Gloomy Sunday.

Gweg kept looking over his shoulder.

It was a Friday night and he was taking a walk with Sara. It had been a week since the Abortion-Mobile fiasco. And this particular week had been very stressful and nerve racking for Gweg.

Satyr had only spoke to him on one of those days. The others, Satyr would simply look at Gweg and laugh.

Gweg knew he was up to something, but he didn't know what.

He looked over at Sara. She looked stunning in the light of the sunset. She hadn't taken the news of Satyr's survival well. She had blamed Satyr for the recent tragedy in her life and had felt there was a certain justice at work when thought Satyr had died.

Gweg looked over his shoulder again. Sara caught him.

Sara: Worried he's following us?

Gweg: Yes.

It was only half true. It was mostly just paranoia causing him to keep a look out, but deep down inside, he knew that whatever Satyr was planning, was going to come when he least expected it.

Sara: He's not going to attack you out here, it's not his style. He's going to figure out a way to destroy something you love.

Gweg gave Sara a worried look. That was exactly what he was afraid of.

Gweg thought back to the other day, when Satyr had spoke to him.


Gweg was watching Bones when Satyr came out of his room. Satyr stood in front of the TV.

He held out a piece of paper in front of him.

Satyr: I've been working on this all day. I have established a set of rules.

Gweg: Rules? What are you talking about?

Satyr: Don't interrupt me. We are at war and these are the rules:
1. The apartment is Sacred Ground. We will not do anything to each other in the apartment. Everywhere else is fair game.
2: Besides the apartment, nothing is sacred.
That's all.

Gweg: It took you all day to come up with that?

Satyr: Yeah, get your laughs now while you still have the chance. Because I guarantee you Gweg, I will have my revenge. You're getting awfully close to Sara, aren't you?

Gweg became furious. He rose from the couch and walked over to Satyr.

Gweg: You leave her out of this. You've done enough to that poor woman.

Satyr cracked a grin.

Satyr: You don't know what you are getting yourself into, Gweg. She's trouble. I'll give you one last piece of advice; stay away from her.

Gweg: No, you stay away from her. You add that to your "rules". She's off limits.

Satyr: Sorry Gweg, there will be no amendments to the rules. They are final.

Satyr walked back towards his room. Before he went in, he yelled back at Gweg.

Satyr: Seriously Gweg, whatever you do, don't fall in love with her!


Gweg looked over at Sara and wondered what Satyr was playing at when he said that. He was obviously trying to screw with him.

The two of them arrived back at Sara's house.

Sara: Thanks for walking with me Gweg. Do you want to come inside for a glass of water?

Gweg: Sure.

Gweg followed her inside. She kept a nice house, clean and neat. Sara led him into the living room.

Sara: Have a seat. Make yourself at home. I'll go get that water.

She went into the kitchen. Gweg noticed her DVD collection. He looked over them, spotting many children's movies that were probably never going to be watched again. He also noticed a lot of Christian movies.

Sara came back into the room , holding two glasses of water. She handed one to Gweg.

Sara: Did you want to watch a movie? I'm up for one.

Gweg: Yeah, that would be great.

Sara: Pick one. I've probably seen most of them a dozen times or more. Val used to watch "Finding Nemo" two or three times a day after we got it.

Gweg could see the pain in Sara's eyes. He decided to pick out a movie that wasn't too funny or too sad. Something mediocre. He picked out Bruce Almighty.

Gweg: I haven't watched this one since it first came out.

Sara: That's' a good one. That reminds me, I wanted to ask you something. It's all right if you say no.

Gweg: What is it?

Sara: Will you come to church with me on Sunday? Val used to come with me and I don't feel like going alone.

Gweg could see that she really wanted him to go along. In fact, Gweg liked the idea. He thought going to church might set him on the right coarse towards redemption. Despite some of things he has done in the past.

Which reminded him of a dark little deed he and Satyr committed. Gweg felt tremendous shame when he thought about it.

Gweg: Yeah. I'll go with you.

Sara: Thank you Gweg. I really appreciate it. It's going to be weird. I usually teach the Sunday School after church services. But not this week, this week they insisted I take it off. They said they had a good substitute.

They watched the movie. They both sat on the couch. Half way through, Sara positioned her self so she was snuggled up next to Gweg. He put his arm around her.

By the end of the movie, they had begun to make out. Gweg ended up staying the night.

Gweg arrived back at the apartment the next morning, happier than he has ever been. The smile that had been on faced cleared when he walked through the door.

Satyr was sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper. he didn't even bother to put it down when he addressed Gweg.

Satyr: Where the hell have you been?

Gweg: What's it to you?

Satyr threw the paper down next to him. He spoke to Gweg with contempt in his voice.

Satyr: You were with her, weren't you? I warned you.

Gweg was doing his best not to let Satyr ruin his good mood.

Gweg: Yeah, so what? Being with her makes me feel good.

Satyr shook his head.

Satyr: You don't understand something, Gweg. I know you're thinking this going to be some storybook romance, but it's not. You're not going to get a "happily ever after" with her. You may have fucked her last night, but if you stay with her, you're going to be the one getting it put into you.

Gweg: I didn't fuck her last night. We both fell asleep on her couch. Not that's it's any of your business. And despite the fact that she was married to you, she is nothing like you. She's a good person. You were her mistake.

Satyr: Do you want to know the truth?

Gweg: No. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You are just trying to make me paranoid. It's part of your revenge. So, just save it.

Gweg began to walk towards his room.

Satyr: She talked you into going to church, didn't she?

Gweg stopped in his tracks. He turned around.

Gweg: How do you know about that?

Satyr laughed.

Satyr: I was married to her. I know her tricks. She's an emotional manipulator, Gweg. You feel so much sympathy towards he because of that dead kid, and she'll use that to her advantage. See, she is a little like me after all.

Gweg: I doubt she does it on purpose. Besides, I think church is exactly what I need, after what we did.

Satyr: You need to be a bit more specific.

Gweg: When we went back in time and gave the Virgin Mary an abortion.

Satyr looked at Gweg, stunned.

Satyr: What in the holy hell are you talking about?

Gweg: You don't remember that? You built a time machine out of a refrigerator, we went back in time, killed the fetus of Jesus, came back, and found out that fetus survived and wanted to kill us. So, you killed it instead, put it in a jar, and tried to sell it on eBay.

Satyr began to laugh.

Satyr: Do you hear yourself? Did you pay attention to anything you just said? Because buddy, that was the craziest story I ever heard.

Gweg: It happened. I'll prove it to you! You've still got the Jesus fetus in your closet.

Gweg stormed off to Satyr's room.

Satyr: Stay out of my room!

Satyr took off after him.

Gweg got to the closet and started going through it. He didn't find what he was looking for.

Gweg: Where is it? I know you didn't sell it. What did you do with it?

Satyr walked over to his dresser and opened up the top drawer. He took out a small pill bottle.

Satyr: The answer is right here.

He shook the bottle. Gweg could hear the pills rattling inside.

Gweg: What are those?

Satyr: My own special concoction. Satyr acid, really. I slipped you some one day to test it out. You ran around the apartment, screaming "Fetus Christ is gonna get us! Get him with the nail gun!". I had a good laugh.

Gweg: You slipped me acid?

Satyr: Yeah. You imagined the whole thing.

Gweg: You son of a bitch. You god damned mother-fucking son of a bitch! This whole time, I kept thinking I was a Christ killer.

Satyr: You're not Jewish. Besides, that whole Christ thing is a fairy tale. Which is why you're going to be wasting your time at church.

Gweg walked out of the room.

Gweg: You fucking sicken me.

Satyr smiled.

Gweg's head was swimming. The whole thing had been a drug-induced hallucination. Gweg couldn't believe, he was angry that Satyr had drugged, but relieved at the same time.

Gweg felt like this was truly the start of a new beginning. He got on his knees and prayed.

After Gweg's got through praying, he called Sara.

Gweg: I am definitely on for church tomorrow.

Sara: I'm happy to hear that. You'll love this church. It's the church I've always wanted to get married in. Of course, Satyr didn't want to get married in a church, so I didn't get my chance.

Gweg: You deserve to have your dream wedding.

Sara: Thank you.

Gweg: And I wanted to tell you I had a great time last night.

Sara: Me too. After church tomorrow, would you like to accompany me on a picnic, since I'm off from my Sunday School duties.

Gweg: I'd love to.

Gweg spent the rest of the day catching up on some reading and thinking about the direction his life was going.

He felt he would have forgotten about his troubles, if hadn't been reminded of them every 40 minutes by the laughter that was coming out of Satyr's room.

Gweg didn't like having the threat of Satyr's retaliation hanging over him. He thought about walking into Satyr's room and asking for forgiveness, but he knew he had nothing to apologize for.

Not that it would probably do any good anyway. Satyr was hell bent on revenge.



Sunday morning came. Gweg got up, took a shower, and put in his finest clothes for church. He had grown more paranoid over the night and felt it might be best to plead with Satyr, to leave him alone for the day.

He went to Satyr's room and knocked on his door. No answer. He opened the door a little and peeked inside.

He didn't see Satyr anywhere.

Gweg thought he may have already left. He inhaled deeply and tried to brace himself for whatever might come today.

He was just glad to have Sara on his side. She managed to give him the strength he didn't know he had.

He called her up and hold her he was ready.

She picked him and they arrived at the church a half hour later.

The church was indeed beautiful. The service was magnificent. The Reverend, Thomas Hart, seemed to be a great man who really loved what he was doing. Before the service, people were coming up to Sara and expressing their sympathies. Gweg was glad that she brought him into a nice group of people.

20 minutes after the service was over. They went to the store to pick up supplies for their picnic.


Around that same time, the Sunday School Sara was supposed to teach was getting started.

The room the church had built for the School was the size of a small classroom. There were 15 kids attending, ages 8 to 12.

The Reverend's wife, who had put together the Sunday School, entered the room.

Mrs. Hart: Kid,s may I have your attention please? As some of you know from your parents, Miss Russell has been through a difficult time recently. The good Lord called her beloved daughter to be by his side in Heaven. So, Miss Russell will be taking some time off.

The kids let out a groan. Miss. Russell was their favorite teacher.

Mrs. Hart: Don't worry kids, we have found a great replacement for her. He is a very good man who know the Bible very well and will be more than happy to share his knowledge with you. I want you all to welcome, Mr. Applebee.

She held her hands out to the door that stood behind the kids. They all turned to look and let out a gasp. The man standing in the doorway was half man, half goat. In one hand, he held a briefcase. In the other, a grocery bag. Some of the kids became frightened.

Satyr got a sense of the room quickly. He hid his smile. As he walked towards the front of the class, he could feel the eyes of the kids following him.

He sat his things down on the desk and shook Mrs. Hart's hand. He looked over the room and stood at the podium in front of the class.

Satyr: Thank you Mrs. Hart, for that kind introduction.

Mrs. Hart gave Satyr a bow and made her way out of the classroom.

The kids stared at Satyr.

Satyr: If any of you kids have any questions for me, don't be afraid to ask.

On of the kids raised his hand. Satyr looked at the seating chart for the boy's name.

Satyr: Yes, Zakk, what's your question?

Zakk: Mr. Applebee...

Satyr raised up his hand to stop him.

Satyr: No, no ". Applebee", you kids can call me Mr. Satyr.

Zakk: Mr. Satyr, why do you look like the Devil?

Satyr held his head down and bit his tongue. It was all he could do to keep the laughter from coming out. After he was able to suppress it, he looked up at the kids.

Satyr: That's because I am the Devil.

The older kids let out a gasp. Some of the younger ones began to cry.

This time, Satyr did let out a laugh. But it was surprised laughter.

Satyr: What have they been telling you kids about me?

Zakk: You are evil and the enemy of God.

Satyr gave the kid a shocked look.

Satyr: Let me ask you kids something. Who created me?

One of the kids spoke out.

Jane: God?

Satyr smiled at her.

Satyr: That's right, God made me. Now, why would God make his own enemy? That's like Superman making Lex Luthor. Doesn't make much sense, does it?

Zakk: I guess not.

Satyr: That's right. Now, let me tell you why I am here. God sent me to your classroom, because he wants me to lead you all on a special mission.

The initial fears the children had when Satyr first entered were gone. The looked at him with awe.

Satyr: Now, I can't reveal to you what the entire mission is yet, but I will be able to tell you why we are doing it.

Satyr picked up the grocery bag and placed it on the podium.

Satyr: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your teacher, Miss. Russell, is working for the Anti-Christ.

Satyr heard a couple of gasps from the kids. Some of the kids looked suspicious. Satyr knew how to real them in, but not just yet.

Satyr: I know what you are thinking. "Not Miss. Russell!" But sadly, it's true. You see, the Anti-Christ, has influenced her. That means he has taken over the way she thinks. In fact, you think Miss Russell is too busy crying about her dead kid to teach you kids today.. That's not true. She and the Anti-Christ are out having a picnic!

Zakk: Miss Russell wouldn't do something like that! She told us that she loves God.

Satyr: That may have been true, at one time. But she blames God for killing her daughter. And now she's hooked up with the big A.C. And I want you kids to listen closely to what I'm about to tell you.

Satyr could see their little heads strain forward. They were putty in his hands.

Satyr: The name of the Anti-Christ is Gweg.

The kids looked confused. Satyr wasn't worried.

Satyr: Let me tell you kids a story they left out of the Bible. The Jesus you all know and love, wasn't the first Jesus. He's the second. You see, the first time God impregnated the Virgin Mary, Gweg went back in time and gave her an abortion.

Satyr grabbed the top of the grocery sack and pulled it down over the canister that was inside. The kids let out a scream when they saw what was inside it.

Satyr: That's right kids. That is the aborted fetus of the first Jesus. I stole it from Gweg. He kept it in his house, like it was a trophy. God wants us to teach Gweg and Miss Russell a lesson.

One of the kids raised his hands.

Satyr: Yes.....Adam?

Adam: What do we have to do?

Satyr: First, we're going on a little field trip.



Gweg and Sara unfolded their blanket onto the grass.

This was the first time Gweg had ever been on a traditional outdoor picnic. It was a very pleasant day. It wasn't too hot and there was a gentle breeze.

Gweg: Thank you for taking me to your church.

Sara: You don't need to thank me. You were doing me the favor.

Gweg: I think we were both doing each other a favor.

Sara smiled. She sat upon the blanket and motioned for Gweg to do the same. The brought out their sandwiches and began to eat.

They sat in silence for a couple of moments. Gweg decided to break. He wanted to know more about her.

Gweg: So, do you have any brothers or sisters?

Sara: I have a sister. A twin. But, I haven't seen her in a long while.

Gweg: What happened to her?

Sara: She moved away. She was into...bad things. I've only seen her once since then. And that wasn't on very good terms.

Gweg just nodded. The poor girl has been through so much, he thought. And with that, his mind instant flashed to Satyr.

Gweg began to look around the park.

Sara: Are you looking for him?

Gweg nodded.

Sara: He's not going to ruin this. I won't let him.

Gweg wanted to change the subject.

Gweg: Tell me about the Sunday School. What's that like?

Sara smiled.

Sara: I love it.Being able to bring an understanding of God down to a child's level is so inspiraing. My sister, she was always anti-religion. She would make fun of me every time I read the Bible. Then when she left me, I felt like it was my fault, so I stopped reading it. Then Satyr came into my life. After I had Valerie and he left me, I felt like the time was right for me to set my life back on the right track. So, I picked up the Bible again and started going to church. I became friends with Mr. and Mrs. Hart and she asked me if I wanted to be a part of some of the church activities. I ended up teaching the Sunday School. And the kids I teach are so wonderful. I have so much fun teaching them.

Gweg: The kids must really like you.

Sara: They do. They are probably devastated that I didn't show up today.

Gweg heard a low rumbling. He turned his head towards the distance it was coming from. He saw a small brown school bus.

Gweg: Looks like we are going to have some company.

Sara squinted at the bus.

Sara: That's the bus from the church. We use it for the Sunday School field trips. I wonder what it's doing here?

Gweg smiled.

Gweg: Maybe they are here to give you a piece of their mind for not showing up today.

The bus headed right towards them. It drove onto the grass and head straight towards their direction. Gweg stood up and helped Sara to her feet.

Gweg: I think we should get ready to run.

The bus stopped 20 feet away from them.

The door opened up. The kids began to pour out. They ran right towards Sara and Gweg.

Sara: It's just my kids. They won't hurt us.

Gweg wasn't too sure. He saw that the kids were holding objects in their hands.

As the kids ran closer, Gweg saw what the objects were.

Rocks..

Sara wasn't paying attention to what the kids had. She dropped to her knees in anticipation for a group hug. Gweg pulled her up in time. Adam, the fastest of the bunch, had thrown his rock at Sara just as Gweg pulled her up. He hit her in the leg.

Sara screamed out.

Sara: Adam! What are you doing!

Adam: You are a harlot! God's messenger told us to smite you!

The other kids began to throw their rocks.

Thankfully for Gweg and Sara, there wasn't much strength in the arms that were launching said projectiles. But Gweg and Sara were still getting hit, so they ran. Gweg hopped into Sara's car and she tossed him the key. He sped out of the park. The kids threw what rocks they had left at the car as it drove away.

They headed back towards the bus.

Satyr was sitting behind the wheel.

Satyr: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And there ain't nobody more innocent than a child.

They kids climbed back into the bus and sat in there seats.

Adam looked around.

Adam: How come Zakk didn't come with us?

Satyr: Zakk is on a little side mission. My partner took him to where he needs to be.

Satyr's cell phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D. and sighed.

He answered it.

Satyr: What do you want? Well, I'm busy. Don't worry about it. What!?!? When? Fine, I'll try to be there. What's this about? Them? Who cares about them? Fine. Whatever.

Satyr ended the call.


Gweg was driving as fast as he could. He kept checking the rear view mirror. No sign of the school bus.

Sara was besides herself. She was sitting in the passenger side, shaking.

Sara: I can't believe the kids would do that!

Gweg: Satyr got to them. That son a bitch. He's not going to hold back.

Sara: We need to go to the police.

Gweg: We'll call them from my apartment.

Sara: Your apartment? Why are we going there?

Gweg: Believe it or not, that is the safest place for us right now.

Gweg explained the "rules" to Sara. She agreed to go to the apartment.

The arrived at the apartment building. Gweg gave Sara his keys.

Gweg: Get up there and call the cops. I'll wait down here a couple of minutes and see if Satyr will show up. Call them and make sure they send someone here, someone to your church, and someone out looking for the bus. Make sure you speak to Watterson. He'll be more than happy to help us.

Sara ran up to the room. She unlocked the door and went inside. She was surprised to see one of her students already inside.

Zakk: Hello Miss Russell.

Sara: Zakk! What are you doing here? Did Satyr bring you here?

Zakk: No, his friend did. Mr. Satyr wants me to do something, but I don't want to do it. I don't believe him.

Sara: What does he want you to do?

Zakk: He says you are against God because he killed your daughter and you are going to turn us against God.

Sara got on one of her knees.

Sara: Zakk, honey, I am not angry at God. I love God. And I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. What do you have behind your back?

Zakk had been standing with his right hand held behind his back. It brought it around. He was holding a small handgun.

Sara: What are you doing with that?

Zakk: It's my mother's. She got it after she got mugged that one night. I was told to get it. For my mission for God.

Sara: Zakk, listen to me. Satyr is a liar. He is using you as a pawn in some twisted game. So, just give me the gun and we'll take you home.

Gweg entered into the room.

Gweg: He hasn't shown up yet, have you called the cops? Wait, who's the kid?

Zakk's eyes widened when he saw Gweg enter the room.

Zakk: Miss Russell, who is that man?

Sara: That's my friend Gweg.

Zakk screamed.

Zakk: It's true! You are with the Anti-Christ! I knew it. God damns you all.

He stuck the barrel of the gun in his mouth.

Sara screamed out and lunged at him. Gweg was too shocked and confused to move.

Zakk pulled the trigger. The bullet and most of his brain exited out the back of his skull. His body hit the floor with a sickening thud.

Sara sunk to the floor, tears screaming down her face. Gweg finally broke form his paralysis and knelt next to Sara.

Gweg: Come on, we need to call the police.

As soon as he said that, a metal canister was thrown into the room. A green gas emitted from it.

Gweg pulled Sara up and began to ran towards the door, but the gas became to much for them.

They both passed out.


Gweg came to 3 hours later.

He awoke to an incredibly bad headache. He looked to his left and saw Sara. He could tell she was breathing.

He looked around the apartment.

The boy's body was gone. And the evidence of his suicide was gone as well. The apartment was spotless. The canister was gone as well.

It was like nothing ever happened.

Gweg went to the door and looked out into the hallway. Empty.

He went back in to check on Sara.

The phone began to ring. Gweg answered it. Satyr was on the other end of the line

Satyr: Good, I was hoping you'd be up by now.

Gweg: You said the apartment was off limits!

Satyr: It is. I didn't do anything to you.

Gweg: Some kid was in here and he blew his brains out!

Satyr: He did that to himself, not to you.

Gweg: Who threw that canister into here?

Satyr: Wasn't me.

Gweg: Where's the body at?

Satyr: I have it. Too bad, right? Without it, you can't prove anything happened, but you'll always know it did, because of you and your attack against me is what led to that poor boy's death.

Gweg: Do you want me to apologize? Is that it? Fine, I'm sorry for fucking over your stupid abortion-mobile. Okay? Will you stop now.

Satyr laughed over the phone.

Satyr: This is beyond apologies Gweg. This is something that can only be resolved until the hurt part is satisfied that a logical resolution has come about. And that's me. Listen, you want to end this thing? Come on down to the church.

Gweg: What's at the church?

Satyr: A bunch of retards talking to an imaginary friend. Ha Ha. Just kidding. The boy's body will be there. You want it. come and get it.

Satyr laughed and hung up.

Gweg put the phone down.

Sara was already up and looking at Gweg.

Sara: Was that him?

Gweg nodded.

Sara: What does he want?

Gweg: He wants us to go to the church. he's git that boy's body there. He says

Sara: Let's go.

Gweg was shocked to hear Sara wanted to confront Satyr.

Gweg: We should go to the police. We know where he's at, and he probably has some sort of trap.
Sara: Forget them. That bastard just had one of my kids kill himself right in front of me. I am tired of all the death that he is bringing my way, and the thought of Zakk's body being with him makes me sick. Whatever his problem is, I'm going to end it. With or without your help.

Gweg had never seen this side of Sara before. She was determined to stop Satyr and he wanted to be a part of it.

Gweg: Let's go.


The man in black waited in the car, and the satyr called him.

He answered the phone and listened as Satyr happily explained that he baited Gweg into going to the church.

The man put his cell phone away and stared at front door to the apartment building. As he watched the people pass it on the sidewalk, he couldn't help but sneer. He hated humans. Hated their very nature. And hated the fact that he looks exactly like them.

His name is Mike-El and he is an alien.

23 years ago, the man had been born on a different planet. A planet called Gypton. Unfortunately, that planet's sun was exploding and ready to consume his planet. His parents put him in a rocket ship and sent him into space.

