The Bro and Halo

cybercentaur: good ur on
virtual_satyr: whats up?
cybercentaur: we got a problem
virtual_satyr: ?????
cybercentaur: I just saw satta-sattar-sattar
virtual_satyr: OMFG!!!!
cybercentaur: what ru going to do?
virtual_satyr: idk get over here we'll figure something out
cybercentaur: ok
***cybercentaur has signed out***


Virtual Satyr got up from the computer desk. He was now very worried. There was no reason for Satta-Sattar-Sattar to be in town, but he never knew his friend, Cyber Centaur, to be wrong.
Satyr went to Gweg's room.

Satyr: Gweg, we have a situation on our hands.

Gweg: Oh, don't tell me. Ah, I know, the quadriplegic mime is after us again!

Satyr: No, this is worse. Satta-Sattar-Sattar is in town.

Gweg: Who?

Satyr: He's a satyr. The Name-Givers named him Satta-Sattar-Sattar, which means "The Satyr Who Walks Like A Man."

Gweg: Nice. So, what name did the Name-Givers give you?

Satyr: That's not important.

Gweg: Fine. So, why did they name him "Satyr Who Walks Like A Man"? You walk like a man, somewhat.

Satyr: I know, but Sattar has this cocky strut. And it would piss me off. He walked around as though he owned all of Mt. Olympus.

Gweg: Sounds like someone was jealous.

Satyr: You be quiet. Listen, my friend is coming over. We are going to track Sattar down. Now, my friend is a little sensitive about his looks, so don't be cruel.

Gweg: Sorry, you must have me confused with yourself.

Satyr: I'm Mr. Sensitivity!

Gweg: What about the time that man's head was on fire and you wouldn't put it out with your water?

Satyr: That bottle of water cost me 5 bucks!


20 minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

Satyr: That's probably Cyber, remember, don't make fun of him.

Gweg: Sure thing Goat-Boy!

Satyr shot Gweg a look and then opened the door. What stood there was not your usual centaur. He was only 5 feet tall and very scrawny. His human half was very skinny and un-muscular. He had mangy black hair, taped glasses, and braces. The other half of his body was not that of a horse, but something else entirely.

Upon seeing him, Gweg let out a laugh.

Gweg: I'm sorry, but you are the funniest looking centaur I have ever seen. I mean, what kind of centaur are you anyway? I thought you were all horses.

Cyber Centaur: Typical human thinking. There are many different types of centaurs. It's just that those horse ones are the most popular. Popular in school, popular with the girls, popular with the humans. They are just a bunch of dumb jocks. It's us others that have the brains.

Satyr: You hurt his feelings Gweg, you need to apologize.

Gweg: I'm sorry. I really am, but what breed of centaur are you.

Cyber: A llama, ok. Satisfied now? Do you think I enjoy being part llama? All it's good for is a good spitting range.

Gweg: Ok. I'm sorry.

Satyr: Good. Now, let's get down to business. Cyber, where did you see Sattar?

Cyber: I saw him down at the Mall while I was playing at the arcade.

Satyr: Ok. We'll head down there and see if we can spot him.

Cyber: What then?

Satyr: We'll follow him and see what he is up to. Let's move out.

Gweg: Have fun.

Satyr: You are coming with us.

Gweg: Why?

Satyr: You owe it to cyber after what you did to him, so come on.


Gweg, Satyr, and Cyber all went down to the Mall. After searching for a bit, they spotted Sattar flirting with a couple of women in the food court.

Satyr: There he is. Look at him, he is so smug. I just want to smack him.

Gweg: ***COUjealousGH***

Satyr: I am not jealous. I just hate jerks like him.

Cyber: Me too.

Gweg: So, what exactly are we going to do? Just follow him all day?

Satyr: He is here for a reason. We are going to find out what and put a stop to it.

Cyber: Uh guys, heads up. He's heading this way.

Satyr: Oh shit.

All three of them got up to move away, but amid the confusion, they collided with each other and fell to the ground.

Satta-Sattar-Sattar saw all of this and went up to them.

Sattar: Well, it looks like I came to the right place. I knew I would find you here.

Satyr: What do you want?

Sattar: I came to talk to you, my brother.

Gweg: You two are brothers?

Satyr: Yes, it's not something I'm proud of.

Sattar: Something you are not proud of? You brought disgrace to our family with your antics! It is who should not be proud!

