DAY 29
Satyr: And I have no doubt you are going to blame me for this. After all, that is your favorite past time.
Gweg: Actually, I am kind of to blame for this too.
Satyr: What? Really?
Gweg: Yes, but I'd rather not talk about it.
Satyr and Gweg had now backed themselves into a corner. They were standing at the very end of the basketball court. A wall to a building was behind them, another wall to the left of them, and a giant fence to the right of them.
The 20 or so figures were blocking their only exit.
Gweg: How long until sunrise? A little daylight could help us out here.
Satyr: It's only 11PM so we got seven more hours, but trust me, daylight don't do shit.
Gweg: What? I thought...
Satyr: Trust me. Besides. I think we might be safe until help arrives. After all, they are just standing there, staring into space. They might do that until morning. Hell, there is a good chance that we could climb that fence and they wouldn't know it.
Gweg heard one of them make a noise.
Gweg: What was that? What did he do?
Satyr: It's ok. That's just the noises they make.
Gweg: It kind of creeps me out.
Satyr: It's ok. Let's just move over to the fence.
Gweg and Satyr slowly made their way over to the fence. The figures did not move, as Satyr predicted.
Satyr and Gweg latched onto the fence and began to climb.
Satyr: I just hope this plan works, because all of my other plans this month have failed miserably.
Gweg: I don't see how that is surprising.
Satyr: My plans were fool proof. I still don't know how that first one got me jail.
DAY 3
Officer Larson: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be held against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.
Satyr: What is this shit? What did I do?
Officer Larson handcuffed Satyr and put him in the back of the squad car. 20 minutes alter, they arrived at the police station. Satyr was led to the interrogation room, where a detective was waiting for him.
Detective Watterson: You sick fuck.
Satyr: What is this all about?
Det. Watterson: I don't even want to get into the details. I felt sick enough after seeing the pics. Here, why don't you look at them?
Watterson threw five pics on the table. Satyr looked them over, wide eyed.
Satyr: Where did you get these?
Det. Watterson: That doesn't matter. Fact is: we got them. You are going away for a long time for this, punk.
Satyr: I'm not guilty.
Watterson simply pointed at the photos. Satyr shook his head.
Satyr: I have the right to a speedy trial. I'll be back on the streets within a week.
Det. Watterson: With this evidence, I can get you a trial tomorrow. You'll be in jail for the rest of your life. Unless you got a very good lawyer, which sick twisted fucks like you usually have.
Satyr: I do have a good lawyer, he's the best.
Det. Watterson: Who's that?
Satyr: I represent myself.
Det. Watterson: A fool for a client.
Satyr: You watch, nothing bad will happen from me representing myself.
DAY 11
Gweg was sitting a home, still coming to grips with what Satyr had just pulled. Gweg couldn't believe Satyr would go that far to get himself out of prison. He thought that even Satyr would have knew better than to go that route.
Just as Gweg was getting ready to get on the computer to make sure Satyr didn't completely fuck himself, there was a knock on the door.
Gweg looked towards the sky and shook his head.
Gweg: You better have a fucking mansion waiting for me up there.
Gweg opened the door. He saw a dark haired, skinny, light skinned older teenager standing before him.
The Teen: Is Satyr here?
Gweg: Let me guess, you are on of his friends from the Internet.
The teen gave Gweg a weird sort of smile.
The Teen: Yeah, let's go with that. Is he here?
Gweg: No, he's out.
The Teen: I'll just wait for him here.
The teen moved past Gweg and plopped himself down on the couch.
The Teen: Got anything to drink? I know you won't have what I'm really thirsty for, but anything cold would be fine.
Gweg couldn't believe the audacity of Satyr's friend. But Gweg was tired of all these confrontations and brought the kid a Dr. Pepper.
Gweg: I didn't catch your name.
The Teen: Call me Sekiath.
Gweg: Sekiath. Can I get you anything else? Make you a sandwich, rub your back, throw you out the window?
Sekiath chuckled and pointed at Gweg
Sekiath: Yeah, I was warned about you. No, I appreciate the drink, thank you. Satyr go out often?
Gweg: Yeah, he does. He stays in one place for too long, it starts to deteriorate.
Sekiath shook his head and took a drink.
Gweg: I don't know when he'll be back, so it'd be best if you went home and I'll let him know you came by.
Sekiath shrugged.
Sekiath: Nah, I've got nothing better to do. I can wait.