He landed on Earth, where he was discovered by a loving elderly couple, who lived on a farm. Growing up, he was introduced to comic books, mainly Superman.

He was very excited to learn that he and Superman shared a common history. He was so enamored by it, that he tried to fly off the roof of his house.

A month later, after he got out of the hospital, he found the spaceship he was sent in. Discovering a message from his father, he learned the horrible truth.

His home world was powered by a yellow star, not a red one like Superman's was.

From that point on, Mike-El has lived in anger. When his adoptive father fell off a cliff during a hiking expedition, Mike-El watched on as he hung desperately on to the edge. As he dangled there, his mother screamed out for Mike to rescue him.

Mike-El just watched and suppressed a smile when his father finally let go.

His mother asked why he didn't save him. He turned to her and screamed, "I'm sorry I'm not Superman!"

A couple of years ago, Mike-El finally met someone with whom he felt a kinship with.

Satyr.

And now Satyr has brought him into this war with Gweg, whom had just walked out of the building, with the woman following behind him.

He called up Satyr.

Mike-El: They are on their way.


Satyr put his cell phone away and looked back at the kids.

They were still staring at the dead body that sat in the back seat.

One of the girls finally spoke up.

Girl: Mr. Satyr, what happened to Zakk?

Satyr: He performed a little ballistic brain surgery.

Girl: I don't know what that is.

Satyr sighed.

Satyr: For Pete's sake, it's like talking to a bunch of kids. He killed himself.

Girl: But that's a sin.

Satyr: Sure is. He's probably getting poked in the ass by the devil's red hot poker as we speak.

Girl: I thought you were the devil and you said Zakk was doing a mission for God and then going straight to heaven.

Satyr had completely forgot he told them that. He thought quickly.

Satyr: I am, but there's more than one of us. I'm the main guy..the one in that book. And yes, Zakk is going to Heaven. I was just making a joke.

Satyr parked the bus next to the church and had the kids get out. He went to the back seat, propped Zakk up on his shoulders, and made his way out of the emergency exit.

Reverend Hart was waiting for him there.

Rev. Hart: Oh my! The poor child! Let me say a prayer for him before we take him into the church.

Satyr: We don't have time for that nonsense. Gweg and Sara are on their way. We need to get the kids in the church.

Rev. Hart: I need to pray for this boy's soul.

Satyr: Well, while you are doing that, you should pray that those pictures I have of you don't fall into the "wrong" hands. God might forgive your sins, but I know your wife isn't going to.

Rev. Hart: You''re a bastard. First you blackmail me into convincing my wife to make you the substitute Sunday School teacher, then you make me a part of this atrocity.

Satyr: The Lord works in mysterious ways. Kids! Get into the church and get ready. The Anti-Christ and the Whore of Babylon will be here soon!

Rev. Hart: What exactly are you planning to do?

Satyr: Let's just say, I had a revelation the other day. You just to what I told you to do and everything will be fine.

Satyr took the body into the church and dumped it into one of the pews. He looked at the kids.

Satyr: You kids ready? You know what to do as soon as Gweg and Sara come in, right?

The kids nodded.

Satyr: God loves you all. He and Zakk are watching right now, so make sure you all do a good job.

Satyr made sure the kids were in position and picked up Zakk's body. He looked towards the front of the church and smiled.


Gweg and Sara were two blocks away from the chruch.

Gweg: It's not too late to turn back around.

Sara: First he uses my sister against me, gets my daughter killed, and now all this. I'm through just letting him him get away every time.

Gweg felt empowered by her anger, but he also felt ashamed. He felt a pang of guilt and looked over at Sara. She made him see things about himself that he was afraid to look at. That was the moment, he knew he was in love with her.

They arrived at the church and saw Rev. Hart waiting outside.

Sara got out of the car and ran over to him.

Sara: Is he in there? Are you a part of this?

Rev. Hart: Sara, my dear, I was used by him. He had photos of me with another woman. He blackmailed me into making sure he was your substitute for the school. Don't worry, I've convinced him to let the kids go. He is waiting for you and Gweg in the church.

Gweg: This is a trap. What's he got in there?

Rev. Hart: I don't know. He won't let me come inside. But I want to do one last thing, one last act of good faith. I am making the both of you ordained ministers to this church.

Gweg: Thanks, but why?

Rev. Hart: I have my reasons. You should go inside.

Sara: I'm going in.

Sara went stepped into the main room of the church. She didn't see the kids anywhere. She looked up and saw Zakk's body nailed to the cross at the front of the room.

Satyr was standing at the podium.

Satyr: Welcome! have a seat!

Sara began walking towards him. Gweg entered and caught up with her. He stopped her from going further and whispered in her ear.

Gweg: Hold on. Let's see what he's up to.

Satyr: I'm glad you two could come. You want to know a funny thing? You know this already Gweg, but I am an ordained minister.

Gweg: Through the Universal Life Church.

Satyr shrugged.

Satyr: It's all the same. You'll notice what's his face has taken the place of Jesus up on that cross. He's there to remind you that he died for your sins.

He pointed at Gweg and Sara.

Satyr: You two are very much like Adam and Eve. I told you not to mess with a certain thing, and you go ahead and do it anyway. And now other people have to suffer.

Satyr clapped his hand. The children stood up, they had been hiding in the pews.

Satyr: Suffer the little children. And I shall, if you don't do two things, Gweg. First, you must confess your sins and second, you must make a sacrifice.

Rev. Hart entered the church.

Gweg: What kind of a sacrifice?

Satyr: We'll get to that later. First, confess.

Gweg: What exactly are you going to do if I don't.

Satyr: Look under the pews.

Gweg and Sara bent over. Underneath the pews where the children were standing, were small explosives.

Satyr held up a device.

Satyr: This trigger can activate from a 100 yards away. So, I'll be safely outside if I have to use it. And don't think they are going to budge. They are going to stay right where they are. They know what you two are and are devoted to see you punished.

Gweg: What makes you think we'll let you out of here.

Satyr pointed behind them. Rev. Hart was holding a gun on Sara and Gweg.

Rev. Hart: I'm sorry, but I cannot let my wife see those pictures.

Sara: Your wife will forgive you for one act of adultery. She is a good Christian woman.

Satyr laughed.

Satyr: The woman in banging in the pictures is his own daughter!

Rev. Hart held his head in shame.

Satyr: Yep, took the story of Lot to heart, didn't ya Rev? you two ain't going to be doing nothing. Now, confess your sins, Gweg. This is a church after all. Oh, and do it on your knees.

Gweg dropped to his knees.

Gweg: Forgive me Satyr, for I have sinned.

Satyr laughed.

Satyr: I love it! Continue.

Gweg: I have sinned by causing you trouble and bringing about the destruction of your Abortion-Mobile.

Satyr: Thank you Gweg. You Sara, this is really all of your fault. You should confess too.

Sara: My fault? How is this my fault?

Satyr: If only you were more like your sister.

Sara began to walk towards Satyr. Rev. Hart pulled back the hammer of the gun.

Rev. Hart: I'm sorry Sara, bit I can't let you go any further.

Satyr: Way to lead your flock there, Rev. Forget your confessions, Sara, I want to wrap this up. Time for you to make your sacrifice, Gweg.

Satyr reached into his coat and brought out a gun. He threw it at Gweg.

Satyr: It's only loaded with one round. You have to make a choice. You can sacrifice anybody in this room, save for you or myself. You do that, and all is forgiven.

Gweg: What?

Satyr: I want you to kill somebody. It could be Sara, it could be the Reverend, or one of these brats. If you don't, I'll kill them all. If you shoot me, the Rev. will shoot Sara. If you shoot yourself, the Rev. will shoot Sara and I'll blow all of these kids straight to hell.

The kids looked up.

The oldest boy, Adam, got up from his pew.

Adam: You said if we were sacrificed, we would go to Heaven.

Satyr: God damn it kid, I say a lot of things I don't mean.

Adam: Which part didn't you mean?

Satyr: Whatever part you didn't like.

Adam: You are a liar! You are the devil. We should have never trusted the devil!

All the kids began to get up.

Satyr: Sit back down! God's going to be pissed! Damn it. I knew I should have tied all of you!.

Sara: Good kids, he is a liar. Now run outside.

Satyr: Reverend, shoot the bastards if the try to get out the door.

Rev. Hart: No, you said you weren't going to harm the kids! I will not allow this.

Reverend Hart turned and walked to the doors, the kids followed him. At that moment, Gweg held the gun up to Satyr.

Gweg: What now?

Satyr: You know, the last Church I was in was exploded by a mad man and I survived. Time for a little deja-vu.

Satyr ducked behind the podium and pushed the trigger. only on the explosives went off.

The one by the front doors. The explosion took out two of the kids and burnt the others. Reverend Hart's robe caught on fire. The fire spread quickly over him, causing him to stop drop and roll.

He rolled right into one of the explosives. It set off, incinerating the Reverend and causing shrapnel from the pews to strike some of the children. A fragment from the explosive caught Adam in the eye.

The wooden pews caught quickly on fire, spreading out, another explosve went off.

Gweg and Sara had both ducked down and were trying to escape. Gweg made it to the podium and saw Satyr was gone. he looked back and witnessed chaos, half of the kids were on fire running around trying to put the fire out, a few other were collapsed in a heap in front of the door, having tried to get out before it was engulfed in flames.. The fire got another explosive and set it off.

Smoke was covering half of the church now. Gweg saw that Sara was choking. He got up and ran to her. He picked her up and he could barely hear her whisper through her coughs.

Sara: There's a back door. Get the kids out.

Gweg looked back at the kids. It was hopeless to try. Another explosion. He picked up Sara and ran out the back.

He ran 5o yards while carrying her and laid her onto the grass. She had stopped breathing.

He performed mouth to mouth and was finally able to resuscitate her. She gasped for air and spoke in coughs.

Sara: The kids?

All Gweg could do was shake his head. He looked up and watched as the church burned.

2 hours later.

Satyr sat on the couch in his apartment. He was watching the news.

Reporter: There were no survivors of the church fire. Police have informed us that the cause of this fire was a murder suicide. Police have not made any positive I.D.s on the victims, but believe them to be the entire Sunday School class, which was dropped of at the Church after their teacher took them for a field trip this after noon. The Police have also told up that the fire was created by the Reverend of the Church, a Mr. Thomas Hart. Pictures of him have an incestuous relationship with his daughter. Police believe the exposure of the act is what caused the Reverend to commit such a heinous crime. We will have more of this as it develops.

Satyr took the last sip of Dr. Pepper. Mike-El had come through once again. He was a good person to have on his side. And good at what he does. Getting the evidence to blackmail and frame Rev. Hart. Cleaning up the apartment after the kid blew his brains out. He's the best Satyr was going to need him for what's to come.

Satyr listened to the message again.

Mike-El: Satyr, Mike here. Gweg and Sara arrived back at her place ten minutes ago. They both seem OK. I have this phone hooked up to the recorder, so you'll be able to hear what they have to say through that bug we planted in her house.

Satyr smiled. Planting a bug in Sara's house was a stroke of genius. His smiled faded as he began to listen to the conversation.

Gweg: Can I stay here, tonight?

Sara: Of course, I don't want you to go anywhere. We need to talk about what happened.

Gweg: I'm sorry I couldn't save the kids.

Sara: It's not your fault. It's his, we have to stop him.

Satyr cringed as he heard the seriousness in Gweg's voice as he spoke. He had never heard a level of intensity like that before. It sent a shiver down his spine.

Gweg: Sara, I love you and today, I almost lost you. He wants a war, he's got one. There have been too many casualties on our side. Too many people hurt. That ends starting now. I will do everything within my power to make sure he is brought down. they may have put put the fire on that church, but the fire that burns in me will never be extinguished.

Satyr shook his head, he would normally laugh at such a line, but the tone of Gweg's voice made it sound menacing.

Gweg: Whatever he plans to do, I will stop him. Will you help me?

Sara: Of course. And Gweg...

Gweg: Yes?

Sara: I love you too.

Satyr stopped the recording as the sounds of the two of them making out began.

Satyr feared he had created a monster. The determination in Gweg's voice caused Satyr to have a feeling he has not felt in a long time: Fear.

Satyr got up to get another Dr. Pepper. He heard a small creak and found that he was doing something he hated.

Satyr kept looking over his shoulder.


To Be Continued.

The Power Pack in "New Recruits"

Pillz read over the note again.

Primus had left it in Pillz' office. It had been two hours since Primus had went out for a walk to "clear his head".

Pero stepped into the office.

Pero: All of his stuff is gone. I think he ran away. I ran away from home once. Well, more like rolled away from home. I was in a wheelchair, because I broke my leg when I playing on my friends trampoline.

Pillz: Why did you run away?

Pero: Because the day after the accident, my parents bought me a trampoline.

Pillz decided to leave it at that and looked over the letter again.

Pillz: In the note, he said he wanted to meet new friends. If he joined up with our enemies, then we have some serious problems.

Pero: Now they outnumber us even more.

Pillz: Yes, that and Primus knows our hideout and our weaknesses. This could be a mess. I tried to call him on his cell phone, but he blocked my number. Try yours.

Pero: I don't own a cell phone.

Pillz: Why not? Everyone else has one.

Pero: The fact that most people out there today never leave their house without their cellphone attached to ear is one more sign that we are becoming to dependent on technology. I will not allow myself become a slave to electronic convenience. That, and I can't afford one.

Pillz nodded.

Pillz: Let's just hope he comes to his senses.



Meanwhile, at the Duplex on 23rd.

The Fucktastic Four had looked at Pero with shock. Before any of them could ask him what he was doing there, Primus explained that he left The Power Pack to join up with them.

Radioactive Dude: Come on in, son. We'll palaver.

Dealy Llama: Hold the fucking phone! When one of my enemies comes walking through my door, I don't shake the fucker's hand and welcome in.

Evil Gnome: I think we should listen to what he has to say.

Dealy Llama: That's exactly what he wants to do to us! He's obviously here to spy on us.

Primus was beginning to wonder if he made the right decision. He could no longer stand Pillz' attitude, but this Llama guy's attitude was even worse. But, he's already made it this far, no turning back now.

Primus: I'm not here to spy. I have left the Power Pack for good.

Radioactive Dude: Well, son, that's easy for you to say, but Llama here has a point. Last time we saw each you, you were fighting us. Now, you want to join us, clear out of the blue. I'm sorry, but we can't exactly trust you right from the get go.

Evil Gnome: Listen Primus, perhaps you should explain why left and came here.

Primus: I got tired of Pillz' crap and I left. I thought I would join up with you guys. Simple as that.

Radioactive Dude: Now, I don't doubt for one second that Pillz has gotten under your skin. He knows how to press a person's button. But that's when you man up and show him that you can take his criticism and better yourself.

Primus: I didn't come here for a lecture.

Dealy Llama laughed.

Dealy Llama: I know what this boy's real problem is. He's got a problem with authority. Now, how do you expect to be a part of a team if you can't take orders.

Primus gave Llama a serious look.

Primus: I'd be the one in charge.

The other four looked at each other and laughed.

Primus: Fuck this! I don't need you guys. I can go solo. You guys need me more than I need you.

Primus began to walk out the door.

Radioactive Dude: Now hold your horses son. We didn't mean to insult you. It just struck us as funny that you'd be walking in here and placing yourself in charge.

Primus: I got info on the Power Pack. Info you need.

Dealy Llama: Enough of this! Listen here Pumice, you can give us all the "information" you want, still ain't going to make me trust you. Not until I put you through a test.

Llama honked his nose.

The Mrs. turned into a polygraph machine.

Radioactive Dude: Now, what is that contraption?

Dealy Llama: It's a lie detector. Let's strap this jerk up and see if he'll pass.

Primus: Fine, whatever it takes.

Evil Gnome: I hate to intrude on this, but given what I've come to understand about his powers, they may help him pass a lie detector test. Besides, just because she looks like a lie detector, doesn't mean she is one.

Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. returned to her original form.

Dealy Llama: He's right. It was just a test to see if he would agree. But those damn powers of his.

Llama shaked his fist at Primus. So did the Mrs.

Radioactive Dude: Listen son, if we can come up with a test for you to prove your trust, will you do it, no questions asked?

Primus: Yes.

Llama smiled.

Dealy Llama: I got just the thing.

He honked his nose.




Back at Pillz' place.

Pillz: My cell is vibrating. I'm getting a message.

Pillz looked at his phone.

Pillz: It's from Primus. It's a video.

Pillz played the video and held it out for Pero to look too. The video contained Primus standing in a room with his pants down. He was receiving oral pleasure from someone that looked exactly like Pillz.

Pero: Great, now I owe him 20 bucks.

Pillz ignored this and skipped through the video, that's all there was.

Pero: You two didn't have to hide it from me. Yeah, it would have been awkward at first, but I would have gotten used to it.

Pillz: That wasn't me. It was probably Llama's Mrs. I just don't know what he's trying to do. He's either trying to insult me or he's going to try to blackmail me.

Pero: Maybe he did it to gain their trust.

Pillz: I don't see how, but, knowing them and knowing you, that's probably the reason.





Back at the Duplex.


Primus: Don't put that on the Internet!


Dealy Llama: Why not? You have to admit, she did a great job.

Primus: Yes she did, but everyone who sees that will think I'm gay.

Evil Gnome: Then we'll put my face over yours.

Radioactive Dude: There's no need to put that video on the net. Primus has proved himself. Welcome to the team.

Primus: Thank you.

Dealy Llama: So, I guess we are the Fucktastic Five now. You better spill your guts Primo, cause those two may think you're ok, but I trust you about as much as I trust a librarian in a video store.

Primus: I don't know what that's supposed to mean.

Radioactive Dude: I don't believe any of us do. But no matter. We have plans for tomorrow. You will join us, and we'll see how far your loyalty, to us, is willing to go.



The Jaded Poet arrived at The Agency headquarters.

Lichton was there to greet him.

Lichton: Welcome back Poet. We're going straight to the conference room. Travis and a few other agents are there and we're going to discuss our new plans in light of these new circumstances.

Jaded Poet: The apostate paladin has brought a most refreshing course to these affairs.

Lichton: Indeed.

They made their way to the conference room. When Lichton had left it to greet Poet, everybody in the room was talking to each other. Now, they were silent.

Lichton: What's the matter?

Travis: The boss called. He's on his way over. He wants to be part of the meeting.

Lichton: The Emperor is coming here?

Travis: He'll be here in 15 minutes.

Lichton began to worry. He turned to Poet.

Lichton: This is not good.

Jaded Poet had listened to the exchange, not feeling the same sense of dread everyone else felt. The Poet had yet to encounter "The Emperor".

Jaded Poet: Who is this Agency sovereign that has filled you all with such consternation?

Lichton sighed.

Lichton: It's not that we fear him, it's just that we really don't like him. The Agency was started by a great man. When he died ten years ago, he left his son in charge of all of this. The Council pretty much runs things, like it always has, but whenever the son wants in on something, we can't say no, because he is the de facto leader. And he's a little brat and he insists we call him Emperor.

Jaded Poet: Charming.

Lichton: If you'll excuse me, I have an announcement to make.

Lichton walked over to the phone that was mounted on the wall. He dialed out to the intercom. His voice was heard all over the Agency Headquarters.

Lichton: Attention Agency Employees. This is Agent Lichton. The Emperor will be here in less than 15 minutes. Remember the protocol for dealing with him. Do not look him directly in the eyes, especially if you are female. If he talks to you, asks you questions, give him short and direct answers, especially if you are female. If you see him coming in your direction, pretend that you are hard at work and too busy to engage in a conversation. Especially if you are female. Thank you.

Lichton looked over the people in the Conference Room.

Lichton: Did he say why he wanted to be here?

Travis: He has taken an interest in the Power Pack.

Lichton shook his head.

Lichton: This is not going to be good.






Pillz and Pero arrived at Pero's house.

Pillz: Who's car is that in the drive?

Pero: My mom's.

Pillz: I thought you said she wouldn't be home.

Pero: She home now.

Pillz: Ok then. Will she mind me being here?

Pero: I'll just tell her you're my imaginary friend.

Pillz: But, she'll be able to see me.

Pero: That's what she calls all the guys she brings home with her.

Pillz: I just hope she's as interesting as you.

Pillz and Pero entered the house.

Pero's mom was standing in the living room. She was 35, tall, blonde, and beautiful. She could have been a model. Pillz mouth dropped. She was the opposite of what he was expecting.

Pero's Mom: Hello Pero. I see you've brought a friend. Make yourself at home. Can I get you boys something to drink?

Pero: Bring me a coke mom. This is Pillz, by the way.

Pero's mom walked over and shook Pillz' hand.

Pero's Mom: It's so nice to meet one of Pero's friends. He hardly brings them over.

Pillz: It's finally nice to meet you, Mam. Pero talks about you quite a bit.

Pero's Mom: Nothing too bad I hope.

Pillz: Not at all.

Pero's mom brought them a couple of cokes. They went into Pero's room.

Pillz: Your mother is very nice. Not what I pictured when you spoke about her.

Pero: She's my step-mother.

Pillz: I don't remember you telling me your parents were divorced.

Pero: They're not.

Pillz tried his best to comprehend what he had just encountered, but decided it was mystery best left unsolved. Besides, he had a bigger problem.

Pillz: Okay, we need to figure out our next step.

Pero: What about getting some new people to join our team?

Pillz: That's a good idea. If we knew any other people with superpowers.


Pero: I do.

Pillz: From where?

Pero: The ASMB.

Pillz: The ASMB?

Pero: Yes. The Awesome Superpowers Message Board.

Pillz: I have never heard of that.

Pero: It's a good place. I'll tell them we are having tryouts for the team. They can come here. We'll set it up for tomorrow. How does that sound?

Pillz: This could work. Here, I'll make out a list of requirements.

They got to work. An hour later, the bulletin was posted.




Back at The Agency...

The intercom in the Conference Room buzzed. Lichton answered it. The voice on the other end told him that the Emperor had arrived.

Lichton: Here we go. Brace yourselves.

Jaded Poet: Does this Sultan of Exasperation have an appellation?

Lichton: Zeni. We call him Emperor Zeni.

Emperor Zeni stepped into The Agency.

He immediately began to scan the room for girls. He saw one. Sitting at her desk. She glanced up at him, only for a second.

That's all he needed to know that she was interested.

He made is way over to her.

Emperor Zeni: Hey there. I couldn't help but notice you were checking me out. Can't blame you. If I were a woman, I'd check me out too. Look at this.

Zeni began to flex his right arm.

Emperor Zeni: See that? That's all me. I don't take drugs for that. That's hard work. Would you like to go out some time? Don't think that you have to because I'm your boss. I know you like me. I can see it in your eyes. What's your number?

Lichton entered the room.

Lichton: Emperor Zeni! We are anxiously awaiting your arrival down in the conference room.

Emperor Zeni: I'll talk to you later babe.

Lichton: Right this way sir.

Lichton led Zeni over to the elevator. Zeni looked back at the girl and made the phone gesture with his hand. He winked at her.

They got into the elevator.

