night stand kind of a thing. That's fine with me. I'd like to have a real relationship though, know what I mean? Not one of these cheap sluts that just wants a guy for his body. You married?

Lichton: Yes I am sir. You came to my wedding. It was last year. You got drunk and chokeslammed my mother-in-law.

Emperor Zeni: Oh yeah. Sorry about that.



Lichton: No apology neccassary.


The elevator stopped.

Before they entered the conference room, Zeni stopped in his tracks.

Emperor Zeni: Hold on a second, I have to get ready for this.

Zeni began to run back and forth across the hallway. He then jumped to ground and began to do push-ups.

Emperor Zeni: Come on! Come on! Ten more! Ten more!

He jumped back up and slapped himself across the face.

Emperor Zeni: Let's do this.

Lichton: It's just a meeting sir. There's really no need to get worked up like that.

Emperor Zeni: It's how I do it. It's my killer instinct. That's what I do before I enter any room. I step in there, and people see me. They no better than to mess.

Lichton: Ok then. Let's go inside.

Zeni scanned the room for some girls. He saw none and let out a sigh. He then laid his eyes on Jaded Poet. He walked over to him.

Emperor Zeni: So, you're the badass I've been hearing about. You don't look so tough to me.

Zeni started to box the air around Poet. Poet stood still.

Emperor Zeni: If this had been the real thing, you'd be out before you could say "Roses are red".
You know, I'm actually a bit of a poet myself. I'm a rapper.

Jaded Poet: That's excellent sir.

Emperor Zeni: Let's get to business. The Power Pack. We are trying to kill them, right?

Lichton: Well, we were monitoring them and taking notes to see if they are threat. But as it stands right now, they are becoming less of a threat.

Emperor Zeni: How so?

Lichton: There are only two of them now. Pillz and Pero. Primus defected to the team we created to fight with them.

Emperor Zeni: Well hell, that makes it easier for us to get rid of The Power Pack. I'll do it myself. Superman and Green Lantern ain't got nothing on me.

Lichton: Well, technically, Pero is the Incredible...

Emperor Zeni cut him off.


Emperor Zeni: I don't care if he is technically Mighty Mouse. Watch this.

Zeni picked up one of the empty chairs and hurled it across the room. He then jumped on the conference table and did a back flip.



Emperor Zeni: Wha do you think of that?

Lichton: Very impressive sir.

Emperor Zeni: God damn right. The Power Pack would shit themselves if they saw that action.

Lichton: Well, our concern right now is not with the Power Pack. It's with the team we have created. We do not have control over them.

Jaded Poet: There is another quandry that has presented itself. Our two remaining members of the Power Pack might be looking to fill the void left by their former comrade.



Emperor Zeni looked at Poet as if he had spoken a foreign language.


Lichton: That's a very good point. They would look for new members. I think it's a good idea to activate a sleeper agent.

Emperor Zeni: A sleeper agent? What are those? Do you mean we have agnets that are sleeping on the job?

Lichton: No. That's not what that I meant. It means we have agents in the field that don't do anything until we give them orders.

Emperor Zeni: Good. Because if I find out I have people working for me and all they do is sleep, I'll deal with them persoanlly.


Zeni did a karate kick.

Lichton: I want a list of our sleeper agents in an hour. Let's get to work on this people.





The Next Day.

Pillz and Pero stood in Pero's back yard.

Pillz: You know, we probably could have found a better place to hold these tryouts.

Pero: I called my friends. They wouldn't let us use their back yards.

Pillz: A back yard wasn't what I had in mind.

Pero: Too late now. This is where I told them to meet us.

Pillz: Are you sure all of the people who responded can show up here on such short notice?

Pero: I'm pretty sure. One of them is already here.

Pillz looked around and saw nobody. Then he felt a rush of air breeze pass him. He could make out an object blurring through the yard. It made zig-zag lines and then headed back towards Pillz.

Pillz held up his ringed hand and braced himself. The object stopped right in front of him. It was a young man wearing a skintight running suit. He held out his hand for Pillz to shake. Pillz shook it and the young man introduced himself as Raptor Pat. Pillz learned he talked as fast as he ran.

Raptor Pat: Raptor Pat's the name. Running's the game. I can run really fast. Of course you already saw that. I got here as quick as I could, nyuck nyuck. Anybody else here? Nope, I can already see that they are not. Figures I'd be the first one here. Ain't going to find nobody fatser than me. I'm quick to the point to the point no fakin'. Cooking these B's like a pound of bacon.

Pillz: Thank you for coming. A speedster. We could use one of you. What's your top speed recorded at?

Raptor Pat: Like any man-made instrument can record how fast I go. You want to know how fast I am? I left my house five minutes ago. And I live 3,ooo miles from here.

Pillz nodded, he was impressed.

Pillz: How well do you do in a fight?

Raptor Pat: I've taken on all sorts of criminal elements back in my town. Bank robbers, murders, rapists, paedophiles, car jackers, burglers, jay walkers, litterers, hookers, johns, pick-pockets, and the occassional peeping tom.

Pillz: Sounds like you have your town under control. Why do you want to join up with us?

Raptor Pat: I need to look at the big picture. Instead of just taking care of one town, I want to start taking care of the world. And this seems like the team to do it with.

Pillz: Good. Well, you just have to pass the obstacle course and you'll be a part of The Power Pack.

Raptor Pat looked around the yard.

Raptor Pat: Obstacle course? I don't see an obstacle course? All I see is is a kiddie pool, a swing set, a beaten down tree house, and a trampoline.

Pero: NOOOO!!!!

Pero began to change into PeroHulk.

PeroHulk: Pero no like trampoline! Pero no like fast man who talk fast! Pero smash!

PeroHulk lunged at RaptorPat.

Raptor Pat moved quicker than lightning. He was already ten feet behind PeroHulk before the big brute was able to get his foot down.

Raptor Pat: Over here, big boy.


PeroHulk turned to face him. Before he was even completely turned around, Raptor Pat had ran to the other end of the yard.

Raptor Pat: Too slow! You got to do better than that!

PeroHulk looked at the fast man. PeroHulk knew he couldn't catch him by chasing him. PeroHulk knew he had to slow him down.

PeroHulk ran towards the trampoline.


Raptor Pat watched him, amused. He loved going up against the big guys. They always thought that brute force would help the win the fight. His mind drifted back to the time he faced the Slaughterhouse 5. They were five really big butchers who were kidnapping out-of-towners and using them for cuts of meat. He started to chuckle when he remembered how he found out, that bologne sandwhich did have a...Raptor Pat's mind snapped back to the present. Just in time to see a trampoline hurling towards him.

Pillz watched intently, as the battle unfolded. Raptor Pat was indeed fast. He had the right reflexes the teem needed. Then he saw his weakness.

After the speedster had ran to the other end of the yard, Pillz could make out that he started to lose focus on Pero. That mistake almost cost him his life. PeroHulk had picked up the trampoline and threw it at Raptor Pat, like a frisbee. Raptor Pat seemed to snap out of a daydream and was able to move out of the way in time.



PeroHulk growled as the fast man ran out of the way. The fast man was taunting him now. And the angrier PeroHulk gets, the stronger PeroHulk gets. PeroHulk ran towards a tree. He would bash in fast man's skull with it. PeroHulk wrapped his arms around the tree and began to uproot it. Then he heard his mom's voice.

Pero's Mom: Pero Michael Montgomery! What do you think you are doing?

PeroHulk: Me smash fast man!

Pero's Mom: Well, you can smash fast man with something else besides our oaks. Your grandfather planted those trees! Now, convert back to your regular self, you have another visitor.

A young woman came walking around the side of the house. She looked around the yard. A man in his late twenties was taking notes. He was wearing a god-awful ring. A big yellow thing was trying to stick a tree down in the yard. And a young kid was wearing a much too tight unitard.

She knew she was at the right place.

Raptor Pat recognized her immediately. He saw her picture posted up on the ASMB.


Raptor Pat: Burnsy! It's me, Raptor Pat. I'm so glad you could make it. I knew you'd come. I've been wanting to team up with you for a while now.

Burnsy: I bet you have.

Raptor Pat ran over to Pillz.

Raptor Pat: You're going to love her. She's hot in more ways than one. She can make fire and control it. Show them, Burnsy, show them what you got.

Burnsy strated to move her hands in front of her. It looked like she was trying to turn an invisible ball between her hands. Moments later, an tiny ball of fire began to grow between her moving hand. The fire grew bigger. It became the size of a bowling ball when she stopped. She held out her right hand, the ball of fire floating above it.