The phone rang. Gweg answered it.
Gweg: Hello. Figures. Yeah, I never do. Listen, one of your friends is here. Sekiath. Ok, I'll let him know.
Gweg hung the phone up and spoke to Sekiath.
Gweg: That was Satyr, it looks like he's going to be out all night.
Sekiath took a drink.
Sekiath: That's fine. I can crash here for the night.
Gweg: I would be more comfortable if you didn't.
Sekiath: It'll be fine Gweg. I'll sleep here on the couch. It's not like I'll come into your room or bite you or anything.
Sekiath gave out a chuckle. And he could see the worried look on Gweg's face.
Sekiath: Hey man, Satyr would be down with me sleeping here, and it is half of his apartment, right?
Gweg: Fine. Just don't make too much noise, a mess, and don't empty the fridge.
Sekiath: It'll be like I'm not even here.
Gweg: I wish it were.
DAY 5
Guard: You are in this cell right here.
The guard threw Satyr into the jail cell.
Satyr: Come on! That was not a fair trial at all! I don't belong here!
Guard: Save it for someone who cares.
Satyr: Fucking, goddamn, piece of cocksucking, motherfucking, worm licking , jew nailing, shit fingering, asshole looting, sons of bitches!
Satyr held onto the bars, steaming, giving the evil eye at the guard. He then heard a voice behind him.
Cellmate: Could you keep it down?
Satyr spun around and saw a huge muscular black man laying on a bunk and reading a book.
Satyr: Well, this figures. This just fucking figures. I get locked in with Bubba. Listen, if you are going to ass rape, do us both a favor and lube it up.
Bubba: My name is not Bubba. It's Maurice. And I'm not going to ass rape you.
Satyr: Well, thank Pan for small favors. But that trial I just had was not in the least bit fair. A jury of my peers. Jury of incompetent idiots is more like it.
Maurice: What happened?
Satyr: Listen to this.
Day 4
Prosecutor: And Detective Watterson, do you know who took these pictures?
Det. Watterson: No they were sent to us from an anonymous person. We have not been able to track this person down.
Prosecutor: And is there any evidence that these photos were doctored in any way?
Det. Watterson: No. We had the photos analyzed and they came back clean. These photos are originals.
Prosecutor: And who is the person in the photos?
Det. Watterson: The defendant.
Prosecutor: Thank you Detective, that will be all.
Judge: Mr. Satyr, you may now question the witness.
Satyr: Thanks, Judge. Ok, "Detective".
Det. Watterson: You don't need to be sarcastic when you say that.
Satyr: Oh, I'm sorry, have I asked you a question yet. Did I give you permission to speak?
Judge: The Detective will wait for a question and the defendant will not speak to him in a sarcastic manner.
Satyr flashed the detective a shit-eating grin.
Satyr: You know something, Detective, I look at these photos and can't help but think, "Hmm. I can't see that persons face to well." How about you?
Det. Watterson: I can see the face just fine.
Satyr: Can you? But how do you know it's not a mask?
Prosecutor: Objection your Honor.
Judge: Overruled.
Satyr: Thank you. Well, how do you know?
Det. Watterson: We blew up the photos and it's quite obvious it's you. And It's quite obvious from the different facial expressions in the photos that it is not a mask.
Satyr: That may be. But how are we sure that it isn't a shape-shifter pretending to be me?
Prosecutor: Objection! That's just ridiculous.
Judge: I agree.
Satyr: Fine. Tell me Watts, are you 100% sure that that is me in the picture?
Det. Watterson: Yes.
Satyr became irate.
Satyr: Permission to treat this witness as hostile?
Judge: If you feel that that is absolutely necessary.
Satyr: Oh, I do. Tell me this, Detective! Do you know where liars go when they die?
Prosecutor: Objection!
Judge: Mr. Satyr, that is enough.
Satyr: I withdraw the question and I have no further questions for this so called witness.
Judge: You may step down Detective. Does the State have any more witnesses to call?
Prosecutor: No, the Prosecution rests.
Judge: Mr. Satyr: You may call your first witness.
Satyr: I have no one to call your honor. My defence will be in my closing argument.
Judge: Have it your way. We will take a 30 minute recess and come back and have closing arguments.
Half an hour later.
Prosecutor: We have the pictures. It is clearly the defendant doing this nasty deed. We have no reason to believe other wise.
Satyr got up to deliver his arguments to the jury.
