9/11: The Musical!

Gweg looked at the credit card in his hand and wondered why the world was against him.

Gweg: Can we try it again?

Gweg was at a pharmacy. He needed to restock on Excedrin. Living with Satyr resulted in a daily headache. The cashier was a nice old lady with a lot of patience, Gweg was happy to note. This would be his fifth attempt at getting the card to go through.

Gweg: I don't know what the problem is. I never use this card.

Cashier: Do you have any cash?

Gweg: Afraid not.

He ran it through the slot. The card was declined again.

Gweg: I'm sorry. I'll put it all back.

Cashier: It's ok. I'll get one of the stock boys to get it, that's what they are paid for.

Gweg looked at the card again.

Gweg: Guess I'll go home and give the credit card company a call and see what's up.

Cashier: Hope everything works out for you. Have a nice day.

Gweg went to his car and wondered why people couldn't be as nice as her all the time.



Satyr: I don't give a rat's tit, you dumb shit. I want that stuff there tomorrow! It's very important. If it's not there, it'll be your ass. Now that you can god damn guarantee.

Satyr had just got done talking to a delivery service that guaranteed overnight delivery. They called him, explaing they had an issue with one of the packages. Satyr was not pleased, but he wasn't going to let it deter him.

He picked up the phone again and dialed out.

Satyr: Hello. It's Satyr. Yes indeed. I'll be there in an hour. Yes, I'm excited too. We'll be the talk of the nation. Yes. See you soon.

He got off the phone and heard the door opening. Gweg walked in.

Gweg: You need the phone? I need to call the credit card company

Satyr: Don't bother, I maxed it out.

Gweg: You what!?!

Satyr: Before you get your panties in a bunch, just listen. In one hour, I'll be starting a project that will gain national attention. It's going to be huge! Unfortunately, the people I'm going to be working with were not able to procure some of the funds we needed. So, I used your card to make up for it.

Gweg: I want that money back now. Not tomorrow, now.

Satyr: Think of it as an investment. When this takes off, you will get your money back, tenfold. I promise.

Gweg: Your promises mean nothing.

Satyr: How about some collateral then?

Gweg: Like what?

Satyr: My used condom autographed by Amy Winehouse.

Gweg: That's disgusting. I wouldn't want... Wait, how did she autograph it?

Satyr: Magic Marker. We did let it dry off first.

Gweg: It's still sick.

Satyr: Whatever. It's still going to be worth money. Even more now that she's dead.

Gweg: Fine. So, what the hell is this project anyway?

Satyr: You know the TV show Glee?

Gweg: Yes, I think it's a terrific show.

Satyr: I never watched it. But, I do know it's about a bunch of nerds and gays singing popular songs. Now, we need to capitalize on this phenomenon. What I'm going to do is produce an actual school musical production. One that is going to be groundbreaking.

Gweg: What's it going to be about?

Satyr: Are you ready for this?

Gweg: No.

Satyr: 9/11: The Musical!

Gweg: Oh my god.

Almost an hour later, Satyr and Gweg arrived at the school.

Gweg: This is an Elementary School.

Satyr: Thank you Captain Obvious.

Gweg: I figured we'd be doing this at a high school.

Satyr: The other shows do it at high schools. It's become too standard. We need younger talent. Now, I held the auditions earlier this week and I was quite impressed.

Gweg: I've seen you do some deplorable things, but this just might take the cake.

Satyr: I don't know how you can judge me before you've even seen the thing.

Gweg: You're right. It's probably going to be worse.

Satyr: You just wait. It'll be epic.

They made their way inside.

The Principal greeted them.

Principal: Mr. Satyr, welcome! The children are in the auditorium ready to begin.

Satyr: Excellent! They have been practicing their lines, I hope. And they know the songs?

Principal: Absolutely. We have suspended their studies and have used the past two days to go over the script.

Satyr: I'm am very pleased at your dedication. Some very terrible and uninspired people don't feel this project is succeed. Speaking of which, this is Gweg, my producer.

Principal: Pleased to meet you. I say nay to the naysayers, once the video of the performance gets out to the world, there will be no denying its greatness.