Emperor Zeni: I think she likes me. But she didn't talk to me. She just wanted me. I could see it in her eyes. So it's probably going to be a one night stand kind of a thing. That's fine with me. I'd like to have a real relationship though, know what I mean? Not one of these cheap sluts that just wants a guy for his body. You married?

Lichton: Yes I am sir. You came to my wedding. It was last year. You got drunk and chokeslammed my mother-in-law.

Emperor Zeni: Oh yeah. Sorry about that.



Lichton: No apology neccassary.


The elevator stopped.

Before they entered the conference room, Zeni stopped in his tracks.

Emperor Zeni: Hold on a second, I have to get ready for this.

Zeni began to run back and forth across the hallway. He then jumped to ground and began to do push-ups.

Emperor Zeni: Come on! Come on! Ten more! Ten more!

He jumped back up and slapped himself across the face.

Emperor Zeni: Let's do this.

Lichton: It's just a meeting sir. There's really no need to get worked up like that.

Emperor Zeni: It's how I do it. It's my killer instinct. That's what I do before I enter any room. I step in there, and people see me. They no better than to mess.

Lichton: Ok then. Let's go inside.

Zeni scanned the room for some girls. He saw none and let out a sigh. He then laid his eyes on Jaded Poet. He walked over to him.

Emperor Zeni: So, you're the badass I've been hearing about. You don't look so tough to me.

Zeni started to box the air around Poet. Poet stood still.

Emperor Zeni: If this had been the real thing, you'd be out before you could say "Roses are red".
You know, I'm actually a bit of a poet myself. I'm a rapper.

Jaded Poet: That's excellent sir.

Emperor Zeni: Let's get to business. The Power Pack. We are trying to kill them, right?

Lichton: Well, we were monitoring them and taking notes to see if they are threat. But as it stands right now, they are becoming less of a threat.

Emperor Zeni: How so?

Lichton: There are only two of them now. Pillz and Pero. Primus defected to the team we created to fight with them.

Emperor Zeni: Well hell, that makes it easier for us to get rid of The Power Pack. I'll do it myself. Superman and Green Lantern ain't got nothing on me.

Lichton: Well, technically, Pero is the Incredible...

Emperor Zeni cut him off.


Emperor Zeni: I don't care if he is technically Mighty Mouse. Watch this.

Zeni picked up one of the empty chairs and hurled it across the room. He then jumped on the conference table and did a back flip.



Emperor Zeni: Wha do you think of that?

Lichton: Very impressive sir.

Emperor Zeni: God damn right. The Power Pack would shit themselves if they saw that action.

Lichton: Well, our concern right now is not with the Power Pack. It's with the team we have created. We do not have control over them.

Jaded Poet: There is another quandry that has presented itself. Our two remaining members of the Power Pack might be looking to fill the void left by their former comrade.



Emperor Zeni looked at Poet as if he had spoken a foreign language.


Lichton: That's a very good point. They would look for new members. I think it's a good idea to activate a sleeper agent.

Emperor Zeni: A sleeper agent? What are those? Do you mean we have agnets that are sleeping on the job?

Lichton: No. That's not what that I meant. It means we have agents in the field that don't do anything until we give them orders.

Emperor Zeni: Good. Because if I find out I have people working for me and all they do is sleep, I'll deal with them persoanlly.


Zeni did a karate kick.

Lichton: I want a list of our sleeper agents in an hour. Let's get to work on this people.





The Next Day.

Pillz and Pero stood in Pero's back yard.

Pillz: You know, we probably could have found a better place to hold these tryouts.

Pero: I called my friends. They wouldn't let us use their back yards.

Pillz: A back yard wasn't what I had in mind.

Pero: Too late now. This is where I told them to meet us.

Pillz: Are you sure all of the people who responded can show up here on such short notice?

Pero: I'm pretty sure. One of them is already here.

Pillz looked around and saw nobody. Then he felt a rush of air breeze pass him. He could make out an object blurring through the yard. It made zig-zag lines and then headed back towards Pillz.

Pillz held up his ringed hand and braced himself. The object stopped right in front of him. It was a young man wearing a skintight running suit. He held out his hand for Pillz to shake. Pillz shook it and the young man introduced himself as Raptor Pat. Pillz learned he talked as fast as he ran.

Raptor Pat: Raptor Pat's the name. Running's the game. I can run really fast. Of course you already saw that. I got here as quick as I could, nyuck nyuck. Anybody else here? Nope, I can already see that they are not. Figures I'd be the first one here. Ain't going to find nobody fatser than me. I'm quick to the point to the point no fakin'. Cooking these B's like a pound of bacon.

Pillz: Thank you for coming. A speedster. We could use one of you. What's your top speed recorded at?

Raptor Pat: Like any man-made instrument can record how fast I go. You want to know how fast I am? I left my house five minutes ago. And I live 3,ooo miles from here.

Pillz nodded, he was impressed.

Pillz: How well do you do in a fight?

Raptor Pat: I've taken on all sorts of criminal elements back in my town. Bank robbers, murders, rapists, paedophiles, car jackers, burglers, jay walkers, litterers, hookers, johns, pick-pockets, and the occassional peeping tom.

Pillz: Sounds like you have your town under control. Why do you want to join up with us?

Raptor Pat: I need to look at the big picture. Instead of just taking care of one town, I want to start taking care of the world. And this seems like the team to do it with.

Pillz: Good. Well, you just have to pass the obstacle course and you'll be a part of The Power Pack.

Raptor Pat looked around the yard.

Raptor Pat: Obstacle course? I don't see an obstacle course? All I see is is a kiddie pool, a swing set, a beaten down tree house, and a trampoline.

Pero: NOOOO!!!!

Pero began to change into PeroHulk.

PeroHulk: Pero no like trampoline! Pero no like fast man who talk fast! Pero smash!

PeroHulk lunged at RaptorPat.

Raptor Pat moved quicker than lightning. He was already ten feet behind PeroHulk before the big brute was able to get his foot down.

Raptor Pat: Over here, big boy.


PeroHulk turned to face him. Before he was even completely turned around, Raptor Pat had ran to the other end of the yard.

Raptor Pat: Too slow! You got to do better than that!

PeroHulk looked at the fast man. PeroHulk knew he couldn't catch him by chasing him. PeroHulk knew he had to slow him down.

PeroHulk ran towards the trampoline.


Raptor Pat watched him, amused. He loved going up against the big guys. They always thought that brute force would help the win the fight. His mind drifted back to the time he faced the Slaughterhouse 5. They were five really big butchers who were kidnapping out-of-towners and using them for cuts of meat. He started to chuckle when he remembered how he found out, that bologne sandwhich did have a...Raptor Pat's mind snapped back to the present. Just in time to see a trampoline hurling towards him.

Pillz watched intently, as the battle unfolded. Raptor Pat was indeed fast. He had the right reflexes the teem needed. Then he saw his weakness.

After the speedster had ran to the other end of the yard, Pillz could make out that he started to lose focus on Pero. That mistake almost cost him his life. PeroHulk had picked up the trampoline and threw it at Raptor Pat, like a frisbee. Raptor Pat seemed to snap out of a daydream and was able to move out of the way in time.



PeroHulk growled as the fast man ran out of the way. The fast man was taunting him now. And the angrier PeroHulk gets, the stronger PeroHulk gets. PeroHulk ran towards a tree. He would bash in fast man's skull with it. PeroHulk wrapped his arms around the tree and began to uproot it. Then he heard his mom's voice.

Pero's Mom: Pero Michael Montgomery! What do you think you are doing?

PeroHulk: Me smash fast man!

Pero's Mom: Well, you can smash fast man with something else besides our oaks. Your grandfather planted those trees! Now, convert back to your regular self, you have another visitor.

A young woman came walking around the side of the house. She looked around the yard. A man in his late twenties was taking notes. He was wearing a god-awful ring. A big yellow thing was trying to stick a tree down in the yard. And a young kid was wearing a much too tight unitard.

She knew she was at the right place.

Raptor Pat recognized her immediately. He saw her picture posted up on the ASMB.


Raptor Pat: Burnsy! It's me, Raptor Pat. I'm so glad you could make it. I knew you'd come. I've been wanting to team up with you for a while now.

Burnsy: I bet you have.

Raptor Pat ran over to Pillz.

Raptor Pat: You're going to love her. She's hot in more ways than one. She can make fire and control it. Show them, Burnsy, show them what you got.

Burnsy strated to move her hands in front of her. It looked like she was trying to turn an invisible ball between her hands. Moments later, an tiny ball of fire began to grow between her moving hand. The fire grew bigger. It became the size of a bowling ball when she stopped. She held out her right hand, the ball of fire floating above it.

She looked over at Pero, who had returned to his human form. The tree he had uprooted now laid flat on the ground.

Burnsy: Honey, you may want to get away from that tree.

Pero ran away. Burnsy shot the fireball from her hand. It struck the tree. Burnsy then used her power to make the fire spread out all over the tree. She let it burn for a few seconds, then made the fire die out.

Pillz: Impressive. A pyrokinetic would be a great addition to the team.

Raptor Pat: So, we are part of the team? We are now Power Pack members?

Pillz: Nothing is official yet. We still have other potential members to evaluate. I would love to bring you all on, but we need this to be a tight group.

Pero: This is it.

Pillz: What do you mean, "this is it"?

Pero: These are the only two people that said they'd come.

Pillz: Only two people? Why didn't you tell me this before? When I asked you how many people responded, you said a bunch. Two people is not a bunch.

Pero: A bunch of people did responded! They responded with "You're dumb Pero", "No one's going to join your stupid team, Pero", and "Is your mom home yet, Pero?".

Pillz did a facepalm.

Pillz motioned everybody to join around him. They gathered on the back porch. Pillz had the three of them line up before him.

Pillz: Fine. We are the new Power Pack. Pillz, Pero, Raptor Pat, and Burnsy.

Pero: I don't like it.


Pillz: Like what?

Pero: The names. I still think one of the requirements should have been "your name must start with a P".

Pillz: We can't be choosey like that. Besides, if we had done that, then nobody would have shown up.

Pero pointed past Pillz.

Pero: He still would have.

Pillz turned around. He saw a strange sight before him.


A man was walking towards them. The first thing Pillz noticed, was the fact that the man was wearing silver face paint with evry single hair on his head dyed red. He wore a suit that looked like it belonged on a minstrel act performer. In one hand, he held a hunting knife. In the other, he held a bird cage containing a parakeet.

Raptor Pat and Burnsy looked at each other. They both said the same thing.


"JeNewBee".

Pillz: How can we help you?

The man licked his finger and held it up into the air. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He then began to speak, in such a manner that was almost cryptic in the way he delivered each sentence. One calm, the next exciteable. It was rollerdeck of emotions.


JenewBee: The wind is blowing east. I came from the west! The wind cannot stop me, what chance do criminals have?

Pillz: Are you here to tryout for the team?

Raptor Pat: Don't bother with this guy, Pillz. He's a poser. He just wishes he had superpowers.

JeNewBee looked upset. He began to scream at RaptorPat.

JeNewBee: I DO TOO HAVE SUPERPOWERS! Why don't you believe me? I can prove I do! Watch me.

JeNewBee took two steps back from them and started waving his hands in the air. He began to chant.

JeNewBee: I have me seeing towards the skies! It looks like rain but the weather lies. Grass is covered over the ground. My tongue wants to taste a beautiful sound!

He stopped. He looked at the group and raised his eyebrows.

Pillz: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

JeNewBee: How was that?

Raptor Pat: You didn't do anything.

JeNewBee: Didn't I?


JeNewBee put his hands up to his head.

Pero: You do not look like Tom Cruise.

They all looked at Pero.

Burnsy: I think it's fairly obvious he does not look like Tom Cruise.

Pero: He just said he did.

Burnsy: He didn't say anything at all.

JeNewBee walked over to Pero and slapped him across the face.

Pero transformed in PeroHulk, but didn't attack. He just stood there, looking stunned.

Pillz: What did you do to him?

PeroHulk: I'm still me.

Pillz couldn't believe it. Pero managed to keep his whole consciousness when he transformed.

JeNewBee: Whenever I do my magic, I connect with the person I'm thinking about. They can hear my thoughts and I can can manipulate their powers.

Pillz: How long will he stay like that?

JeNewBee: It's random. Could be a minute or the rest of his life.

Burnsy: Wait a second. Your thoughts enter their head and you can control them.

JeNewBee: I can just make changes with their powers. If I'm thinking good thought, it's a good change. If it's a bad thought, then the change is bad! I'd like to try it out on you. I love you on ASMB. I think you and I would make a great pair.

Burnsy: I don't think so. You better not try that little trick of yours on me. And before you even ask, I did not bring nude photos with me.

JeNewBee: Bitch.

Pillz: Children, please. So, JeNewBee, do you have to do that little song and dance there every time?

JeNewBee: As far as I know, yes.

Raptor Pat: What in the hell is the knife and the bird for?

JeNewBee: The knife is for protection.

Raptor Pat: And the bird?

JeNewBee: His name is Justin. He's my back up. He'll tear out your eye!

Pillz: Can you do anything else besides your little trick.

JeNewBee: I'm the master and creator of the Sexy JeNewBee Sexy Style of fighting!

Burnsy: I sure as hell want no part of that.

JeNewBee: You're mean. But I still like you. No one else does, I bet!

Burnsy: Plenty of people like me. The same can't be said about you though.

JeNewBee: I'm not going to talk to you anymore! Which one of you is Pillz?

Pillz: That's me.

JeNewBee: I can be part of this team. I'm good! You can being have the authority to make the way to me being with the team that you lead?

Pillz:You're an odd person, but your powers can be very useful. Welcome to the team.

Raptor Pat and Burnsy gave each other of look disgust.

Pillz: Okay. Five of us, five of them. We are settled. Our first plan of action is to find a new headquarters. There, we'll go over the Fucktastic Four's, well Five's, powers and we'll come up with a strategy on how to defeat them.

By this point, Pero had turned back into normal and went inside to get a fresh pair of clothes. On his way out, while he was ignoring his mother's complaints of always having to buy him new clothes, he heard the news anchor on tv annouce breaking news.

Pero went to the TV and found out his old friend and his new teammates were holding a mall full of people hostage.

Pero ran outside.

Pero: We've got a problem!

Pillz: What is it?

Pero: On the TV. It's the Fucktastic Five.

The group ran inside.

Pillz watched the TV.

The cameras caught sight of a man walking out of the mall. Surrounding him were 4 lawn gnomes, strapped with explosives.

The man yelled out something to the cops. One of the police officers walked over to the news crew and brought the reporter and the cameraman up to the hostage. The reporter handed handed him the microphone.

Hostage: This is addressed to The Power Pack. If you two do not show up here in the next half hour, we, the Fucktastic Five, will start doing terrilbe things to the hostages. We'll prove it too.

The lawn gnomes exploded, killing the hostage and the news crew.

As the camera cut out and went to static, Pillz grit his teeth.

Pillz: I never expected them to go this far.

Raptor Pat: We have to stop them. They are just expecting you two, they won't be expecting five of us!

Pillz: But when they do see the five of us, they may go ahead and kill everybody just to spite us. I can't have that.

Burnsy: What are we going to do?

Pillz though it over. He looked at the clock. 30 minutes they said. Not enough time to form a strategy.

Pero: What if the two of us go, lure them out for a fight, then these three join in when they are least expecting it?

Pillz looked at Pero with respect in his eyes.

Pillz: Sometimes I love you.

Pero: I told you I'm not gay.

Pillz: I know. Ok. Pero and I will go in my car to the mall. You three follow behind us. We will engage them. Do not attack until we know that no hostage or innocent bystander will get hurt, got it?

They all nodded.

Pillz: Okay, I'll give you a quick detail of their powers, so you'll know what to expect.

Pillz explained the FF's powers. 5 minutes later, they were in their cars, headed for the mall.

At The Agency.

Lichton was talking on his cell phone to Jaded Poet.

Lichton: Good work. I'll be wating for your next report.

He hung up. Lichton looked arund his office. It was a nice one, cozy, he liked everything he saw in it.

Except the person sitting in his chair behind his desk. And for some reason, that person was still talking.

Emperor Zeni: ...and that's why I failed college. I swear that professor was hitting on me though. She was always making me demonstarte the problems at the chalkboard, just so she could check out my ass. Does that answer you question?

Lichton sighed. The only reason that Zeni was there, was because Zeni insisted on being a part of all of the decisoions dealing with the Power Pack.

Lichton: Yes. That explains in much detail on how you've been.

EmperorZeni: Good. So what's the deal with this mall thing?

Lichton: The Power Pack has 20 minutes to show up at the Mall. We'll see if it's just the two of them or if the have more members.

Lichton's cell phone began to buzz. He looked at it.

Lichton: Wait a second, I'm getting a text message from our sleeper agent.

Success. I have infriltrated PP. 2 new mmbrs bsides me. g2 mall. Will rprt back ltr.

Emperor Zeni: Well, what is it?

Lichton smiled.

Lichton: Our operation is ago.

TO BE CONTINUED

Abortion-Mobile Adventures.

Gweg woke up and wandered into the front room of the apartment.

The only light in the room was emanating from the digital clock. Gweg looked, it was 5:30 in the morning.

The lamp next to the couch suddenly came on, Gweg ducked his head and brought his hands to his eyes.

Gweg: Ow! What the hell?

Satyr was sitting on the couch. He removed his hand from the lamp and picked up a notebook that was sitting next to it. He held it up for Gweg to see.

Gweg: What's that?

Satyr: Today's itinerary.

Gweg: Is this about your Abortion-Mobile? I'm not going to have any part in that. It's caused enough trouble already.

Satyr: That's what I need to talk to you about. You see, Gweg, I've been going over our history together and I've come to a conclusion: You're bad luck.

Gweg started to object.

Satyr: Let me finish. Every time I come up with an idea, you always mess it up. And, it's almost always intentional. The sad fact is, you don't have what it takes to be my partner on my projects. You never have. Don't get me wrong, you're a great roommate and I like you, we just can't hang out outside this apartment anymore.

Gweg didn't know what to say. Was Satyr really not going to drag him into his crazy schemes anymore? Was he finally free?

Satyr: I can see you're stunned. It's ok. I'm not saying I'm going to stop being your friend, I'm just saying, "stay the fuck out of my way".

Gweg: You got it. You know what this is? This is like handing me a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. The fact that you are no longer going to take me down with you just made my day. A terrible burden has just been lifted from my shoulders.

Satyr: Oh, I'm so glad I've released you from your prison, Gweg. Need I remind you, that your life would be a void of excitement, a boring existence of anything that is fun and dangerous?

Gweg: If I want fun, I'll play a video game. If I want excitement, I'll go on a roller-coaster. Your idea of those things is the very definition of insanity and madness.

Satyr: Fine. You live the mundane life if you please, I'll be living the life of a god. Except, I'm not going to "passover" anybody. Today is going to be a busy and important day.

Satyr held up his notebook to emphasize his point.

Gweg: Fine. I'm not going to get in your way. You go on and plague society with your existence, I'll be getting on with my life.

Gweg went back into his room. Satyr smiled and opened up his notebook.

He crossed out the first line.



An hour and a half later, Satyr drove to his auto body repair shop. His security guard, Michell, was already waiting for him there.

Satyr: We ready to go?

Mitchell: Yes sir.

Satyr: Good. We'll go straight to the park, the camera crew is already set up.

Mitchell: Are you sure filming this commercial in the park is a good idea?

Satyr put his arm around Mitchell's shoulder.

Satyr: Mitch, what did I hire you do?

Mitchell: To provide security for you and your "vehicle".

Satyr: That's right. Now, what part of that does questioning me fall under?

Mitchell: I'm just concerned that the area might not be secure.

Satyr: That's why I got you. I hired you because you were the best, I'll even let that little mishap, the one where that cop got the best of you, slide.

Mitchell: Yes sir.

Satyr: Good. You took it for a drive last night, right? I need to make sure you can handle this beauty.

Mitchell: I'm good to go.

Satyr: Let's head to the park.

Satyr and Mitchell got into the Abortion-Mobile And took off.



Gweg woke back up. He went into the front room, only to find it empty. Satyr had headed out.

Gweg picked up the phone.

Gweg: Hello Sara, it's me.

Sara: Hi Gweg.

Gweg: Satyr is going to be out all day if you want to come over.

Sara: Yeah. I need to be with someone. I'll be over in half an hour.

Gweg hung up. Despite himself, he found that he was incredibly attracted to Sara. The very thought that she was once with Satyr, let alone had his child, caused a shiver to go down his spine.

But, Gweg was willing to look past all of that. She was young and Satyr does have a certain way of talking people into doing things. Gweg knew that all too well.

Gweg got dressed and waited for Sara to arrive.


Satyr and Mitchell arrived at the park.

There was a film crew set up. One of the crewmen motioned Mitchell do drive the Abortion-Mobile onto the grass.

Satyr: Go ahead, I rented the park for this morning.

Mitchell: You rented the park?

Satyr: I just said that, didn't I? Were doing the commercial here, live.

Mitchell: A live commercial, you didn't tell me about this.

Satyr: Do we have to have another talk about your role here? I don't have to clear everything with you. Just shut up and do what I tell you.

Mitchell parked the Abortion-Mobile on the grass. They both got out.

Satyr: Mitch, you keep your eyes out, I don't want anyone interrupting this.

Satyr looked over at the crewmen and shouted.

Satyr: Where's Vince?

Vince raised up his hand.

Mitchell: Is that who I think it is?

Satyr: Yes, it's the Sham-Wow Guy.

Vince walked over to Satyr and shook his hand.

Vince: So, are we ready to do this or what? I got to catch a flight back to New York.

Satyr: I'm ready. Are you?

Vince: Who do you think you're talking to here? I do this stuff in my sleep. I got your script, memorized it and made a couple changes.

Satyr got right up into Vince's face.

Satyr: Listen here, you pointy-haired, schizoid, Willem Defoe looking motherfucker. This is my show, I call the shots, I make the necessary changes. Not you. Just because you wear some gay ass headset, it doesn't mean you've managed to sprout a sense of authority. Now here's some infomercial you might understand, I've got Willie Mays on standby. That's right. And I'll bring him down here so fast, you'll think Lord Xenu beamed him down here himself. You following me, Sham-Wow guy? I have had all I can take from people's mouths today, so the next time you give me lip, you'll be loving my nuts. Got it?

Vince: Ok, I have my way of doing things, you got yours. We'll do it your way.

Satyr: Glad to hear it.

Satyr walked away from Vince and went up to the camera crew.

Satyr: You guys set up? We do this in half an hour.

They nodded. Satyr was directing and producing this commercial. In 30 minutes, the world will be introduced to The Abortion-Mobile.



Sara arrived at Gweg's.

Sara: Thanks for having me over, Gweg.

Gweg: It's my pleasure.

Sara: The last time I was here...

She trailed off.

Gweg hugged her and led her over to the couch.

Gweg: It's ok. Let it out if you have to.

Sara held it back.

Sara: I'm sorry. I've done enough crying the past two days.

Gweg: You lost your daughter, is there such a thing as enough crying?