Satyr: What do these pics tell us? Nothing? There is an endless amount of possibilities for those photos looking like they are. But that is not me. I would never do anything like that. Look at me. Is this not a trustworthy face?
Judge: The jury will now begin their deliberations.
10 minutes later.
Foreman: We the jury, in a unanimous decision, find the defendant guilty on all charges.
Satyr: Oh that is such bullshit.
Judge: Thank you Jury. The Bailiff will put Mr. Satyr into custody and we will have sentencing tomorrow.
DAY 6
Satyr: I just don't know if I should.
Maurice: Well, if it works.
Satyr: Yeah, but this guy comes with a price.
Maurice: You said you were loaded.
Satyr: I am. I got money up the yin-yang, but this guy isn't about money.
Maurice: Oh, that type. There are plenty of guys here who can help you ready yourself for that kind of sacrifice.
Satyr: No, not that either. This guy has certain rules about how things are done. But I don't know what. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What do you suggest?
Maurice: If I knew how to get in contact with this guy, I would do it.
Satyr: Yeah, I should. Gweg won't be happy if I do. But oh well, I deal with him when the time comes.
DAY 10
Gweg: You hired who?!?!
Gweg became irate when Satyr told him who it was who got him out of jail.
Gweg: What were you thinking? You know better than that. What is he going to do?
Satyr: He's not going to do anything, I have to do it.
Gweg: Do what? What is it? You better get out of this mess clean.
Satyr: Come on Gweg, haven't I always cleaned up my own messes?
Gweg: No. No you haven't. And this. With him! Oh lord, this will not turn out pretty.
Satyr: Lighten up. Did I get any mail while I was out?
Gweg: Yeah you got one letter. It came today. It's there on the table.
Satyr picked it up and opened it. He read it out loud.
Satyr: "Dear fucking asshole. We want to speak with you about our son. Meet us at our house. Tell whomever you want so you won't be scared. We just want to talk to you. Our address is on the envelope."
Gweg: The hole just keeps getting deeper.
Satyr: That's enough out of you. I wonder what they want.
Day 11
Satyr knocked on the door of the house. The father answered the door.
The Father: Come in.
Satyr entered the living room. The mother was sitting in a chair, looking at Satyr with grim intent.
The father motioned towards the couch.
The Father: Have a seat.
The Mother: You piece of shit.
Satyr: Nice to meet you.
The Father: The reason we have asked you to come here, is that we were disappointed with the new verdict you somehow received.
Satyr: You should be glad to know the system works.
The Father: Shut up. We wanted to talk to you face to face. We want you to know that we will dedicate our lives to making sure yours is a personal hell.
Satyr: Yeah. That sounds good and all, but I don't buy it for one second.
The Mother: What do you mean you piece of shit?
Satyr: Feel free to call me any other expletive, I don't mind. But, I don't believe you have what it takes to make my life hell for the rest of yours.
The Father: I'm a telemarketer.
Satyr nearly jumped out of his seat.
Satyr: Listen, maybe we can work something out.
The Mother. No fucker, there is nothing to work out. What you did is unforgivable.
Satyr: It's not like the kid saw anything.
The Father: Now, let's give him a chance, he might be able to provide us with something. But I won't let you leave until we are satisfied.
Satyr: That's fine. Just let me call my roommate.
The Father: That's fine. Here's the phone.
Satyr: Yeah, Gweg, it's me. Don't expect me home tonight. That's funny. Oh yeah, who? Oh..him. Ok, let him know I'll talk with him tomorrow.
Satyr handed the phone back to the father.
Satyr: Now, to help you guys out. What if I were to..cure your kids blindness.
The Father: What?
Satyr: Yeah. Get this. I know people. People that could help with that problem. You let me get in touch with them, and I'll have your kid seeing what ugly parents he has by the end of this month.
The Mother: You are a rotten son of a bitch.
Satyr: Just calling it like I see it.
Satyr turned to the father.
Satyr: I can see why you married her. She's so full of rich conversation.
The Father: Don't get smart. You have six days to do as you promised. Or we shall do as we promised.
Satyr: Fine.
The Mother: I was so glad to hear you got put in the prison infirmary. I'd like to shake the hand of the man who did it.
Satyr laughed. No you wouldn't. It was my lawyer.
Satyr laughed again at the woman's shocked face and left the house.
DAY 8
Satyr was laying down on the infirmary bed. Gweg was standing next to him.
