Gweg woke up with a scream.
He looked at his clock, he had only been asleep for a couple of hours. He thought back to the scene at the ASL headquarters. He had never seen that much of a bloodbath before. Sure, he had witnessed things getting killed and mutilated before, a satyr, a humanoid female reproductive system, an alien mime, the unborn fetus of Jesus, a bunch of six-foot chickens, but he has never seen that much human carnage.
The weight of what he witnessed was starting to bear down on him. He needed some answers.
He got out of bed and headed to the living room. Satyr was still on the couch watching TV.
Gweg: I want some answers!
Satyr: You still going on about that whole nonsense. Give it a rest already.
Gweg: No, I won't give it a rest. I can't believe that I did it, but I actually defended you against those people. And those people died because of you!
Satyr: What the fuck? They didn't die because of me. I didn't pull any triggers! I sure as hell didn't tell anyone to do it!
Gweg: I don't know. A lot of what they told me is starting to make sense. What are you hiding from me?
Satyr: Will you quit acting like you are my wife. It's really starting to creep me out.
Gweg felt his blood start to boil.
Gweg: Fine. For arguments sake, I'll go along with you not knowing about any of these people, but I want to know if they were telling the truth about your past.
Satyr: Yes, I'm linked to Mt. Olympus through magic. Didn't I already explain that to you after I killed my brother?
Gweg: You may have. But that's not what I'm interested in. I want to know about Pearl Harbor, JFK, all of that.
Satyr: Fine. I'll tell you. The Pearl Harbor thing is crap, but the JFK thing...
Satyr trailed off and looked at the floor.
Gweg: What about it?
Satyr: You have got to promise me what I'm about to say does not leave this room.
Gweg: So you did have something to do with the assassination!
Satyr: No I didn't! But I was there in Dallas when he was shot. In fact, I was at Dealey Plaza as well.
Gweg: Ok. I promise, just tell me what happened.
Satyr: First thing you need to know, it was the 60's and the world was starting to change....
FLASHBACK!
The place is Dallas, Texas. The date was November 22, 1963. The place is a restaurant located near Dealey Plaza.
Satyr was eating lunch with a fellow he met at a bar last night. The man's name was Eddie Samson.
Eddie: I thought it over. I'll do it. For 50 bucks.
Satyr: That's sounds reasonable. You got the costume?
Eddie: Yes. A construction worker, right?
Satyr: Yeah.
Eddie: Ok, when do you want to meet?
Satyr: Be there at a quarter past noon.
Eddie: Ok. But you should know, this is the first time I've ever done something like this.
Satyr: Don't worry, you'll do fine. This is a once in the life time opportunity and I don't want to pass it up.
Eddie: Well, I must say, it's a bit odd. I've been paid to do a lot of things, but never to dress up like a construction worker to...
Satyr interrupted him.
Satyr: Keep your voice down! Don't talk about it here.
Eddie: Sorry.
Satyr: Ok, I need to go out and get something, so I'll see you behind the fence.
Satyr got up and threw some money down on the table.
At 12:10, Satyr arrived at the rendezvous spot. He was dressed as a cop.
Five minutes later, Eddie arrived dressed as a construction worker.
Eddie: What's up with your costume?
Satyr: Don't question it. It's all part of the illusion.
Eddie: When do you want to start this?
Satyr: I've got a buddy out there with an umbrella. He'll signal us when it's time. In the meantime, we better get ready, let me get my gun out.
Eddie: Wow, it's big.
Satyr: I know. It always gets the job done. Get into position.
Eddie got where he needed to be.
Satyr: Any minute now. Ok, there's the signal.
At that moment, a shot rang out. Followed by two more.
Eddie: What's going on!
Satyr: Somebody shot Kennedy!.
Eddie: What? It can't be!
Satyr: I know! We need to get the hell out of here.
Satyr and Eddie took off running across the train yard that was located near the grassy knoll.
End of the
FLASHBACK!
Gweg: Ah ha! So, you were going to shoot Kennedy but Oswald beat you to it! Oliver Stone was half right, there was a shooter on the grassy knoll. It was you!
Satyr just shook his head.
Satyr:I wasn't there to shoot Kennedy! I was there to get a blow job!
Gweg: What?
Satyr: That's what I paid Eddie to do! He was going to give me head. I had always wanted to get sucked on by a construction worker during a presidential motorcade.
Gweg: Really?
Satyr: Yes. Why do you think I hate the movie JFK? I know the truth about the whole "grassy knoll" thing, but I can't tell anybody.
