Gweg was worried.
Extremely worried.
Satyr hadn't been around for two months now.
Gweg wasn't worried about Satyr being in danger, or dead for that matter, Gweg was worried that Satyr was up to something.
Whenever Satyr wasn't around the apartment. He was up to no good.
And now Satyr had been gone for two months.
Gweg knew Satyr was still alive. He had sent in his part of the two month's rent though the mail, although he left no return address.
Monday night when Gweg went to bed, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.
He knew trouble was coming.
Tuesday, Satyr returned home.
Satyr: Damn, that was one hell of a trip, but it was well worth it.
Gweg: What have you been doing? It's not anything I am going to see on the news is it?
Satyr: I don't see why it should be, I was just visiting some major cities to do some advertising.
Gweg: Advertising for what?
Satyr: My comic, "The Adventures of Baby Hitler and Siamese Twin Jesus".
Gweg: The what?
Satyr: It's a newspaper comic about two messed up clones of Jesus and Hitler. No newspaper will buy it, so I put up some advertisements to get people talking about it and demanding to see it in the newspapers.
Gweg: That's idiotic. What kind of ads are you putting up? Billboards?
Satyr: Hell no! Billboards are so cliched. I made hundreds of lite-brites with Baby Hitler or Siamese Twin Jesus on them and put them up over five major cities.
Gweg: What cities?
Satyr: New York, L.A., Philly, Chicago, and Boston.
Gweg: And whereabouts did you stick these lite-brites?
Satyr: In places that people visit a lot. Bus stops, newspaper machines, park benches, bridges, strip clubs, churches, and Paris Hilton.
Gweg: Well, it won't work, but it's not the worse thing you've done. Now leave me alone, it's time to watch the news.
Satyr: Why do you watch that shit? Half of the time these newspeople don't know what the hell they are talking about.
Gweg: Because, unlike you, I actually care about what is happening in the world.
Satyr: Mark my words, that shit will make you paranoid. I'm going to my room and waiting for calls from the newspapers.
Gweg: You put your name and number on the lite-brites?
Satyr stood motionless and then slapped his forehead.
Satyr: Fuck! I knew there was something I forgot to do!
Satyr stormed into his room and Gweg could hear him cussing up a storm. Gweg turned the tv onto MSNBC and turned up the volume.
20 minutes later, Gweg was screaming for Satyr to come into the room.
Gweg: Satyr, get in here!
Satyr came out of his room and walked up to Gweg.
Satyr: What is it Gweg? I need to make plans to head out to those cities again so I can put my info on those signs.
Gweg pointed at the TV.
Gweg: You may want to reconsider.
Satyr turned toward the TV. He was baffled by what he saw.
On the TV:
Reporter: The city of Boston is in a state of panic! Earlier this morning, a man getting his morning paper out of a paper machine, reported spotting a bomb inside the paper machine. The Boston Bomb Squad blew up the paper machine with the bomb inside, but there have been two more reports by people claiming, they too, have spotted suspicious devises they refer to as bombs.
Satyr: Oh shit.
On the TV:
The reporter pulled a person off of the street for an interview.
Reporter: What is the general feeling here in Boston?
Bostonite: Everybody is scared. We all figured the terrorists would target Boston sooner or later. We have the Liberty Bell for Pete's sake. Nobody knows where these bombs have all been planted. But we are not going to take this lying down!
The Bostonite pulled a gun out of his pocket and Fired into the air.
Bostonite: Come and get us Terrorist! We'll throw your asses into the sea just like we did that British Tea!
Reporter: There you have it America. Boston is in a state of complete anarchy in retaliation for the bombs. This could be a dark day in American history, but as you heard from that Boston resident, the Bostonites will not take this lying down. Boston has always had a history of standing up for their freedom. Terrorists, you have picked the wrong city.
The reporter put down his mic, but somebody could be heard shouting in the backgroud.
"Hey, look over there, They got a big ass bomb."
The reporter could be heard saying, "No, it's just the camera.", but shots rang out and the video feed was cut off.
MSNBC then cut to their newsroom.
News Anchor: We don't know exactly what happened there, but we will bring you the updates as they come along. We advise people not to go to Boston, which we would like to remind you, does not have the Liberty Bell.
Gweg: We need to go to Boston.
Satyr: Are you out of your fucking mind? You saw what just happened there. There is no chance in hell I'm going there.
Gweg: You are responsible for all of this.
Satyr: Hey! It's not my fault the idiots in Boston can't tell the difference between a bomb and a lite brite.
Gweg: It doesn't matter. I don't know why I didn't make the correlation earlier. In this day in age you need to be careful with what you put out there. You can't just put up anonymous electronic devices out wherever you please. People are on the look out today for anything suspicious.
Satyr: "Anonymous electronic devices?" They are fucking lite-brites. Anyway, it's really not my problem. My info is not on there, so they can't trace any of this back to me.