Sara: I guess you're right. So, he's not going to be back soon, is he.

Gweg: No. He's got his whole day planned out. He's taking his little project to the streets today. He's cut me off from all of his plans, thank God.

Sara: I'm surprised you ever went along with him before. You two seem like polar opposites.

Gweg thought hard about his response.

Gweg: I don't know. I never had any real friends. No one ever wanted to hang out with me. And with Satyr, he treated me like he had known me his whole life. Like, the very fact that he had met me, it automatically meant that I was his buddy. So, I stuck around. And the stuff he did, yes, I hated it, but I wasn't confident enough to stop him. I should have. He needs to be stopped.

Sara: I know what you mean. He has a way of making you feel real special, or real small, depending on what his mood is.

Gweg: Yeah. So, what do you want to do today?

Sara: I want to take my mind off things. Let's watch some TV.

Gweg turned on the TV. Satyr's DVR was recording something.

Gweg: What is this? That looks like the park.

Sara: That's the Sham-Wow guy.

Gweg turned up the volume.


Vince on the TV:
Hey, Vince here, live from Frank Mackey Memorial Park. I know what you're thinking, "What am I doing here in a park?". Well I'm here to show you something that's not only going to revolutionize your life, but it's going to change the whole world. What could that be, right? Well, walk with me over here and I'll show you what it is. No, your eyes are not deceiving you here. You are looking at the world's first portable abortion clinic, The Abortion-Mobile. Yes, it's so portable and convenient, you'll wonder why it took this long to create it.

Vince opened up that back.

Vince:
Let's take a tour. Look at this. This is stainless steal. It's always clean. The whole Abortion-Mobile is like this. You're not going to find this in your run-of-the-mill abortion clinics, you know. You go there, there's always dirt and grime, you'd just as soon go home and grab yourself a coat hanger. Listen, The Abortion-Mobile eliminates all of that. Look at this bed. This is where it's done.

Vince hops on the bed.

Vince:
See, this is comfortable. You could fall asleep on this thing. Makes me wish I was a woman so I could get an abortion here. You are not going to get this level of comfort anywhere else. So what's going to stop you, huh? If you got that unwanted up and coming visitor and you want to make sure they don't get to their scheduled destination, then hop aboard the Abortion-Mobile. You'll be staying right where you are while your unwelcome friend gets a ride somewhere else.

Vince got out of the Abortion-Mobile and walked next to it's side.

Vince:
That's right. You don't come to the Abortion-Mobile, it comes to you. You're busy, I'm busy, the whole world's busy. You don't have the time or the money for a kid. So, who are you going to call. Not the Ghostbusters, that fetus ain't a ghost, yet. You need to call the Baby Busters. You call them, they come to you. Or flag them over as they are out cruising the streets. The only way you're going to get an easier abortion is if you fall down a flight of stairs.
The Abortion-Mobile. You hump and we dump. You bring it in, we'll take it out. We'll pluck it and chuck it. We'll stick it and flick it. We'll stab it and nab it. What do you got to lose, besides your baby? The experience you'll get here will be so enjoyable, you'll run out and get pregnant again, just so you can enjoy the experience all over again. The Abortion-Mobile. No fetus can beat us, so what are you waiting for, call this number now!

A phone number flashed on the screen.


Gweg gripped the armrest on the couch.

Sara: Oh my god.

Gweg: He's gone to far with this.

Sara: You should stop him.

Gweg: What?

Sara: We should both do it. What he's doing is...well, it's just wrong. We need to go out there and convince him to give this up.

Gweg: You know that'll never happen. We have to find other people to convince him this is a bad idea. You want to go for a drive?

Sara: You really want to do this?

Gweg: Yes. You're right. I've let him get away with far too much. Today, I change that.

Sara: Let's go.

Sara and Gweg got into her car and headed towards the park.



After the commercial was over, the camera crew packed up and left. Dr. Wicklund and his nurse arrived soon after that.

Dr. Wicklund: I saw the commercial! Brilliant! That guy knows how to sell a product, I'll tell you that. Even though this baby practically sells itself.

Satyr: I'm just glad to have you along, Doc. Shall we begin.

Dr. Wicklund: Yes, let's go find our first patient to christen this beauty.

They all boarded the Abortion-Mobile. Mitchell and Satyr climbed into the cab. Mitchell drove.

Satyr: I'm going to load our route into the GPS here. You go ahead and take us out. And turn on the music.

Mitchell flipped a switch. A speaker that sat on top of the cab started blaring "Rock-A-Bye Baby."

Satyr: Phone's on and we're good to go. I feel real good about this, don't you? Don't answer that. I know what your feelings are on this, but I'm glad you put them aside. You'll eventually see that I'm doing humanity a favor with this. Think about all of those teenage girls that are unfit to raise a family. And don't give me that adoption crap. These girl are too stubborn to go for that. They think they can handle the kid themselves. It's a fad. These girls see one of their friends get pregnant, and they think, "I got to get in on that. That bitch ain't going to one up me." Look at that stupid whore that had the octuplets. She's the epitome of what I'm talking about. This, the Abortion-Mobile, is going to be the cure for all that. All it takes is one girl to get an abortion in this thing, and then the other lemmings will follow her over the cliff.

Mitchell: You have a point there sir. I still have my reservations.

Satyr: Reservations are for Indians and people with dinner plans. Just go with the flow here. You. Are. Going. To. Be. Rich.

Mitchell: Yes sir.

They drove around a few blocks. Satyr then found what he was looking for.

Satyr: There, on your left, some one's flagging us down!

Satyr opened the door behind them.

Satyr: Yo Wicklund! Heads up! We got a customer.

Mitchell parked the Abortion-Mobile. Satyr got out and greeted the girl.

Satyr: Hello miss. My name Virtue L. Satyr. You may call me Satyr. You don't have to tell me your name, in fact, I insist that you don't. So, you are here to partake in our services, yes?

The girl nodded.

Satyr: Good. Follow me to the back here and we'll get you prepped up.

Satyr opened the back of the truck. He lowered down the stairs and walked the girl up into the back.

Satyr: I got a couple of forms for you to fill here. Just records we need to keep. Since you are our first customer, you'll get half off. Where it says name, you can just put down anything.

The girl took the form and filled it out.

Satyr: Ok, KillerDevdasi, let's get that little rascal out of there.

The operation was a total success. KillerDevdasi thanked them and walked back into her house.

Satyr: That went off without a hitch. It's a good sign. And Doc. You genius. Putting this cold storage unit in here for the fetuses. Or is it feti?

Dr. Wicklund: Either way is fine my friend. Yes, we'll have no problem selling them off to science labs. Stem cell research is back with a bang after all.

Satyr held up the freshly plucked fetus and kissed it.

Satyr: You are the new cash cow. Trust me, you are going to do more here than you ever would had you actually been born.

He threw it into the storage unit.

Satyr: Let's go get some more.

The Abortion-Mobile took off.

The occupants didn't know they were being followed by two people in a car.




Gweg: Well, he got his first customer.

Sara: Unbelievable.

Gweg: It was to be expected. Some of these girls today can't handle responsibility. And here comes Satyr with his quick solution. As long as these girls have someone to bail them out whenever they get into trouble, nothing is going to stop them from doing it again.

Sara: How many people have you got together now?

Gweg: The last woman I talked to said she could get 5 people to join her. That makes around 23.

Sara: Good. When are they going to strike?

Gweg: Let's give them another hour to get fully organized. I've got my cell phone GPS tracker on so they can find us.

Sara: Hopefully he doesn't get anymore customers.

Well, much to their chagrin, Satyr managed to pick up 5 more customers within that hour.



Mitchell: I still don't think you should have charged that woman double for for her twins.

Satyr: Sorry, I don't run 2 for the price of 1 deals. Heh. Five women all within a 2 mile block. We must be in the whore section of town. I need to mark this on the map.

Mitchell: For future customers?

Satyr: Yeah, that too. Sweet, another customer. Park in her driveway.

Mitchell parked the Abortion-Mobile into the girl's driveway. Satyr stepped out and greeted her.

Satyr: Hello miss. And welcome to the Abortion-Mobile! Is this your first abortion?

Girl: Nope. I get one twice a year.

Satyr: Excellent. Fill out this form. No need to put your real name. After you're finished, hand the form back to me and I'll stamp you as a valued customer.

The girl filled out the form and gave it back to Satyr.

Satyr: Let's see, Miss Fugg Less? Well, if you did that, you probably wouldn't be here right now, would you?

Fuggless: What you mean?

Satyr: Nothing. You're in your first trimester I see. We'll charge you 400 Dollars.

Fuggless handed Satyr the money.

Satyr: Follow me dear, let's get that little bastard out of there.

Fuggless was laid out on the table. Dr. Wicklund's nurse spread her legs and prepped her for the surgery.

Satyr couldn't stop looking.

Fuggless: What you looking at? Ain't never seen one of those before?

Satyr: I'm just waiting for Batman to pop out there.

Fuggless: Let's get this over with. My 3 o'clock boyfriend is coming over.

Dr. Wicklund moved in to make the procedure.

Mitchell yelled back from the cab.

Mitchell: Boss! Hold up! We got company.

Satyr: Wait a minute.

Satyr made his way up to the cab.

Satyr: What is it?

Mitchell pointed outside.

Satyr saw five cars parking along the street. People poured out of the cars, each holding a sign.

Satyr: What's this shit?

Mitchell: Protesters.

The protesters gathered around the Abortion-Mobile. They started to chant.

Protesters: KILLING BABIES IS A CRIME TO GOD! THE ABORTION-MOBILE MUST BE STOPPED!

Satyr: That doesn't even rhyme!

Mitchell: What should I do sir?

Satyr: We have to get out of here. Run them over if you have to!

Mitchell: Most of them are women.

Satyr: So. If they're pregnant and we make them miscarry, we'll send them a bill.

Satyr laughed.

Mitchell started up the engine and backed out. He managed to hit a few of the protesters.



Three doors down from the house, Gweg and Sara were watching from her car.

Gweg: He just hit those women.

Sara: He ran over one. They're taking off!

Gweg: Follow them.

Sara started her car and drove after them.

Gweg yelled out the window at the protesters.

Gweg: Make sure everyone's ok! We're going after them.




Satyr: Good work. You're really earning your money now.

Mitchell: I feel sick.

Satyr patted him on the back and yelled through the door behind him.

Satyr: Don't worry. We'll find a secure location and do the abortion. As far as you go, Fugly, you're on your own getting back home.

Mitchell: We have a situation sir.

Satyr: What now?

Mitchell: We're being followed.

Satyr looked in his side mirror.

Satyr: Who the hell is that? I'm going to the back.

Satyr got up and headed to the back. He got to the back door and opened it.

Satyr: Son of a bitch. It's my ex! And Gweg's with her!



In the car, Gweg and Sara saw Satyr shake his fists at them.

Gweg: Be careful, he's going to try something.

Sara: Don't worry. I'm a good driver.



Satyr turned around and faced Dr. Wicklund.

Satyr: I need something to throw at them.

Dr. Wicklund: We don't have anything expendable. This is million dollars worth of equipment.

Satyr went over to the storage.

Dr. Wicklund: Not those! We need those to sell.

Satyr: I guess we'll have to work double time tomorrow.

Satyr grabbed a fetus.



Gweg: He's coming back to the door.

Sara: He's holding something in his hand.

Gweg: Yeah. He's going to throw it.

Satyr threw the object and it landed on the windshield.

Sara: OH MY GOD!

Gweg: That fucking bastard.

The fetus had stuck to the windshield and started to slide down. Sara automatically hit her wipers. It made a trail of blood and goo. She hit the mist and got some off it off.



Satyr: Damn it. I need a bigger one. Wicklund! Hand me that 6 month one!

Dr. Wicklund: No! This is reprehensible!

Satyr: What the fuck is the matter with all of you? We're in an Abortion-Mobile! This is not the place for you two to start sprouting ethics and morals!

Satyr went over to the storage and reached in, grabbing all of the fetuses.




Gweg: He's coming back. Oh shit!

Satyr launched another fetus. Sara swerved in time. Another fetus hit the hood. It bounced off and left a bloody imprint.
Sara got into the other lane. Satyr threw another one that got caught on the mirror on the passenger side. The flimsy fetus blew in the wind, bits and pieces flying off.

Gweg: I'm going to be sick.

Satyr tossed another one. It hit the windshield too. It was much bigger than the last one. Sara hit her windshield again. One of the blades got stuck under the fetus. Gweg could here a sickening squishy sound as blade tried to get free. The fetus' head rolled over.

Sara: It's looking at me!

Sara swerved back into the other lane. The two fetuses that were struck fell off.

Satyr had two left, he threw them at the same time. One of them hit the road. Sara ran over it. They both heard a popping sound as the tire went over it. The other one landed on the hood, sliding up towards the windsheild. Sara tried to swerve the car, but it wasn't moving.

The way the wind was hitting it made the illusion that it was alive. Sara screamed out in terror.




Satyr called back.

Satyr: I'm out! I need another one. Hurry up and give that bitch her abortion!

Dr. Wicklund: I'm not performing an abortion in a moving vehicle!

Satyr: Why not?

Dr. Wicklund: I could hurt her.

Satyr walked back to the table and gave Wicklund an angry look.

Satyr: "I could hurt her." Doc, who cares? She's just a walking sperm bank. She's not really a human.

Dr. Wicklund: I took the Hippocratic Oath.

Satyr rolled his eyes.

Satyr: Fine. Here girl, let me help you to your feet. At a girl. You paid in advance right?

Fuggless nodded.

Satyr good.

Satyr led her over to the door and pushed her out into the street.



Sara wasn't able to swerve in time. She saw Satyr bring the girl to the door and she wouldn't let herself to believe that Satyr was going to do it.

That mistake cost her.

She ran over Fuggless. The body got caught underneath the engine and caused the car to die.

Sara and Gweg ran out. Gweg got to his knees and looked under the car. What he saw made him wince, maybe even more so that the onslaught of fetuses.

Gweg: She's dead.

Sara: Are you sure?

Gweg looked at the girl's body under the engine, then over at the girl's head, which was by the rear tire.

Gweg: Yeah.

Sara: Fuck! I killed her. I killed her!

Gweg: No you didn't. Satyr did. Here, come over here and sit on the sidewalk. I'll call the police.



Satyr couldn't stop laughing.

Satyr: That showed them.

Dr. Wicklund: You just killed that poor girl.

Satyr: She was already dead on the inside.

Dr. Wicklund: How will you explain this to the police?

Satyr shrugged his shoulders.

Satyr: She fell.

Dr. Wicklund: I am no longer going to provide my services.

Satyr: What? You told me this was your dream come true!

Dr. Wicklund: It was. The abortion clinics these days are a mess. The women who go there are made to feel inferior. They are made to feel like they are doing something wrong. I stand by a woman's right to choose. This was going to be an opportunity to give women an experience that wasn't like going to a morgue.

Satyr looked at Wicklund, unimpressed.

Satyr: Wow, Doc, that's really inspirational. Let me tell you something. I made this to exploit the weakness of society so I could make money. I don't care about these women or their dead kids. You ever think that abortion clinics were that way to deter them from doing it again.? But, it doesn't work. Why? Because those women are retarded.

The Abortion-Mobile pulled to the side of the road and stopped.

Satyr: We got a customer Mitch?

Mitchell stepped out from the cab.

Mitchell: No. I stopped because I'm quitting too.

Satyr: What?

Mitchell: Your money is not worth this. I'm no longer going to abandon my ethics for you..

Satyr began to say something, but there was a pounding on the back door.

Satyr opened it. A teenage girl was standing there.

Teenage Girl: This is the Abortion-Mobile, right?

Satyr smiled and looked past the girl towards the horizon.

The smile dropped from his face.

Satyr: Hurry up and get in!



Gweg was talking to a police officer.

Gweg: Yes. It's a huge U-Haul Truck. It's dressed up with pictures of babies and has "Abortion-Mobile" written across it.

Officer: And can you describe the four people you said was inside?

Before Gweg could answer him, a call came in on the officer's radio.

*Attention All Officers! We Have A Possible 404 On The Corners Of Roe And Wade. We Need All Available Units to Head There Now. Be Advised A Small Group Of Civilains Have Attacked A Large Truck*

The officer responded to the dispatcher.

He turned back to Gweg and Sara.

Officer: I have to head over there. It sounds like your abortion-mobile is under attack. I'll have another unit come to pick you up.

The Officer took off.

Gweg looked Sara over.

Gweg: How are you doing?

Sara: I'm still shook up.

Gweg: Sounds like the protesters found him.

Sara: Good.

Gweg: I'm sorry your day turned out like this.

Sara: It's not your fault. Besides, today was the first day I didn't feel completely hollow. Since Valerie died, I felt like I lost my purpose for being. I didn't feel that way today. Have you ever felt like that?

Gweg knew exactly what she was talking about. He felt the same way too.

Gweg: Yes. You no longer feel useless. Helpless.

Sara: Exactly.

Gweg looked at her and saw that she was shivering. He put his arm around her and held her closer to him.

She didn't pull away.

The air was filled the noise of sirens. Gweg knew where they were headed to.

20 minutes later, another cop pulled up. The officer got out and opened the doors for them.

Officer: Sorry for the delay. The attack on that truck was a real mess. All four people inside were killed.

Gweg: What?

Officer: Yeah. The ones that attacked you. You said there were four people. The driver, a doctor and his nurse, and the owner?

Gweg: Yes.

Officer: Well, we found four bodies. They were burnt pretty bad. One of the protesters had brought gasoline. The abortion-mobile is completely destroyed.

Gweg couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Satyr was dead.

Gweg: Thank you. Let's get her home first.

The Officer drove them to Sara's house.

Before she got out, she turned to Gweg.

Sara: Thank you for being there for me.

Gweg: Anytime.

Sara: I really mean it. You are a blessing. I hope we can spend more time with each other. And, I hate to say it, since Satyr is dead, we won't be having any more adventures.

She laughed nervously. So did Gweg.

Gweg: That's fine with me.

Sara got out if the car and waved goodbye to Gweg.

The officer took Gweg home.

Gweg walked up the stairs to his apartment. He still hadn't allowed the reality of Satyr's death to sink in.

Gweg unlocked his door and stepped into the darkened front room. He flipped the light switch to the overhead light.

The light didn't come on.



Instead, the lamp next to the couch did.

Gweg rubbed his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Gweg: Satyr! They said you were dead.

Satyr sat on the couch, staring a hole through Gweg.

Satyr: You are not that lucky, Gweg. Eveyone else died. Mitch, the doc, his nurse, and that poor unfortunate girl who wanted to give us a Bible so we would stop sinning. The protesters didn't believe she wasn't just another pregnant girl.

Gweg: How did you get away?

Satyr: I'm going to spare you the details of that. I just want you to know one thing: You have fucked me over for the last time. This morning, you said you'd stay out of my way. You said you no longer wanted any part of what I was doing. You lied, Gweg. Instead, you and that shrew, decided to chase after me, like you were Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Whatever happens in the future, I want you to remember, you brought the fight to me. I have no choice but to retaliate. You destroyed months worth of work. I put a lot of money into the Abortion-Mobile and you and your little gang of do-gooders ruined it.

Satyr got up and pointed at Gweg.

Satyr: This is not over. This is war.



.....

Operation: Valerie

The alarm clock woke Satyr up.

Satyr rose out of bed. It was 9 in the morning. He hardly ever got up at this time, but today was going to be a busy day for him. Months of planning had lead up to this day. Today would be the day, that Satyr would make up for a past mistake.

Satyr went out to the kitchen to fix some cereal. He walked in there to find Gweg, staring out the kitchen window.

Satyr: Are you still moping about what's her name?


Gweg didn't turn from the window. He held back tears as he said her name.


Gweg: Mindy. Her name was Mindy.

Satyr poured the cereal into his bowl and shrugged.


Satyr: I don't know why you're so upset about that. It's not like she was your actual girlfriend. Yeah, ok, your two best friends are dead, but hell, if you hadn't betrayed one of them, the other would still be alive.


Gweg didn't argue. He had been blaming himself over the death of Mindy. He still placed some of the blame on Satyr, but he knew his own actions paved the way to her death. He turned away from the window and walked into the front room.


Satyr sat down at the kitchen table and began eating his cereal.


Satyr: I'm going out today. I've got some business to take care of. Nothing big. Just some things. We need more milk, I'll pick us up some.


Gweg didn't reply. He had never before felt so empty inside. He knew living with Satyr was the cause of most of his troubles, but he could never bring himself to leave. He felt that whatever he had to offer the world was long gone, and the purpose of his life now was to be Satyr's unwilling sidekick.

Gweg was about ready to ask Satyr if he could tag along, but a knock at the door interrupted him.


Satyr: Get that. I'm not done with my cereal.


Gweg got up and answered the door.


Standing on the other side was a pretty brunette woman of 28 years who looked like she had been crying.


Brunette: Is Satyr here? I need to talk to him.


Upon hearing the voice, Satyr dropped his spoon into his bowl and stood up. He rushed to the living room.


Satyr: Sara! What are you doing here?


Sara: Our daughter, Satyr! Our daughter has been kidnapped!


Gweg snapped out of the trance he had been in all morning.


Gweg: What?



Ten minutes passed. Satyr had to calm Sara down while Gweg wrapped his head around the fact that Satyr had a daughter. After Sara calmed down, she told Gweg and Satyr how she found her home had been broken into and her daughter gone.


Gweg: You have a daughter?


Satyr: Yes, I do. She has custody of her.


Sara: Her name is Valerie. Here, they left a note.

Sara handed Satyr the Ransom Note.


Dear Satyr,

We have your Daughter. We know that you are a wealthy person. We want 5 million dollars. We will give you till 3 pm today to secure the money. Then we will call you. NO COPS! or your daughter dies. If you do not get the money, she will die. But not before we have our way with her.

Sincerely,

The Kidnappers.

Satyr crumpled the note up and tossed it behind him.


Sara: What are you doing! That's evidence.


Satyr: Need I remind you Sara, that we are no longer married? That means that you don't get to come busting on my door every time you have a little problem.


Sara: Our daughter!


Satyr: There is no "Our". You have full custody. If you had gotten remarried like I told you to, you would have a man in your life to help you deal with this now.


Gweg stood up and got in front of Satyr.


Gweg: Hey jackass! That letter was addressed to you. That means you're the reason why her daughter was kidnapped. Instead of coming up with excuses to not help, you should be coming up with ways to help her. This is your flesh and blood too.


Satyr: That has never been confirmed.


Gweg: You're unbelievable.


Sara: I knew it would be too much to ask for your help. I could never count on you. I'll deal with this myself.


Sara headed for the door. Gweg put his arm on her shoulder to stop her.


Gweg: I'll go with you. We can head back to your place to look for clues. I'll help you get your daughter back.


Satyr: Well look at Nick and Nora Charles, off to solve another crime. You kids have fun.


Gweg: Fuck off.


Gweg and Sara went out the door.


Satyr laughed, despite himself. His phone rang. He answered.

Satyr: Yeah?


Man on the other line: The package has been delivered.