Gweg: You are fucking twisted.
Satyr: I know. It's not something I'm proud of, it's just the way I am.
Gweg: Fine. What about the other things?
Satyr: Mostly lies. I've never been to Oklahoma City and I was never around for some shuttle launch. I was in New York City on 9/11 though.
Gweg: Why?
Satyr: I was going to be in some Jackie Chan move, but he couldn't film there that day.
Gweg: Are you being serious?
Satyr: Yes. Listen, I want you to take me there.
Gweg: Where?
Satyr: To the ASL headquarters. I want to see this shit for myself.
Gweg: I'm not sure I really want to go back. It's a pretty bloody scene.
Satyr: Don't be a baby. Just take me there.
Gweg and Satyr got into the car and headed to the building where the massacre had occurred.
They arrived there and Gweg and Satyr went inside.
Satyr: You were right, this is a bloody mess.
Gweg: I can't believe the cops haven't shown up yet.
Satyr: Did you call them?
Gweg: No, but I figured somebody had to have heard all of that gunfire.
Satyr: Just to be safe, Gweg, lock the doors.
Gweg: Why?
Satyr: So we don't get any unexpected company.
Gweg locked the doors.
Satyr looked all around the table.
Satyr: So, these were all ASL and LOL members, eh?
Gweg: Yeah.
Satyr: And there was only one person besides you who survived?
Gweg: Yeah.
Satyr: Good.
Gweg: What do you mean good?
Satyr turned around and grinned at Gweg.
Satyr: Oh, the less people who know what has happened here the better. Don't you agree?
Gweg: I guess so.
Satyr: I wasn't talking to you.
Gweg was shocked to see Sinister Isles step out from the shadows.
Sinister Isles: I agree master.
Gweg: What the fuck is going on here?
Satyr rubbed his knuckles against his chest.
Satyr: I don't like to brag. Ok, that's a lie, I love to brag! What is happening here is a testament to my superior intellect.
Sinister: All hail the Satyr!
Satyr waved his hand in the direction of the bodies on the floor.
Satyr: You see what happens when you mess with me Gweg. Bad shit happens.
Gweg: You fucking monster!
Sinister: So, does he know everything?
Satyr: He knows enough. Too much in fact. Take care of him.
Sinister pulled out his gun.
Gweg: You'll never get away with this!
Satyr: You say that every time. But this time, you are dead wrong.
Satyr laughed at his own bad pun.
Sinister aimed the gun at Gweg's head and pulled the trigger.
No bullet came out. Instead, a stick with a flag on it saying "BANG!" came out of the barrel.
Satyr and Sinister burst out laughing.
Gweg's face had morphed from sheer terror into fiery hot rage.
Gweg: WHAT THE FUCK?
All of the bodies on the floor started getting to their feet.
Satyr: On 3. 1. 2. 3...
Everyone except Gweg: April Fools!
Gweg: April fools! APRIL FOOLS! It's June, you son of a bitch!
Satyr: Ha ha ha! You should have seen the look on your face!
Gweg: What the fuck is going on!
Satyr: Oh, sweet revenge. This is for all the times you have fucked over my plans! Oh, this was all worth it. Hiring all of these actors, telling you all of those half truths. It was perfect.
Gweg: All of this was a joke?
Satyr: Yes. Isn't it great! Where's that video camera?
One of the actors dressed as an ASL member brought Satyr a handheld digital video camera. It showed the events that happened earlier that night.
Satyr: Oh, look at him hiding under the table like a little bitch! Victory is mine!
Gweg: I really fucking hate you.
The End.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The Pero Story
Pero woke up with a scream.
Pero: What? Where? What's going on?
Pero had woken up in the apartment of Pillz. Pillz, Primus, and Pero were all there hanging out, waiting for a case to crack. Pillz and Primus were playing video games, Pero had fallen asleep on the couch.
Pillz: You dosed off. You had that dream again.
Pero: The dream about Colin Farrel on the treadmill?
Pillz: Uh, no. I think it was the dream about the gunmen at your school.
Pero: Why is there a dart sticking into my neck?
Pillz: Because every time you have that dream, you start to hulk out.
Pero: Oh. I'm sorry.
Pillz: It's not your fault.
Primus: I'm curious about something. How did you get to be the way you are?
Pero: I got new contacts. And my ear is pierced.
Primus: No, not that. How did you get to be PeroHulk? Do you even know?
Pero stared blankly ahead for awhile. Primus didn't think he was going to get an answer, but Pero began to spoke.
Pero: It happened last year. I don't like to talk about it, but you guys are my friends.