She looked over at Pero, who had returned to his human form. The tree he had uprooted now laid flat on the ground.

Burnsy: Honey, you may want to get away from that tree.

Pero ran away. Burnsy shot the fireball from her hand. It struck the tree. Burnsy then used her power to make the fire spread out all over the tree. She let it burn for a few seconds, then made the fire die out.

Pillz: Impressive. A pyrokinetic would be a great addition to the team.

Raptor Pat: So, we are part of the team? We are now Power Pack members?

Pillz: Nothing is official yet. We still have other potential members to evaluate. I would love to bring you all on, but we need this to be a tight group.

Pero: This is it.

Pillz: What do you mean, "this is it"?

Pero: These are the only two people that said they'd come.

Pillz: Only two people? Why didn't you tell me this before? When I asked you how many people responded, you said a bunch. Two people is not a bunch.

Pero: A bunch of people did responded! They responded with "You're dumb Pero", "No one's going to join your stupid team, Pero", and "Is your mom home yet, Pero?".

Pillz did a facepalm.

Pillz motioned everybody to join around him. They gathered on the back porch. Pillz had the three of them line up before him.

Pillz: Fine. We are the new Power Pack. Pillz, Pero, Raptor Pat, and Burnsy.

Pero: I don't like it.


Pillz: Like what?

Pero: The names. I still think one of the requirements should have been "your name must start with a P".

Pillz: We can't be choosey like that. Besides, if we had done that, then nobody would have shown up.

Pero pointed past Pillz.

Pero: He still would have.

Pillz turned around. He saw a strange sight before him.


A man was walking towards them. The first thing Pillz noticed, was the fact that the man was wearing silver face paint with evry single hair on his head dyed red. He wore a suit that looked like it belonged on a minstrel act performer. In one hand, he held a hunting knife. In the other, he held a bird cage containing a parakeet.

Raptor Pat and Burnsy looked at each other. They both said the same thing.


"JeNewBee".

Pillz: How can we help you?

The man licked his finger and held it up into the air. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He then began to speak, in such a manner that was almost cryptic in the way he delivered each sentence. One calm, the next exciteable. It was rollerdeck of emotions.


JenewBee: The wind is blowing east. I came from the west! The wind cannot stop me, what chance do criminals have?

Pillz: Are you here to tryout for the team?

Raptor Pat: Don't bother with this guy, Pillz. He's a poser. He just wishes he had superpowers.

JeNewBee looked upset. He began to scream at RaptorPat.

JeNewBee: I DO TOO HAVE SUPERPOWERS! Why don't you believe me? I can prove I do! Watch me.

JeNewBee took two steps back from them and started waving his hands in the air. He began to chant.

JeNewBee: I have me seeing towards the skies! It looks like rain but the weather lies. Grass is covered over the ground. My tongue wants to taste a beautiful sound!

He stopped. He looked at the group and raised his eyebrows.

Pillz: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

JeNewBee: How was that?

Raptor Pat: You didn't do anything.

JeNewBee: Didn't I?


JeNewBee put his hands up to his head.

Pero: You do not look like Tom Cruise.

They all looked at Pero.

Burnsy: I think it's fairly obvious he does not look like Tom Cruise.

Pero: He just said he did.

Burnsy: He didn't say anything at all.

JeNewBee walked over to Pero and slapped him across the face.

Pero transformed in PeroHulk, but didn't attack. He just stood there, looking stunned.

Pillz: What did you do to him?

PeroHulk: I'm still me.

Pillz couldn't believe it. Pero managed to keep his whole consciousness when he transformed.

JeNewBee: Whenever I do my magic, I connect with the person I'm thinking about. They can hear my thoughts and I can can manipulate their powers.

Pillz: How long will he stay like that?

JeNewBee: It's random. Could be a minute or the rest of his life.

Burnsy: Wait a second. Your thoughts enter their head and you can control them.

JeNewBee: I can just make changes with their powers. If I'm thinking good thought, it's a good change. If it's a bad thought, then the change is bad! I'd like to try it out on you. I love you on ASMB. I think you and I would make a great pair.

Burnsy: I don't think so. You better not try that little trick of yours on me. And before you even ask, I did not bring nude photos with me.

JeNewBee: Bitch.

Pillz: Children, please. So, JeNewBee, do you have to do that little song and dance there every time?

JeNewBee: As far as I know, yes.

Raptor Pat: What in the hell is the knife and the bird for?

JeNewBee: The knife is for protection.

Raptor Pat: And the bird?

JeNewBee: His name is Justin. He's my back up. He'll tear out your eye!

Pillz: Can you do anything else besides your little trick.

JeNewBee: I'm the master and creator of the Sexy JeNewBee Sexy Style of fighting!

Burnsy: I sure as hell want no part of that.

JeNewBee: You're mean. But I still like you. No one else does, I bet!

Burnsy: Plenty of people like me. The same can't be said about you though.

JeNewBee: I'm not going to talk to you anymore! Which one of you is Pillz?

Pillz: That's me.

JeNewBee: I can be part of this team. I'm good! You can being have the authority to make the way to me being with the team that you lead?

Pillz:You're an odd person, but your powers can be very useful. Welcome to the team.

Raptor Pat and Burnsy gave each other of look disgust.

Pillz: Okay. Five of us, five of them. We are settled. Our first plan of action is to find a new headquarters. There, we'll go over the Fucktastic Four's, well Five's, powers and we'll come up with a strategy on how to defeat them.

By this point, Pero had turned back into normal and went inside to get a fresh pair of clothes. On his way out, while he was ignoring his mother's complaints of always having to buy him new clothes, he heard the news anchor on tv annouce breaking news.

Pero went to the TV and found out his old friend and his new teammates were holding a mall full of people hostage.

Pero ran outside.

Pero: We've got a problem!

Pillz: What is it?

Pero: On the TV. It's the Fucktastic Five.

The group ran inside.

Pillz watched the TV.

The cameras caught sight of a man walking out of the mall. Surrounding him were 4 lawn gnomes, strapped with explosives.

The man yelled out something to the cops. One of the police officers walked over to the news crew and brought the reporter and the cameraman up to the hostage. The reporter handed handed him the microphone.

Hostage: This is addressed to The Power Pack. If you two do not show up here in the next half hour, we, the Fucktastic Five, will start doing terrilbe things to the hostages. We'll prove it too.

The lawn gnomes exploded, killing the hostage and the news crew.

As the camera cut out and went to static, Pillz grit his teeth.

Pillz: I never expected them to go this far.

Raptor Pat: We have to stop them. They are just expecting you two, they won't be expecting five of us!

Pillz: But when they do see the five of us, they may go ahead and kill everybody just to spite us. I can't have that.

Burnsy: What are we going to do?

Pillz though it over. He looked at the clock. 30 minutes they said. Not enough time to form a strategy.

Pero: What if the two of us go, lure them out for a fight, then these three join in when they are least expecting it?

Pillz looked at Pero with respect in his eyes.

Pillz: Sometimes I love you.

Pero: I told you I'm not gay.

Pillz: I know. Ok. Pero and I will go in my car to the mall. You three follow behind us. We will engage them. Do not attack until we know that no hostage or innocent bystander will get hurt, got it?

They all nodded.

Pillz: Okay, I'll give you a quick detail of their powers, so you'll know what to expect.

Pillz explained the FF's powers. 5 minutes later, they were in their cars, headed for the mall.

At The Agency.

Lichton was talking on his cell phone to Jaded Poet.

Lichton: Good work. I'll be wating for your next report.

He hung up. Lichton looked arund his office. It was a nice one, cozy, he liked everything he saw in it.

Except the person sitting in his chair behind his desk. And for some reason, that person was still talking.

Emperor Zeni: ...and that's why I failed college. I swear that professor was hitting on me though. She was always making me demonstarte the problems at the chalkboard, just so she could check out my ass. Does that answer you question?

Lichton sighed. The only reason that Zeni was there, was because Zeni insisted on being a part of all of the decisoions dealing with the Power Pack.

Lichton: Yes. That explains in much detail on how you've been.

EmperorZeni: Good. So what's the deal with this mall thing?

Lichton: The Power Pack has 20 minutes to show up at the Mall. We'll see if it's just the two of them or if the have more members.

Lichton's cell phone began to buzz. He looked at it.

Lichton: Wait a second, I'm getting a text message from our sleeper agent.

