Let me introduce you to our mighty heroes, The Power Pack! We have Pillz, the fearless leader and holder of the mighty Power Ring! We have Pero, the young man with the incredible power to turn into the mighty PeroHulk. And there's that other guy, Primus, who named himself after a band!
Let's see what our intrepid heroes are up too!
Pillz: How many times do I have to tell you Primus, when the Problem Phone is ringing, you answer it!
Primus: Why am I the one who always has to answer the damn phone?
Pillz: You don't have to answer it all the time, but when you are standing right next to it when it's ringing, as you were seconds ago, I think it would be a little considerate to answer it.
Primus: Why didn't you answer it?
Pillz: I was in the other room.
Primus: Well, if it's important, they'll call back.
Pillz: Of course it was important! That's the Problem Phone, people only call it when they have a problem!
Primus: Ok! Fine, if it means that much to you, I'll just star 69 them.
Primus picked up the phone and pressed *69. The call went through and a woman answered.
Woman: Is this the Power Pack?
Primus: Yes mam it is. How can we help you.
Pillz walked up next to Primus and snatched the phone from his hand.
Pillz: Give me that. (to the caller)Hello miss, I'm Pillz, the leader of the Power Pack, how can we be of service to you?
Primus sat down on the couch and watched Pillz talk to the woman on the phone. Pero was sitting next to Primus on the couch. Primus turned to him.
Primus: He thinks he's so cool doesn't he? He doesn't even have any real powers. All he has is that stupid ring, take the ring away from him and what do you got? Just some geek obsessed with comics.
Pero: I like the Family Circus.
Primus: Not those kind of comics. Comic books.
Pero: My mom says I can't have comic books. She says they'll just rot my brain.
Primus: But she lets you play video games.
Pero: She thinks my playing video games is good. She says they help build good hand-eye coordination. She also makes sure I have a video game to play whenever she takes the landlord into her bedroom to pay the rent.
Pillz was done talking to the woman on the phone. He stood in front of Primus and Pero.
Pillz: Ok boys, time to suit up. We've got work to do.
Primus: Yay, the highlight of my day.
Pillz: You got an itch you need helped scratched?
Primus: Yeah, I got an itch. And that itch is you! Who decided you were going to be our leader?
Pillz: First of all, I did. Second of all, I didn't ask for you to team up with me, you begged me to let you be my sidekick. Third of all, I'm the oldest.
Primus: One of these days, you're going to realize how important I am to this group.
Pillz: When that day comes, you be sure to let me know.
Primus: Oh don't worry, it'll be the most important day of your life.
Pillz: Fine, if that makes you happy. Just get dressed.
Primus: But our costumes are in the wash.
Pillz: We are not wearing our costumes. We are wearing our dress suits.
Primus: What? Why?
Pillz: We are going to church.
Primus: What are we going to church for?
Pillz: That's were the job is. Just get dressed, I'll explain on the way.
Pillz, Primus, and Pero got into the Power Porsche, Pillz' new car. Pillz got into the driver side and Primus sat in the passenger seat, with Pero on his lap.
Primus: Why couldn't you get something that had more than two seats?
Pillz: Because I always wanted to own one of these.
Pero: I don't mind having to sit in his lap. My Uncle Max would dress up as Santa Clause and make me sit in his lap all of the time. Even when it wasn't around Christmas time.
Primus: I want to drive.
Pillz: No, you are not going to drive this...ever. I want to make one thing clear before we head out; this is my car, not "our" car.
Primus: Yes master.
Pillz: That's more like it.
Pillz put the car in drive and headed for the church.
Primus: So, why are we going to church again?
Pillz: The lady who called said that she is concerned that somebody in her church has been up to no good.
Primus: Who does she suspect.
Pillz: The Reverend.
Primus: Oh no. He's not molesting little boys is he?
Pillz: She didn't say anything about that. She said she went to the church one night to seek the Reverend's help with some issues she was having. When she went into the church, she saw the Reverend practicing some dark magic.
Pero: My mother used to make me go to church. But not anymore. We are Catholic. The priest told me and my friends that masturbating was a sin, because we are killing life. Every sperm is sacred he said. Just like in that Monty Python movie. I used to watch that show all the time. My favorite skit was the dead parrot. I don't like birds that much. They always poop on my dad's car and he starts cussing and screaming at them. Mom just shakes her head and wonders out loud when that Prozac she slipped into his drink was going to kick in. My mom has a lot of medicine. She's says it's for depression. Dad said she needs to go back to church and that will help her, not the medicine. But mom stopped going to church after she saw the priest helping me and my friends properly dispose of excess sperm.
Primus shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Pillz: Thank you for that one Pero. Ah, it looks like we are here.
Pillz parked the Power Porsche and the trio got out.
Primus: I think we are late.
Pillz: It doesn't matter. Let's just go in.
Primus: What is this dude's name?
Pillz: The Reverend Shiatmipantz.
Primus: Shiatmipantz?
Pillz: Yes.
Primus: That's a very odd name.
Pillz: Yes it is, let's just go in.
The three went into the church and found and empty pew. The Reverend, who was in the middle of a sermon, saw them sit down.