Satyr: I love your enthusiasm. Let's get to work, shall we?


They went into the auditorium. Gweg saw at least 60 kids on the stage. They looked to be 4th, 5th, and 6th graders.

Gweg: Some of these kids were just born when 9/11 happened.

Satyr: So, you don't think it's important to teach kids about this tragedy?

Gweg: That's not what I said at all. It's just that I feel they may be too young to handle the subject matter.

Satyr: Kids can handle quite a bit. Just ask your Uncle Bob.

Gweg was about to respond to that, but he was caught off guard when Satyr suddenly yelled into a horn loudspeaker.

Satyr: ALL RIGHT KIDS! I NEED YOU TO GROUP UP! AIRPLANE PASSENGERS TO THE LEFT! TERRORISTS RIGHT NEXT TO THEM! TWIN TOWER VICTIMS IN THE MIDDLE! FIREFIGHTERS TO THE RIGHT! NY CITIZENS IN THE BACK!

Gweg: Do you really need that loudspeaker.

Satyr: I need them to hear me Gweg.

Gweg: I don't think that will be a problem with the acoustics in here. You damn near made me go deaf shouting through that thing.

Satyr lifted the speaker to his mouth and aimed it right at Gweg.

Satyr: FINE! WE'LL DO IT YOUR WAY!

Gweg gave him a sour look.

Satyr walked over to a group of kids sitting in the auditorium seats.

Satyr: You kids the stand ins?

They nodded.

Satyr: Some of the props aren't here yet and they may take a few days to get here. I need a couple of you to be the Twin Towers and 3 of you to be airplanes. All the towers need to do is stand there until on of the planes hits you. Then you'll hold up a piece of poster board that has the drawing of an explosion on it.

Gweg: You can't be serious?

Satyr: Why can't I?

Gweg: This is just too much.

Satyr: It's only temporary till the props get here.

He turned back to the kids.

Satyr: Also, when I cue you, you'll collapse to the floor. Got it? And the planes, well, I'm sure you've pretended to be planes before. Just hold your arms out and makes engine noises. You two will crash into the towers and you will be Flight 93, you'll just fall to the ground. Actually, we may need a fourth plane, just in case I decide to go with the "Flight 93 was shot down" angle.

Gweg rolled his eyes.

Gweg: What about the plane that crashed into the Pentagon?

Satyr: Nobody cares about the damn Pentagon. Besides, there clearly wasn't a plane there.

Gweg: Please don't get started with your conspiracy theories.

Satyr: No time for that Gweg. Let's get this show on the road.

Satyr hopped onto the stage.

Satyr: Ok kids! I am proud to have you in my production of "Ruby Tuesday: The Day That Changed The World For A Couple Of Weeks Until People Stopped Caring About It All Together And Got On With Their Pathetic Lives."

The Principal raised her hand.

Principal: Mr. Satyr, I don't want to question your creativity, but do you think we can shorten that title? It'll be easier to put on the marquee.

Satyr sighed.

Satyr: I knew I'd have to sacrifice something. So be it. "Ruby Tuesday: The Day That Changed The World." Now, let's clear the stage and only have the little terrorists left up here. We'll start from the top.

The kids rehearsed over the next dew days. Satyr was quite pleased with their performance. He knew he was going to bring the house down.

And not in an Indiana State Fair kind of a way.


OPENING NIGHT

Satyr rubbed his hands together.

Satyr: This is it Gweg. Tonight is the night. I'm sweating. I need to relax. Ok. The cameras are set up. We are going to hit Broadway with this. Then the world! It must be such an honor to be able to ride my wave of triumph.

Gweg: Oh it sure is.

Satyr: Since you helped pay for this endeavor, I'll ignore the sarcasm.

Satyr walked onto the stage. The curtain was down. He could hear a crowd gathering. He had to take a peek.

Satyr: Looks like we're going to have a full house.

A man walked onto the stage.

The Man: Are you the director?

Satyr: Yes I am. Please sir, we need to have you off the stage so we can prepare the show.

The Man: I'm a father of one of the kids in this play. I'm just here to express some of the concerns I and some of the other folks have.

Satyr: Such as?