Gweg: You got beat up by your lawyer?
Satyr: Don't worry about that now. We patched things up I need to talk to you.
Gweg: That's why I'm here. It sure as hell isn't to make sure you are doing ok.
Satyr: You are not a good friend at all.
Gweg: Never once did I claim to be.
Satyr: Asshole. Anyway, I noticed in the paper you already have an ad out looking for a new roommate.
Gweg: I have that ad in there everyday.
Satyr: Don't even think about it. I have a new today and I'll be out of here tomorrow. And that apartment better be they way it was when I got here.
Gweg: Well, I won't make any promises.
Satyr: Fine. Just leave me be. I need to be fresh for my new trial.
DAY 13
Satyr: You know what, I'm glad you are here.
Sekiath: That's not something I'm used to hearing.
Satyr: I don't doubt that. Listen. This problem you have and the problem I have can be dealt with simultaneously.
Sekiath: How do you figure?
Satyr: I take you to the blind kid. You do your thing. And that might be able to cure him of his blindness. And if it works, you can work on all the blind kids of the world.
Sekiath: Perhaps. I don't know how accurate that could be. I know you've probably read books, but most of them are wrong about the subject.
Satyr: Well, that's a risk I have to take. I can't deal with kid in an orthodox way.
Sekiath: When should we do it?
Satyr: Tonight. And we have to do it exactly as planned. I mean this kid got me in jail once already. And I don't want to deal with him or a lawyer again.
Sekiath: I don't think you could if you wanted to. The rules are particular.
Satyr: I know that all too well.
DAY 7
Satyr: I've decided to do it, Maurice. I'm going to get that lawyer.
Maurice: Good. I'm glad you are going to take this opportunity.
Satyr: Yeah. Now, just to get into contact with him. Let's see what the paper says.
Satyr unscrolled a paper and read over it.
Satyr: Hmm. Maurice, are you a Muslim?
Maurice: Yes. Yes I am.
Satyr: Perfect.
Satyr reached under him mattress and pulled out a shiv. He then stabbed Maurice in the neck with it.
Satyr: Sorry Maurice. But it was your idea.
Satyr then drew a pentagram like symbol onto the floor with Maurice's blood.
Smoke began to rise from the drawing.
In the smoke, the form of a man appeared. A voice boomed out.
Voice: BEHOLD! YOU HAVE CALLED FORTH THE LORD OF THE 19TH NETHERWORLD! YOU HAVE CALLED FORTH THE DARK LORD ZEXOTELLIAN!
Satyr: 19th? What the hell happened to the 7th?
Zexotellian: YOU!
Zexotellian ran towards Satyr and began to pummel him.
Satyr spoke between the punches.
Satyr: You can't kill me, it's against your rules.
Zexotellian: There is nothing in the rule book about me kicking your ass.
Zexotellian beat the shit out of Satyr. Zexotellian got up and smoothed out his suit.
Zexotellian: Well, that felt damn good. Your little trick got the last time got me knocked down all the way to the 19th fucking Netherworld. There I was, one of the best Dark Lords the Nether Judges have ever seen and being spoken to like I was some Nether Bitch. All because of you. And now you have the gall to call me up asking for a favor? Word must travel around fast. "Hey Satyr, did you hear Zexotellian was nothing more than a broken house pet. Yeah, wave a paper at him, he'll tuck his tail under him and cover his nose." I got news for you, you anthropomorphic dick wad, I am not some Dark Lord you got on a leash. Whatever favor you want, I guarantee you will pay for for. Because if you don't pay, you'll die. So personally, I am kind of hoping you don't come through.
Satyr: How do you know you'll come through?
Zexotellian: How? What is that? Are you being serious? No wait, I know, you want to a second serving of the ass kicking I just delivered. Good news satyr, ass kicking is not only on the menu, it's on the all you can eat buffet!
Satyr: Are you sure you are not the Dark Lord of the Nether Lame? I need you to get me a new trial and get me out of jail.
Zexotellian: You honestly believe that is a challenge? Please. You saw Michael Jackson's trial? Yeah, I didn't even brake a sweat. You are talking to the Dark Lord Zexotellian here. As soon as I'm done getting you out of here, I've got one hell of a task for you.
Satyr: What is it?
Zexotellian: I'll let you know after you get released.
DAYS 15 & 16
Satyr and Sekiath were at the parents house.
The Father: What you two did to our son was an unholy sin and I will make you hell demons burn.