Satyr: I'll be right there.


Satyr hung up. He smiled and got dressed.


Satyr: Time to get this party started.




Gweg and Sara were driving to her house.


Gweg: My name is Gweg, by the way.

Sara held out her hand for Gweg to shake it.


Sara: Sara Grant.


Gweg let a few moments of silence pass.


Gweg: Why Satyr?


Sara sighed.


Sara: It's a long story.


Gweg: Go ahead. It'll help keep your mind from worrying to the point of sheer insanity.


Sara: I can tell you lived with Satyr for a while now.


Gweg: Too long.


Sara: Ok, we met ten years ago....


The year was 1999 and I had just turned 18 years old. My friend Tanya called me up wanting to spend the Saturday with me. We just went shopping in town and decided to have lunch at Fazoli's. It was still opened up back then. Anyway, we were talking about the usual, school and boys, when he came in.


I had only seen a satyr in pictures, but when I saw the real thing, I was struck. The way his legs moved, the confidence he had, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was with his friend too. That creepy guy, he looked as though he could have been Satyr's brother, if Satyr was a human. But there was something menacing about him.


Tanya noticed them too. She always had a thing for bad guys and took a liking to the friend. The whole hooves thing turned her off of Satyr.


They ordered their food and sat down at a table not too far from us. I could see them talking. Satyr began to look in our direction, making eye contact with me. I blushed. He saw this and smiled and turned back to his friend. They talked a little more and then did something weird. I think they played Rock, Paper, and Scissors. Their order was up, Satyr's friend went to get it and Satyr walked over to our table.


Satyr: How are you ladies doing today?


Me: Good.


Satyr: I'm going to be blunt. My friend and I couldn't help but notice you two very attractive women. And if you aren't creeped out, we would like to join you for lunch.


I looked over at Tanya. She looked up at Satyr's friend who was heading back with the food. She nodded.


Me: We would love to have your company.


Satyr grinned and motioned his friend to the table.


Satyr: Allow me to introduce ourselves, my name is Satyr and this is my good friend Richard.


Richard didn't bother to look at me, instead he just looked at Tanya, almost like a predator eyeing his prey.


Richard: I am very pleased to meet you.


Satyr: And what are your names?


Me: I'm Sara and that is Tanya.


They sat down. Satyr sat right across from me. Up close, he was very cute and there was this playful innocence about him. Like there was something naughty trying to get out.


Satyr: Tell us about yourselves.


Me: Well, we're both seniors in high school. We're 18. I work at a gift shop and Tanya's parents are rich.


Tanya laughed. Satyr gave her a look, but didn't seem that interested. He looked back at me. There was something in his eyes, like he had discovered something new, something very intriguing and wanted to know everything about it. That's how he looked at me. No one had ever looked at me that way before. He brought my self esteem to an all new high that day.


I had to know more about him.


Me: So, what do you guys do?


Satyr: I'm a jack of all trades. Right now I'm designing websites for people on the Internet.


Me: Cool. We got the Internet at our school finally. I wanted to make a website. Maybe you could help me out on that sometime.


Satyr: Absolutely.


Tanya: And what do you do, Richard?


Richard: I'm a hunter.


Tanya looked as though she were talking to a rock star. The girl had some real problems.


Tanya: What kind of stuff do you hunt?


Richard: Whatever puts up a challenge.


We finished our lunch and went out to the parking lot. They walked us to my car. Richard and Tanya went to the driver side and began talking to each other. Satyr opened the door for me.


Satyr: So, what do you think about dating older guys who also happen to be half goat?


Me: I've never really given it any thought.


Satyr: That's good. People might think you were strange.


Me: They already do.


He smiled at this and pulled out a card.


Satyr: That's my number. Give me a call whenever you want me to help you with your web page. And don't be afraid to call me for any other reasons too.


Me: Thanks.


I got into the car, waited for Tanya to finish with Richard, and we took off. Two days later, I called Satyr up and we started going out. My parents weren't happy, but I didn't care. He was funny, smart, and he treated me like I was the only person who mattered.


Of course, his buddy, Richard, ended up knocking Tanya the next day after we all met. She ended up dropping out of school. He broke up with her immediately, but still held got part custody of the kid. He took after his father a bit too much I think. Tanya and I didn't stay close friends. She became a bit of a whore. The last time we talk was when Richard went missing. he went out hunting and never came back.


But yeah, that's how Satyr and I met.


Gweg listened to the story. He didn't blame Sara for falling for Satyr. He knew that Satyr had that way about him. But there was one part of the story that didn't click.

Gweg: Satyr told me he never knew Richard had any kids.

Sara: And you believed him?


Gweg: Yeah. I should have known better.


Sara: How did you meet him?


Gweg didn't want to get into that.


Gweg: He put an ad in the paper for a new roommate and I answered it.


Sara: Oh. Here we are. This is my house.


Sara and Gweg got out of the car and went inside.


Sara: I'll show you her room.


As they walked through the house, Gweg noticed a book case. It was filled with Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, Dickens, King, Crichton, Hemingway, Twain, and a lot of other great books.


Gweg: You have a great selection of books here.


Sara: Thank you.


They went into Valerie's room.




Meanwhile, Satyr arrived at an auto repair garage. The garage was located in the beaten down part of town. Satyr parked his car behind the shop so it would be out of view from the street. He went inside.



An man of 45 greeted him. The man was Mitchell Davidson. Satyr hired him to get Valerie. He then kept him on as security.


Mitchell: Hello Mr. Satyr.


Satyr: Howdy. She's here?


Mitchell: Yes, Valerie is in the main garage.


Satyr and Mitchell entered into the main garage. It smelled of of grease and burnt oil. Valerie was right in the middle.


Satyr: Did you have any trouble getting her here?


Mitchell: Not a problem sir. She hardly made a sound.


Satyr: That's my baby.


Satyr walked up to Valerie. He began to caress her.


Satyr: Don't worry. I know you don't look like much now, but after the boys get here and make you over, you are going to look just like I always pictured you should.

Satyr turned to Mitchell.


Satyr: Speaking of, when are they getting here?


Mitchell: They should arrive soon.


Satyr turned back to Valerie.


Satyr: I'm going to leave you in here, but don't worry, Daddy will be in the next room.


Satyr and Mitchell went into the office.

Mitchell: What about your roommate? You said he might be a problem.

Satyr: Don't worry about him. He's off on a wild goose chase.

A few minutes later, a group of 7 men came into the garage.


Satyr: Gentlemen, I'm glad you could make it. You got my down payment right?


One of the guy's spoke up.


Guy: Yes we did.

Satyr: Good. You guys know the plan. She's right through there. Have your way with her. If there isn't one scratch on her and you make her beautiful the way I want her to look, then you'll be getting paid double what I promised you.


The men smiled and made their way into the main garage.


Mitchell: It'll take them a few hours to get it done. The doctor should be here by then.


Satyr: Good. These guys are here to make her beautiful, but the doctor is going to be doing the real transformation on her.


Mitchell: Yes sir.


Satyr: Something troubling you, Mitch?


Mitchell: I have a bit of a moral dilemma with what you are doing here. This goes against nature.


Satyr: If you have a problem, then I suggest you leave now, but don't forget your role in all of this.


Mitchell: I understand. You are paying me well, so I will stay and not voice my opinion about this anymore.


Satyr laughed.


Satyr: Money always wins over morals. That's the way of the world.


Mitchell: If I may sir, what inspired all of this? I know that Valerie is your daughter, but what did she do to warrant this?


Satyr: You really want to know? Well, I guess I can tell you. We do got a lot of time to kill. Alright, it all starts with my ex-wife.



Ten years ago, me and my buddy Richard were out driving around town. We were in the middle of an argument.


Richard: You don't know what you are talking about.


Me: I damn well do know. You are so full of yourself to realize how fucking wrong you are. I used to think you were a smart person, but now I see the only reason you hardly ever talk is because you know that 99% of what you say is so fucking stupid that if you dare let the comments out of your mouth, the whole world will know what a retard you are. So, that's why you only let the 1% of the smart things you say out into the open. Well, this time you fucked up real good. You let slip a dumb one, and you can't take it back.


Richard: All I said was Mr. Pibb tastes better than Dr. Pepper.


I let it drop. I started to feel sorry for him. He was so delusional sometimes.


Me: I'm hungry. Let's grab something to eat.


Richard: Where?


Me: Fazoli's.


Richard: That Italian place?


Me: Yeah. that's right. They have free bread sticks.


Richard: Do they have Mr. Pibb.


Me: Don't get smart. That's not your style.


We went to Fazoli's As we walked in, I could see out of the corner of my eye, two young girls sitting at a table. They were watching us enter.


We ordered our food and sat down.


Me: So, what's the action tonight?


Richard: I'm in the mood for anything.


I looked at the girls at the table. I caught the eye of the brunette. Pretty looking thing.


Me: What about those two girls over there?


Richard looked.


Richard: Eh. They're alright. I'm in a hunting type of mood. We can take them out to the woods.


Me: Are you crazy? You want to kill those girls. Trust me, they are young school girls begging for some action. I do have a nose for these things.


Richard: I feel like shooting my gun tonight.


Me: So do I, but not the gun you have in mind. I say we sex them up.


Richard: Hunt.


Me: There's only one way to settle this. Rock, Paper, Scissors. Let's go.


We did the little game. I held out rock, he held out scissors. I won.


Me: Our order's up. Go get it while I get us seats over there.


We got up and I made my way over there. Introduced ourselves. The one I wanted was named Tanya. I could tell she would put out the first night, but I could see she had her eyes on Richard. So, I tried to do a little switcheroo and make her jealous of the attention I was giving her friend Sara, but to no avail. It didn't matter, I could tell the Sara was smitten with me, so I began to work my magic.


We talked about who knows what. I think I came up with some lie about me being a webpage designer. It didn't matter. I could tell she wanted me. So, we began dating. A little over a year later, we got married.


Mitchell: Really? I never took you as the marrying type.


Satyr: Well, these things happen. Especially when you lose a bet.


Mitchell: What bet was that?


Satyr: I bet Richard that Gore would win the election. If I won, he had to marry whatever girl he was seeing at the time, and if I lost, I had to marry Sara.


There was a knock on the office door. Satyr answered it. It was Dr. Wicklund. He was an older man of 50, bald, wearing a dark overcoat.


Satyr: Ah, Dr. Wicklund, you're here early.


Dr. Wicklund: Of course. When you first told me of this project, I must admit I was jealous that I never thought of it first!


Satyr: You flatter me doctor. I trust you have brought all the medical equipment.


Dr. Wicklund: Absolutely! I have everything we need. Now, where is Valerie?


Satyr: She's right through there.


Dr. Wicklund took a look into the garage.


Dr. Wicklund: Ah, she's beautiful. She's perfect. As soon as those men are done applying the cosmetics, we will begin the real science.

Satyr: Have you figured out what we are going to do with the, uh, "unwanted parts"?

Dr. Wicklund: Trust me dear Satyr, I have it all worked out.


Satyr: Good.







Gweg and Sara were done looking over the house. Gweg never told Sara exactly what he was looking for.


He was looking for evidence that Satyr had been there. He found none. Whoever took her daughter knew how to cover his tracks. Gweg knew he was in over his head.


Gweg: If I had the money, I would be glad to hand it over, but I don't think this is about money.


Sara: What do you mean?


Gweg: I think Satyr is behind this.


Sara: Why? Why would he kidnap a daughter he has never had any interest in.


Gweg: It's just his style. He said he was up to something today. Hold on, let me call me our next door neighbor.

Gweg pulled out his cell phone and called Vernon, the man who lived in the apartment next to Gweg and Satyr.

Gweg: Hey Vernon, it's Gweg. I was wondering if you could knock on my door and see if Satyr is home. Oh, he did? Thanks.

Gweg put his phone away and looked angry.


Gweg: Vernon said Satyr left not too long after we did.


Sara: He left that ransom note to throw us off, didn't he? That note was just his style. But what's he up too?

Gweg: I don't want to imagine. But what ever it is, it's not good.


Sara: Oh go, he's probably doing something horrible to her.

Sara began to cry. Gweg hugged her.


Gweg: You have my promise Sara. Whatever he's up to, I will put a stop to it.


Sara: How are we going to find him? He could be anywhere.


Gweg: I have an idea.


Gweg opened his cell phone back up and made a call.



Detective Ben Watterson was sitting at his desk.



On the wall facing the desk, was a picture of Satyr. In the 20 years Det. Watterson has been on the force, he has never encountered anyone he has hated as much as Satyr.


The more he learned about his new white whale, the more he hated him. He waited for just one opportunity to catch him doing something nefarious, so he could bring him to justice once and for all.


His phone rang.


Det. Watterson picked it up and couldn't believe he was hearing the voice on the other end of the line.


Gweg: Det. Watterson. This is Gweg. Do you remember me.


Det. Watterson: All to well. You are Satyr's friend.


Gweg: No, I'm his roommate, not his friend. And I think he's up to something. I need your help.


Det. Watterson: What do you think he's up to?


Gweg: I think he kidnapped his own daughter.


Det. Watterson: Valerie's been kidnapped?


Gweg: You know who his daughter is?


Det. Watterson: I know a lot of things about him. Has Sara reported this to the police yet?


Gweg: She was afraid to due to the ransom note.


Det. Watterson: I see. I'll tell you what, I think I might know where he is. But, I need to know you are telling the truth. I'll head over to Sara's house right now. It'll be 30 minutes.


Watterson hung up. He smiled. This might be the answer to his prayers.



Back at Sara's house.


Gweg: The detective is on his way.


Sara: What if Val was really kidnapped by people wanting money? They said not to call the cops.


Gweg: Don't worry. Watterson will come alone. He hates Satyr with a passion. If Satyr is behind this, Watterson will help. He's probably been keeping tabs on Satyr ever since that night with the autistic vampires.


Sara: Autistic vampires?


Gweg: You don't want to know. Watterson will be here in half an hour. I'm curious, why did you marry Satyr?


Sara: You're having a hard time understanding my involvement with him.


Gweg: To say the least.


Sara sat down on her couch and laughed. She motioned Gweg to sit next to her. He did.


Sara: It was the funniest thing. It was November of 2000. We were taking our Wednesday walk through the park and he starts going off on this rant about George Bush getting elected. He said it was a conspiracy and how it was the worst thing that could ever have possibly happened. Then after all that, he gets on his knees and proposes to me. It was the most random thing and it caught me off guard. I said yes. He started to wince, like he was choking back tears. And that was the thing with him. The randomness. I never knew what to expect and I loved it. In hindsight, I loved being with him more than I actually loved him. Do you understand what I mean by that?


Gweg: Yes I do.


Sara: Of course, it all ended when I got pregnant.


January 2001


I had missed my period. I waited 3 weeks until I took a test. I knew what the results were going to be, but I some doubt. Wishful thinking really. I wasn't ready for kids yet and I thought long and hard about Satyr being a father. I knew it was a bad idea, but I thought maybe he would settle himself down once hew knew he was going to be a father.


I was wrong.


Satyr: You're what?


Me: I'm pregnant.


Satyr: Are you sure it's not something you ate.


Me: No. It's from something that went up me, not down.


Satyr: Well, is it mine?


Me: Who else's would it be. You told me you could get me pregnant and you did.


Satyr: If I told you I could shove a fly up there and make you sprout wings, would you believe that too?


Me: I know you told me the truth. You are the only one I have ever been with.


Satyr: And I'm supposed to take your word for it?


Me: You love me and trust me, don't you?


Satyr: Are those my only options?


Me: You are unbelievable. I was hoping you'd be happy and want to be a good father.


Satyr: A good father? Ha! I'd rather have a good corned beef sandwich than a child. You should do us all a favor and abort that thing as soon as you can.


Me: Abortion. This is your answer.


Satyr: It's cheaper than raising this thing.


Me: Asshole.


Satyr: I think it's a little to late for that alternative. But, if you want to keep this thing, you had better get ready to face the consequences.


And we cruised along in our relationship. Then I found out the gender of the baby and that was the tip of the iceberg for him. We got divorced three months later. I took him to court to get alimony and child support. But he had a real good lawyer with him. All I ended up with was full custody of the baby. But that was alright, she's all I ever needed. Satyr would call me up once a month to tell me to get remarried.


Gweg: Why would he do that?


Sara: I have no idea.


There was a knock on the door. It was Detective Watterson.


Det. Watterson: I'm glad to see you here, Gweg. I hope this isn't another game you two are playing.


Sara: Sir, my daughter was taken. If you know where Satyr is, please tell us, we'll go there ourselves.


Det. Watterson: I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Fine. Satyr leased out an out of work automotive repair shop two months ago. The people who live around it keep to themselves. It's a good place to do something if you don't want people nosing around.


Gweg: Let's go.


Det. Watterson: I'll follow. If he did kidnap her, I'm taking him in.



Back at the garage.


Satyr and Mitchell were in the garage. Dr. Wicklund was looking over his medical equipment.


Satyr: I can't wait to see him work those tools. It's going to be art.

They walked back into the office and sat down.

Mitchell: You still haven't told me what this is really all about.


Satyr: You see, it's simple. Sara had a daughter.


Mitchell: And that means what?


Satyr: After Sara told me she was pregnant, I was furious of course. I stuck around, trying to figure out ways to get back at her, but when I found out she was having a girl, I knew the kid couldn't be mine.


Mitchell: How so?


Satyr: There is a 1% chance of a human or a nymph getting pregnant with a female after conceiving with a satyr. We get our women pregnant with healthy male satyrs.


Mitchell: I see.


Satyr: Of course, after finding out she was having a girl, a plan formed in my mind.

April 2001


I met up with my buddy Richard to talk about my predicament.


Me: I need to get this bitch back for dragging me along with this ruse.


Richard: Just let it go. Seems like you have a "Get out Of Jail Free" card.


Me: No, there's a still a chance this kid could be mine.


Richard: You already told her you wanted a divorce. I'm surprised it took you this long. Our bet was you had to marry her, not stay married to her.


Me: What?


Richard: Yeah, you could have gotten a divorce the next day, you still would have honored the bet.


Me: Why didn't you tell me this sooner?


Richard: I thought you already figured that part out.


Me: Screw it.


I sat there. Staring off into space. Then it struck me.


Me: I got it!


Richard: What?


Me: When the kid gets old enough, I'll kidnap her and turn her into a satyr!


Richard: What?


Me: Think about it. She wants to fuck around with me. Us satyr's aren't good enough for her anymore. Satyr's are good enough to fuck, but not to raise. You know, she would always go to the bathroom after we had sex, now I know why. Probably taking some drugs to counteract conception. And that's why. So, I'm going to give her the satyr she never wanted.


Richard: Sounds reasonable.


Me: I just need a good lawyer for the divorce.


Richard: I have a website you can go to.


And that's that. I hired a lawyer, his prices were reasonable, and I won in court. She got full custody. And Here we are today.


Mitchell: But that doesn't explain...

He was cut off by Dr. Wicklund running into the room.


Dr. Wicklund: The transformation is complete.


Satyr: Thank you.


Satyr looked into the garage.


Satyr: My dream came true. Ok, cover her up for now. Let her settle into her new role in the world.


There was a pounding on the door.

Satyr: Mitchell, see who that is.


Mitchell looked out the window.


Mitchell: It's your roommate. He's with another man and a woman. The man looks like a cop.


Satyr: How did he find me? Don't let them look in the garage!


Satyr went to the door. He opened it just a little and stepped outside.


Satyr: Gweg, Sara, and Watts! What brings you all out here?


Gweg: Don't play stupid. Where is she?


Satyr: Who?


Sara: Our daughter!


Satyr: How should I know. She was kidnapped wasn't she? I thought you guys were out looking for her.


Gweg: We are, and we wound up here. Where is she?


At this time, Mitchell snuck around from the back and hid behind Gweg's car. He brought one of the workers from the garage with him. The watched the confrontation.


Mitchell whispered to the worker.


Mitchell: If this gets violent, I want you to grab the blond guy.


Worker: Got it.


Det. Watterson walked up to Satyr.


Det. Watterson: Listen here Satyr. We can go about this two ways. One: You take us in there and give us the girl. Two: I crack open your fucking skull and we go in there and get the girl.


Satyr: And I thought you were here to make friends.


Det. Watterson grabbed Satyr and pucked him against the wall.


Mitchell and the worker ran from behind the car. Mitchell grabbed Watterson and threw him off of Satyr. The worker punched Gweg in the stomach.


Sara: Stop this! I just want Valerie back.


The worker stopped attacking Gweg.


Worker: Valerie? It's in the garage.


Gweg coughed and looked at the worker.


Gweg: It?


Satyr: Shut up. Don't say another word.


Everyone was looking at Gweg and Satyr now. Det. Watterson used the distraction as an opportunity to knock Mitchell out. He then pulled the gun out of his holster and yelled out.


Det. Watterson: Satyr! Take us in the garage right now!


Satyr: Fine. Fine! Let's go.


The went into the garage.


Satyr opened the door and showed them all Valerie.


Satyr: There, there she is.


Gweg: What is that?


There was a 24 foot U-Haul truck covered in a tarp in the middle of the garage.


Sara: Is that a truck? Is Valerie in there?


Satyr laughed.


The tarp began to move. Dr. Wicklund stepped out of the back of the truck.


Dr. Wicklund: Excellent. We have an audience to unveil our creation.


Det. Watterson went up to the truck and looked inside.


Det. Watterson: What is all this? Where's Valerie?


Satyr shook his head. He went up to the truck and removed the tarp.


Everone stared in disbelief.


Whatever decals that were on the truck identifying it as a U-Haul were removed. In it's place, were two toddlers playing with alphabet blocks. Below them were a group of alphabet blocks on a row spelling out somethine.


Gweg: Abortion-mobile?


Satyr: Yes. This is the Abortion-mobile.


Sara: That guy said Valerie was in here.


The worker stepped into the garage.


Worker: Yeah. He named the truck Valerie.


Gweg: You named this thing after your daughter.


Satyr: She's what inspired this whole thing.


Sara: Where is she?


Satyr: I already told you, I don't know.


Gweg: Do you even care?


Satyr: Nope.


One of the workers, who were in charge of repainting the truck and putting the medical equipment in, snuck out of the garage and got on his phone.


Worker: Hey. It's me. Yeah, this guy ain't goning to pay for his daughter back. Abort this whole plan. I don't care, dump in front of this place if you want.


Gweg: Come one Sara, let's go back to your house and see if Watterson can find anything.


Det. Watterson: Yeah. Let's go.


He went up to Satyr.


Det. Watterson: I'm going to nail you for something. Mark my words. I will get you.


Satyr: If you ever get your wife pregnant, you knw who to call.


Satyr walked with them out to their cars.


Satyr: Don't tell anybody about what you saw here. I want this to be a surprise to the community.


Gweg: We have bigger things to worry about right now.


They all stopped when they heard the screeching of tires. An unmarked van swerved around the corner. It slowed down as it came up to the garage. The side door opened up, and a masked man threw something out.


It was the body of a young girl. It rolled a few feet and stopped in front of the group. The girl was dead.