Pillz: You don't have to tell us if you don't to.
Pero: No, I need to tell this. Besides, if we're a team and you guys need to know.
Primus: Before you start, let me finish this level first.
Pillz slapped him across the shoulder.
Primus: Ow! What was that for?
Pillz: I felt like it. Now turn off the video game and listen to Pero.
Pero: It all happened one day at school.....
Flashback!
Pero was sitting at his desk in class. The teacher had called on him to answer a question.
Pero: The event horizon is the part of a black hole where nothing can escape. This includes light and some would even say time.
Teacher: That's very good Pero.
Pero: Thank you.
Teacher: But this is math class and I asked you what the Pythagorean theorem was.
The class let out a laugh.
Teacher: It's ok Pero, I'm glad to see at least the science teacher is getting somewhere with you.
After the class was over, the students went out into the hall. Pero went out the door and headed towards his locker. A few students were following him.
Student 1: Good job in math class Pero!
Student 2: Yeah, you seem to know a lot about those black holes. Is that because your heads always up in space?
Student 3: Maybe those aren't the black holes Pero's interested in.
Student 2: How about it Pero? You only like the black holes that you can stick your rocket into?
The three boys let out a laugh and high-fived each other. A female student had stepped up behind them.
Female Student: You guys leave Pero alone.
Pero had been ignoring the three boys, but when he heard the girl speak, his ears perked up. The voice belonged to Michelle, the girl Pero had a crush on since the fourth grade.
Student 1: Ah come one Michelle, we're just joking with him. Ain't that right, Pero?
Pero: I don't know who you are.
The boy gave Pero comical look and took off with his two friends.
Michelle: I hate guys like them.
Pero: They're just trying to have a little fun.
Michelle: Yeah, at your expense!
Pero: I don't let it bother me. Life's too short to let assholes like them get in your way.
Michelle: You really amaze me sometime. Will you walk me to my next class?
Pero: Yeah.
On the way to the class, Michelle talked to Pero about a boy she liked. It hurt Pero's feelings to hear her talk about other boys, but Pero listened all the same.
Michelle: Sarah told me she heard him tell Jim that he thought I looked hot in my outfit the other day. But I just don't know if he likes me as a person.
Pero: How could he not?
Michelle: You are so sweet Pero. I'm glad we're friends.
Pero: Me too.
Pero wanted to munster up the courage to tell her he wished they could be more than just friends, but he couldn't. He never could. They arrived at her classroom.
Michelle: Where, here I am. Thanks for walking me here.
Pero: Anytime.
Michelle: What class you going to now?
Pero: Science.
Michelle: You always do so well in science class. I wish I had your smarts there.
Pero: I just like trying to find out how the world and the universe work.
Michelle: Sometimes I think it's harder trying to figure out how you work.
As she it, she gave Pero a wink and I smile.
Michelle: See you later.
She went into the classroom and Pero took off to science class. When he got there, he sat next to his best friend, Jason.
Jason: You look down in the dumps man, what's wrong?
Pero: Nothing. I'm fine.
Jason: You got that same look you had when your parents told you you weren't adopted. So what is it?
Pero: Michelle.
Jason: Oh key-riste!!! How many times have I told you to stop thinking about that chick?
Pero: A lot.
Jason: And I'm telling you again. Forget about her. Remember when she said you were like the brother she never had? Oh, it would have been much better had she killed you right then and there.
Pero: I like her.
Jason: Tell me something I don't know. Which reminds me, did your mom come home last night?
Pero: Yeah she did.
Jason: Good.
Pero: I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. My eyes are getting bad.
Jason: That sucks.
Pero: Mom says it's because I sit to close to the TV. I like to sit to close to it. That way people can't walk in front of it and block the TV from me. Dad blocked the TV one time, and I missed part of a commercial about some body spray that's supposed to attract women. I thought about buying some, maybe that will help Michelle like me, but dad was blocking the TV and I didn't see the name of the spray. I tried to wear cologne one time, but I accidentally put too much on and I really smelled. I like the smell of my dad's cologne. He always puts it on before he gets into bed with mommy though. He said it helps mommy not smell the horrors on him. I don't know what kind of horrors he would have on him, but my favorite horror movie is The Blair Witch Project. Somebody tried to tell me it's real, but I think it's fake. I saw one of the actors on Conan O'Brian. I like his show, it's on at late night. Whenever I watch it, I sit close to the TV so no one will interrupt it for me.
Jason: Shhh dude, class started, like, two minutes ago.