Gweg: You said you put them in public places right? Well, a lot of the places you mention sometimes have security cameras around there in major cities.
Satyr: Fuck. Well, what do you want me to do?
Gweg: Go to Boston and fess up.
Satyr: Why can't I just call?
Gweg: Because they probably have a bunch of goofballs calling up to take responsibility for this. You need to go down there and show them where you put these lite-brites at.
Satyr: You are coming with me.
Gweg: There is no chance in hell of me going there.
Satyr: Come on Gweg, I need you there. You are my moral compass. You are the guy that anchors me down to this funny little world we live in.
Gweg: You just want somebody with you when they take you down.
Satyr: Ok, you are right. But come on! Even you have to admit they are seriously overreacting to this.
Gweg: Yes, I agree with you there. Fine, let's go.
Some hours later.
Satyr: Holy shit, this place is a fucking mess.
Satyr and Gweg were in Boston, which was in complete chaos.
Satyr: All of this over a couple of lite-brites.
Gweg: Come on, we need to find an official.
They hopped into their car and drove down the street.
Gweg: According to this map, the Police Station is a few blocks down this street.
Moments later, they heard an explosion next to them.
Satyr: What the blue fuck was that?
Gweg: I don't know.
They looked up and saw a small group of people throwing grenades at cars in the street.
Satyr: We need to get the fuck out of here.
Gweg: You are right.
Gweg pulled off onto another street and and immediately all four tires of their car went flat.
Gweg: Shit! I Think we just ran over a spike strip.
Satyr: We'll be sitting ducks in this car. We need to get out.
They got out of the car. As they stepped out, they heard gunfire.
Satyr: Run!
They ran towards an alley way, but were followed by two men with machine guns.
Man # 1: We'll get you, you terrorist scum!
Satyr and Gweg kept running, they ran into another alley, only to find it was a dead end.
Satyr: It looks like this is it.
Gweg: I knew you would be the death of me.
Satyr: Before we die, I just want you to know, that I have always valued our friendship.
Gweg: Really?
Satyr: Fuck no! In fact, I blame you for getting me into this mess in the first place. I didn't want to come here, but noooo!, we had to do things the "Gweg Way". And now it's going to get us gunned down. Way to go, you ethical idiot.
The two men with guns came around the corner and aimed at Gweg and Satyr.
Man #1: This is what happens when you try to blow up our city.
Gweg put his head down while Satyr gave him an angry glance. Then they heard another man shout..
"Get down dammit!"
Gweg and Satyr threw themselves to the ground as the man who shouted came out of nowhere and gunned the two men down.
Satyr: You just saved our lives. Who are you?
The Man: My name is Jake Brower and I work for CPU and today is the longest day of my life.
Gweg: Thanks for saving us.
Jake: I don't know who you guys are, but if you want to survive, you need to stick with me. There are four more bombs out there. They were planted by terrorists working for the president who is working for a group of men, one whom is my brother, secretly running the country by starting wars and controlling oil and arms sales, while making a deal with a hidden alien race to remove them from the earth when the apocalypse occurs.
Satyr: Who in the hell thought up that cockamamie story? There are no bombs, they are lite-brites!
Jake: This is no time to argue, dammit. I need to find out what time it is.
Gweg: I have a watch.
Jake: That's not how I do things.
Jake went up to a teenager who was hiding behind a trash can.
Jake picked him up and twisted his arm around his back.
Jake: Tell me what time it is, dammit!
The Boy: I don't know!
Jake: Don't make me hurt you!
The Boy: It's 3 minutes till 5 o'clock.
Jake: I don't belive you.
Jake took out his pocket knife and started cutting off the boys ear.
Jake: Are you ready to tell me the truth.
The Boy: Yes! It's exactly 5 o'clock.
Jake: Good.
Jake threw the boy down.
Satyr: Jesus fuck! That was a little extreme wasn't it?
Jake: He did it to himself.
Gweg: What was the point of all that?
Jake: For this: The following takes place between 5:00 PM and 6:00 PM.
Satyr: You are fucking crazy.
Jake: Dammit! We need to locate these bombs. You either help me or you stay out of my way!
Satyr: I'm not going to tell you again! They are lite-brites!
Jake: They are bombs and I am the only person in America that can stop them.
Gweg leaned up to Satyr and whispered in his ear.
Gweg: I'm starting to agree with you, coming here was a bad mistake.
Satyr: How do we always keep running into the psychos.
Gweg: I think it's me. I'm a freak magnet.
Satyr: Yeah, the freaks are always hovering around you.
They looked over at Jake who was talking on a cell phone.
Jake: Dammit, Clea, I need those satellite photos right now! No dammit, it can't take that long, these events happen in real time!
Satyr: Let's inch away from him very quietly.
Satyr and Gweg started to move away.