Satyr: Just because I look the part doesn't mean I'm from hell.
Sekiath: Yeah. That is a bit biased.
The Mother: My son!!! MY SON!!!
Satyr: Will you calm that bitch down?
The father punched Satyr.
Sekiath: Sir, there is no need for violence here.
The Father: I had to kill my own son. When I saw what you did to him...I can't speak of such evil.
Satyr: At least we cured his blindness.
The Father: No you did not. He still was blind!
The Mother: AWWWWW MY SON!!!
Satyr: You know, Scrabble will help build your vocabulary.
The Father: She is upset. She saw what you did to our son, not to mention what our son was doing to our cat.
Sekiath: I don't understand how he remained blind. It should have been fixed.
The Father: That's what happens when evil is involved. God help me, I will destroy you both.
Satyr: You'll have to cacth us first.
Satyr and Sekiath took off running.
The Father screamed out after them.
The Father: God is on my side! We will hunt you down and you will burn!
Later that night.
Sekiath: Well, it's more your problem than it is mine.
Satyr: You are the reason this happened. I did it to help you out.
Sekiath: Yeah, but I'm not exactly accountable for anything you do.
Satyr: Just help me take care of this. I can have it handled tomorrow.
Sekiath: What do you have in mind?
Satyr: We call the cops.
The next day.
The Father was sitting in the police station's interrogation room.
Det. Watterson: Where is your son?
The Father: I told you, the satyr took him.
Det. Watterson: I would be more than happy to believe that. But we checked him out. He has an airtight alibi and there is no evidence anywhere that he kidnapped your child.
The Father: Fine. I'll tell you what really happened.
The father then told Det. Watterson the story.
Det. Watterson: You expect me to believe all that.
The Father: Yes, because it's true!
Det. Watterson: Well, I can't. This world just keeps getting sicker. Blind kids not safe in public or in their own homes. Get this creep out of my face. No wonder your wife committed suicide this morning.
The Father: I didn't do anything!
One of the cops took the father to a jail cell.
Det. Watterson: Fucked up world.
DAY 9
Foreman: We the jury find the Defendant, "Not Guilty".
Judge: Thank you jury, you are free to go, as is the defendant.
Satyr shook Zexotellian's hand.
Satyr: Thank you Zex.
Zexotellian: Oh, don't be thanking yet. Now we will discuss the matter of your payment.
Satyr: If you are going to ass rape me, please use some lube.
Zexotellian: I am not going to ass rape you. I need you to help out my son.
Satyr: You have a son?
Zexotellian: Why are you surprised? I'm Zexotellian. One of the top Dark Lords of the Netherworlds. I have to fight the ladies off with a stick. Except for one lucky one who caught my eye and is now proud to be my wife.
Satyr: Yeah, listen: I don't want to have to deal with your hellspawn ok? I can help you in another way.
Zexotellian: Oh? My curiosity is dying to feed on this.
Satyr: Gweg told me all about your goth problem. What you need is a complete image makeover. I mean, come on, you look like a reject from a Panic! At The Disco music video. What we want to do is get rid of that, give you the sexy rugged look, and promote the hell out of you. GQ articles titled "The Joy Of Zex". Ads for kids that sound like the old Nickelodeon jingle. Ah Zex Zex Zex, Zex Zex Zex, ZEXOTELLIAN, Yeah!
Zexotellian did nothing but stare at Satyr.
Satyr: I can see my brilliance has stunned you.
Zexotellian: No. I was doing my best not to kill you. Look, I'm Zexotellian, I don't need an image makeover. But, I do need to protect my image. And my son is spending time here on this realm and I need you to make sure he doesn't cause too much trouble with his problem.
Satyr: You want me to babysit your kid?
Zexotellian: No. I want you to come up with a reasonable solution to his problem. And you have 'till the end of the month to do it, or else I kill you.
Satyr: The end of the month? That's bullshit.
Zexotellian: Read the rules. I can set the deadline. The end of the month. My son will come to your apartment. His name is Sekiath.
DAY 25
Zexotellian and Gweg were standing in the apartment. Zex shook Gweg's hand.
Zexotellian: Good work Gweg. The website is a hot and the article is a success.
Gweg: Some of my best writing ever.
Zexotellian: I'll say. Well, congrats. And, you are off the hook. You don't have to worry about facing my revenge.
Gweg: That's a load off.
Zexotellian then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Gweg read over the article he wrote one last time.