Sara scremed out.


Sara: Valerie! Oh my god! My baby!


She jumped down to the body and held it in her arms.


A few moments later, Satyr silently walked over to her and kneeled beside her.


He held her close to him for a few minutes then whispered soemthing in her ear.



Satyr: This never would have happened if you had gotten an abortion like I told you to.





The End.

Funeral Follies

Satyr woke up to find Gweg in the kitchen, staring out the window. Gweg looked upset.

Satyr: What's wrong with you?

Gweg motioned to the paper on the table.

Satyr looked at the paper. He neglected to read the headline and stared at the picture on the front page. It had a beautiful young woman in it holding hands with an older woman. Both of them were crying.

Satyr: Who is that? She is hot as hell!

Gweg: That's Mindy Roberts. Her husband, James, was killed over in Iraq a few days ago.

Satyr: Really. Well, I'll be more than happy to console her.

Gweg turned from the window to face Satyr. It was now clear to Satyr that Gweg had been crying.

Gweg: Listen you prick, her and her husband were very good friends of mine back in high school, and I'd appreciate it if you kept your crude comments to yourself about it.

Satyr: Fine Gweg, I'll say no more. I'm sorry for your loss.

Gweg: Thank you.

Satyr: If you guys were such good buddies, how come they never been here.

Gweg: Like I would ever subject them to you.

Satyr: Well, you should have, it might have toughened that boy right up. Get him prepared for the big nasty war.

Gweg turned away from Satyr and sighed. Satyr always had lousy timing. Satyr had been on the campaign trail with John McCain. After the election was over, Satyr went into hiding for a month until things cooled down. When Satyr had arrived home yesterday, he explained to Gweg that several Republican supporters were trying to track him down.

Satyr: Just because I told McCain to choose Palin as his running mate, all of the sudden, I'm the bad guy.

Gweg couldn't complain about this. He was an Obama supporter. And it was nice to have the
apartment to himself for all of those months. He also finally got to spend time with some friends. Mindy Roberts being one of those friends. She had needed someone to be there for her while James was over serving in Iraq.

At the table, Satyr had skipped past the article on James and went right to the Classifieds.

Satyr: Well, since I'm no longer a Campaign Saboteur, I'd better find myself a new job.

Gweg left from the window and grabbed his jacket and keys.

Gweg: I'm going out for a drive. I need to clear my head.

Satyr: Could you pick up some beef jerky?

Gweg walked out the door before answering.



The Day Before the Wake.

Gweg had called Mindy up and asked about the arrangements for the funeral. Gweg offered her all of his support and told Mindy he would give a eulogy. After the call, Gweg began to look through his closet to find the clothes he was going to wear.

Satyr had walked past his door and snuck a peek at what Gweg was doing.\

Satyr: Whatcha up to Gweg?

Gweg: I'm getting my clothes for the funeral.

Satyr: Whose?

Gweg: James Roberts'.

Satyr: Oh yeah, that one. Hey, I'm going to that one too!

Gweg Stopped looking through his closet and turned around to Satyr.

Gweg: What do you mean you are going to the funeral? You didn't know them. You have no business being there.

Satyr: Au contraire. It is my business being there.

Gweg: How so?

Satyr: Does the name Stacy Wexler mean anything to you?

Gweg: That's James' sister. How do you know her?

Satyr: She hired me.

Gweg: To do what?

Satyr laughed and motioned to Gweg's bed.

Satyr: You might want to have a seat. Seems like you good friend Mindy was up to no good while her hubby was out fighting for her very freedom.

Gweg: Just tell me what this is about.

Satyr: Your dead friend's sister hired me to investigate her sister-in-law. Stacy is under the distinct impression that Mindy was fooling around with someone while James was in Iraq. And she wants me to find out who.

Gweg held his face with his hands. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Gweg: This is a lot of stuff you're feeding me here. First off, why would Stacy hire you?

Satyr: I told you I needed a new job. So I became a private investigator.

Gweg: People don't become private investigators over night.

Satyr: I already have all of the licenses and permits to become one. I just had to open up shop this morning. And Mrs. Wexler just happened to be my first client.

Gweg: Fine. But why does she have you investigating at the funeral?

Satyr: I'll be at the funeral and the wake. Stacy wasn't to keen on the idea, but once I explained to her that that would be the best time to observe Mindy, because it's when she'll be most vulnerable and have her guard down, she was up for it.

Gweg: I just can't believe she would have someone like you there at her brother's funeral.

Satyr: She is obviously angry and distraught. How dare this floozy go taking it around town when her husband is putting his life on the line!

Gweg: You just wait one second, you have no proof she was doing that.

Satyr: Oh, but I'll get it. And Satyr's Sleuth Service will be the number one investigation agency in town.

Satyr walked away from Gweg's room, leaving Gweg to sit on his bed stunned. Gweg knew about Mindy's adultery, and wondered how Stacy had found out about it. Gweg was not worried about Satyr discovering anything, but more worried about Satyr making a catastrophe of the services.

He had to tell Mindy that Stacy knew about the affair. Gweg tried calling, but got a busy signal. He would have to tell her tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Satyr went to his room and began to gather his things for the wake. He wasn't trying to find any clothes, he would wear his usual outfit. Satyr was digging out his spying equipment. Once he had all of his tools out, Satyr looked at the picture of Mindy Roberts he had posted on his wall.

Satyr: You are going down, bitch.



The Day of the Wake

Gweg had gotten up early. He wanted to look as nice as possible. James had been a very good friend to Gweg in high school. It was Gweg who also introduced Mindy to James. After high school. James and Mindy had moved away so they could both attend the same college. They got married during that time. James had also dropped out to join the army. Gweg kept in contact with them the whole time. He was thrilled when they had moved back into town two years ago. But once James had been medically cleared from a leg injury, he had been shipped out to Iraq.

Once Gweg was dressed, he looked over the speech he was going to give at the funeral tomorrow. He made some changes and told Satyr he was ready to go.

Satyr came out, wearing nothing but his trench coat and hair that looked like he had just gotten out of bed. Satyr brushed his hair down with his hands. He went back into his bedroom and came back out, holding a briefcase.

Gweg: What is that?

Satyr: Equipment. You may be going to this thing to have a good time, but I'm going there because it's my job.

Gweg: I'm not going there to have a good time. It's my friend's wake.

Satyr: Why do they call it a wake? The guy is clearly not.

Gweg: Don't start in. Let's just go to this thing.

Satyr and Gweg got into their car and headed to the wake.

On their way, they noticed signs businesses had put up, showing their support for James.

As Satyr drove by them, all he could do was shake his head and sigh.

Gweg: What's the matter with you.

Satyr: That.

He pointed at one of the signs.

Gweg: Why do you have a problem with that? I think it's very nice and respectful.

Satyr laughed.

Satyr: Respectful? You are so naive.

Gweg: How so?

Satyr: So, all of these places just unanimously decided to go out and place their "respect" for guy they didn't know.

Gweg: Why do you have to be so cynical? People can do nice things without some ulterior motive.

Satyr scoffed and pointed at the McDonald's sign.

Satyr: Look at that one. The have two reader boards up. The one on top says "God Bless the fallen soldier and his family" and the bottom one says "Try a Big Mac for only a $1.99". You see, there is no difference there. It's all called advertising. They are saying, "Yeah, we feel sad for the poor guy too, now buy our burger." They don't even bother to put his real name up. They don't care. Just one less customer down, time to rack in some more.

Gweg: You got it all wrong.

Satyr: Do I? You damn well know not every store in this town thought about putting a sign up until somebody else did. All it takes is one business to put a sing up and the rest fall into place. "Well, hell, oh Larry's Hardware put up a RIP sing for that guy that got killed in Iraq, we best put one up to so we don't look like insensitive jerks." You see, it's about business. Speaking of which, I'm hungry for a Big Mac now, they are going to have food at this wake right?

Gweg: Yes.

Satyr: People standing around eating food next to a dead guy. I love it.

They arrived at the funeral home.

Satyr: Ok. Here's the story. When people ask what I'm doing here, you tell them that I am your grief counsellor and I'm here because you really need the support.

Gweg: That's asinine.

Satyr: It's the story, or do you want me to tell people the truth; that while your good buddy was out fighting an insurgence in Iraq, his wife was back here having an insurgence of her own?

Gweg: Despite that being the worst euphemism ever, I don't want you spreading around that lie. So, yes, I'll go along with your story.

Satyr: Good. Let's get in there before the clean out the buffet.

Satyr and Gweg entered the funeral home and signed the guest registry.

Satyr: Ok. I'm going to investigate.

Gweg: Don't fool around.

Satyr: Don't worry about that, I'm not like the widow.

Satyr left the entryway and went into the room where the wake was being held.

Gweg heard someone call out his name from behind him. He turned around and saw Mindy. She looked as beautiful as ever.

Mindy: Thank you for coming Gweg.

Gweg: Not at all.

Mindy turned to the two people she was with and excused herself from them.

Mindy: Gweg, could you come with me.

Mindy led Gweg to an unoccupied room. She embraced Gweg and the two began to kiss.

A moment later, Gweg released himself from her.

Gweg: Should we be doing this here, it is James' wake after all.

Mindy: I know, but even with all that has happened this past week, I can't stop thinking about you. You were the only person who was there for me, when James was away. And now that he's gone for good, I need you more than ever.

Gweg: I can't help but feeling guilty for what we did. we betrayed his trust.

Mindy looked at Gweg with angry eyes.

Mindy: No! He betrayed mine! I told him not to drop out of college and join the army. I told his. And now look where it's gotten him. Besides, you were a better lover than he was. All he did was pump into me and fell asleep. You actually made sure I was getting pleased. And you would cuddle with me. I'm sad he's gone. I did love him. But I love you as well and I need you now.

She threw herself into Gweg's arms. He held her there for a minute and gave in to her temptation.

Meanwhile, Satyr was investigating.

Satyr believed his best advantage was to find out whether James had suspected anything. satyr saw a group of four men in their army uniforms. Satyr made his way over to them and waited for his chance to get into their conversation.

Soldier 1: I agree. We need to get out of that country. It's complete shit.

Soldier 3: We need to finish up.

Soldier 4. Whatever the case maybe, I know we should never have gone there in the fist place. I joined up because of 9/11, and Iraq has got nothing to do with that.

Soldier 2: I joined the army in 2000, back then I thought I'd never fight in a war. Boy was I wrong. I still remember the first time I killed a man.

Satyr: I bet that was sweet.

Soldier 2: Excuse me.

Satyr: When you first killed a guy. It was sweet wasn't it. It's like a rush. Your head becomes clear and you get this feeling of power. And the best part is, that guy you killed is going to become your slave in the afterlife.

Soldier 1: Who are you.

Satyr: Oh, I'm a grief counselor. Speaking of which. You guys ever get the feeling when you over seas fighting, that your girl back here might be cheating on you.

Soldier 4: No, Karen loves me.

Satyr: Yeah, I don't doubt that. But your over there, on the other side of the world, and she's back here, with needs a vibrator ain't gonna fulfil.

Soldier: 2 Shut-up, you are making me worried about it now.

Satyr: Well, you should be. Speaking of, do any of you guys know if James was worried about that kind of thing.

Soldier 3: No. Him and his wife were always talking to each other on his cell when they got the chance. Why do you want to know?

Satyr: Professional curiosity. You gentlemen have a nice day.

That didn't help much, Satyr thought. He saw Stacy Wexler, standing next to her brother's casket.

Satyr went up to it and peered inside.

Satyr: Wasn't a head wound that did him in huh? That's good. You get to have an open casket funeral. But sometimes these restorative artist can do wonders. Old buddy of mine was shot right through eye, bullet went out the back of his head. Hell of thing. But when it came time for his funeral, he looked good as new. Well, he kind of looked like a pirate anyway, they had to put a patch over the eye socket where he got shot, but other than that. He looked terrific.

Stacy: That's nice. Any news on my sister-in-law. Or former sister-in-law I should say.

Satyr: Nada. Is there anyone you suspect that she was struping, cause that would help out.

Stacy: I talked to her neighbor, she saw a white male, about 5 foot 9 at the house several times during the week. He had dirty blond hair.

Satyr: Hmmm, I'll keep an eye out.

Satyr began to scan the room. He saw a young man with the features Stacy had given him. satyr decided to keep a watch on this guy.

Several minutes went bye. The widow had finally came out of hiding and was making her way through the room. Getting hugged from various people, a comforting hand rub on the shoulder from others, then she made her way to the man Satyr was watching.

They had hugged a few seconds longer than she did with the other people. And he began to rub her shoulder. She was very relaxed around him, comfortable. he body language didn't lie. Satyr looked around the room and saw Gweg.

Satyr ran over to him and pointed a finger at him.

Satyr: It's all over. I know everything.

Gweg was stunned. Had Satyr followed them?

Gweg: How?

Satyr: See that guy she is standing with over there. Yeah, him. That's the guy she's been fucking.

Gweg: That's her cousin.

Satyr: Those sick freaks!

Gweg: She is not having sex with her cousin.

Satyr: Well, damn, there goes my only good lead.


Gweg: Maybe you aren't getting anywhere in your investigation because she never cheated on him.


Satyr: No, she did. I can tell just by looking at her. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure she just had sex. Her hair is a bit ruffled. Her skin has a bit of a glow. She is very relaxed for someone whose husband's corpse is laying a few feet away. See, Gweg, I have an eye for detail and a great deductive mind. Putting 2 and 2 together is my specialty. By the way, the back of shirt is untucked and you may want to comb your hair. You look like you've been roughhousing with somebody.



Gweg: Thanks.



The rest of the wake went off without a hitch. Satyr didn't discover any new information and Gweg talked to some old friends.








The Day of the Funeral.



Gweg and Satyr were getting ready for the funeral.



Gweg was dressed. Satyr came out of his room, empty handed.



Gweg: No spy stuff today?


Satyr: They weren't helping me. I placed hidden microphones in the room, but all I could pick up is a bunch of people catching up on their lives and talking about the dead guy. And I could use my binoculars, because I would look suspicious.



Gweg: Like I said, you are not going to find anything. And you don't need to some to the funeral. People will just be sitting down through the service and talking about James. Nothing is going to happen.



Satyr: But something might. And I need to be there when it does. Besides, whoever was boning her might let something slip if he gives a speech, so I need to hear it. And if that doesn't work, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.



Gweg: Just behave yourself.



They arrived at the funeral home thirty minutes alter. They took their seats and the preacher began to read from the Bible. After some prayers, Gweg went up to give his eulogy.



Gweg: James Roberts was a very good friend. We met in Junior High when we had lockers right next to each other. Through out school, I could always count on James to get my back. He was always watching out for me, when the school bullies began to throw their food at me, James would put a stop to it.



Gweg paused when he heard Satyr let out a little laugh. He swallowed and continued.



Gweg: I had the pleasure of introducing Mindy to James. Mindy had moved in next door to me. Her family home schooled her, so James and her would never have known of each other. Having visited my new next door neighbors a few times, I knew this beautiful girl would be perfect for James. So I got the two together. Whenever Mindy wasn't looking, James would point to a place on her body and give me a thumbs up.



This time, several laughs came from room. This time Gweg was expecting it.



Gweg: When James and Mindy moved away, I felt they took a part of me with them. I missed them dearly but always kept in touch. James made sure I did. If I hadn't called within two days, James would call me up and give me hell. When they got married, I felt sorry that I couldn't be there, but was happy because I knew they were happy.



By this point, Satyr began wiping fake tears away from his face. He elbowed the person sitting next to him and began making a jerking -off gesture. Gweg continued on.



Gweg: When they moved back, I was thrilled. James had been through the Army, but hadn't seemed to change one bit. When he went to Iraq, I wasn't worried. If anyone could handle a war, it would be James.



Apparently not, Satyr thought.



Gweg: James asked me to look after Mindy while he was gone. And so I did. We spent many nights together talking about what a great guy James is. I'm sorry you're gone James, but I will always remember you. And I thank you for everything you have given me.



Gweg cast a quick guilty look over to Mindy. Stacy began to look Gweg with fury in her eyes. Satyr was too busy staring at his watch.



After the other people gave speeches about James, everyone got up and began to head out to their cars for the funeral procession.



Satyr and Gweg headed towards there car. They saw Mindy get into the front of the hearse.



Satyr: That's unusual. I've never seen a wife ride with the casket to the grave site.



Gweg: She wants to be with her husband on the way there. One last car ride together.



Satyr then saw the driver of the hearse. He was a shorter man with dirty blond hair.



Satyr: excuse me a second Gweg, I forgot something.



Satyr ran over to the hearse and pulled out a pill bottle. He gave a couple of the pills to Mindy. After Mindy took them, Satyr ran back over to his car.



Gweg: What was that about?



Satyr: I had some Prozac that I wanted to give her. To calm her down. She looked really upset.



Gweg: Yeah, that happens at funerals.



Satyr: You're upset too, maybe you should let me drive during this thing.



Gweg: Fine.



Gweg got into the car, just before Satyr could step in, Stacy ran up to him.



Stacy: Did you see what I saw? It was him!



Satyr: Yeah, I saw him too. Don't worry. I'm going to get the proof and expose her for what she is.



Stacy: I'm glad to hear it.



They got into their cars and rolled out.



The cemetery was 6 miles away.



Satyr and Gweg were five cars back from the hearse.



Satyr kept swerving the car over to the right and back again every so often.



Gweg: Why can't you drive in a straight line like everyone else?



Satyr: I'm looking for something.



Gweg: What?



Satyr: Oh, you'll see it.



Satyr checked his watch.



Satyr: It should have kicked in by now.



Gweg figured Satyr was talking about the Prozac, but then came to his sense.



Gweg: What should have kicked in by now?



Satyr smiled.



Satyr: I don't know why I need binoculars. My eyesight is great. I can see the hearse's side-view mirror just fine from here.



Gweg asked his question again.



Satyr: Remember my Satyr Spanish Fly. That's what I really gave her. The driver of the hearse, he's the one she's been cheating with. Now, I'm going to catch them in the act. NOW!



Satyr pulled out of the line and into the other lane. He sped up next to the hearse and pulled out a camera.



Satyr: Grab the wheel!



Satyr let go of the wheel and pulled a camera out of the car's console. Gweg grabbed ahold of the wheel.



In the hearse, Mindy was in the middle of giving the driver of the hearse a blow job.



Satyr: What a slut! I got her. Oh yeah, that's the money shot right there.



Satyr took several pictures. And in the process, fell on top of Gweg.



Gweg had lost control of the wheel and they swerved right into the hearse.



Unfortunately, the road they were on was on the top of a steep incline. The hearse had left the road and begin to roll down the side of the hill. It stopped when it hit a tree at the bottom of the incline.



Gweg and Satyr, along with other from the procession had made their way down to the accident, they had found their were two dead bodies in the hearse.



The casket had slid up into the cabin of the hearse and had decapitated Mindy



Gweg began to scream and cry. Satyr took his digital camera over to Stacy and showed her the pics.



Satyr: It's poetic ain't it. She lost her head after giving head.



Stacy: You're sick.



Satyr shrugged and took a couple pictures more pictures of Mindy.



Gweg finally got up and turned Satyr around to face him.



Gweg: You son of a bitch! You want the truth? It was me! I was the one she was sleeping with. You did all of this for nothing. It was me!



Satyr just stared at Gweg. He looked back at Mindy's decapitated body and back to Gweg.



Satyr: It was you the whole time?



Gweg wiped away his tears.



Gweg: Yes.



Satyr laughed.



Satyr: I don't buy that for a second.





The End.

Poetic Injustice: The Jaded Poet Story.

As he watched the four residents of the duplex, he saw a curious sight. One of the members of the Power Pack had strolled up to the door. He opened the door without knocking, said "You have no idea" and stepped inside.

Jaded Poet watched this much interest. He stared through the binoculars, intent to read the lips of those talking inside. He could make out little from their movements, but he was able to get that Primus had left his team to join up with this group here.

Poet began to analyze what this meant. What it meant for this group here, what it meant for the Power Pack, and what it meant for The Agency, and what it meant for him.

Poet put down the binoculars and looked at his watch. Three hours he had spent watching the duplex. Three hours that would bring considerable pay, but this new development with Primus would bring even more.

Poet smiled. The Agency sure did love him. He was the only independent hitman they ever brought on as a full member. He had Lichton to thank for that.

Poet put his binoculars away and brought out his cell phone and his gun. He had to call Lichton to report in, but he got out his gun just in case.

Poet knew he always had to be ready for a kill, even when he was doing the most simple of tasks.


Two Years Ago

Woman: I just love your work.

Jaded Poet: Thank you.

Jaded Poet singed his name in her book and handed it back to her. She looked at it with a smile on her face and left.

Jaded Poet: Next please.

Jaded Poet, aka James Phearson, was at his book singing. His third published collection of poetry had hit the shelves and he was touring the book stores.

He hated autograph sessions.

There was nothing worse than to hear the most simple minded people recite his poetry. And they did it poorly. Always messing up lines, never catching the right tone, and never fully understanding the meaning. The only reason they read his work is because they wanted to appear sophisticated. All because he was Time's Poet Of The Year back in 2002. He had published his first collection that year and had gained a reputation of "being able to paint the most complicated of human emotions with his words". He had a strong fan following ever since.

Of course, he also had to deal with the Questions. The Questions were all the same. "What inspires you?" "How do you write this stuff?" "Who's your favorite poet?" "What's your favorite poem you wrote?"

He answers them, of course. Always with a smile on his face. And sometimes it's not a false smile. If they knew the answer to what inspires him, they would run away screaming.

The next fan came up and placed his copy of the book in front of Poet.

Jaded Poet: And who do I make this out?

The fan: To Brad Arliss. It's going to be a surprise to him. If you would, please write out "To Brad Arliss, Happy Birthday over there on 1623 Maple Street".

Jaded Poet looked up at the man.

Jaded Poet: Will do.

Poet handed the book back to him and continued the session for the next hour.

The next day Jaded Poet and the two lackey his publishers assigned to him on this tour had packed up their things and left town.

That night they had stopped at a motel to catch some rest.

Jaded Poet: You guys good?

Lackey 1: Yes. Mr. Phearson.

Jaded Poet: Good. I'm going to go out for a drive. I'll be gone for a couple hours. I'll call you on your cells if I get into trouble.

Lackey 2: What are you going out for?

Jaded Poet: Inspiration.

Jaded Poet had drove back into town. He had parked his car on the 1400 block of Maple Street, got out and began to walk.

He strolled right up to 1623 and knocked on the door.

A man answered. He looked tired and surprised.

The Man: It's a little too late to be knocking on people's doors, don't you agree?

Jaded Poet: Just because a visitor makes his arrival at your door, it doesn't mean you have to answer. Alas, you did, so you must be a lonely man who welcomes all company at even the most odd of hours. Is that accurate, Mr. Brad Arliss?

The man blinked his eyes in surprise and the sound of his name.

Brad: Well, since you know my name, you might give me the pleasure of knowing yours.

Jaded Poet: My name is a gift best presented to those who have invited me into the comfort of their homes.

Brad: In that case, come on in.