Satyr: Oh you are right Sattar! I should be proud to have the great "Pompous Ass Who Walks Like A Man" as a brother. I disgraced the family? It's a wonder the family even remembered I was a part of it! I lived in your shadow all of my life and I needed to do whatever I could to get out from under it!

Sattar: But the frogs! Why did you have to do that horrible thing with the frogs?

Satyr: I didn't know the spell would be that powerful. But if it wasn't for you, it never would have happened!

Sattar: Listen, I didn't come here to argue. I came here to make amends. With you, my brother, Pollyknuckle Applebee.

There was a brief silence followed by roars of laughter. They came from Gweg and Cyber who were huddled together, tears streaming down their face with fits of laughter. Gweg caught his breath and looked at Satyr.

Gweg: Your name is Pollyknuckle Applebee? That's the funniest goddamn thing I have ever heard.

Satyr: Ha ha fucking hardy har har. And why in the hell are you laughing Cyber? After I stood up for you back at the apartment.

Cyber calmed himself down.

Cyber: You are right. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. Polly want a cracker?

Cyber and Gweg roared with laughter again.

Satyr glared at them and then turned to his bother.

Satyr: You see? This is what I always had to put up with when I was with you. Constant ridicule.

Sattar: I'm sorry brother. I promise to make it up to you.

Gweg and Cyber got over their laughing fit and apologized to Satyr.

Satyr: Apology accepted. Now, Sattar here wants to make amends, and I know the perfect way to do it. And you guys can help.

Gweg: How?

Satyr: It's time to go back home and break out the XBOX.


The four of them got back to the apartment. Satyr got out the XBOX and hooked up online.

Satyr: All right guys, we'll be playing the ever popular Halo 2. I'll make you all apart of my clan and we'll do some clan battles.

Gweg: Why is this game so popular? I mean, it's just a standard FPS. All it has got going for it is the online play and the vehicles.

Satyr: Just because you can't grasp the concept of something much greater than you, doesn't mean you have to try to bring it down.

Sattar: This going to be great! Going into battle with my brother!

Satyr: Nothing brings a family closer together than video games.

Sattar: Amen.

Cyber: Ok guys. Here's the keys to winning a team battle. Good Teamwork, Sound Strategy, and Superb Trash-Talking.

Satyr: Right. I wonder what clan is going to be up to the challenge of taking on us.

Gweg: Well, no challengers yet. I guess they are all cowering in fear.

Satyr: Probably.

Sattar: Ah, spoke to soon. There is a clan now.

Cyber: What clan is it?

Satyr: The Cuckoo Clucks Clan.

Gweg: Oh for Pete's sake.

Satyr: Let's get 'em boys.

The game began. It was a King of the Hill scenario, and Satyr's clan was winning.

CCC Member # 5: *Brawk* You'll never beat us!!!

Cyber: Ha, You guys are a bunch of noobs!

Sattar: Yeah, come at me in the Warthog while I have the Bazooka! HAHA Triple Kill!

Satyr: So long, Chicken McFucknuggets! This Hill is ours!

The game was over. Satyr and his Clan won. During the post game statistics, Satyr. Cyber, and Sattar kept bad-mouthing the Cuckoo Clucks Clan.

CCC Member # 10: *Brawk* There are 20 of us in the Grand CCC Army. We will get you!!!

Satyr: The CCC Army? Who's in charge? Col. Sanders?

Sattar: You the man Virtual Satyr!

Satyr smiled to himself. He had never been this happy before in his life. His brother was treating him as an equal and he was having a good old time with him and his two friends.

Cyber: I need to go rinse out my retainer.

Satyr: All right. This is a good time for a break.

Sattar: Hey brother, can I talk to you for a second?

Satyr: Sure.

Sattar: I know I never said this back home, but I need to say it now. I love you man.

Satyr: I love you to brother.

The hugged one another. But their brotherly embrace was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass.

Satyr: What the hell was that?

Gweg: The window! Someone threw a rock through it!

They all ran to the window and looked out.

Satyr: Holy fucking shit!

Outside stood 20 5-foot tall chickens dressed in white robes and wearing white pointed hoods. But there was one exception, on of the chickens had a red robe and hood. That one was the leader.

CCC Leader: *Brawk*I am the Grand Wizard of the Cuckoo Clucks Clan. Lucky for you, all of the Cuckoo Birds have been killed off, so it is just us chickens left. You have insulted our honor and now you will pay.