The Man: I wasn't to keen on having my kid in a musical about 9/11, but the Principal said it was tasteful and beautifully done. "A tremendous tribute to the lives lost of that fateful day" is what she said. Is she right? You're not going to let us down?

Satyr put his arm around the man's shoulder.

Satyr: Listen buddy, there is no way I would dishonor the victims and their families. And no way I would involve kids in such a sacrilege. You have my word, this musical will touch your very heartstrings and make you proud to be an American.

The man smiled and shook Satyr's hand. He left the stage.

Gweg: Proud to be an American eh?

Satyr pointed his finger and Gweg and gave him the look. The look that said, "Don't even bother."

A stagehand came out and spoke with Satyr. Satyr listened and nodded and went back to Gweg.

Satyr: Alrighty. The crowd is seated and the stage is set up for the opening scene. You go have a seat over there and watch the master at work. Curtains up!

The lights dimmed and the curtain opened. A spotlight shown on Satyr. He spoke to the audience.

Satyr: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome! Pilgrim Elementary presents a Satyr Production of "Ruby Tuesday: The Day That Changed The World-A Musical Based On The Events of 9/11." There will be 9 acts. We will see terrorists gather and plot. We will see New Yorkers reacting to the chaos around them. We will see the heroic efforts of the passengers of United 93. We will see bravery, sadness, evil, but above all else, we will see true patriotism and what it means to be an American. So, let us please take a moment of silence for the lives lost on that fateful day.

The audience bowed their heads.

Satyr: We begin in an airport parking lot. We will see terrorists as they make the final preparations on their deplorable attack. Enjoy the show.

The spotlight went out and Satyr left the stage. The stage lights came on to reveal several children dressed in traditional Muslim garb.

Muhammad: Muhammad!

Muhammad: Yes Muhammad?

Muhammad: Today is a glorious day! Allah be praised!

Muhammad: Indeed. The infidels will not know what hit them. Are you ready Muhammad?

Muhammad: Yes! The Jihad begins today. Down with the America Pigs!

Muhammads: PRAISE ALLAH!

Muhammad: We will hit New York hard. Those symbols of Western Greed will fall.

The music for "New York, New York" by Frank Sinatra started playing. The Muslim Terrorists all donned top hats and brought out canes. They formed a line and started dancing and singing.

Muhammad: Start spreading the news!

Muhammad: We're leaving today!

Muhammad: We're going to be a part of it...

Muhammads: New York, New York!

Muhammad: We'll turn the planes on the loose!

Muhammad: We'll fly all the way!

Muhammad: Right through the very heart of it!

Muhammads: New York, New York!

Muhammad: Those Christians and Jews!

Muhammad: They'll be melting away!

Muhammad: We'll make a brand new start of it!

Muhammads: In! Old! New! York!

The music trailed off, the lights dimmed, and the curtains closed.

Satyr smiled and stepped onto the stage.

Satyr: Act 2! Now we'll see life on the streets of New York, before tragedy arrives. We will meet our hero, Ashton Cinder and the love of his life, Ruby Tuesday. We'll also see various New Yorkers as they start their day.

The stage lit up to reveal a New York City backdrop, with the Twin Towers in the foreground.

7 kids entered the stage. They were all playing various citizens.

Citizen 1: Good morning!

Citizen 2: Screw you!

Citizen 1: Same to you jerk!

Citizen 3: Ugh, I hate this city. I wish somebody would drop a bomb right on top of it.

Citizen 4: I know what you mean. Somebody needs to take a big chunk out of the Big Apple.

A girl and boy ran onto the stage.

The Girl: Oh Ashton, it is such a beautiful morning!

Ashton: Yes it is Ruby!

Ruby: I can't believe we are going to be married next week!

Ashton: I can't wait, we should get married now!

Ruby: We can't! You know your parents are flying from Boston to LA today to meet my parents. They'll all be here next week. It'll be wonderful!

Ashton: It is. I just hope there are no fires that day.

Ruby: Oh no Mister Fireman! There will be no firefighting that day. The only suit you're putting is your tuxedo.

Ashton: You're the boss. So, are you nervous about your first day of work?