The science teacher, Mr. Colvin, was drawing a diagram on the chalkboard.
Mr. Colvin: Now, I have drawn the diagram of a black hole on the board. Can anyone explain to me what an "event horizon" is?
The class looked to Pero. Pero answered flawlessly.
When the period bell had rung, Pero and Jason got up from their seats and went to their next class, which they had together. It was P.E.
As he watched the students leave his classroom, Mr. Colvin felt warm inside. It was his free period. Time to go to the teacher's lounge and enjoy a smoke. It was the only thing that kept him sane after 15 years of teaching.
He grabbed his bag and was ready to head out of the door, when the other science teacher, Mr. Lee, came running into the classroom, almost knocking him down.
Mr. Lee: We have got a big problem!
Mr. Colvin: What is it?
Mr. Lee: The Agency has found out about the formula that we have been working on!
Mr. Colvin: How? There's no way they could know! Unless they have the school lab bugged.
Mr. Lee: I don't know how they know. But they just called me and demanded I give them the formula!
Mr. Colvin: Damn. All that research. All that work! Just for them to come in here and steal it! No. I won't let that happen. No one will get it! I will burn the all the papers and pour the formula down the drain!
Mr. Lee: No! We can't let the formula be wasted like that. We need to do something!
Mr. Colvin: Like what? We don't even know if the formula works. We never has tested it on anything! And I sure am not going to drink it.
Mr. Lee: Wait a second. What's the name of that one student who always gets picked on but never gets angry about it?
Mr. Colvin: Pero?
Mr. Lee: Yes, Pero! He would be perfect. We can give him the formula and test him later on when we have the time. If the formula does what we hope it does, it will be perfectly safe to give it to him.
Mr. Colvin: You are right. I think he's in gym class now.
Mr. Lee: Excellent. He'll be mighty thirsty after gym and we'll have the drink to quench his needs.
Mr. Colvin: Call the Agency back and tell them they are shit out of luck.
Mr. Lee: They won't like that.
Mr. Colvin: What are they going to do? We're in a school.
Meanwhile, at the school gym. The P.E. teacher had the boys doing laps around the gym.
Jason: I hate P.E. This is cruel and unusual punishment, that's what this is.
Pero: I like it.
Jason: Well, you're just weird. Oh great, Brandon is behind us.
Brandon: Come on losers, let's pick up the pace!
Brandon was the most popular boy in school. Good looking and captain of the football team. He was also the boy Michelle had a crush on.
Jason: Just because you are two laps ahead of us doesn't mean you're better than us.
Brandon: Yeah. I know. Because I'm handsome and have gotten laid, that makes me better than you. Oh, and Pero, say hi to Michelle for me. I'd tell her myself, but I'd be too busy staring at her perfect tits.
Brandon laughed and pushed himself in between Pero and Jason to get ahead of them.
Jason: What a fucking jerk.
Pero: If we colonized the moon, would you live on the side that's always dark or the side that gets illuminated by the sun?
Jason: We just get mocked by the jerk that wants to take your woman and you ask a question like that? You have got the hide of a rhino.
Pero: I've never seen a rhino. I saw a raccoon once. but it was dead on the road. I can't wait until I get my license.
Jason: You and me both. Maybe we should tell the Dungeon Master over there we don't need to run, cause we're going to drive to get where we are going.
Pero: What does she see in him?
Jason: Oh, we're going back to that now? She sees a popular jock who's strong and already has a car.
Pero: Maybe if I were strong she would like me.
Jason: She already likes you, but as a friend. That's your problem right there. She'll never be able to see past that, no matter what you do.
Pero: I should start lifting weights.
Jason: Waste of time. It's not your forte. God, this is the longest class ever.
Pero: Homeroom is longer, we have an extra 15 minutes in that class.
Jason: I know, I wasn't being literal. Oh, nevermind.
Pero: Next class is one of my favorites.
Jason: You only like it because you sit behind Michelle in that class.
Pero: Yeah. Maybe I'll ask her out this time.
Jason: You say that every time.
Pero: I always daydream in that class. I always dream about something bad happening during class and I end up saving her from the danger.
Jason: Keep dreaming man, because that's all you are ever going to have.
Pero: What's it called when you can write with both of your hands.
Jason: If it wasn't for you, I would skip this class everyday.
After P.E. was over, Pero and Jason headed towards their next class. Mr. Colvin was standing out in the hall, holding a water bottle in his hand.
Mr. Colvin: Hello Pero, my, you look sweaty.
Pero: I just got done with gym class.