Cyber: Damn. I haven't seen this many white robes since that Casper Meets Strom Thurmond Convention in 2003.

Sattar: Shit! They have a sniper, everyone back away from the window!

Satyr, Gweg, and Cyber all got away from the window, but a shot rang out and Sattar let out a yell and tumbled to the floor.

Satyr: Noooooooooo!!!!!

Satyr jumped to the floor next to his brother.

Sattar: I'm glad I got to see you one last time bro.

Satyr: Shh. Just hang on, it'll be all right.

Sattar: I always respected you bro. I love you.

Sattar's body went limp.

Satyr held his brother's body in his arms. After a few moments which seemed like a lifetime to Satyr, he stood up, full of rage.

Satyr: It's payback time.

Satyr led Gweg and Cyber to a closet. Satyr opened it up to reveal a bevy of weapons which looked like the weapons from Halo 2.

Gweg: Where and the hell did those come from.

Satyr: I bought them last month from an illegal arms dealer. Here Gweg, you take the sniper and head out on the roof. Cyber, take the Rocket Launcher and shoot it from the window down into the street. Then take this Needler and meet me at the door. We'll go out there together and kick their asses.

Cyber: What weapon will you use.

Satyr: Me? I got the sword.

Gweg: Why can't I have a normal life?

Satyr: Normal lives are for boring people. All right guys. This is just like the Clan Match we played earlier. Only it's 20 on 3 and this time, it's for real.

Cyber: Let's do this!

Gweg headed for the roof. And Cyber took the Launcher to the window. He shot a rocket out into the street, taking out about ten of the chickens. Gweg had taken out 3 of them when he reached the roof.

Cyber went down to the front door.

Satyr: Ready? On 3. 1...2...3!

They charged out the door, one of the chickens ran right at Satyr. Satyr cut it's head off with the sword, but the decapitated chicken kept running and collided with Satyr, knocking him to the ground.

Satyr picked himself up and the body was still running around. Satyr kicked it and it fell and stopped moving.

Satyr: Damn these chickens! Aim for the heart Cyber!

Cyber: Right!

Satyr, Cyber, and Gweg took them down. There was on chicken left, the Grand Wizard.

The Grand Wizard: *Brawk* You may kill me but rest assured, the Cuckoo Clucks Clan will live forever! My only regret is that I have failed the boss!

Satyr: Shut it chicken, you're about to get fried.

Satyr took his sword and cut the Grand Wizard Chicken in half.

Satyr: I have avenged my brother. Let the corpses of the chickens be a sign that you don't fuck with a satyr!

Cyber: Well, I'm pooped. Let's go back upstairs and get a drink.

Satyr: Sure.

Satyr, Cyber, and Gweg sat down in the kitchen.

Satyr: Here's to Sattar! The best brother a guy could have.

Cyber and Gweg: To Sattar!

Gweg: Speaking of which, where's his body?

Sattar: Right here!

They all stood up and turned around. Sattar was standing in the doorway holding a gun.

Satyr: Brother, what's going on?

Sattar: Don't "Brother" me you stupid piece of shit. This was all of my doing. I came here to make a fake reconciliation, then I hired the CCC to attack us. I faked my own death to make you feel guilty. God, how I wanted you to die with a guilty conscience.

Satyr: But why?

Sattar: because you ruined my life. After you got kicked out of our world, I was no longer known as "The Satyr Who Walks Like A Man" I was "The Trouble Maker's Brother". Even though you were gone, everywhere I went it felt as though you were looming over me.

Satyr: Now you know how I felt all of those years!

Sattar: No! It's nothing like that. I was somebody. I had a reputation. You were a loser. You took everything from me, and now, I will kill you!

Sattar pulled back the hammer of the gun. He was too focused on Satyr, that he didn't notice Cyber throwing his head back and jerking it forward, spitting out a loogie the size of a golf ball.

The loogie hit Sattar right in the eyes causing him to drop his gun and grab at his face.

Sattar: Ah! My eyes!

Satyr leapt forward. Fortunately for him, he still had the energy sword with him. Satyr sliced at his brother cutting from the right should to his midsection, killing him.

The three of them stood around for a while looking at the bloody corpse on the floor. Finally, Satyr spoke.

Satyr: Well, that's enough Halo for tonight. Who wants to play Burnout: Revenge?



The End