When Gweg was writing, he had some notes from Zexotellian. Little tidbits that Zex wanted to make sure Gweg included.
Gweg got stuck on one line as he read it.
"Zexotellian is a wonderful husband and a loving father."
Gweg wondered.
Was the arrival of Sekiath and Zexotellian a coincidence? Satyr did act strange about Sekiath. Could it be? Are they related?
Deep down inside, Gweg knew they were.
DAY 14
Satyr: Gweg, I'm home.
Satyr spent most of the day trying to buy eyeballs on the black market. He found none.
Gweg: It's about damn time. Your friend decided the couch was too uncomfortable and went to sleep on your bend.
Satyr peered down the hall.
Satyr: Tell me something, this kid doesn't look weird, does he?
Gweg: No. He looks like a regular teen. I thought you knew him.
Satyr: Yeah. Nevermind.
Satyr went to his room.
Satyr: Hey, wake up.
Sekiath woke up.
Satyr: You must be Sekiath.
Sekiath: That I am.
Satyr: Yeah, your dad told me I was to help you.
Sekiath: Yeah. Dad wants this my problem dealt with discreetly.
Sekiath explained the problem to Satyr.
Satyr: That's one hell of a problem. Listen. I need some sleep before I tackle this. I haven't gotten any for a while. Here, take some cash and go have a night on the town. But don't do anything stupid.
Sekiath: Don't worry. I've lasted this long without getting caught.
Sekiath took some cash and left. Satyr went to sleep.
Gweg saw Sekiath leave.
Gweg began to watch TV.
The floor in front of the TV began to smoke. The smoke became taller and a figure appeared in the smoke.
Gweg: Oh for fuck's sake.
Zexotellian: BEHOLD! FOR I AM THE DARK LORD OF THE 19TH NETHERWORLD! I AM...
Gweg: I know who you are, Zexotellian.
Zexotellian stepped out of the smoke.
Zexotellian: Hello Gweg. You should no, that it is taking everything I have not to lash out at you and eviscerate you all over this room.
Gweg: I take it you're still upset.
Zexotellian: Upset? Bah! Upset doesn't even begin to cover it. What a laughingstock I became when you tricked me. Demoted down 12 whole levels! And now, I come here to make a deal.
Gweg: What?
Zexotellian: I have all the time in the world to get my revenge on you. But for some reason, it seems petty. No. I'd rather put this mess behind me and move on. But, I am willing to extract revenge if that what it comes down to. But you see, your dear friend the satyr revealed something to me. I do have an image problem. Too many goths, as you know, make up my market. I need to be more mainstream, and I want you to help.
Gweg: What can I do?
Zexotellian: I hear that you are a journalist. I want you to write out a new description of me for my website, I want you to publish an article about me in the New York Times.
Gweg: I've never been published in the New York Times.
Zexotellian: I will arrange it. Do we have an agreement? You write for me and make me look better and I will dissolve my hatred of you.
Gweg: Fine, it's a deal.
DAY 17
Gweg and Zexotellian were at the computer.
Gweg: I don;t know why you had me lie to the cops to cover Satyr's alibi.
Zexotellian: I need him out of jail for the work he is doing for me.
Gweg: Ok. Here. Read your Welcoming Page.
Zexotellian read over what Gweg had wrote for his website.
"Welcome Friends! This is the Brand New Website for your favorite Man in all of the Netherwolrds, Lord Zexotellian! Zexotellian has been a Lord for many centuries now and he has helped many a persons with their problems. You need some help, the Sexy Lord Zexotellian will be ,more than Happy to serve you. For A Price! But come on, nothing is free anymore, now is it? So, just click the links below and you'll be satisfied in no time."
Gweg: As you can see, I took away all of the "Dark" references.
Zexotellian: Good work. Now, about the article. I want it perfect.
Gweg: You'll have to give me a few days. By the twentieth at least.
Zexotellian: Fine.
DAYS 18-23
Nothing much happened on these days. Gweg wrote and edited the article. Zexotellian got it published. Satyr and Sekiath worked on the problem at hand.
Day 24
Satyr: I got it!
Sekiath: Took long enough.
Satyr: Autistic kids!
Sekiath: What are you talking about?
Satyr: No. Think about it. What you do doesn't really change that much.
Sekiath: Well....
Satyr: Autistic kids would be perfect.
Sekiath: Ok. Let's try it.