Success. I have infriltrated PP. 2 new mmbrs bsides me. g2 mall. Will rprt back ltr.

Emperor Zeni: Well, what is it?

Lichton smiled.

Lichton: Our operation is ago.

TO BE CONTINUED

Poetic Injustice: The Jaded Poet Story.

As he watched the four residents of the duplex, he saw a curious sight. One of the members of the Power Pack had strolled up to the door. He opened the door without knocking, said "You have no idea" and stepped inside.

Jaded Poet watched this much interest. He stared through the binoculars, intent to read the lips of those talking inside. He could make out little from their movements, but he was able to get that Primus had left his team to join up with this group here.

Poet began to analyze what this meant. What it meant for this group here, what it meant for the Power Pack, and what it meant for The Agency, and what it meant for him.

Poet put down the binoculars and looked at his watch. Three hours he had spent watching the duplex. Three hours that would bring considerable pay, but this new development with Primus would bring even more.

Poet smiled. The Agency sure did love him. He was the only independent hitman they ever brought on as a full member. He had Lichton to thank for that.

Poet put his binoculars away and brought out his cell phone and his gun. He had to call Lichton to report in, but he got out his gun just in case.

Poet knew he always had to be ready for a kill, even when he was doing the most simple of tasks.


Two Years Ago

Woman: I just love your work.

Jaded Poet: Thank you.

Jaded Poet singed his name in her book and handed it back to her. She looked at it with a smile on her face and left.

Jaded Poet: Next please.

Jaded Poet, aka James Phearson, was at his book singing. His third published collection of poetry had hit the shelves and he was touring the book stores.

He hated autograph sessions.

There was nothing worse than to hear the most simple minded people recite his poetry. And they did it poorly. Always messing up lines, never catching the right tone, and never fully understanding the meaning. The only reason they read his work is because they wanted to appear sophisticated. All because he was Time's Poet Of The Year back in 2002. He had published his first collection that year and had gained a reputation of "being able to paint the most complicated of human emotions with his words". He had a strong fan following ever since.

Of course, he also had to deal with the Questions. The Questions were all the same. "What inspires you?" "How do you write this stuff?" "Who's your favorite poet?" "What's your favorite poem you wrote?"

He answers them, of course. Always with a smile on his face. And sometimes it's not a false smile. If they knew the answer to what inspires him, they would run away screaming.

The next fan came up and placed his copy of the book in front of Poet.

Jaded Poet: And who do I make this out?

The fan: To Brad Arliss. It's going to be a surprise to him. If you would, please write out "To Brad Arliss, Happy Birthday over there on 1623 Maple Street".

Jaded Poet looked up at the man.

Jaded Poet: Will do.

Poet handed the book back to him and continued the session for the next hour.

The next day Jaded Poet and the two lackey his publishers assigned to him on this tour had packed up their things and left town.

That night they had stopped at a motel to catch some rest.

Jaded Poet: You guys good?

Lackey 1: Yes. Mr. Phearson.

Jaded Poet: Good. I'm going to go out for a drive. I'll be gone for a couple hours. I'll call you on your cells if I get into trouble.

Lackey 2: What are you going out for?

Jaded Poet: Inspiration.

Jaded Poet had drove back into town. He had parked his car on the 1400 block of Maple Street, got out and began to walk.

He strolled right up to 1623 and knocked on the door.

A man answered. He looked tired and surprised.

The Man: It's a little too late to be knocking on people's doors, don't you agree?

Jaded Poet: Just because a visitor makes his arrival at your door, it doesn't mean you have to answer. Alas, you did, so you must be a lonely man who welcomes all company at even the most odd of hours. Is that accurate, Mr. Brad Arliss?

The man blinked his eyes in surprise and the sound of his name.

Brad: Well, since you know my name, you might give me the pleasure of knowing yours.

Jaded Poet: My name is a gift best presented to those who have invited me into the comfort of their homes.

Brad: In that case, come on in.

Jaded Poet entered Brad's house and took a look around. He was able to surmise that Mr. Arliss did indeed live alone.

Jaded Poet: It looks as those my speculation of your living environment was correct.

Brad: I guess. Now how about you give me your name and and the reason you are here.

Jaded Poet: For all intents and purposes, my name at this particular juncture in both of our lives shall remain anonymous. My reason for being here is simple: I was sent here.

Brad: To do what?

Jaded Poet: To give you this.

Poet handed Brad a piece of paper.

Brad: And what am I supposed to do with this?

Jaded Poet: Read it.

Brad: Why?

Jaded Poet smiled and took a gun out of his inner coat pocket.

Jaded Poet: Because everybody deserves to say something beautiful before they die.

Brad stared at the gun. The paper trembling in his hands.

Jaded Poet: It's very simple Brad. You read the poem there, out loud, and I kill you swiftly and with no pain. You don't read the poem, then you make this operation very difficult. Not for me, but for yourself. The end result will be the same. You will die.

Brad: It's them, ain't it? They sent you here.

Jaded Poet: That's not for me to say Brad. It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is that you have one last chance to introduce something magnificent into your life before die.

Brad began to read the poem.

Brad: "As I end my exasperated voyage, I am content with shedding all of this foliage. The growth of pain and misery, shall be nothing but a history. And so it was, as the day I was born, I shall die clean, no longer tainted and worn" Nice fucking poem.

Jaded Poet produced a dagger out of his sleeve and lunged at Brad, slicing his throat.

Brad collapsed to the floor clutching his throat, looking at Poet with betrayed eyes.

Jaded Poet: I didn't appreciate your tone or the snide comment.

Jaded Poet pulled a cloth out of his pocket, wiped the blood off of the dagger and placed it back into the sheath hidden in his sleeve.

As Brad let out his last breath, Poet walked out, went back to his car, and drove back to the motel.

One Month Later

Jaded Poet was relaxing in his home when he received a call from his publishing agent, Maria

Maria: Guess what James! I got more exciting news!

Jaded Poet: That's great Maria. What is it?

Maria: That anonymous fan of your has agreed to pay for more of your original drafts. And at the same price as the other ones! If this guy keeps buying more, you could retire at a very early age!

Jaded Poet: Thanks for the good news Maria.

Maria: It's my pleasure. I can't wait to read your next set. Bye!

Poet hung the phone up and sighed. If she only knew.

The death of Brad Arliss had gave Poet exactly what he was looking for. Inspiration. He was already well into writing one of his famous free verse poems when someone began knocking on his door.

Jaded Poet: 'Tis some visitor, tapping at my chamber door. Only this and nothing more.

Poet got up from his writing desk and called out to the person behind the door.

Jaded Poet: How may I help you?

The person behind the door spoke: My name is Ted Lichton. I'm from The Agency.

Poet immediately reached for his gun and tucked it into his back pocket. He opened the door.

Lichton: Thank you for letting me in. We need to talk.

Poet pulled out the gun.

Lichton looked at it calmly.

Lichton: Please don't get the wrong idea, Mr. Phearson. I am not here for insidious reasons. I am here to offer you an invitation.

Jaded Poet put the gun away.

Jaded Poet: This is very unexpected. I was under the impression that I would never have direct contact with anyone from your organization.

Lichton: That was plan. But you have many people in The Agency looking your way. Take your last month's kill for example. You did leave a bit of a bloody mess, but once again, no sounds were heard from the neighbors and no one saw a thing. That was the tenth kill you have done for us and the results have always been the same.

Jaded Poet: Thank you.

Lichton: I'm what you would call a headhunter. I seek out those who would be best suited to work for us. I found you. I'll admit, your prices were steep, but I convinced my bosses to get in contact with you. Therefor your performance has also reflected back on me. I have been promoted.

Jaded Poet: Congratulations. We should celebrate this splendid occasion.

Lichton: Wonderful idea.

Poet and Lichton went into the kitchen. Poet brought out a glass of champagne and poured two glasses.

Jaded Poet: A toast. To The Agency.

Lichton: To The Agency.

The drank the champagne and Lichton motioned to the kitchen table.

Lichton: Let's have a seat.

They sat down and Lichton brought out a notebook he had in his tote bag.

Lichton: Telling you about my promotion is now the only reason I'm here.

Jaded Poet: No?

Lichton: No. I'm here to interview you.

Lichton smiled as he said interview. It did not go unnoticed by Poet.

Jaded Poet: Is this for The Agency Times?

Lichton laughed.

Lichton: No. This is for my bosses. They want an in depth profile on you.

Jaded Poet: My I inquire why?

