Gweg had just come home from the store. For some odd reason, the store wouldn't accept his credit card. Already having a bad day, he wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of it in the company of Virtual Satyr.
When Gweg walked into their apartment, Satyr was on the phone.
Satyr: Good. We'll be there in half an hour. Have two hundred kids waiting for me in the auditorium. Good-bye.
Satyr hung up the phone and turned to Gweg.
Satyr: Good, you're home. Well, saddle up partner, we got some interesting business to take care of.
Gweg: Oh? Are we going to dress up as Jesus and convince a bunch of nuns to have sex with us?
Satyr: You know we already tried that and it didn't work. No, we are going to the Elementary School.
Gweg: Why?
Satyr: I'm going to direct a play.
Gweg: Oh yay. Why exactly do I have to come?
Satyr: Because you are the producer.
Gweg: How am I the producer?
Satyr: I maxed out all of your credit cards to make this play happen.
Gweg: You son-of-a-bitch! So that's why I'm broke. Of all the inconsiderate things...What in the hell did you need that required you to max out my cards?
Satyr: Well, several remote control model airplanes, a few to scale models of the World Trade Plaza, costumes, a directors chair, a bull horn, and this month's issue of Penthouse.
Gweg: What in the hell is this play about?
Satyr: 9/11 of course.
So, half an hour later, a very excited Satyr and a very grumpy Gweg arrived at the elementary school.
There were a little over two hundred kids sitting in the auditorium, all anxious to be apart of the big play.
The Principal was waiting for Satyr.
Principal: Hello Mr. Satyr. I'm glad that you chose this school for your major play.
Satyr: Well, I asked around, and everybody said that this is the school with the most talent.
Principal: Ha! Ha! Oh yes, we do our best to make sure our kids have the best education around.
Satyr: Uh-huh I bet you do. Well anyway, I won't be needing you hanging around, so you can go back into your office an take a nap.
Principal: Sure thing, Mr. Satyr.
Satyr: (through the bullhorn)All right kids. Now, I need all the girls to stand up.
Gweg: Excuse me.
Satyr: What is it?
Gweg: I need to talk to your for a second.
Satyr: All right. (through the bullhorn)Ok kids. I'll be back in just a minute.
Gweg: You do know I'm going to be in dept for the rest of my life.
Satyr: Oh Gweg, you are not thinking of the big picture here.
Gweg: What big picture?
Satyr: When news of my play gets out, every Hollywood Big-Wig will be banging on our door wanting movie rights. We'll be millionaires. This script I have is the likes of which Hollywood has ever dreamed. No one has ever thought of a 9/11 movie before.
Gweg: What are you talking about? Oliver Stone is going to be doing a movie on 9/11.
Satyr: Oliver Stone! That hack? Please. Next, you'll be telling me that Flight 11 wasn't the plane that hit the first tower, it was the plane on the grassy knoll!
Gweg: That doesn't even make sense.
Satyr: Whatever, let me get back to work.
Satyr has the boys sit on one side of the auditorium and the girls sit on another.
Satyr: (through the bullhorn) You there! Little boy! What's your name?
Little Boy: Jaime.
Satyr: All right Jaime, from the looks of it, you are Arab American, which is perfect.
Jaime: I'm Italian-American.
Satyr: Whatever! You will be playing the part of Muhammad. So get up on stage. Also, I need 72 girls up here.
Jaime and a whole bunch of girls get up on the stage.
Satyr: All right, now in this scene, Muhammad has just arrived in Heaven and is greeted by his 72 virgins. Uh you, girl in the back. Yeah you, I know who your mom is and there is no way you are going to be playing a virgin. Get another girl up here.
Gweg: I can't believe you are doing this.
Satyr: Hush. Now, I need 15 boys and 15 girls on the other side of the stage. Now, we will rehearse the part where some of the victims of 9/11 meet with Muhammad and his virgins. This will be the big fight scene that everyone will talk about.
Gweg: I don't doubt that at all.
Satyr: Ok. Action!