Days 26-27
Satyr and Sekiath tracked down kids with autism.
DAY 28
Satyr and Sekiath leave the house they just broke into.
Sekiath: I think this was a good idea.
Satyr: Ha ha. Yes it was. One of many.
Sekiath: How many is that now?
Satyr: 20 I think.
Satyr: All right. Let's head back to my house and we'll give your father the good news.
A little later, Sekiath and Satyr arrived at the apartment.
Gweg was sitting on the couch.
Gweg: About time you get home. I need to have a talk with you.
Satyr: Later Gweg. Me and Sekiath are just finishing up.
Sekiath: Yeah. Let me call my dad.
Sekiath took out a cell phone.
Sekiath: Hey dad. Yeah, it's done. Ok, I'll let him know.
Sekiath put the phone away and turned to Satyr.
Sekiath: Hey, Satyr. Dad says to meet him at the basketball court on 19th street tomorrow.
Satyr: Fine.
Sekiath: Peace out bros.
Sekiath left.
Gweg: I know what's up.
Satyr: The sky Gweg?
Gweg: No. I know that Sekiath is Zexotellian's son.
Satyr: So what?
Gweg: He wants to meet you at a basketball court on 19th street. Why?
Satyr: I don't know why. I don't go around trying to figure out what going on in the mind of a Dark Lord. Or should I say a "Sexy Lord" as you have described him.
Gweg: How do you know about that?
Satyr: My good friend is an Internet nerd, you know. I had him keeping me updated on any changes on Zexotellian's website. Just in case.
Gweg: I did it to get Zex off my back. But I still don't trust him. I'm going with you to the basketball court tomorrow.
Satyr: Fine. Speaking of Cyber, I need to thank him for getting me into this whole mess in the first place.
DAY 1
Satyr had a problem. And not a very good problem. This particular problem has been bothering him for weeks now.
He had the uncontrollable urge to expose himself to a child.
Satyr didn't know why he had this problem, but he knew he had to take care of it. Or else it would destroy him.
Satyr called the one person he could trust.
Cyber Centaur.
Satyr: Hey Cy-baby. What's going on.
Cyber: I'm just selling my WoW gold on eBay.
Satyr: You might as well sell your dick on there too.
Cyber: All ready tried that. They took the auction down.
Satyr: Yeah. Speaking of dicks, I want to flash mine in front of a kid.
Cyber: I think I'll hang up now.
Satyr: No wait. I need your help with this. How do I do this without getting caught?
Cyber: I don't know. Does the kid actually need to see your goods?
Satyr thought it over.
Satyr: No. I just need to flash myself in front of him. He doesn't actually have to see anything.
Cyber: Ok. Do it in front of a blind kid.
Satyr: That's a good idea. Yeah. I think that will work.
Day 29
Gweg: Why is he meeting you at 10:30 PM in a dark basketball court?
Gweg and Satyr were standing in the middle of the basketball court waiting for Zexotellian to show up.
Satyr: He likes the dark.
Gweg: This is making me nervous.
Suddenly, smoke began to rise out of the basket ball court.
Zexotellian: BEHOLD! FOR I AM...AH FUCK IT!
Zexotellian and Sekiath stepped out of the smoke.
Zexotellian: Good, I'm glad to see you here Gweg. I knew you wouldn't fail me there.
Gweg: I'm here to make sure you don't pull any tricks.
Zexotellian: Then you are going to fail. You see, I didn't become a major player in the Netherworlds because of my good looks. No. It's all about ingenuity. And I have that stuff leaking out of my pores.
Zexotellian let out a laugh. Sekiath smiled brightly, showing his fangs.
Zexotellian: When your buddy, the satyr here, called me up, asking for my help, I saw the perfect opportunity for revenge. Ironic revenge. For you see, my son is a vampire and I had Satyr go out and help my son discover some the perfect cattle for my son to feat on, not knowing that my son has the power to summon whatever vampires he creates to his location. And now, my son will summon the creatures here and they will feast on the two of you. That's right Satyr, the very vamps you helped create will now destroy you!
Sekiath's smile dissappeared.
Sekiath: Uh dad. You never told me about that part.
Zexotellian: Quiet! Summon your minions! Zexotellian will have his revenge. And all of the Netherworld will be buzzing about how I extracted the perfect revenge.
Sekiath: But dad...
Zexotellian DO IT!
Sekiath shrugged and began to move his arms about wildly,
Kids began to pop up all around Zexotellian and Sekiath.