Lichton: Of course. We have been on the lookout for a special enforcer. A cleaner, if you will. Someone who can take care of certain messes we can't deal with normally.

Jaded Poet: And I am up for this job.

Lichton: Yes. I have nominated you. I have great confidence in you, but they need testaments of all candidates. So, let's begin shall we?

Poet nodded.

Lichton: When did you first learn you were capable of killing?

Poet's eyes searched over Lichton for a few seconds then became contemplative. Poet sat still for a few seconds than answered.

Jaded Poet: The first time I killed a man.

Lichton: Touché. What drove you to kill him?

Jaded Poet: He asked me to.

Lichton was looking down into his notebook as he was writing, but glanced up at Poet's answer.

Lichton: He asked you to?

Jaded Poet: That's correct.

Lichton: Why?

Jaded Poet: He was my neighbor. I was 15 at the time. He stopped by house one afternoon to ask me a favor. He handed me a $50 bill and gave me instructions. Turns out, that 50 was the last money he had. He had gambled most of his savings away, including his daughter's trust fund. He gave me the last of his money to burn his house down. With him in it. We wanted it to look like an arson had struck him while he was asleep. I figured out a way to make it look like an accident. His wife and daughter collected on his insurance and received a new house. No one suspected foul play.

Lichton: So, you killed a man so his family would benefit. Now you are killing strangers for money. Why the transition?

Jaded Poet: As I watched his house burn. I began to think. I thought about his wife and daughter and their loss. I focused on their pain of losing this man they loved over something so foolish. And I considered in my own part in their loss. I could have talked him out of it, but I didn't. I adopted his misery as my own. I now worried about his family. I wrote my first poem that night, pouring my torment onto page. I fell in love with what I wrote and never once regretted what I did to that family afterwards. I tried writing more poems, but none of them lived up to the one I wrote after the fire.

Lichton was writing all of this down. Poet took a drink and continued his story.

Jaded Poet: I dreaded that whatever poetic inspiration I had in that one day was a fluke. Of course, I realized that my preoccupation with the family's suffering is what led to my poetic conception. I needed more. I had to create more misery in order for my talent to produce. I went hunting. Not animals though. I found a bum. He had set up home underneath a railroad bridge that passed over a creek. Knowing he had no family to care for him, I had to figure out a way to feel sorry for his death. So, I filled him up with hope. I gave him some food and drink and told him a tale. One where I was going to be able to find him a real home, get him started on a well paying job, and get his life back on track. The promise of a better life had filled his eyes. I then took out a knife and watched that hope drain out of his eyes. I stabbed him in the side first, to make sure he was aware of my deception before I killed him. The look of betrayal never left his eyes. The poem I wrote that night is the one that opens my first published collection.

Lichton had stopped writing half way through. He had never heard of such a thing. In all of his years working for The Agency, he had never been as stunned as he was now.

He collected himself and finished writing in the notebook. He looked back up at Poet.

Lichton: So, let me get this clear. You kill people so you can write your poems.

Jaded Poet: That is one way of looking at it. I kill people to feel pain and I release that pain through words.

Lichton: So, it's the pain that makes you write?

Jaded Poet: A poet is nothing without his suffering.

Lichton: Fair enough. So, why become a hitman?

Poet smiled at this.

Jaded Poet: If I'm going to kill people, I might as well get paid for it.

Lichton continued his interview for another two hours.

Lichton: Ok, that should wrap it up. You'll be going back on your book singing tour this month right?

Jaded Poet: That's the plan.

Lichton: Excellent. We'll have more work for you.

Lichton gathered his thing. Poet walked him to the door.

Lichton: I hope they pick you. I think you'd be a great asset for The Agency.

Jaded Poet: Thank you. Have a good night Mr. Lichton.

Lichton: You too. And please, call me Ted.

Poet nodded and Lichton left.

Poet stood there, wondering what he was getting himself into. He decided to dismiss the thoughts for now, and began to concentrate on preparation for the rest of his book tour.

One Week Later.

Poet was in a new town on his touring stops. There usually was a reason for a new town to pop up on his map. He was going to have another target there.

And like most of the towns on his book tour, this one was full of idiots on the bandwagon.

Emo Fan: Your poems, like, are the words my soul has been tryin to say for the longest time now. That one poem you wrote, "In The Mirror". How'd that go? "The road your on is near the end. The long journey is yours to defend. The answer you're seeking is near. Your worst enemy is the mirror." That stuff is awesome. I cried. Thank you.

Jaded Poet: You're welcome.

Poet signed his book and the emo kid left. Poet hoped the kid was as good at cutting his wrists as he was at butchering that poem.

The next person came up to the table. He sat a book down in front of Poet.

Jaded Poet: And who do I make this out to?

The Fan: Derrick Reynolds. It's a gift. Please sign it, "Happy Anniversary Derrick. Have another great 15 years of marriage there on 1919 Liberty Street.

Jaded Poet: Will do. Thanks for reading.

Poet handed the book back and let out a sigh of relief. That part was over, now he had to finish pleasing the chumps and he'd be out of the hell hole.

Jaded Poet: Next please.

As Poet called that out, he glanced out of the book store window to see his messenger get into a car. The next fan had began reading a line of his poetry. It was a female voice, and the way she was reciting grabbed his attention.

The Woman: "A smile, a most deadly smile sits upon an innocent face. Trust is not something I give to one with such grace. /Staring at each other for a while, time goes by without a trace. Is dying a better option than to live? You say you just made your case. /The sounds are getting louder, it's time for a change of pace. We come together you and I and we share warm embrace./ Turning ourselves into powder, to see which one wins the race. You took our love and let it die, still keeping your innocent face."

Jaded Poet looked up at the woman. The woman was moderately attractive. Not a real knockout, but cute in her own way. But that didn't matter to Poet. The way she had recited his poetry made her the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had set her book down for Poet to sign. It was "A Jaded Poet".

Jaded Poet: "Innocent Face". Nobody has ever recited that one to me. Whom do I make this out to?

The Woman: Emily Page.

Jaded Poet: Why Innocent Face?

Emily: The woman in the poem, you seem to make her out to be a woman who has scorned you, yet tries to hide it unsuccessfully.

Jaded Poet: Go on.

Emily: Yet you are the guilty one in the relationship. You are the one that screwed up and she still feels love and sympathy for you, but decided to end it for the better. Then you both have one final love making session, and you blame her the whole time. "Is dying a better option than to live". That's her ending the relationship. The relationship is dying and it's for the good. "The sounds are getting louder" That's you two arguing. "Turning ourselves into powder, to see which one wins the race". That's you two making love. But not really. It's her way of saying goodbye and your way of saying "stay". The conflict is grinding you both up into pieces.

Jaded Poet: Excellent. You are the first one to properly analyze that one.

Jaded Poet stood up and bowed. Emily blushed.

Emily: Thanks.

Jaded Poet: I feel as though I owe you something. Such a rare treat has never manifested before me. Shall I be so bold as to take you out to a dinner?

Emily was speechless.

Jaded Poet: The whole thing will be my treat, of course.

Emily: Uh, yeah, that'd be great.

Jaded Poet: Very well. Shall we meet here at say, 8 PM tomorrow and go from there.

Emily: It's a date.

Poet smiled and bowed again. The rest of the autograph session breezed by.

The Next Day.

Poet was finished getting dressed in his motel room. He walked over to the room where the lackeys were staying. He knocked and entered.

Jaded Poet: I will be taking a leave tonight gentlemen.

Lackey 1: Off to get more inspiration?

Poet smiled.

Jaded Poet: Yes. And I have a date.

The lackeys gasped.

Lackey 2: Mr. Phearson, it's about time you get some tail.

Jaded Poet: Thank you. And don't wait up for me.

The lackeys laughed.

Poet left the motel at 6 0'clock. He got into his car and pulled a suitcase out of the back. In it was a disguise. He drove around the town for a few minutes, found a secluded spot, and changed into the disguise.

He then drove his car to a nearby laundromat. He parked it, got out, and walked two blocks to a supermarket.

When the coast was clear, he hot wired a Buick Century and drove to 1919 Liberty Street.

He arrived in front of the house at 6:45.

Poet walked up to the house and knocked on the door. Derrick Reynolds answered.

Derrick: Who's there?

Poet cleared in voice and began to talk with a southern accent, masking his real voice.

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, I am the Clerk of the Court and I am here to issue you subpoena.

Derrick opened the door angrily.