Ruby: The World Trade Center. I finally get to work in it. I've been in love with those building since I first saw them. They are majestic.

Ashton: You know how I know they are tall enough to reach Heaven?

Ruby: How?

Ashton: Because today there is going to be an angel inside of them.

Ruby hugged and kissed him

Ruby: Maybe I shouldn't start work today?

Ashton: Why?

Ruby started to twirl around. The music to "It's a Beautiful Morning" by The Rascals began playing.

Ruby: It's a beautiful morning! Ahhh I think I'll stay outside for a while! And just smile! Just take in some clean fresh air, boy! Ain't no sense staying inside! If the weather's fine and you've got the time!

Ruby and Ashton: It's your chance to wake up and plan another brand new day! Either way! It's a beautiful morning!

The music ended.

Ashton: I wish we could, but we both have work to do.

Ruby: I know. I'll see you later baby. I love you.

Ashton: I love you too.

They kiss and walk away from each other. The curtain closes.

Satyr stepped out into the spotlight.

Satyr: Act 3! We will visit an office inside the North Tower. We will be with them as doom approaches.

The curtain lifted and the lights went on to reveal an office setting. 5 kids were on the stage.

Worker 1: Where's Sam at?

Worker 2: Sam called off. He's probably out with you know who.

Worker 1 laughed. Worker 3 stood up from his desk, holding a phone.

Worker 3: Hey guys! I'm going to go ahead and order lunch. It's pizza today! What do y'all want?

The workers shouted out their orders.

Worker 3: Ok, we'll need one small pepperoni, one medium meat lovers, and one large plain. Okay, thank you.

He hung the phone up.

Worker 3: It'll be here soon guys.

Worker 3 went to the window.

Worker 3: Damn, they're fast.

Worker 1 went to the window

Worker 1: I knew I should have got some toppings.

Worker 4: What is it guys?

The music to "Jet Airliner" by The Steve Miller Band started playing.

Worker 3: Goodbye to all my friends at home.

Worker 1: Goodbye to all the people I trusted.

Worker 3: We got top get out and make our way!

Worker 1: We won't get free we're going to get busted!

Worker 3: My heart keeps beating faster as I see that 767.

Worker 1: It's riding high and I got tears in my eyes.

Worker 3: You we'll be going through Hell before we get to Heaven.

All the Workers: Ohhhh Big Ol' Jet Airliner, Don't carry us too far away. ohhh Big Ol' Jet Airliner, cause it's here to blow us away!

The music faded and the curtain closed. As it did, an explosion was heard through the speakers.

Satyr stepped into the spotlight.

Satyr: Act 4! We will now see reactions throughout New York.

The curtain raised. On the stage was a mockup of a fire station. We see Ashton looking at a picture of Ruby.

Ashton: Next week, the love of my life will be my wife. Good times Frank.

Frank: It's going to be a beautiful wedding. Thanks for making me your best man.

Ashton: That's because you are my best man. The best friend I ever had.

The alarm went off. The Chief ran in.

The Chief: Boys, we've got a serious problem. A plane crashed into the North World Trade Tower.

Frank: Oh no! Ruby started work there today, didn't she?

Ashton grinned at his friends concern.

Ashton: Don't worry pal. She's in the South Tower. She'll be fine. I imagine she scared out of wits right now, but I'll deal with that later. Come on, we got work to do!

Ashton put on his gear and the curtain closed. 2 minutes later, it opened to reveal a bedroom setting. A boy and a girl were laying in bed.

The Girl: Oh Sam, I'm glad you took off work to visit me.

Sam: Anytime baby. I get away from work, get away from the wife and get to spend time with my favorite girl.

The girl giggled.

A phone started to ring.

Sam: Oh, that's my cell. Ugh, it's the wife. Let's see what she wants. Hey honey, what's up? Yeah, of course I'm fine. Why do you sound panicked. Yes, of course I'm at work, where else would I be. Helen, I'm working hard today, aren't I?

Sam winked at the girl. She took the phone.

Helen: Yes, he's been hard at it today.

She handed it back to Sam.

Sam: That was just the secretary. See, nothing to worry about. So, why are you so upset?