Rev. Shiatmipantz: Now, my brothers and sisters, I have spoke to you of the Holy Trinity! Now, I shall speak to you of the Unholy Trinity! That's right, this is not on the Bible, this is something that has recently been born out of the womb of the Beast! An Unholy Trinity! This Trinity is of three men with powers given to them from the Devil! This Unholy Trinity is here for one reason only! To pave the way for the Anti-Christ! Beware of their power! But you should know this, brothers and sisters! There is one power that can stop these agents of Satan! That is the power of the Lord Jesus Christ!
The congregation let out a collective "Amen!"
Primus leaned over to Pillz and whispered to him.
Primus: I think he's talking about us.
Pillz: No shit Sherlock.
Primus: Why do you have to be mean to me?
Pillz: Not now.
Rev. Shiatmipantz: You have been warned my brethren! Now, go out and tell your friends to be aware! Be aware of the Unholy Trinity!
The congregation left their pews and the church. The Power Pack stayed behind.
The Reverend stared at the Power Pack with a wicked smile on his face. When it was just him and them left in the church, the Reverend spoke to them.
Rev. Shiatmipantz: Well, I was wondering when I'd get to test my faith against you servants of Satan.
Pillz: We do not work for the devil. We work for truth, justice, and the American way.
Primus rolled his eyes.
Rev. Shiatmipantz saw this.
Rev. Shiatmipantz: You call yourself a leader? Even your own partner there knows when you are full of shit. I know it too. I know all about shit. For I am the Reverend Shit My Pants!
The Reverend grabbed the cross that stood on his podium. He aimed the cross at Primus.
Rev. Shit My Pants: The power of Christ compels you!
The cross lit up and shot a beam out at Primus. The light surrounded him and then went out. Primus felt his bowels let go.
Primus: I just shit my pants!
The rank odor of the excrement quickly filled the church.
Rev. Shit My Pants: That's right. I have prayed to God to show me the way to cleanse the people of their sins, and this is the way!
The Reverend aimed his cross at Pillz.
Rev. Shit My Pants: Now it's time to cleanse your soul.
The light shot out of the cross, but Pillz was ready for it. Pillz shot a beam of light out of his ring and the two lights met in between the two fighters. The lights pushed against each other.
Pillz: It's a battle of willpower now, Reverend.
Pillz stepped toward the Reverend, pushing more of his willpower into his Power Ring.
Rev. Shit My Pants: The power of the Lord is all I need to win this battle.
The Reverend grabbed his Bible and pointed it at Pillz. The Bible lit up like the cross and a beam of light shot out of it too.
The combined light of the Bible and the Cross was a little more than Pillz could handle. The Reverend's light was beating out Pillz' Power Ring and making it's way to Pillz.
Primus knew what he had to do. He went over to Pero, who was still sitting in the pew.
Pero: You stink.
Primus: Nevermind that now, don't you see what's going on?
Pero: Pillz and that Reverend are fighting.
Primus: Aren't you going to help?
Pero: I'm an atheist now, I don't want to get into the middle of a religious debate.
Primus: They are not having a religious debate! You need to hulk out and stop him!
Pero: I can't hulk out unless I get mad.
Primus thought hard to figure out how to get Pero mad at the reverend.
Primus: The Reverend over there is the one who convinced Wal-Mart not to sell Grand theft Auto: San Andreas.
Pero: I'm going to kick his ass.
Pero stood up and began his transformation into the Mighty PeroHulk.
The Reverend's light was just inches away from making contact with Pillz, but then he saw PeroHulk making his way towards him and aimed the Bible at him.
The light from the Bible surrounded PeroHulk, but nothing happened.
Rev. Shit My Pants: What's happening? Why isn't he shitting his pants?
PeroHulk: Pero like cheese!
PeroHulk reached out for the Reverend, but the Reverend dropped his thing and took off running.
Primus picked up the cross and saw a button on it. He aimed the cross at the running Reverend and pressed the button. A light shot out and got the Reverend.
Rev. Shit My Pants: No!!!! These were my best pants!
10 minutes later, the police arrived to take Rev. Shit My Pants into custody.
The Police Chief looked at the cross and the Bible that Pillz handed over to him for evidence.
Police Chief: So, these are what he used to make people shit their pants?
Pillz: Yes. However, these aren't tools of some Divine Power. They are both just ray guns, dressed up to look like everyday church items.
Police Chief: Well, thanks to you, he won't be preaching the power of poop anymore.
Pillz: Anytime Chief.
Pillz went over to Primus and Pero. Primus had just got done changing into a new pair of pants and underwear.
Pillz: well, good job team. Another bad guy down.
Pero: If he had only he had called himself Preacher Poopy Pants, he could have been a part of our team.
Pillz: I don't think so.
Primus: Uh-hem!
Pillz: Yes Primus?
Primus: Don't you owe me some thanks? I was the one who got Pero to save your ass.
Pillz: Ok, thank you.
Primus: That's more like it. You can be leader all you want. All I ask is for some respect. Because it seems to me, you rely on that ring a little more than you do your team.
Pillz: You know what. You may be right. I'll take that into much consideration. But you know what Primus?
Primus: What?
Pillz: At least I didn't shit my pants.
THE END
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