Derrick: What the hell! It's that fucking bitch of an ex-wife of mine, isn't it?

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, I don't know about any of that, all I know is I'm here to give you this message. May I step inside for just one quick second?

Derrick: Just give me the subpoena and get the fuck out of here.

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, we have another matter to discuss and it's a bit cold out here, so if you wouldn't mind just letting me in for a few and then I can be on my way.

Derrick stepped back from the door.

Derrick: Be my guest.

Poet entered the house and did a quick survey.

Derrick: So, what's up?

Jaded Poet: You said you have an ex-wife. Did you and she have any children?

Derrick: Yeah, we have a 12 year old son.

Jaded Poet: And where is the child now?

Derrick: Up in his room doing his homework.

Jaded Poet smiled. He was able to appreciate pain more when it dealt with a child.

Derrick: Does my kid have something to do with this?

Jaded Poet: Not yet.

Derrick looked at Poet, puzzled.

Derrick: Well, give me that damned subpoena. I want to read it.

Poet handed Derrick the paper in his hand.

Derrick scanned over it.

Derrick: This is a poem.

Jaded Poet: Yes it is. Why don't you read it out loud.

Derrick gave Poet a disgusted look and threw the paper to the ground.

Derrick: No more fucking games. Tell me what you are doing here.

Derrick pulled out a gun.

Poet anticipated this. He began to talk in his Poetic voice

Jaded Poet: The abnegation of your undertaking appears to be a forfeiture of that you hold dear.

Poet's words confused Derrick, so much that he dropped his guard for a second.

And in that second, Poet made his move.

Poet grabbed an ashtray that was near his hand and hurled it at Derrick. It hit Derrick in the hand, causing him to drop the gun. Derrick bent down to retrieve it.

Poet rammed himself into Derrick, causing them both to fall backwards. Poet picked himself up immediately. Derrick lunged at Poet's legs. Poet jumped and kicked Derrick in the face. Derrick's nose ruptured. As the blood ran down his face, Derrick brought his attention to his nose. Poet removed a knife. Neither of them saw Derrick's son, Rob, come down the stairs.

Rob: Dad, what's going on?

Derrick turned at the sound of his son's voice.

Derrick: Nothing Robbie. Run back up stairs.

Rob: You're bleeding dad.

Derrick: I know son. Don't worry.

Derrick looked at Poet.

Derrick: Please. Not my son. Leave him alone.

Jaded Poet: I have no business with your son. Just you and you alone.

Derrick: Fine. But not in front of him.

Jaded Poet: That's up to you.

Poet retrieved the poem Derrick had thrown to floor. He handed it back to him.

Jaded Poet: Read it.

Derrick: No. I'd rather my son watch me die than to read that garbage.

Jaded Poet: So be it.

Poet quickly stabbed Derrick in both lungs, thorax, and stomach.

Jaded Poet: This is going to be painful.

Poet grabbed Derrick's gun and pointed it at Rob.

Jaded Poet: Don't move. Watch.

Derrick's death took longer than expected. After Derrick died, Poet spoke to Rob.

Jaded Poet: I am going to leave now. Wait ten minutes then call the cops. I'll be watching. If you call them any earlier, I will kill you. Ok?

Rob stared at the body of his father and nodded.

Poet left, got in the Buick and drove three blocks away from the laundromat in a back alley.

He wiped the Buick out, hid behind some bushes, changed back into his original clothes and took of his disguise. He then walked back to his car.

It was 7:40.

At 8 o'clock, he pulled up in front of the book store.

Emily greeted him.

Emily: Right on time.

Jaded Poet: I do my best to be punctual.

Poet had a sly grin on his face.

Emily: You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.

Jaded Poet: Merely an appetizer. What restaurant shall we go to?

Emily: How about Ted's?

Jaded Poet: Then we shall dine there.

The drove to Ted's Fine Dining Steakhouse.

They got a table and began their date.

Jaded Poet: So, why my poetry?

Emily smiled. She had been infatuated with man in front of her ever since she picked up his first poetry collection. She could hardly believe she was now sitting here having dinner with him.

Emily: Are you implying you are the only poet I read?

Jaded Poet: Of course not. But why read my poetry?

Emily: It's cheaper than buying sleeping pills all the time.

Poet laughed. The majority of his fans spent their time trying to kiss his ass. This one was relaxed, making jokes, and having a good time. Poet could read her body language and knew she liked more than just his poetry.

Jaded Poet: So, my poems are the cure for insomnia. Won't the medical world be pleased?

Emily laughed.

Emily: No, your poems are the cause of insomnia. I spent a whole night reading that first collection. The same with other ones.

Jaded Poet: All night reading? You must have gotten one hell of a headache.

Emily: Please. You must have me mistaken for one of those morons who claim to be one of your fans so they can look cool to their buddies.

Poet couldn't hide a smile any longer.

Jaded Poet: You don't know how long I have waited for somebody to recognize that, other than myself.

Emily: I heard the morons chatter away, talking about your poetry as though they knew it forwards and backwards. The only guy who didn't talk was the one in front of me. But I heard him say it was a gift to somebody, so I guess he wasn't a fan.

Poet started to tense up at this, but relaxed when he realized Emily didn't hear the name.

Jaded Poet: So, I'm sure you know quite a bit about me. My biography is on the dust jacket after all. I want to know about you.

Emily: There's not much really. I'm probably the most boring girl you'll ever meet.

Jaded Poet: I write poems. My life isn't full of excitement. Your life might seem like the Adventures of Indiana Jones next to mine.

Emily blushed once again.

Emily: I lived here all my life. I work at Starbucks. I have two brothers and no sisters. My mom was always there for us, my dad spent of the time on the road. He was a negotiator. Not the cop kind, but a busisness one. When he was home, I was daddy's little girl. He spend time with the boys, playing catch and doing all the father stuff. But with me, he would read me bed time stories. Not the usual ones, but he would tell me about his business trips and make everyone seem like a fantasy character. He was really good at that. He died a few years ago.

Jaded Poet: I'm sorry to hear that.

Emily: Thank you. What about your family?

Jaded Poet: Only child. My parents were both factory workers. They're retired now.

Emily: That's all.

Jaded Poet: I told my story would be more boring than what you believed yours to be.

Emily: I think you're hiding something.

Jaded Poet: Mayhap I am. But would you rather have be bring everything out in the open tonight or reveal more as we go along?

Emily: So, are you asking me out to another date?

Jaded Poet: I have one more stop on the book tour to go to. that city west of here, I forget the name, but after that, I'm free. And I would like to celebrate the end of my tour with another dinner with you.

Emily: I can hardly wait.

They continued with their date for another hour, talking about their favorite poets. After dinner, they walked out to their cars.

Emily: So, when you are done with the tour, stop by my house and I'll fix you dinner.

Jaded Poet: Sounds wonderful.

Emily gave him her address and left home. Poet went back to the hotel.

Lackey 1: Hey boss, welcome back. How was the date?

Jaded Poet: Inspiring.

Poet sat down at the desk in his room. He took out his pencil and began to write. The pain of the boy witnessing his father's death was not what was driving his hand. The only thing producing the poetry this time was the thought of Emily.

Jaded Poet had found a muse.

The next day they had set up the autograph booth at the final stop. It was a convention. Poet hated these the most. They lasted forever.

In between autographs, Poet would constantly look at his watch, time seemed to be moving slower. And the questions kept getting repetitive and more stupid.

Fat Fan: When the next book coming out James?

Thin Fan: Where's Stephen King's booth? Is he even here?

Old Lady Fan: My granddaughter just loves your poems. She's always trying to get me to read them, but my eyes these days, I can only read those books that have the big letters. They don't have your book in the big letters. Can you out one out in the big letters?

Another Emo Fan: Hey. I wrote some poetry too. Why don't you read it and tell me what you think.

Hours went by.

He looked at his watch. one lats time. Ten minutes till the event was over. Poet was never more relieved.

The last fan walked up to his booth and sat a book down in front of him.

Jaded Poet: Who do I make this out to?

The Fan: To Emily Page. It's a present. Could you write "To Emily. Have a Happy Birthday there on 2348 Maple drive"?

Poet returned to his motel room, livid.

He called up his agent, Maria. She answered the phone in her usually chirpy voice.

Maria: James, what can I do for you.

Jaded Poet: Get me Lichton.

Maria: Who?

Poet became pissed.

Jaded Poet: Don't play dumb with me Maria. You know goddamn well I wasn't born yesterday. I know you work for them, it wasn't a big fucking secret. So, you get that son of a bitch Lichton for me right now!