Sam listened, frowned and put the phone down. He then picked up a TV controller.

Over the speakers, we hear a news reporter talking about the plain hitting the North Tower.

Sam: Oh crap.

The curtain closed. 2 minutes later, it opened to reveal a New York street. The backdrop now featured a burning hole in the North Tower.

The music to "New York Minute" by Don Henley started playing.

Citizen 1: There was a plane. It hit the tower.

Citizen 2: Now we stand here, under this debris shower.

Citizen 1: The building's still on fire. Perhaps we should cower?

Citizen 2: I hope it was an accident and not the end of the world.

All citizens: In a New York Minute, ooh-ah-oohhh. Anything can change! In A New York Minute, Ooh-ah-oohhh, Things can get pretty strange! In a New York Minute, ohh-ah-oohh, Everything can change! In a New York Minute, ooh-ah-oohh-oohhh.

Music fades. Curtain closed. Over the speaker, we now hear the 2nd plane approach the South Tower and hit it.

Satyr: Act 5! The second plane has hit the South Tower. People are now aware that these are no accidents, but the acts of courageous men carrying out a mission they think is just. As that realization sets in, people stuck in the Towers above the points of impact decide their fate.

The curtain opens to reveal a mock up two floors of the South Tower from the outside. Four of the windows have been removed. four kids are hanging out of the holes. There is a blue mat in front of the mock building.

The music to "Bodies" by Drowning Pool starts playing.

Victim 1: Beaten, why for?

Victim 2: Why for?

Victim 1: Can't take much more!

Victim 3: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!

Victim1: Nothing wrong with me!

Victim 2: Nothing wrong with me!

Victim 3: Nothing wrong with me!

Victim 4: Nothing wrong with me!

Victim 1: Something's got to give!

Victim 2: Something's got to give!

Victim 3: Something's got to give!

Victim 4: Now!

Victim 1: Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the flooooor!

Victim 1 then throws himself out of the window and onto the the mat.

The song continues on until all 4 kids have jumped.

The curtain closes.

Satyr: We will now visit the passengers of Flight 93. We will see how these heroes fought back to stop the brave terrorists who volunteered to give their lives for a greater cause.

The curtain opens to reveal a mock up of an airplane cabin. We see three kids dressed as Muslims and six kids acting as passengers.

Muhammad: Ok American Pigs. Just stay in your seats and no one will get hurt.

All 3 terrorists let out a snicker.

The six passengers were gathered together so the terrorists could keep a better eye on them. They whispered to each other.

Todd Beamer: Are you sure this plan will work?

Edward Felt: Yes. They are going to crash this plane into a building. We have to do something.

Passenger 57: I agree. We need to do this.

Beamer: Are you guys ready? Let's roll!

The passengers got up. The music to "We Are The World" by Michael Jackson and some other people started to play.

Beamer: There comes a time, when we head a certain call! When the world must come together as one! There are people dying and it's time to lend a hand to life! The greatest gift of al!

Felt: We can't go on pretending day by day, that someone, somewhere will soon make a change ! We are all a part of God's great big family and the truth, you know love is all we need!

All the Passengers: We are the world! We are the children! We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let's start giving! There's a choice we're making! We're saving our own lives! It's true we'll make a better day, just you and me!

Passenger 57: Send them your heart, so they'll know that someone cares! And their lives will be stronger and free! As God has shown us by turning stone to bread! So we all must lend a helping hand!

The terrorists dropped their weapons and held hands with the passengers.

Passengers and Terrorists: We are the world! We are the children! We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let's start giving! There's a choice we're making! We're saving our own lives! It's true we'll make a better day, just you and me!

Music fades.

Muhammad: You Americans are right! It is wrong to kill people! We are all children of God. It is no matter what we call him! We shall land this plane safely and let you all go free.

Muhammad: Muhammad, could you come into the cockpit please?

Muhammad: What is it?

Muhammad: We learned to fly these planes to crash them into buildings.

Muhammad: Yes, so?

Muhammad: We never bothered learning how to land.

Muhammad: I see.

The curtain closes. We hear the sound of a plane falling and crashing.