Jake: You two, hold it! I need you two to cover me while I go commandeer a vehicle.
Satyr: Cover you! With what, our good looks and fists?
Jake: Grab the guns of those two guys there! Do it now!
Gweg: Let's do what the crazy man says.
Gweg and Satyr picked up the guns.
Jake: You stay here and keep a look out while you follow me and cover my rear.
Satyr: Wait a second, who does what now?
Jake: Dammit, just do what I say!
Satyr: Yes boss.
Jake ran out into the road and pointed his gun at the driver of a taxi.
Jake: My name is Jake Brower and I work for CPU and I need to take this vehicle.
The taxi driver got out. He was of Middle Eastern descent.
The Taxi Driver: Sure man, take it, it's all yours.
Jake: What did you just say?
Gweg got worried.
Gweg: He said to take the car.
Jake: Nobody gives up their car that easy, he's one of them!
Satyr: There is no "them"! It's a bunch of lite-brites!
Jake didn't pay attention. He drew his gun on the owner of the car.
Jake: Very slowly, get down on your knees and put your hands behind your back.
The Taxi Driver: I didn't do anything, I just want to get out of this crazy city.
Jake pulled out his cell phone.
Jake: Clea, it's me, Jack. I just got confirmation from one of the terrorists that the bombs will go off within the hour.
Gweg: That's not what he said at all!
Jake: Be quiet! This man knows where the bombs are. And he will tell me.
Jake pulled a hacksaw out of the back of his shirt.
Satyr: He's been running around with that thing strapped to his back all day?
Gweg: You really stirred up some serious shit this time around.
Satyr: I don't know how we are going to get out of this one. Holy shit! Look at what he's doing.
Jake had begun sawing of the Taxi Driver's arm while putting on a tourniquet.
Jake: It doesn't have to be this way. All you need to do is tell me where the bombs are!
The Taxi Driver: Please, no more. I don't know where the bombs are at!
Jake kept on cutting.
Jake: Tell me where the bombs are at. dammit!
Satyr and Gweg looked on.
Satyr: I'm beginning to think we need to plant real bombs just to end this whole mess.
Gweg: That may be the smartest idea you have ever come up with.
Gweg and Satyr snuck away with the screams of the Taxi Driver and the yelling of Jake Brower behind them.
Satyr: Where are we going to get real bombs.
Gweg: We are not. You are going to tell CPU where you put the lite-brites.
Satyr: What?
Gweg: You are going to pretend to be a terrorist and you are going to claim that you've had a change of heart and you are going to tell them where the "bombs" are at.
Satyr: I think I'm, starting to rub off on you Gweg, because that asinine idea sounds like something I would come up with.
Gweg: Don't ever say I'm acting like you ever again.
Satyr called CPU and told them where the "bombs" were at.
Satyr hung up the phone.
Satyr: There, it's done, now let's get the hell out of this fucked up town.
Gweg: For the first time, you and I are on the same page.
As they turned to walk away, Jake Brower stepped out of nowhere.
Jake: Come on. CPU was just contacted by one of the terrorists and we know where the bombs are at.
Satyr: How in the hell did you find us so fast. We hopped in that cab and drove ten blocks away from you.
Jake: There's no time to explain that, dammit. We need to diffuse these bombs now. We need to head over to the bridge that's on the outside of town.
Four minutes later.
Jake: They said the bomb is under the bridge. Help me look for it, dammit.
Satyr: You like to say "dammit" alot, don't you?
Jake: This is no time for games.
Satyr: I know where the bomb is. It's a few feet over there.
Jake went over to where Satyr pointed.
Jake: This isn't a bomb, this is a lite-brite, dammit!
Satyr: That's exactly what I have been trying to tell you.
Jake: You have just compromised this entire situation. We know about these stupid lite-brites with what appears to be a baby Hitler and a siamese twin Jesus. We have four bombs ready to explode in Boston and you have just wasted my time with these stupid toys. Their deaths will be on your heads.
Satyr: You know about the lite-brites?
Jake: Yes. And if the bombs go off, I will personally make sure that everybody knows about how you and your lite-brites are responsible for those people's deaths.
Satyr: Hot damn! You can't buy publicity like that.
Just as Satyr said that, several bombs went off in the city off Boston.
A few days later.
Gweg walked into the apartment to find Satyr watching TV.
Gweg: Well, did you find any buyers for your comic?
Satyr: No. No newspaper wants to print the comic that is connected with the destruction of Boston.
Gweg: Tough luck. Well, once again, it looks like nothing good came out of one of your stupid ideas.
Satyr: Really? Guess again.
Satyr pointed to the TV.
On the TV:
Reporter: Breaking news. Paris Hilton was detonated by the Las Angeles Bomb Squad today after if was reported that there was a strange glow coming out of her vagina. After the incident in Boston, no chances were taken.
The End.