The children read off their lines and act out their fights. The scene ends with Muhammad declaring defeat.
Muhammad(Jaime): I have seen the error of my ways. America is the greatest country in the world. I never should have attacked it. I was obviously jealous and mad because I come from a piss-poor country. God bless the USA. Now, we shall all share my virgins.
Satyr: And then all of you cheer. Cut! All right, a little more emotion next time. This scene will be a classic.
Little Boy: Mr. Satyr?
Satyr: Yes?
Little Boy: Uh, are you sure this is the right thing to do. I mean, I'm 11 years old, but even I know this is wrong.
Satyr: Do you know what I'm sitting on?
Little Boy: Uh, it's a chair.
Satyr: Wrong! It's the Director's Chair. Now, get out of here you little shit, you ain't going to be in my play.
The little boy runs off, crying.
Gweg: He does have a point, I mean that was offensive and way over the line.
Satyr: Gweg, you are the money and that's why I have invited you here. However, your opinion means as much to me as a Canadian penny. So shut it.
Gweg: I hate you.
Satyr: All right, next scene. Now in this scene, a fireman will realize his girlfriend is trapped in the first tower. Now, the second tower has already collapsed and it's believed that the first one will too. You boy, you will play the fireman. The fireman's name will be Ashton Cinder.
Gweg: Oh brother.
Satyr: The girl next to you will play your girlfriend, Tulip. And, Action!
The two kids act out their scene. The scene ends with Tulip on the roof of a building next to remaining World Trade Center Tower. She is holding on to Ashton, who is hanging over the side and also suffering a severe wound to his stomach.
Ashton: Promise me you'll never let go Tulip. Promise me you'll never let go.
Tulip: I promise Ash. I'll never let go. I'll never let go Ash.
Satyr: And then Ashton dies from his injuries and Tulip lets him go. At the same time, World Trade Center 1 starts to collapse. And that's the end of the play. Good god, the symbolism there, damn, I am a genius.
Gweg: What symbolism? Besides, that was a blatant rip-off of Titanic. You are a fucking moron.
Satyr: You'll be eating those words when we are making our millions. All right kids, you each have your scripts. Practice, practice practice! The play is in one week. See you all tomorrow.
One Week Later....
After the play was over. Satyr could hear nothing but boos and jeers. One man shouted, "We'll kill you Satyr!". Satyr turned to Gweg with a worried look on his face.
Satyr: This isn't what I had in mind.
Gweg: I told you this was going to be a disaster.
Satyr: We need to get out of here.
Man: Not so fast.
Satyr: (Gulp) Who are you?
Man: I'm a Hollywood Big-Wig and I loved what I saw out there. I want to turn your play into a movie.
Satyr: YES! Ha-Ha. I knew it.
Hollywood Big-Wig: But you're right we need to get out of here. Let's talk in your car.
Satyr: Come on Gweg, let's get in your car.
They all got into Gweg's car. It was a 1961 Lincoln Continental, open-top, modified limousine. Gweg got in the driver's side, Satyr got in the passenger side and Mr. Hollywood Big-Wig got in the back seat.
Mr. HWBW: All right Mr. Satyr, here's the deal. We buy your script, have some big Hollywood director film it, and you and your buddy here make millions of dollars.
Satyr: See Gweg. I told you this would happen.
Gweg: Yeah, you sure did.
Mr. HWBW: When we get to your house, you'll just sign the contract and sit back and watch that....
***BANG***
A gunshot rang out of nowhere. It struck Mr. Hollywood Big-Wig in the head, causing it to go back and to the left.
Satyr: The gunshot came from over there, the book depository!
Gweg: That's not a book depository, that's a McDonald's, idiot. It came from over there, on the grassy knoll.
Satyr: Look there's a man running! It's, it's.....
Gweg & Satyr: It's Oliver Stone!!!!
Oliver Stone: There will be only one 9/11 movie, suckers. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Satyr: Damn you Oliver Stone! Damn you to Hell!!!!!
The End.