Satyr: Act 7. We now come back to our hero, Ashton Cinder, who is still in the North Tower making sure people get out. Unfortunately, the love of his life, Ruby Tuesday, is stuck in the South Tower, right above the impact crater. Ashton has found a window and so has Ruby. We now find them at the most important moment in their lives.

The curtain rises and we see the new stage set. It consists of two mock ups of the Twin Towers. Ashton is standing in the window of the tower on the left. Ruby is on the right., a fire has been painted on the building, right below her.

Ruby: Ash, there is no way out! I'm not going to make it!

Ashton: I've already lost Frank and my parents! I'm not going to lose you too!

Ruby: You won't lose me! I'll always be with you!

Ashton: Don't give up! I'll rescue you!

Ruby: You already have! My life was nothing until I met you! I love you! I always will!

The building starts to shake. We see it start to collapse down.

The music to "Free Falling" by Tom Petty starts playing

Ruby: I'm a good girl, I love my mamma. I love Jesus and America too. I'm a good girl, crazy about Elvis. I love horses and my boyfriend too.

Ashton: It's been a long day of firefighting. There's no airplane in the Pentagon's yard. I'm a sad boy, because I can't even save her. I'm a sad boy and it's breaking my heart. Because she's free...

Ruby & Ashton: Free falling! Yeah, free!!! Free falling!

We see Ruby disappear as the building collapses.

Music fades.

Ashton: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Curtain closes. We hear the Fire Chief over the speakers.

Chief: Ashton, get out of there now.

Satyr enters the stage.

Satyr: Ashton made it out. But the biggest pieces of him, he left in those towers that day. It is now time for Act 8, and we shall visit the citizens of New York after the North Tower has fallen.

The curtain goes up and we see the New York street. The back drop now features the fallen towers, with a bunch of smoke in its place. We see the New York citizens, now covered in ash.

The music to "Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen starts playing.

Citizen 1: The smoke fills up all over the street, people running with heads down low.

Citizen 2: Ain't no sound but the sound of feet. Right before the tower was ready to go.

Citizen 3: Are you ready? Hey! Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Citizen 4: Into a doorway, you better zip! Or else that smoke you ain't gonna beat! Lookout!

All Citizens: Do do do, Another one bites the dust! Ohh! Do do do. Another one bites the dust! And another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust! Hey, the smoke will get you too. And another one will bite the dust!

Music fade. Curtain closes.

Satyr: And now we come to our final act. It is the end of a very long day. We find our hero Ashton, alone, in front of what will be called "Ground Zero."

The curtain rises. We see the backdrop, now a picture of Ground Zero.

The music to Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones starts playing.

Ashton: She would never say where she came from. Yesterday don't matter if it's gone. While the sun is bright or in the darkest night. No one knows. She comes and goes. Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday! Who could hang a name on you? When you change with every new day, still I'm gonna miss you! We'll question why there was no plane. In the Pentagon yard, there was no lane. The real truth is what we need. Cause it's obvious a missile did the deed. The truth is in range, just watch Loose Change.

At this point, the rest of the cast joined Ashton on stage. We see Ruby and the other victims, and the terrorists suspended on wires. They have angel wings attached to them.

Cast: Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday! Who could hang a name on you? When you change with every new day, still I'm gonna miss you!

Music fades. Curtain closes. A minute later, it opens back up with all the cast on stage. Satyr was front and center.

Whatever the object was that was thrown on him, he managed to duck it just in time.


An hour later.

Satyr: Who brought the pitchforks!

Gweg: One of the fathers was a farmer.

Satyr: Damn that was an angry mob. Can't believe they lynched the principal.

Gweg: What did you expect? That was the most offensive thing ever. You kept calling the terrorists heroes, hell, you even had them dressed as angels!

Satyr: I was trying to be politically correct.

Gweg: And the songs. Those were the worst choices. And you changed most of the lyrics! And what was it with the damn conspiracy stuff? You said you wouldn't include any of that!

Satyr: I don't think any of that was the problem.

Gweg: Then what was?

Satyr: The story itself. It's hard to do a story based on 9/11. You already know what's going down.


THE END!