Zexotellian looked all around the vampire children.
Zexotellian: Ah. My grandchildren. Since I am your master's father, I too am your master! Now heed me and attack those two.
Zexotellian pointed at Satyr and Gweg.
The vampires just stared at Zexotellian's hand.
Zexotellian: I command you! Attack.
Several of the vamps began to cover their ears. Other just looked around. One of them began to line up basketballs into a row.
Zexotellian: What is wrong with them? Are they retarded?
Sekiath: I tried to tell you. They are autistic.
Zexotellian: You fed off of autistic kids?
Sekiath: It was Satyr's idea.
Zexotellian glared at Satyr.
Zexotellian: You fool! Is kids with disabilities your answer to everything?
Satyr: Pretty much.
Zexotellian: My plan. My beautiful plan of revenge. You have defeated me for the last time Satyr! I will have my revenge! As for this. (Zexotellian waved his arms around the autistic vamps.) I'll leave you to clean this up.
Zexotellian and Sekiath vanished.
Gweg and Satyr slowly backed away from the vamps.
DAY 30
Satyr and Gweg were still standing on the outside of the fence.
Gweg: What time is it?
Satyr: It's only 1 am.
Gweg: They haven't left.
Satyr: Like I said, they'll stick there until morning.
Gweg: How are we going to get rid of them?
Satyr: I don't know.
Behind them, an unmarked police car pulled up. Out of it stepped Det. Watterson.
Det. Watterson: Satyr! What are you doing to those kids?
Satyr: Oh for Pan's sake. I ain't doing nothing Watts! We just came across them.
Gweg nodded.
Det. Watterson: Just came across them huh? A pederast just happened to come across a bunch of kids standing in the middle of a basketball court in the middle of the night. Is that what I'm expected to believe?
Satyr: Yeah. Sounds plausible to me.
Det. Watterson: Save it perv. I'm going to find out what you did to these kids.
Watterson went up to one of the kids.
Det. Watterson: Excuse me boy. Did that goat man do anything he shouldn't have to you?
The kid just stared at him.
Det. Watterson: What wrong with all these kids? These must be the missing autistic kids that just went out on the APB.
Satyr: Yep. And I found them. Do I get a reward?
Det. Watterson: Fuck no. Pervert. You get diddly-squat. No. Let me rephrase that. You'll get my size 14 stuck up your ass. Hear me out Satyr, I'm onto you. I going to be on you 24/7. You'll keep looking over shoulder, oh you won't see me, but you'll know I'm there.
Det. Watterson got on his radio.
Det. Watterson: Yeah. It's Watterson. I got the kids here. (He counted the heads of the kids). Yeah. All twenty. Ok. I'll wait with them.
Gweg: Uh, Detective, there is something you should know about the kids.
Det. Watterson: Quiet faggot. Yeah. I'm onto you too. I'm trained to notice things. And cover each other's asses is the only thing you two do together. Now, get out of my sight. And if I ever see either of you around another kid...there won;t need to be a trial, just a funeral.
Satyr: Thanks Watts. Can you use your powers of detection to figure out which finger I'm going to hold up?
Gweg: Let's just go.
Later, that day at the apartment.
Satyr: Watts got all the autistic kids back in their homes.
Gweg: Don;t they realize that they are vampires?
Satyr: Nope. They will eventually though. They have to. But, not our problem.
Gweg: Yeah. We got the same problem and a new one.
Satyr: Fucking Watts. Fucking Zex. And the fucking guy who took pictures of me. He got us into this mess. If I ever find out who was behind that, I will have his hide.
The End.....
DAY 2
Satyr had been following the family for two hours now. The parents looked like the religious yuppy type, but Satyr wasn't concerned about them.
He was interested in the boy. Who just happened to be blind.
Satyr waited patiently for his opportunity. Finally it came. The family had strolled down to the lake. There was a small park next to the lake. They took their boy to the swingset and placed him onto one of the swings. They told him to stay there why they went down to the lake.
The boy began to swing as the parents walked down to the lake to skip stones over it. They had their backs turned to the boy.
Satyr stepped out of the shadows, opened his trenchcoat up, and exposed himself to the boy. He covered up and hightailed it out of there.
50 feet away, Gweg snapped photos of the whole thing.
Gweg: Good. Now to send these to the cops. Finally, I won't have to deal with him anymore. This will be perfect.