For a few seconds, there was no answer. Then Maria spoke, in a much flatter tone.

Maria: Ok James. I'll try to reach him.

Maria hung up the phone. Poet sat on the edge of his bed, and stared.

Three hours later, Lichton showed up at Poet's door.

Lichton entered. Poet waited for an answer.

Lichton: There's no use in bullshitting you. We know you had a date with her.

Jaded Poet: Is this a test? To see if I'm worthy to be your enforcer?

Lichton: Yes and no. She's been on our list for a few years now. She never represented a real threat, until now.

Jaded Poet: I think you better elaborate.

Lichton: I will. Her father worked for us. He was loyal, never told anybody what he was doing for us. Or so we thought. He had a death bed confession he made to his old partner, who was there by his side. He confessed that he told his daughter stories of what he did. He said he mentioned real names and sand kept some details in. He told this to his partner in confidence. Which his partner then told us. His loyalties lies with The Agency, not his friend. That's something we value, James. Loyalty.

Jaded Poet: Why me?

Lichton: I picked you. It was supposed to be passed on to someone else. You already had a name for that town.

Jaded Poet: What makes you think I'm going to kill her?

Lichton: She is a target. If you don't kill her, somebody else will. And trust me, not all of our killers have poetic hearts. This way, you can choose the best way for her to be eliminated. Unless...

Jaded Poet: Unless what?

Lichton: Well, this is just between you and me. If you can figure out a way to make her "gone" so that she's not on The Agency's radar anymore, than by all means, do it.

Poet looked at Lichton. Lichton gave no indication that he was lying about that possibility.

Jaded Poet: Make her "gone".

Lichton: Yes, James. Whatever way you feel is best for everybody.

Lichton left the room. Poet sat on the edge of the bed the rest of the night.

The Next Day.

Poet arrived at Emily's house. She saw him pull up and greeted him at the door.

Emily: I'm so glad you came!

Jaded Poet: Me too.

Emily could tell there was something off.

Emily: What's wrong?

Jaded Poet: I'm just tired. Little sleep.

Emily: Me too. I'm making some tuna noodle casserole? You like?

Jaded Poet: One of my favorites.

Emily gave Poet a quick tour of her house. She brought him to the small dining room and went into the kitchen to check on the food.

Poet removed a piece of paper from his pocket, glanced over it and stuffed it back in.

Emily came out minutes late, with the casserole.

Emily: It came out all right. I hope it's good.

Jaded Poet: I'm sure it will be. So, been bragging to your friends that you're going out with a world renowned poet?

Emily laughed.

Emily: Not yet, you're my little secret. It seems whenever I brag about things, they have a tendency to fall apart. I don't want this to fall apart.

Poet nodded.

Emily: Ok, all we need is the wine now. Let me go get it.

Jaded Poet: Allow me.

Emily: Go ahead.

Poet walked into the kitchen and made two glasses. He brought them out and sat back down.

Jaded Poet: Before we begin, I want to ask you a question.

Emily: What is it?

Jaded Poet: Is there anything keeping you in this town?

Emily: Not really. My family is still here. My mom and brothers. But I hardly visit them any more as it is. Why?

Poet hesitated.

Jaded Poet: If I were to leave tomorrow, to go to Europe or something. Would you come with me?

Emily was shocked at the question.

Emily: James, we really don't know each other that well. Yeah, I've read your poetry sand know some facts about you, but you may be someone completely different behind your own doors. And even if that's not the case, you may find out I'm not everything you think I am.

Jaded Poet: That ok. Just a silly thought in my head. Don't worry about it.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, neither of them moving. Finally, Emily spoke.

Emily: Screw it. Let's do it.

Jaded Poet: What?

Emily: Yeah. Let's go. This is the kind of fairy tales girls dream about when they are young. The young dashing poet comes in and scoops of the girl and takes her to places she's never been.

Jaded Poet: Girls dream of poets?

Emily: Yes. So yeah, let's do it.

Emily picked up her glass.

Emily: A toast to Europe.

Jaded Poet: Wait a second, I have something else.

Emily; What is it?

Jaded Poet: I wrote you a poem.

Poet took the paper back out of his pocket and handed it to her. She unfolded it and began to read it to herself.

Jaded Poet: Read it out loud. I love hearing you read my poetry.

Emily: Ok. "Everything just disappears. Darkness becomes it's disguise. I see a window into paradise, while I am looking through your eyes./I manage to forget all of my fears. The thought of pain is a bundle of lies. My feelings are wonderful and nice, because I am looking through your eyes./ So much emotion, it brings me to tears. Time stands still, and the pain just dies. To find true happiness, I need no advice. All I do, is look through your eyes.

Emily read the poem to herself again. She began to tear up.

Emily: I love this. Thank you. It's not like your other poems. This one is really beautiful.

Jaded Poet: I'm glad you think so.

He held up his glass and so did she. They both took a drink.

Emily's head fell to the table, making a sickening thud. The life in her was gone.

Poet sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he got up. He took his dinner plate and both glasses to the kitchen, cleaned them and placed them back into their cabinets.

He collected his poem, and placed it back into pocket.

Jaded Poet: Goodbye Emily.

Poet left the house.

He would never go on a book tour again. Claiming he was burnt out on poetry, he took an early retirement from writing and left the spotlight that had been on him since his poetry first became famous.

Present Day.

Jaded Poet reached for his phone and called Lichton.

Jaded Poet: A situation has risen here sir.

Lichton: What is it?

Jaded Poet: The Pack member called Primus has allied himself with our group here.

Lichton: Interesting. Ok, we'll pool our info and see where we go from here. Come back to base Poet.

Jaded Poet: On my way.

Lichton hung up the phone. He was not alone in his office. Agent Travis was with him.

Travis: What's going on?

Lichton: Seems Primus may have switched sides.

Travis: Could be a trick. Pretending to be a defector just to get info.

Lichton: Could be, but I doubt it. Not the Power Pack's style. I'll wait and see what Poet has to say about all of this.

Travis: Why do you trust him so much? Do you think he is really that loyal to The Agency?

Lichton: No, far from it. He loyalties lies with one thing. Pain. Once, bringing pain to others is what gave him his drive. then he discovered that bringing pain onto himself was even better. He hates working for us, which is exactly why he'll keep working for us.

Travis: That makes no sense.

Lichton smiled.

Lichton: A poet is nothing without his suffering.

The End

The Power Pack in "Femme Fatales!"

We find out heroes desperate to find some information on their new enemy, The Agency. Primus has been sitting at the computer for four hours trying to find whatever he can.


Primus: I give up! I can't find a damn thing on them. It's like they don't even exist!

Pillz: Are you sure you are using that search engine right.

Primus: Yes. I've been doing advanced searches and I have used about every single Internet search engine available.

Pero: Did you use the Google?

Primus: Yes. That was the first one I used.

Primus was getting annoyed with their questions. All of his life, people always assumed he never knew what he was doing. He could only take so much of it.

Pillz: Maybe you just aren't looking in the right places.

Primus: That's it! If you think you can do better, by all means, sit down and search! And if you can find anything, I'll be the first to get on my knees and suck the mighty dick of Pillz!

Pillz: Hey! There is no need to get fired up! I'm just trying to help.

Primus: Well, I'm getting a little sick of the "Primus is incompetent" attitude you always have. I have done everything, and that includes even trying to use my powers to bring up something. I have found nothing.

Pillz: Ok, ok. I apologize. We just need to take a break from all of this.

Pero: You have powers Primus?

Primus just stared at him.

Pillz: Ok guys, listen up. The mayor needs us to help him with problem. Seems there is a gang of bank robbers out there.

Primus: Fantastic! We get to take a break from fighting The Agency by fighting bank robbers.

Pillz: As long as there is crime and injustice in the world, crime fighters never get to take vacations.

Primus: How long have you waited to use that in a conversation?

Pillz: A week. I thought it up when I was making plans for a vacation.

Pero: My cousin David has been on vacation for a long time. At least that's where my mother told me he went. He went on vacation right after he showed up at school dressed up as Don Quixote and went around spreading his feces on the wall.

Pillz: Well, we won't be taking that kind of vacation. At least not all of us.

Primus: What are you looking at me for?

Pillz: No reason. Ok, let's back on topic here: The bank robbers.

Primus: Let's just get out there and kick these guy's asses.

Pillz: They are girls.

Primus: What?