Jaded Poet entered Brad's house and took a look around. He was able to surmise that Mr. Arliss did indeed live alone.

Jaded Poet: It looks as those my speculation of your living environment was correct.

Brad: I guess. Now how about you give me your name and and the reason you are here.

Jaded Poet: For all intents and purposes, my name at this particular juncture in both of our lives shall remain anonymous. My reason for being here is simple: I was sent here.

Brad: To do what?

Jaded Poet: To give you this.

Poet handed Brad a piece of paper.

Brad: And what am I supposed to do with this?

Jaded Poet: Read it.

Brad: Why?

Jaded Poet smiled and took a gun out of his inner coat pocket.

Jaded Poet: Because everybody deserves to say something beautiful before they die.

Brad stared at the gun. The paper trembling in his hands.

Jaded Poet: It's very simple Brad. You read the poem there, out loud, and I kill you swiftly and with no pain. You don't read the poem, then you make this operation very difficult. Not for me, but for yourself. The end result will be the same. You will die.

Brad: It's them, ain't it? They sent you here.

Jaded Poet: That's not for me to say Brad. It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is that you have one last chance to introduce something magnificent into your life before die.

Brad began to read the poem.

Brad: "As I end my exasperated voyage, I am content with shedding all of this foliage. The growth of pain and misery, shall be nothing but a history. And so it was, as the day I was born, I shall die clean, no longer tainted and worn" Nice fucking poem.

Jaded Poet produced a dagger out of his sleeve and lunged at Brad, slicing his throat.

Brad collapsed to the floor clutching his throat, looking at Poet with betrayed eyes.

Jaded Poet: I didn't appreciate your tone or the snide comment.

Jaded Poet pulled a cloth out of his pocket, wiped the blood off of the dagger and placed it back into the sheath hidden in his sleeve.

As Brad let out his last breath, Poet walked out, went back to his car, and drove back to the motel.

One Month Later

Jaded Poet was relaxing in his home when he received a call from his publishing agent, Maria

Maria: Guess what James! I got more exciting news!

Jaded Poet: That's great Maria. What is it?

Maria: That anonymous fan of your has agreed to pay for more of your original drafts. And at the same price as the other ones! If this guy keeps buying more, you could retire at a very early age!

Jaded Poet: Thanks for the good news Maria.

Maria: It's my pleasure. I can't wait to read your next set. Bye!

Poet hung the phone up and sighed. If she only knew.

The death of Brad Arliss had gave Poet exactly what he was looking for. Inspiration. He was already well into writing one of his famous free verse poems when someone began knocking on his door.

Jaded Poet: 'Tis some visitor, tapping at my chamber door. Only this and nothing more.

Poet got up from his writing desk and called out to the person behind the door.

Jaded Poet: How may I help you?

The person behind the door spoke: My name is Ted Lichton. I'm from The Agency.

Poet immediately reached for his gun and tucked it into his back pocket. He opened the door.

Lichton: Thank you for letting me in. We need to talk.

Poet pulled out the gun.

Lichton looked at it calmly.

Lichton: Please don't get the wrong idea, Mr. Phearson. I am not here for insidious reasons. I am here to offer you an invitation.

Jaded Poet put the gun away.

Jaded Poet: This is very unexpected. I was under the impression that I would never have direct contact with anyone from your organization.

Lichton: That was plan. But you have many people in The Agency looking your way. Take your last month's kill for example. You did leave a bit of a bloody mess, but once again, no sounds were heard from the neighbors and no one saw a thing. That was the tenth kill you have done for us and the results have always been the same.

Jaded Poet: Thank you.

Lichton: I'm what you would call a headhunter. I seek out those who would be best suited to work for us. I found you. I'll admit, your prices were steep, but I convinced my bosses to get in contact with you. Therefor your performance has also reflected back on me. I have been promoted.

Jaded Poet: Congratulations. We should celebrate this splendid occasion.

Lichton: Wonderful idea.

Poet and Lichton went into the kitchen. Poet brought out a glass of champagne and poured two glasses.

Jaded Poet: A toast. To The Agency.

Lichton: To The Agency.

The drank the champagne and Lichton motioned to the kitchen table.

Lichton: Let's have a seat.

They sat down and Lichton brought out a notebook he had in his tote bag.

Lichton: Telling you about my promotion is now the only reason I'm here.

Jaded Poet: No?

Lichton: No. I'm here to interview you.

Lichton smiled as he said interview. It did not go unnoticed by Poet.

Jaded Poet: Is this for The Agency Times?

Lichton laughed.

Lichton: No. This is for my bosses. They want an in depth profile on you.

Jaded Poet: My I inquire why?

Lichton: Of course. We have been on the lookout for a special enforcer. A cleaner, if you will. Someone who can take care of certain messes we can't deal with normally.

Jaded Poet: And I am up for this job.

Lichton: Yes. I have nominated you. I have great confidence in you, but they need testaments of all candidates. So, let's begin shall we?

Poet nodded.

Lichton: When did you first learn you were capable of killing?

Poet's eyes searched over Lichton for a few seconds then became contemplative. Poet sat still for a few seconds than answered.

Jaded Poet: The first time I killed a man.

Lichton: Touché. What drove you to kill him?

Jaded Poet: He asked me to.

Lichton was looking down into his notebook as he was writing, but glanced up at Poet's answer.

Lichton: He asked you to?

Jaded Poet: That's correct.

Lichton: Why?

Jaded Poet: He was my neighbor. I was 15 at the time. He stopped by house one afternoon to ask me a favor. He handed me a $50 bill and gave me instructions. Turns out, that 50 was the last money he had. He had gambled most of his savings away, including his daughter's trust fund. He gave me the last of his money to burn his house down. With him in it. We wanted it to look like an arson had struck him while he was asleep. I figured out a way to make it look like an accident. His wife and daughter collected on his insurance and received a new house. No one suspected foul play.

Lichton: So, you killed a man so his family would benefit. Now you are killing strangers for money. Why the transition?

Jaded Poet: As I watched his house burn. I began to think. I thought about his wife and daughter and their loss. I focused on their pain of losing this man they loved over something so foolish. And I considered in my own part in their loss. I could have talked him out of it, but I didn't. I adopted his misery as my own. I now worried about his family. I wrote my first poem that night, pouring my torment onto page. I fell in love with what I wrote and never once regretted what I did to that family afterwards. I tried writing more poems, but none of them lived up to the one I wrote after the fire.

Lichton was writing all of this down. Poet took a drink and continued his story.

Jaded Poet: I dreaded that whatever poetic inspiration I had in that one day was a fluke. Of course, I realized that my preoccupation with the family's suffering is what led to my poetic conception. I needed more. I had to create more misery in order for my talent to produce. I went hunting. Not animals though. I found a bum. He had set up home underneath a railroad bridge that passed over a creek. Knowing he had no family to care for him, I had to figure out a way to feel sorry for his death. So, I filled him up with hope. I gave him some food and drink and told him a tale. One where I was going to be able to find him a real home, get him started on a well paying job, and get his life back on track. The promise of a better life had filled his eyes. I then took out a knife and watched that hope drain out of his eyes. I stabbed him in the side first, to make sure he was aware of my deception before I killed him. The look of betrayal never left his eyes. The poem I wrote that night is the one that opens my first published collection.

Lichton had stopped writing half way through. He had never heard of such a thing. In all of his years working for The Agency, he had never been as stunned as he was now.

He collected himself and finished writing in the notebook. He looked back up at Poet.

Lichton: So, let me get this clear. You kill people so you can write your poems.

Jaded Poet: That is one way of looking at it. I kill people to feel pain and I release that pain through words.

Lichton: So, it's the pain that makes you write?

Jaded Poet: A poet is nothing without his suffering.

Lichton: Fair enough. So, why become a hitman?

Poet smiled at this.

Jaded Poet: If I'm going to kill people, I might as well get paid for it.

Lichton continued his interview for another two hours.

Lichton: Ok, that should wrap it up. You'll be going back on your book singing tour this month right?

Jaded Poet: That's the plan.

Lichton: Excellent. We'll have more work for you.

Lichton gathered his thing. Poet walked him to the door.

Lichton: I hope they pick you. I think you'd be a great asset for The Agency.

Jaded Poet: Thank you. Have a good night Mr. Lichton.

Lichton: You too. And please, call me Ted.

Poet nodded and Lichton left.

Poet stood there, wondering what he was getting himself into. He decided to dismiss the thoughts for now, and began to concentrate on preparation for the rest of his book tour.

One Week Later.

Poet was in a new town on his touring stops. There usually was a reason for a new town to pop up on his map. He was going to have another target there.

And like most of the towns on his book tour, this one was full of idiots on the bandwagon.

Emo Fan: Your poems, like, are the words my soul has been tryin to say for the longest time now. That one poem you wrote, "In The Mirror". How'd that go? "The road your on is near the end. The long journey is yours to defend. The answer you're seeking is near. Your worst enemy is the mirror." That stuff is awesome. I cried. Thank you.

Jaded Poet: You're welcome.

Poet signed his book and the emo kid left. Poet hoped the kid was as good at cutting his wrists as he was at butchering that poem.

The next person came up to the table. He sat a book down in front of Poet.

Jaded Poet: And who do I make this out to?

The Fan: Derrick Reynolds. It's a gift. Please sign it, "Happy Anniversary Derrick. Have another great 15 years of marriage there on 1919 Liberty Street.

Jaded Poet: Will do. Thanks for reading.

Poet handed the book back and let out a sigh of relief. That part was over, now he had to finish pleasing the chumps and he'd be out of the hell hole.

Jaded Poet: Next please.

As Poet called that out, he glanced out of the book store window to see his messenger get into a car. The next fan had began reading a line of his poetry. It was a female voice, and the way she was reciting grabbed his attention.

The Woman: "A smile, a most deadly smile sits upon an innocent face. Trust is not something I give to one with such grace. /Staring at each other for a while, time goes by without a trace. Is dying a better option than to live? You say you just made your case. /The sounds are getting louder, it's time for a change of pace. We come together you and I and we share warm embrace./ Turning ourselves into powder, to see which one wins the race. You took our love and let it die, still keeping your innocent face."

Jaded Poet looked up at the woman. The woman was moderately attractive. Not a real knockout, but cute in her own way. But that didn't matter to Poet. The way she had recited his poetry made her the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had set her book down for Poet to sign. It was "A Jaded Poet".

Jaded Poet: "Innocent Face". Nobody has ever recited that one to me. Whom do I make this out to?

The Woman: Emily Page.

Jaded Poet: Why Innocent Face?

Emily: The woman in the poem, you seem to make her out to be a woman who has scorned you, yet tries to hide it unsuccessfully.

Jaded Poet: Go on.

Emily: Yet you are the guilty one in the relationship. You are the one that screwed up and she still feels love and sympathy for you, but decided to end it for the better. Then you both have one final love making session, and you blame her the whole time. "Is dying a better option than to live". That's her ending the relationship. The relationship is dying and it's for the good. "The sounds are getting louder" That's you two arguing. "Turning ourselves into powder, to see which one wins the race". That's you two making love. But not really. It's her way of saying goodbye and your way of saying "stay". The conflict is grinding you both up into pieces.

Jaded Poet: Excellent. You are the first one to properly analyze that one.

Jaded Poet stood up and bowed. Emily blushed.

Emily: Thanks.

Jaded Poet: I feel as though I owe you something. Such a rare treat has never manifested before me. Shall I be so bold as to take you out to a dinner?

Emily was speechless.

Jaded Poet: The whole thing will be my treat, of course.

Emily: Uh, yeah, that'd be great.

Jaded Poet: Very well. Shall we meet here at say, 8 PM tomorrow and go from there.

Emily: It's a date.

Poet smiled and bowed again. The rest of the autograph session breezed by.

The Next Day.

Poet was finished getting dressed in his motel room. He walked over to the room where the lackeys were staying. He knocked and entered.

Jaded Poet: I will be taking a leave tonight gentlemen.

Lackey 1: Off to get more inspiration?

Poet smiled.

Jaded Poet: Yes. And I have a date.

The lackeys gasped.

Lackey 2: Mr. Phearson, it's about time you get some tail.

Jaded Poet: Thank you. And don't wait up for me.

The lackeys laughed.

Poet left the motel at 6 0'clock. He got into his car and pulled a suitcase out of the back. In it was a disguise. He drove around the town for a few minutes, found a secluded spot, and changed into the disguise.

He then drove his car to a nearby laundromat. He parked it, got out, and walked two blocks to a supermarket.

When the coast was clear, he hot wired a Buick Century and drove to 1919 Liberty Street.

He arrived in front of the house at 6:45.

Poet walked up to the house and knocked on the door. Derrick Reynolds answered.

Derrick: Who's there?

Poet cleared in voice and began to talk with a southern accent, masking his real voice.

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, I am the Clerk of the Court and I am here to issue you subpoena.

Derrick opened the door angrily.

Derrick: What the hell! It's that fucking bitch of an ex-wife of mine, isn't it?

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, I don't know about any of that, all I know is I'm here to give you this message. May I step inside for just one quick second?

Derrick: Just give me the subpoena and get the fuck out of here.

Jaded Poet: Mister Reynolds, we have another matter to discuss and it's a bit cold out here, so if you wouldn't mind just letting me in for a few and then I can be on my way.

Derrick stepped back from the door.

Derrick: Be my guest.

Poet entered the house and did a quick survey.

Derrick: So, what's up?

Jaded Poet: You said you have an ex-wife. Did you and she have any children?

Derrick: Yeah, we have a 12 year old son.

Jaded Poet: And where is the child now?

Derrick: Up in his room doing his homework.

Jaded Poet smiled. He was able to appreciate pain more when it dealt with a child.

Derrick: Does my kid have something to do with this?

Jaded Poet: Not yet.

Derrick looked at Poet, puzzled.

Derrick: Well, give me that damned subpoena. I want to read it.

Poet handed Derrick the paper in his hand.

Derrick scanned over it.

Derrick: This is a poem.

Jaded Poet: Yes it is. Why don't you read it out loud.

Derrick gave Poet a disgusted look and threw the paper to the ground.

Derrick: No more fucking games. Tell me what you are doing here.

Derrick pulled out a gun.

Poet anticipated this. He began to talk in his Poetic voice

Jaded Poet: The abnegation of your undertaking appears to be a forfeiture of that you hold dear.

Poet's words confused Derrick, so much that he dropped his guard for a second.

And in that second, Poet made his move.

Poet grabbed an ashtray that was near his hand and hurled it at Derrick. It hit Derrick in the hand, causing him to drop the gun. Derrick bent down to retrieve it.

Poet rammed himself into Derrick, causing them both to fall backwards. Poet picked himself up immediately. Derrick lunged at Poet's legs. Poet jumped and kicked Derrick in the face. Derrick's nose ruptured. As the blood ran down his face, Derrick brought his attention to his nose. Poet removed a knife. Neither of them saw Derrick's son, Rob, come down the stairs.

Rob: Dad, what's going on?

Derrick turned at the sound of his son's voice.

Derrick: Nothing Robbie. Run back up stairs.

Rob: You're bleeding dad.

Derrick: I know son. Don't worry.

Derrick looked at Poet.

Derrick: Please. Not my son. Leave him alone.

Jaded Poet: I have no business with your son. Just you and you alone.

Derrick: Fine. But not in front of him.

Jaded Poet: That's up to you.

Poet retrieved the poem Derrick had thrown to floor. He handed it back to him.

Jaded Poet: Read it.

Derrick: No. I'd rather my son watch me die than to read that garbage.

Jaded Poet: So be it.

Poet quickly stabbed Derrick in both lungs, thorax, and stomach.

Jaded Poet: This is going to be painful.

Poet grabbed Derrick's gun and pointed it at Rob.

Jaded Poet: Don't move. Watch.

Derrick's death took longer than expected. After Derrick died, Poet spoke to Rob.

Jaded Poet: I am going to leave now. Wait ten minutes then call the cops. I'll be watching. If you call them any earlier, I will kill you. Ok?

Rob stared at the body of his father and nodded.

Poet left, got in the Buick and drove three blocks away from the laundromat in a back alley.

He wiped the Buick out, hid behind some bushes, changed back into his original clothes and took of his disguise. He then walked back to his car.

It was 7:40.

At 8 o'clock, he pulled up in front of the book store.

Emily greeted him.

Emily: Right on time.

Jaded Poet: I do my best to be punctual.

Poet had a sly grin on his face.

Emily: You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.

Jaded Poet: Merely an appetizer. What restaurant shall we go to?

Emily: How about Ted's?

Jaded Poet: Then we shall dine there.

The drove to Ted's Fine Dining Steakhouse.

They got a table and began their date.

Jaded Poet: So, why my poetry?

Emily smiled. She had been infatuated with man in front of her ever since she picked up his first poetry collection. She could hardly believe she was now sitting here having dinner with him.

Emily: Are you implying you are the only poet I read?

Jaded Poet: Of course not. But why read my poetry?

Emily: It's cheaper than buying sleeping pills all the time.

Poet laughed. The majority of his fans spent their time trying to kiss his ass. This one was relaxed, making jokes, and having a good time. Poet could read her body language and knew she liked more than just his poetry.

Jaded Poet: So, my poems are the cure for insomnia. Won't the medical world be pleased?

Emily laughed.

Emily: No, your poems are the cause of insomnia. I spent a whole night reading that first collection. The same with other ones.

Jaded Poet: All night reading? You must have gotten one hell of a headache.

Emily: Please. You must have me mistaken for one of those morons who claim to be one of your fans so they can look cool to their buddies.

Poet couldn't hide a smile any longer.

Jaded Poet: You don't know how long I have waited for somebody to recognize that, other than myself.

Emily: I heard the morons chatter away, talking about your poetry as though they knew it forwards and backwards. The only guy who didn't talk was the one in front of me. But I heard him say it was a gift to somebody, so I guess he wasn't a fan.

Poet started to tense up at this, but relaxed when he realized Emily didn't hear the name.

Jaded Poet: So, I'm sure you know quite a bit about me. My biography is on the dust jacket after all. I want to know about you.

Emily: There's not much really. I'm probably the most boring girl you'll ever meet.

Jaded Poet: I write poems. My life isn't full of excitement. Your life might seem like the Adventures of Indiana Jones next to mine.

Emily blushed once again.

Emily: I lived here all my life. I work at Starbucks. I have two brothers and no sisters. My mom was always there for us, my dad spent of the time on the road. He was a negotiator. Not the cop kind, but a busisness one. When he was home, I was daddy's little girl. He spend time with the boys, playing catch and doing all the father stuff. But with me, he would read me bed time stories. Not the usual ones, but he would tell me about his business trips and make everyone seem like a fantasy character. He was really good at that. He died a few years ago.

Jaded Poet: I'm sorry to hear that.

Emily: Thank you. What about your family?

Jaded Poet: Only child. My parents were both factory workers. They're retired now.

Emily: That's all.

Jaded Poet: I told my story would be more boring than what you believed yours to be.

Emily: I think you're hiding something.

Jaded Poet: Mayhap I am. But would you rather have be bring everything out in the open tonight or reveal more as we go along?

Emily: So, are you asking me out to another date?

Jaded Poet: I have one more stop on the book tour to go to. that city west of here, I forget the name, but after that, I'm free. And I would like to celebrate the end of my tour with another dinner with you.

Emily: I can hardly wait.

They continued with their date for another hour, talking about their favorite poets. After dinner, they walked out to their cars.

Emily: So, when you are done with the tour, stop by my house and I'll fix you dinner.

Jaded Poet: Sounds wonderful.

Emily gave him her address and left home. Poet went back to the hotel.

Lackey 1: Hey boss, welcome back. How was the date?

Jaded Poet: Inspiring.

Poet sat down at the desk in his room. He took out his pencil and began to write. The pain of the boy witnessing his father's death was not what was driving his hand. The only thing producing the poetry this time was the thought of Emily.

Jaded Poet had found a muse.

The next day they had set up the autograph booth at the final stop. It was a convention. Poet hated these the most. They lasted forever.

In between autographs, Poet would constantly look at his watch, time seemed to be moving slower. And the questions kept getting repetitive and more stupid.

Fat Fan: When the next book coming out James?

Thin Fan: Where's Stephen King's booth? Is he even here?

Old Lady Fan: My granddaughter just loves your poems. She's always trying to get me to read them, but my eyes these days, I can only read those books that have the big letters. They don't have your book in the big letters. Can you out one out in the big letters?

Another Emo Fan: Hey. I wrote some poetry too. Why don't you read it and tell me what you think.

Hours went by.

He looked at his watch. one lats time. Ten minutes till the event was over. Poet was never more relieved.

The last fan walked up to his booth and sat a book down in front of him.

Jaded Poet: Who do I make this out to?

The Fan: To Emily Page. It's a present. Could you write "To Emily. Have a Happy Birthday there on 2348 Maple drive"?

Poet returned to his motel room, livid.

He called up his agent, Maria. She answered the phone in her usually chirpy voice.

Maria: James, what can I do for you.

Jaded Poet: Get me Lichton.

Maria: Who?

Poet became pissed.

Jaded Poet: Don't play dumb with me Maria. You know goddamn well I wasn't born yesterday. I know you work for them, it wasn't a big fucking secret. So, you get that son of a bitch Lichton for me right now!

For a few seconds, there was no answer. Then Maria spoke, in a much flatter tone.

Maria: Ok James. I'll try to reach him.

Maria hung up the phone. Poet sat on the edge of his bed, and stared.

Three hours later, Lichton showed up at Poet's door.

Lichton entered. Poet waited for an answer.

Lichton: There's no use in bullshitting you. We know you had a date with her.

Jaded Poet: Is this a test? To see if I'm worthy to be your enforcer?

Lichton: Yes and no. She's been on our list for a few years now. She never represented a real threat, until now.

Jaded Poet: I think you better elaborate.

Lichton: I will. Her father worked for us. He was loyal, never told anybody what he was doing for us. Or so we thought. He had a death bed confession he made to his old partner, who was there by his side. He confessed that he told his daughter stories of what he did. He said he mentioned real names and sand kept some details in. He told this to his partner in confidence. Which his partner then told us. His loyalties lies with The Agency, not his friend. That's something we value, James. Loyalty.

Jaded Poet: Why me?

Lichton: I picked you. It was supposed to be passed on to someone else. You already had a name for that town.

Jaded Poet: What makes you think I'm going to kill her?

Lichton: She is a target. If you don't kill her, somebody else will. And trust me, not all of our killers have poetic hearts. This way, you can choose the best way for her to be eliminated. Unless...

Jaded Poet: Unless what?

Lichton: Well, this is just between you and me. If you can figure out a way to make her "gone" so that she's not on The Agency's radar anymore, than by all means, do it.

Poet looked at Lichton. Lichton gave no indication that he was lying about that possibility.

Jaded Poet: Make her "gone".

Lichton: Yes, James. Whatever way you feel is best for everybody.

Lichton left the room. Poet sat on the edge of the bed the rest of the night.

The Next Day.

Poet arrived at Emily's house. She saw him pull up and greeted him at the door.