Pillz: 3 of them to be exact. Witnesses say that two of them are dressed up as cats and the other one is dressed up in what appears to be a dominatrix costume. The dominatrix appears to be the leader.

Primus: I might have a problem with this.

Pillz: Why?

Primus: Well, they are girls. I can't fight girls.

Pillz: When it comes to evil, there is no gender. And before you ask, I just came up with that.

Primus: I just don't know about this.

Pero: I'll tell you all this, if those hos want to step up to Pero's plate, I'll give them a bitch slapping they won't soon forget.

Pillz: That's the spirit Pero. See, he's got the right attitude.

Primus: Good for him. I'm still not going to be comfortable with this.

Pillz: That's fine. Let's go to the last bank they robbed and look at their security video.

As our heroes go to the bank, let's check out their latest enemies, who are shacked up in the duplex they are renting together.

Radioactive Dude: What in the Sam Hill are all these boxes doing out here.

Evil Gnome: Oh, those must be my new lawn gnomes. Sorry, I should have told you I was expecting a delivery.

Radioactive Dude: Don't worry 'bout it partner.

Evil Gnome: The new gnomes are custom made. I had them designed with machine guns and swords and all sorts of neat gimmicks.

Radioactive Dude: That's good thinking there Gnome. That's the kind of ingenuity that's going to get us ahead. Coming up with new ideas to improve our game.

Dealy Llama: Me and Mrs. have been working on doing just that. Want to see the video?

Radioactive Dude: I think I'll pass. Especially since you've had your missus transformed into a donkey most of the week.

Dealy Llama: We're just trying to reach out to all markets.

Dealy Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. turned into Brad Pitt.

Dealy Llama: See that? That is how we are going to fund this little operation.

Evil Gnome: Let me guess. You are going to film yourself having sex with the Mrs, while she looks like Brad Pitt, and then blackmail him for money not to release the tape.

Dealy Llama looked over at his Mrs and smiled brightly.

Dealy Llama: Blackmail him! That's an even better idea.

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll leave you to take care of that. In the meantime, we are going to have some guests tonight.

Evil Gnome: Don't tell me The Agency is going to send somebody over.

Radioactive Dude: Not that I'm aware of. No, our gusts are going to be of the female bank robbing variety.

Evil Gnome: Those three women that have been robbing the banks? Why exactly are they coming here?

Radioactive Dude: Well, I happened to be in the area of their last bank robbery and I followed them. After I caught up with them, I introduced myself and offered them our support. They are coming over to discuss a possible alliance.

Evil Gnome: With no offense to the Mrs. over there, it has been my experience that women are not to be trusted.

Radioactive Dude: Then we best keep on our toes. Come on, let's tidy up and have this place looking purty for our new friends.

Meanwhile, our heroes are checking out the surveillance tape.

Primus: Well, you have to hand it to them, they sure are hot.

Pillz: Don't let their sexuality fool you. These women are dangerous. You saw what that one did with the whip.

Primus: I can't even make one simple little comment without you blowing it out of proportion.

Pillz: That's not what I'm doing. I know how your mind works. You have to realize that we are going to fight these women. The last thing this team needs is for you to back down from the fight because you are too busy fantasizing about them.

Primus: I'm still not excited about fighting women. Unlike your mother, mine taught me how to be a gentleman.

Pillz: You are right. Mine taught me that if I was ever in a fight with a woman, I should have paid up front. Let's not have this argument now. We need to study this tape.

Pero: Can I have a copy of it to study in my room tonight?

Pillz comptemplated on exactly what Pero meant by this. Innocent comment or not, it wouldn't hurt to give Pero a copy.

Pillz: Sure Pero. Primus take notes. The leader walks in and begins to sing. Her song seems to put all of the people in the bank in a trance. Except this man, who happens to be deaf. He runs toward the three women. At this point, the one cat dressed as a tiger, hell let's call her Julie Newmar for the time being, thrust her hands out in front of her revealing claws at the tips of each of her fingers. This scares the man and he takes off running in the other direction. The Michelle Pheifer catwoman than takes out her whip and manages to catch the man and ties him up with the whip. The two cats then get the cash while the leader stands guard. Ten minutes in and out. They are pros.

Pero: Maybe they are men dressed up in drag.

Primus: Why would you think that?

Pero: I saw that movie about Julie Newmar.

Pillz: Never mind Pero, these are women. This is going to be just like out first case, Primus. We are going to mark down all the banks they hit on a map and see if we can't find a pattern. If we do, we will stake out the next bank. But first, we need to profile their powers here and develop a defense strategy against them.

Primus: Fine. Let's get to it.

As the heroes were strategizing, the Fucktastic Four were getting ready for their guests.

Radioactive Dude: The Fucktastic Four?

Dealy Llama: Hell yeah! You know damn well we need a name. And that's a name ain't nobody going to forget.

Evil Gnome: It does have a certain ring to it.

Radioactive Dude: Well, if you three are pleased with it, then I reckon it's all right with me as well.

Dealy Llama: Fucktastic! So, when are these bitches supposed to get here?

Radioactive Dude: Should be any minute now. Remember to be ready for anything.

Moments later, there was a knock at the door.

Evil Gnome: I'll get it.

Gnome walked to the door and opened it. The three femme fatales walked in.

Evil Gnome: Hello ladies, let me introduce you to the people in the room. The cowboy over there you all already know is Radioactive Dude. The two couples over there are Dealy Llama and his Mrs. and I am known as Evil Gnome.

Evil Gnome took the hand of the nearest woman and kissed the back of her hand.

The Lady blushed.

The Lady: Well, let me introduce you to us. I am the Sadistic Siren, although you may all call me Saddy. The tigress over here is Purrrrrrr and the black cat here is MED.

The three ladies bowed to their hosts.

Dealy Llama: Well, let's get this fuckin party started!

MED: You certainly do have a mouth on you.

Dealy Llama: Bitch, that ain't the only thing I have on me that'll amaze you.

Saddy started at Llama.

Saddy: You need to watch yourself around us boy.

MED: Oh lighted up Saddy, he's kind of cute.

Radioactive Dude: You'll have to pardon him, mam. His mouth is faster than his mind.

Med: Along with other things I'm sure.

Llama wasn't sure how to take that comment.

Saddy: Anyway, what is the purpose of our little meeting?

Radioactive Dude: The reason that I asked you ladies to visit us is one out of self-preservation. For all of us. As you ladies are now high profiled criminals, it's only a matter of time before you have a run in with the Power Pack.

Purrrrrrr: What? Those 3 little boys? I'm sure we would have no problem dealing with them.

Evil Gnome: With all due respect miss, but we've fought them ourselves and they no how to fight. I'm more than certain that they are not something you can just brush off.

Saddy: That may be, but we have powers of our own that will handle the Power Pack's powers. My singing voice can stop any man. MED is excellent with the whip, and Purrrrrrr can move with the grace of a cat.

Dealy Llama: Those powers suck! "Ooohhh. Look at me, I can use a whip!" Wow, whoopdy-doo! And the reason that men stop when you sing is so they can spare their ears from the god awful sound that comes out of that cock chasm you call a throat. And you, "Miss cat like grace", I don't know how that's possible with hips that big. Hey Mrs, show 'em what a real woman can do.

Dealy Llama honked his nose twice. The Mrs. then turned into a tigress. The three ladies looked on in shock.

Dealy Lama: "Moving with the grace of a cat" don't sound like no hot shit now, doesn't it. I've said before and I'll say it again, the Mrs. is the best pussy around.

Saddy turned to Radioactive Dude.

Saddy: We didn't come here to be mocked by some juvenile clown and his freak wife.

Radioactive Dude: I apologize mam, but Llama doeas have a point. I don't reckon your powers would do much good against the Power Pack.

Saddy: Oh, you don't huh? Well, we'll see about that. If the Power Pack wants to try and stop us, I say let them come. And you'll see how women achieve where men have failed.

And with that, the 3 women left the room.

Evil Gnome: That went well, didn't it.

Radioactive Dude: It went exactly as I hoped it would. Good work, Llama.

Dealy Llama: As always.

Evil Gnome: ok. Mind explaining to me what the hell just went down.

Radioactive Dude: I apologize for keeping you in the dark, but I had to make sure your reactions to Llama's outbursts were genuine. It helped create the illusion that we were being sincere with our hope to team up with them.

Evil Gnome? We weren't being sincere?

Radioactive Dude: No. I want to see how they match up against the Power Pack. But I need them to be prepared. I want them to go at the Power Pack with all they got.

Evil Gnome: You're very serious about studying the Power Pack before we go up against them again, huh.

Radioactive Dude: You're darn right. "Know thy enemy." I take those words to heart.

Dealy Llama: The Mrs. has turned into a bird and is following the girls as we speak.

Radioactive Dude: Good. She'll come back to us when the girls have planned out their next bank heist. And we'll be there to watch and hopefully, the Power Pack will come by and put up a show.

Dealy Llama: I'll bring the popcorn.


Meanwhile...

Purrrrrrr: I have never been so humiliated in my life!

Saddy: Let it go.

MED: Yeah, besides, who are they? I've never knew about them until today. We already have 3 bank robberies under our belt and what do they have? Nothing.

Purrrrrrr: Good point.

Saddy: And it is a good point. They probably wanted to team up with us just so we could do they heavy work and they could pick up on the rewards. Fucking men.

MED: But what was up with that crazy midget bitch?

Saddy: Who knows? Bunch of freaks. Let's get back to the lair and make plans for the next heist.

The three ladies hopped into their car and drove off. The didn't speak to each other on the drive back, as they were each going over the event that had just took place in their minds. None of them liked to be embarrassed by men and each secretly decided to take their frustrations out on the Power Pack if the Pack decided to try to stop them.

One of them did speak however.

Purrrrrrr: My hips aren't that big.

As they drove on, none of them noticed the bird doing it's best to keep up with them.


The next day...

Pillz: No! No! No!

Primus: What am I doing wrong?

Pillz: Everything!

Pillz, Primus, and Pero were now working out in an Rent-A-Gym they referred to as the Practice Pad.

Pillz: What did I tell you? Since you refuse to fight these girls, I need you on defense. And so far, you have not some up with one good defense against this whip I've been cracking at you for the last half hour.

Primus: Maybe you aren't using it right.

Pillz: I know how to use a whip.

Pero: My mother once had a whip. She used it to punish daddy the way he liked. She also used it to punish other men too. Dad was usually at work late when the other men got punished. Mom never used it to punish me though. She had a paddle for that. I remember one time she spanked me for playing with matches. I found them in my dad's desk drawer and decided to light my GI Joes on fire. Snake Eyes was my favorite Joe so I never lit him on fire. When I was 8, I decided not to talk to anybody so I could be more like Snake Eyes. My mom didn't know why I wouldn't talk, because I couldn't tell her, so she took me to see a doctor. He tried to get me to talk but I wouldn't. He said, "Come on kid, I'm desperate." I was young and wasn't paying too much attention to him so I thought he said that he was Destro. That's when I kicked him in the face and ran out of the room. That night the doctor came by to see how I was doing. I decided to talk to him and told him I didn't like Cobra in my house. He laughed and said he wasn't Cobra. He then talked to my mom. He must have been a bad guy anyway cause later that night mom was punishing him with the whip.

Pillz: So, Pero, since you seem to be an expert on the subject; am I using the whip right?

Pero: I don't know. The whip she used had like nine different ends on them.

Pillz: Ok then, never mind.

Primus: Maybe my power only works when I know that there is a real danger to me.

Pillz: Well, there is going to be a real danger, because I'm going to start whipping you for real.

Primus: I don't know what your problem is. When it comes time for us to stop those women, I'll be ready.

Pillz: That's my main concern. I don't think you will.

Primus: Why don't you trust me.

Pillz: It's not that I don't trust you, it's just the fact that I'm not 100% convinced of your ability to come through when we need you the most.

Primus: I have proven myself time and time again.

Pillz: But your reluctance to fight these women is concerning. I need to make sure you are giving your all to stopping our enemies.

Pero: Hey guys, will you stop acting like my parents for one second and look on the TV.

Pero pointed to the little TV they had set up in a corner. On the TV was live coverage of a bank robbery.

Pillz: Great timing.

Pillz turned to Primus.

Pillz: Moment of truth. Are you going to back us up?

Primus: Yes.

Pillz: Good. Let's go.

At the Bank...

MED: Saddy, what are we waiting for? We got the money, let's split.

Saddy: No. We are waiting for the Power Pack to arrive.

Purrrrrrr: Good. It's time to prove ourselves once and for all.

Saddy: Don't forget how we decided to do this. I subdue them and then you two have your way with them.

MED: I always like your plans.

The Power Pack arrived.

Pillz: Ok ladies, your fun time is over. Come out with your hands up and surrender peacefully.

Saddy: I'm coming out with my hands up.

Saddy walked out, hands in the air. She began to sing.

Pillz was too fast for her. A green light shout out of his ring and formed a rope. Which then wrapped itself around Saddy's head, covering her mouth.

Saddy struggled to remove it, but could not manage to get it off.

MED and Purrrrrr moved outside to attack.

MED went after Pero with the whip.

MED: You've been a bad boy. It's time for your punishment.

MED cracked her whip at Pero.

Pero's mind flashed back to all the men who let out those moans of pain when his mother punished them. Pero began to shake.

MED: Awww. The little boy is shaking in his shoes.

Pero hulked out.

PeroHulk: You no hurt Pero. Pero no like whip!

Pero chased after MED, who took off running.

Purrrrrrr had decided to confront Primus.

Purrrrrrr: Good. I get to take on the cute one.

Primus: You think I'm cute?

Purrrrrrr: You bet. So, is that your superpower in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Primus looked away, his cheeks were flushed.

Purrrrrrr: What's the matter? Never been this close to a woman before?

Primus: I've been close to plenty. My sister and I used to share the same bed.

Purrrrrrr just laughed at this.

Purrrrrrr: And they said this was going to be tough.

Primus: Who's they?

Purrrrrrr: We met these guys over at this Duplex on 23rd....

Purrrrrrr stopped when she saw PeroHulk chasing after MED.

Purrrrrrr: Hold that thought cutie, I'll be right back.

Purrrrrrr ran over and lept on PeroHulk's back. She began clawing at him. PeroHulk tried to grab at her, but he couldn't reach her. MED began to whip him from the front.

Pillz saw this happening.

Pillz: Primus, help Pero out!

Primus: You help him out!

Pillz: I can't. I need to keep this one's mouth shut.

Primus: I don't know what to do!

Pillz: Damn it!

Pillz let go of Saddy and aimed his ring at Purrrrrrr. He managed to get her off of PeroHulk's back, but then Saddy began to sing.

Pillzs and Pero were frozen in their spots. Primus was not affected.

Primus: My power is drowning out her singing. I can't hear it.

MED: sothis one is immune huh. Saddy, you keep on singing your song. We'll deal with this one.

MED cracked her whip at him. Primus caught it with his hands and pulled it away from her.

MED: Ho did you? No one can? What the hell?

Purrrrrrr: I knew there was something special about this cutie. I'll handle him.

Purrrrrrr ran ar Primus at full speed. Primus' hand flew out, shooting the whip out at full speed. The whip found it's way around Purrrrrrr's legs and brought her to the ground.

Purrrrrrr: That's impossible! No one can catch me like that.

Primus: it's easy when you have hips that big.

Purrrrrrr began to cry.

Saddy stopped singing.

Pillz immediatly captured her with his power ring. PeroHulk picked up both MED and Purrrrrr.

A few minutes later, the police arived to take the women into custody.

Primus: See, I told you I would come through. I saved both of your guy's bacon.

Pillz stared quietly at Primus.

Primus: What?

Pillz: I am dissapointed in you.

Primus was hurt to hear this.

Primus: What do you mean. I stopped them, didn't I? I saved both of you from her singing.

Pillz: That never should have happened. If you had helped PeroHulk like I told you to, she never would have had the opportunity to sing in the first place.

Primus: You are never pleased are you? You always have to bring out the negative in a situation.

Pillz: No. I always bring up what went wrong in the situation.

Primus: No. You're right. I'm sorry Pillz, you have my word that this will never happen again.

Pillz: I would hope so. But I honestly have to tell you, I have my doubts.

Primus: This is one promise I'll keep.


An Hour Later...

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll hang my hat up and say that that was a complete success.

Dealy Llama: That was the most fucking boring 10 minutes of my life.

Evil Gnome: I thought it was very educational myself.

Radioactive Dude: And it was. Dissension among the ranks. That will be the Power Pack's downfall.


Voice At The Door: You have no idea.

The four villains turned to see who had spoken. They were shocked to see who it was.

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll be. What brings you to these parts?

Primus: I want to join up with you guys.


TO BE CONTINUED