Emily: I'm so glad you came!

Jaded Poet: Me too.

Emily could tell there was something off.

Emily: What's wrong?

Jaded Poet: I'm just tired. Little sleep.

Emily: Me too. I'm making some tuna noodle casserole? You like?

Jaded Poet: One of my favorites.

Emily gave Poet a quick tour of her house. She brought him to the small dining room and went into the kitchen to check on the food.

Poet removed a piece of paper from his pocket, glanced over it and stuffed it back in.

Emily came out minutes late, with the casserole.

Emily: It came out all right. I hope it's good.

Jaded Poet: I'm sure it will be. So, been bragging to your friends that you're going out with a world renowned poet?

Emily laughed.

Emily: Not yet, you're my little secret. It seems whenever I brag about things, they have a tendency to fall apart. I don't want this to fall apart.

Poet nodded.

Emily: Ok, all we need is the wine now. Let me go get it.

Jaded Poet: Allow me.

Emily: Go ahead.

Poet walked into the kitchen and made two glasses. He brought them out and sat back down.

Jaded Poet: Before we begin, I want to ask you a question.

Emily: What is it?

Jaded Poet: Is there anything keeping you in this town?

Emily: Not really. My family is still here. My mom and brothers. But I hardly visit them any more as it is. Why?

Poet hesitated.

Jaded Poet: If I were to leave tomorrow, to go to Europe or something. Would you come with me?

Emily was shocked at the question.

Emily: James, we really don't know each other that well. Yeah, I've read your poetry sand know some facts about you, but you may be someone completely different behind your own doors. And even if that's not the case, you may find out I'm not everything you think I am.

Jaded Poet: That ok. Just a silly thought in my head. Don't worry about it.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, neither of them moving. Finally, Emily spoke.

Emily: Screw it. Let's do it.

Jaded Poet: What?

Emily: Yeah. Let's go. This is the kind of fairy tales girls dream about when they are young. The young dashing poet comes in and scoops of the girl and takes her to places she's never been.

Jaded Poet: Girls dream of poets?

Emily: Yes. So yeah, let's do it.

Emily picked up her glass.

Emily: A toast to Europe.

Jaded Poet: Wait a second, I have something else.

Emily; What is it?

Jaded Poet: I wrote you a poem.

Poet took the paper back out of his pocket and handed it to her. She unfolded it and began to read it to herself.

Jaded Poet: Read it out loud. I love hearing you read my poetry.

Emily: Ok. "Everything just disappears. Darkness becomes it's disguise. I see a window into paradise, while I am looking through your eyes./I manage to forget all of my fears. The thought of pain is a bundle of lies. My feelings are wonderful and nice, because I am looking through your eyes./ So much emotion, it brings me to tears. Time stands still, and the pain just dies. To find true happiness, I need no advice. All I do, is look through your eyes.

Emily read the poem to herself again. She began to tear up.

Emily: I love this. Thank you. It's not like your other poems. This one is really beautiful.

Jaded Poet: I'm glad you think so.

He held up his glass and so did she. They both took a drink.

Emily's head fell to the table, making a sickening thud. The life in her was gone.

Poet sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he got up. He took his dinner plate and both glasses to the kitchen, cleaned them and placed them back into their cabinets.

He collected his poem, and placed it back into pocket.

Jaded Poet: Goodbye Emily.

Poet left the house.

He would never go on a book tour again. Claiming he was burnt out on poetry, he took an early retirement from writing and left the spotlight that had been on him since his poetry first became famous.

Present Day.

Jaded Poet reached for his phone and called Lichton.

Jaded Poet: A situation has risen here sir.

Lichton: What is it?

Jaded Poet: The Pack member called Primus has allied himself with our group here.

Lichton: Interesting. Ok, we'll pool our info and see where we go from here. Come back to base Poet.

Jaded Poet: On my way.

Lichton hung up the phone. He was not alone in his office. Agent Travis was with him.

Travis: What's going on?

Lichton: Seems Primus may have switched sides.

Travis: Could be a trick. Pretending to be a defector just to get info.

Lichton: Could be, but I doubt it. Not the Power Pack's style. I'll wait and see what Poet has to say about all of this.

Travis: Why do you trust him so much? Do you think he is really that loyal to The Agency?

Lichton: No, far from it. He loyalties lies with one thing. Pain. Once, bringing pain to others is what gave him his drive. then he discovered that bringing pain onto himself was even better. He hates working for us, which is exactly why he'll keep working for us.

Travis: That makes no sense.

Lichton smiled.

Lichton: A poet is nothing without his suffering.

The End

The Power Pack in "Femme Fatales!"

We find out heroes desperate to find some information on their new enemy, The Agency. Primus has been sitting at the computer for four hours trying to find whatever he can.


Primus: I give up! I can't find a damn thing on them. It's like they don't even exist!

Pillz: Are you sure you are using that search engine right.

Primus: Yes. I've been doing advanced searches and I have used about every single Internet search engine available.

Pero: Did you use the Google?

Primus: Yes. That was the first one I used.

Primus was getting annoyed with their questions. All of his life, people always assumed he never knew what he was doing. He could only take so much of it.

Pillz: Maybe you just aren't looking in the right places.

Primus: That's it! If you think you can do better, by all means, sit down and search! And if you can find anything, I'll be the first to get on my knees and suck the mighty dick of Pillz!

Pillz: Hey! There is no need to get fired up! I'm just trying to help.

Primus: Well, I'm getting a little sick of the "Primus is incompetent" attitude you always have. I have done everything, and that includes even trying to use my powers to bring up something. I have found nothing.

Pillz: Ok, ok. I apologize. We just need to take a break from all of this.

Pero: You have powers Primus?

Primus just stared at him.

Pillz: Ok guys, listen up. The mayor needs us to help him with problem. Seems there is a gang of bank robbers out there.

Primus: Fantastic! We get to take a break from fighting The Agency by fighting bank robbers.

Pillz: As long as there is crime and injustice in the world, crime fighters never get to take vacations.

Primus: How long have you waited to use that in a conversation?

Pillz: A week. I thought it up when I was making plans for a vacation.

Pero: My cousin David has been on vacation for a long time. At least that's where my mother told me he went. He went on vacation right after he showed up at school dressed up as Don Quixote and went around spreading his feces on the wall.

Pillz: Well, we won't be taking that kind of vacation. At least not all of us.

Primus: What are you looking at me for?

Pillz: No reason. Ok, let's back on topic here: The bank robbers.

Primus: Let's just get out there and kick these guy's asses.

Pillz: They are girls.

Primus: What?

Pillz: 3 of them to be exact. Witnesses say that two of them are dressed up as cats and the other one is dressed up in what appears to be a dominatrix costume. The dominatrix appears to be the leader.

Primus: I might have a problem with this.

Pillz: Why?

Primus: Well, they are girls. I can't fight girls.

Pillz: When it comes to evil, there is no gender. And before you ask, I just came up with that.

Primus: I just don't know about this.

Pero: I'll tell you all this, if those hos want to step up to Pero's plate, I'll give them a bitch slapping they won't soon forget.

Pillz: That's the spirit Pero. See, he's got the right attitude.

Primus: Good for him. I'm still not going to be comfortable with this.

Pillz: That's fine. Let's go to the last bank they robbed and look at their security video.

As our heroes go to the bank, let's check out their latest enemies, who are shacked up in the duplex they are renting together.

Radioactive Dude: What in the Sam Hill are all these boxes doing out here.

Evil Gnome: Oh, those must be my new lawn gnomes. Sorry, I should have told you I was expecting a delivery.

Radioactive Dude: Don't worry 'bout it partner.

Evil Gnome: The new gnomes are custom made. I had them designed with machine guns and swords and all sorts of neat gimmicks.

Radioactive Dude: That's good thinking there Gnome. That's the kind of ingenuity that's going to get us ahead. Coming up with new ideas to improve our game.

Dealy Llama: Me and Mrs. have been working on doing just that. Want to see the video?

Radioactive Dude: I think I'll pass. Especially since you've had your missus transformed into a donkey most of the week.

Dealy Llama: We're just trying to reach out to all markets.

Dealy Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. turned into Brad Pitt.

Dealy Llama: See that? That is how we are going to fund this little operation.

Evil Gnome: Let me guess. You are going to film yourself having sex with the Mrs, while she looks like Brad Pitt, and then blackmail him for money not to release the tape.

Dealy Llama looked over at his Mrs and smiled brightly.

Dealy Llama: Blackmail him! That's an even better idea.

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll leave you to take care of that. In the meantime, we are going to have some guests tonight.

Evil Gnome: Don't tell me The Agency is going to send somebody over.

Radioactive Dude: Not that I'm aware of. No, our gusts are going to be of the female bank robbing variety.

Evil Gnome: Those three women that have been robbing the banks? Why exactly are they coming here?

Radioactive Dude: Well, I happened to be in the area of their last bank robbery and I followed them. After I caught up with them, I introduced myself and offered them our support. They are coming over to discuss a possible alliance.

Evil Gnome: With no offense to the Mrs. over there, it has been my experience that women are not to be trusted.

Radioactive Dude: Then we best keep on our toes. Come on, let's tidy up and have this place looking purty for our new friends.

Meanwhile, our heroes are checking out the surveillance tape.

Primus: Well, you have to hand it to them, they sure are hot.

Pillz: Don't let their sexuality fool you. These women are dangerous. You saw what that one did with the whip.

Primus: I can't even make one simple little comment without you blowing it out of proportion.

Pillz: That's not what I'm doing. I know how your mind works. You have to realize that we are going to fight these women. The last thing this team needs is for you to back down from the fight because you are too busy fantasizing about them.

Primus: I'm still not excited about fighting women. Unlike your mother, mine taught me how to be a gentleman.

Pillz: You are right. Mine taught me that if I was ever in a fight with a woman, I should have paid up front. Let's not have this argument now. We need to study this tape.

Pero: Can I have a copy of it to study in my room tonight?

Pillz comptemplated on exactly what Pero meant by this. Innocent comment or not, it wouldn't hurt to give Pero a copy.

Pillz: Sure Pero. Primus take notes. The leader walks in and begins to sing. Her song seems to put all of the people in the bank in a trance. Except this man, who happens to be deaf. He runs toward the three women. At this point, the one cat dressed as a tiger, hell let's call her Julie Newmar for the time being, thrust her hands out in front of her revealing claws at the tips of each of her fingers. This scares the man and he takes off running in the other direction. The Michelle Pheifer catwoman than takes out her whip and manages to catch the man and ties him up with the whip. The two cats then get the cash while the leader stands guard. Ten minutes in and out. They are pros.

Pero: Maybe they are men dressed up in drag.

Primus: Why would you think that?

Pero: I saw that movie about Julie Newmar.

Pillz: Never mind Pero, these are women. This is going to be just like out first case, Primus. We are going to mark down all the banks they hit on a map and see if we can't find a pattern. If we do, we will stake out the next bank. But first, we need to profile their powers here and develop a defense strategy against them.

Primus: Fine. Let's get to it.

As the heroes were strategizing, the Fucktastic Four were getting ready for their guests.

Radioactive Dude: The Fucktastic Four?

Dealy Llama: Hell yeah! You know damn well we need a name. And that's a name ain't nobody going to forget.

Evil Gnome: It does have a certain ring to it.

Radioactive Dude: Well, if you three are pleased with it, then I reckon it's all right with me as well.

Dealy Llama: Fucktastic! So, when are these bitches supposed to get here?

Radioactive Dude: Should be any minute now. Remember to be ready for anything.

Moments later, there was a knock at the door.

Evil Gnome: I'll get it.

Gnome walked to the door and opened it. The three femme fatales walked in.

Evil Gnome: Hello ladies, let me introduce you to the people in the room. The cowboy over there you all already know is Radioactive Dude. The two couples over there are Dealy Llama and his Mrs. and I am known as Evil Gnome.

Evil Gnome took the hand of the nearest woman and kissed the back of her hand.

The Lady blushed.

The Lady: Well, let me introduce you to us. I am the Sadistic Siren, although you may all call me Saddy. The tigress over here is Purrrrrrr and the black cat here is MED.

The three ladies bowed to their hosts.

Dealy Llama: Well, let's get this fuckin party started!

MED: You certainly do have a mouth on you.

Dealy Llama: Bitch, that ain't the only thing I have on me that'll amaze you.

Saddy started at Llama.

Saddy: You need to watch yourself around us boy.

MED: Oh lighted up Saddy, he's kind of cute.

Radioactive Dude: You'll have to pardon him, mam. His mouth is faster than his mind.

Med: Along with other things I'm sure.

Llama wasn't sure how to take that comment.

Saddy: Anyway, what is the purpose of our little meeting?

Radioactive Dude: The reason that I asked you ladies to visit us is one out of self-preservation. For all of us. As you ladies are now high profiled criminals, it's only a matter of time before you have a run in with the Power Pack.

Purrrrrrr: What? Those 3 little boys? I'm sure we would have no problem dealing with them.

Evil Gnome: With all due respect miss, but we've fought them ourselves and they no how to fight. I'm more than certain that they are not something you can just brush off.

Saddy: That may be, but we have powers of our own that will handle the Power Pack's powers. My singing voice can stop any man. MED is excellent with the whip, and Purrrrrrr can move with the grace of a cat.

Dealy Llama: Those powers suck! "Ooohhh. Look at me, I can use a whip!" Wow, whoopdy-doo! And the reason that men stop when you sing is so they can spare their ears from the god awful sound that comes out of that cock chasm you call a throat. And you, "Miss cat like grace", I don't know how that's possible with hips that big. Hey Mrs, show 'em what a real woman can do.

Dealy Llama honked his nose twice. The Mrs. then turned into a tigress. The three ladies looked on in shock.

Dealy Lama: "Moving with the grace of a cat" don't sound like no hot shit now, doesn't it. I've said before and I'll say it again, the Mrs. is the best pussy around.

Saddy turned to Radioactive Dude.

Saddy: We didn't come here to be mocked by some juvenile clown and his freak wife.

Radioactive Dude: I apologize mam, but Llama doeas have a point. I don't reckon your powers would do much good against the Power Pack.

Saddy: Oh, you don't huh? Well, we'll see about that. If the Power Pack wants to try and stop us, I say let them come. And you'll see how women achieve where men have failed.

And with that, the 3 women left the room.

Evil Gnome: That went well, didn't it.

Radioactive Dude: It went exactly as I hoped it would. Good work, Llama.

Dealy Llama: As always.

Evil Gnome: ok. Mind explaining to me what the hell just went down.

Radioactive Dude: I apologize for keeping you in the dark, but I had to make sure your reactions to Llama's outbursts were genuine. It helped create the illusion that we were being sincere with our hope to team up with them.

Evil Gnome? We weren't being sincere?

Radioactive Dude: No. I want to see how they match up against the Power Pack. But I need them to be prepared. I want them to go at the Power Pack with all they got.

Evil Gnome: You're very serious about studying the Power Pack before we go up against them again, huh.

Radioactive Dude: You're darn right. "Know thy enemy." I take those words to heart.

Dealy Llama: The Mrs. has turned into a bird and is following the girls as we speak.

Radioactive Dude: Good. She'll come back to us when the girls have planned out their next bank heist. And we'll be there to watch and hopefully, the Power Pack will come by and put up a show.

Dealy Llama: I'll bring the popcorn.


Meanwhile...

Purrrrrrr: I have never been so humiliated in my life!

Saddy: Let it go.

MED: Yeah, besides, who are they? I've never knew about them until today. We already have 3 bank robberies under our belt and what do they have? Nothing.

Purrrrrrr: Good point.

Saddy: And it is a good point. They probably wanted to team up with us just so we could do they heavy work and they could pick up on the rewards. Fucking men.

MED: But what was up with that crazy midget bitch?

Saddy: Who knows? Bunch of freaks. Let's get back to the lair and make plans for the next heist.

The three ladies hopped into their car and drove off. The didn't speak to each other on the drive back, as they were each going over the event that had just took place in their minds. None of them liked to be embarrassed by men and each secretly decided to take their frustrations out on the Power Pack if the Pack decided to try to stop them.

One of them did speak however.

Purrrrrrr: My hips aren't that big.

As they drove on, none of them noticed the bird doing it's best to keep up with them.


The next day...

Pillz: No! No! No!

Primus: What am I doing wrong?

Pillz: Everything!

Pillz, Primus, and Pero were now working out in an Rent-A-Gym they referred to as the Practice Pad.

Pillz: What did I tell you? Since you refuse to fight these girls, I need you on defense. And so far, you have not some up with one good defense against this whip I've been cracking at you for the last half hour.

Primus: Maybe you aren't using it right.

Pillz: I know how to use a whip.

Pero: My mother once had a whip. She used it to punish daddy the way he liked. She also used it to punish other men too. Dad was usually at work late when the other men got punished. Mom never used it to punish me though. She had a paddle for that. I remember one time she spanked me for playing with matches. I found them in my dad's desk drawer and decided to light my GI Joes on fire. Snake Eyes was my favorite Joe so I never lit him on fire. When I was 8, I decided not to talk to anybody so I could be more like Snake Eyes. My mom didn't know why I wouldn't talk, because I couldn't tell her, so she took me to see a doctor. He tried to get me to talk but I wouldn't. He said, "Come on kid, I'm desperate." I was young and wasn't paying too much attention to him so I thought he said that he was Destro. That's when I kicked him in the face and ran out of the room. That night the doctor came by to see how I was doing. I decided to talk to him and told him I didn't like Cobra in my house. He laughed and said he wasn't Cobra. He then talked to my mom. He must have been a bad guy anyway cause later that night mom was punishing him with the whip.

Pillz: So, Pero, since you seem to be an expert on the subject; am I using the whip right?

Pero: I don't know. The whip she used had like nine different ends on them.

Pillz: Ok then, never mind.

Primus: Maybe my power only works when I know that there is a real danger to me.

Pillz: Well, there is going to be a real danger, because I'm going to start whipping you for real.

Primus: I don't know what your problem is. When it comes time for us to stop those women, I'll be ready.

Pillz: That's my main concern. I don't think you will.

Primus: Why don't you trust me.

Pillz: It's not that I don't trust you, it's just the fact that I'm not 100% convinced of your ability to come through when we need you the most.

Primus: I have proven myself time and time again.

Pillz: But your reluctance to fight these women is concerning. I need to make sure you are giving your all to stopping our enemies.

Pero: Hey guys, will you stop acting like my parents for one second and look on the TV.

Pero pointed to the little TV they had set up in a corner. On the TV was live coverage of a bank robbery.

Pillz: Great timing.

Pillz turned to Primus.

Pillz: Moment of truth. Are you going to back us up?

Primus: Yes.

Pillz: Good. Let's go.

At the Bank...

MED: Saddy, what are we waiting for? We got the money, let's split.

Saddy: No. We are waiting for the Power Pack to arrive.

Purrrrrrr: Good. It's time to prove ourselves once and for all.

Saddy: Don't forget how we decided to do this. I subdue them and then you two have your way with them.

MED: I always like your plans.

The Power Pack arrived.

Pillz: Ok ladies, your fun time is over. Come out with your hands up and surrender peacefully.

Saddy: I'm coming out with my hands up.

Saddy walked out, hands in the air. She began to sing.

Pillz was too fast for her. A green light shout out of his ring and formed a rope. Which then wrapped itself around Saddy's head, covering her mouth.

Saddy struggled to remove it, but could not manage to get it off.

MED and Purrrrrr moved outside to attack.

MED went after Pero with the whip.

MED: You've been a bad boy. It's time for your punishment.

MED cracked her whip at Pero.

Pero's mind flashed back to all the men who let out those moans of pain when his mother punished them. Pero began to shake.

MED: Awww. The little boy is shaking in his shoes.

Pero hulked out.

PeroHulk: You no hurt Pero. Pero no like whip!

Pero chased after MED, who took off running.

Purrrrrrr had decided to confront Primus.

Purrrrrrr: Good. I get to take on the cute one.

Primus: You think I'm cute?

Purrrrrrr: You bet. So, is that your superpower in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Primus looked away, his cheeks were flushed.

Purrrrrrr: What's the matter? Never been this close to a woman before?

Primus: I've been close to plenty. My sister and I used to share the same bed.

Purrrrrrr just laughed at this.

Purrrrrrr: And they said this was going to be tough.

Primus: Who's they?

Purrrrrrr: We met these guys over at this Duplex on 23rd....

Purrrrrrr stopped when she saw PeroHulk chasing after MED.

Purrrrrrr: Hold that thought cutie, I'll be right back.

Purrrrrrr ran over and lept on PeroHulk's back. She began clawing at him. PeroHulk tried to grab at her, but he couldn't reach her. MED began to whip him from the front.

Pillz saw this happening.

Pillz: Primus, help Pero out!

Primus: You help him out!

Pillz: I can't. I need to keep this one's mouth shut.

Primus: I don't know what to do!

Pillz: Damn it!

Pillz let go of Saddy and aimed his ring at Purrrrrrr. He managed to get her off of PeroHulk's back, but then Saddy began to sing.

Pillzs and Pero were frozen in their spots. Primus was not affected.

Primus: My power is drowning out her singing. I can't hear it.

MED: sothis one is immune huh. Saddy, you keep on singing your song. We'll deal with this one.

MED cracked her whip at him. Primus caught it with his hands and pulled it away from her.

MED: Ho did you? No one can? What the hell?

Purrrrrrr: I knew there was something special about this cutie. I'll handle him.

Purrrrrrr ran ar Primus at full speed. Primus' hand flew out, shooting the whip out at full speed. The whip found it's way around Purrrrrrr's legs and brought her to the ground.

Purrrrrrr: That's impossible! No one can catch me like that.

Primus: it's easy when you have hips that big.

Purrrrrrr began to cry.

Saddy stopped singing.

Pillz immediatly captured her with his power ring. PeroHulk picked up both MED and Purrrrrr.

A few minutes later, the police arived to take the women into custody.

Primus: See, I told you I would come through. I saved both of your guy's bacon.

Pillz stared quietly at Primus.

Primus: What?

Pillz: I am dissapointed in you.

Primus was hurt to hear this.

Primus: What do you mean. I stopped them, didn't I? I saved both of you from her singing.

Pillz: That never should have happened. If you had helped PeroHulk like I told you to, she never would have had the opportunity to sing in the first place.

Primus: You are never pleased are you? You always have to bring out the negative in a situation.

Pillz: No. I always bring up what went wrong in the situation.

Primus: No. You're right. I'm sorry Pillz, you have my word that this will never happen again.

Pillz: I would hope so. But I honestly have to tell you, I have my doubts.

Primus: This is one promise I'll keep.


An Hour Later...

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll hang my hat up and say that that was a complete success.

Dealy Llama: That was the most fucking boring 10 minutes of my life.

Evil Gnome: I thought it was very educational myself.

Radioactive Dude: And it was. Dissension among the ranks. That will be the Power Pack's downfall.


Voice At The Door: You have no idea.

The four villains turned to see who had spoken. They were shocked to see who it was.

Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll be. What brings you to these parts?

Primus: I want to join up with you guys.


TO BE CONTINUED