Mr. Colvin: Well here, take the rest of my water, that will make you feel better.
Pero: Thanks.
Pero took the bottle and drank from it. They walked a little farther, and Jason took a look back at Mr. Colvin.
Jason: That was weird.
Pero: Did you watch Fear Factor last night too?
Jason: No. I'm talking about Colvin back there. I've never seen a teacher give a student a water bottle. It doesn't taste funny, does it?
Pero drank the rest of the bottle.
Pero: It taste a little like strawberries.
Jason: Nice. Well, I won't see you 'till after school, so have fun.
Pero: See you later.
Pero made it to his next class. As soon as he walked into the room, Michelle greeted him.
Michelle: Hey Pero!
Pero: Hi.
Michelle: So, did Brandon say anything about me in Gym?
Pero: He asked me to tell you hi.
Michelle: He did! That's great! Sarah just told me that she heard Jim tell Eric that Brandon wants to ask "her" out to prom. Sarah didn't hear who "her" was, but I bet it's me.
Pero: Yeah, it probably is.
Pero sat down in his chair. He wanted to scream at her, "You are too good for him! He just wants you for your body! You need to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are! Like me!"
But he couldn't. He never could. Although this time around, he felt something within him that he never felt before. It felt as though some force inside him was starting to build up.
Michelle: Oh, if there was just some way I could find out! Have you ever been that anxious about something Pero?
Pero: Yeah, I have.
Michelle: You know what's great about talking with you Pero? You always know how I feel.
Pero thought, "Things would be much better for me if you only knew how I feel".
As Pero and Michelle were having their conversation, Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee were having one of their own.
Mr. Colvin: Pero drank the whole thing.
Mr. Lee: That's good, but I have bad news.
Mr. Colvin: What is it?
Mr. Lee: The Agency is sending a bunch of men here to get the formula.
Mr. Colvin: Didn't you tell them we got rid of it?
Mr. Lee: I did, but they didn't believe me.
Mr. Colvin: great. We need to get the fuck out of here.
Mr. Lee: Agreed.
The left the school.
Pero's class had already started and Pero was already daydreaming. As he did this, he always stared at the back of Michelle. It was the best view he ever had in any of his classes.
Outside in the school parking lot, 3 large vans had pulled up. And out of the vans, came out five men each. Each one of them had ski masks on and were holding rifles.
They went into the school.
In Pero's daydream, Pero had just rescued Michelle from a pack of rabid ant/gorilla hybrids. Michelle declared Pero her hero and flew into his open arms. As Pero held her close to his body, he leaned in for a kiss.
As Pero was getting into the good part, 4 of the gunmen had entered into his classroom.
Gunman 1: We are not going to hurt anyone! We just need the student named Pero!
Pero awoke from his daydream. The gunman was asking for him! He didn't know what it was all about, but Pero decided not to mess with guy holding a gun.
Pero was about to get up from his desk, but Michelle jumped out of hers.
Michelle: You're going to have to get through me before you get to Pero.
Gunman 2: Girl, we don't want to shoot you, but if you force us too, we won't hesitate.
Gunman 3: No need boys, I'll take care of this.
Gunman 3 grabbed Michelle and pulled out a handgun and held it to her head.
Gunman 3: Alright Pero, just come with us and your lady friend will live to see another day.
Pero watched all of this happen with horror. For the first time in his life, he was becoming utterly pissed. As Pero seemed to get angrier, that feeling he had earlier seemed to build up even more.
As the gunman pushed the gun deeper into Michelle's head and as she screamed in pain, Pero completely blacked out.
Then he began to change.
Before the shocked eyes of all of those in the classroom, Pero grew taller. His skin turned into a yellow shade and he became stronger. For the first time ever, Pero had become the incredible PeroHulk.
Gunman number 3 dropped his handgun and Michelle ran away from him, never taking her eyes off of PeroHulk.
Gunman 4: Shit! He did drink the formula! It works!
PeroHulk: You bad men hurt the girl Pero loves! Pero smash!
PeroHulk grabbed Gunman 3 by both of his arms and tore them tight off of his body. Gunman 3 screamed in pain and Pero clubbed him over the head with his own arm, killing him.
The other 3 gunmen opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk screamed in rage as the bullets ricocheted off of his body.
PeroHulk clapped his hands together and sent out a shockwave that knocked the gunmen over. The gunfire had drawn the other gunmen into the class room. As soon as they saw PeroHulk, they opened fire.
PeroHulk let out a roar and leapt through the roof and out of the school building. He landed in the front lawn.
The gunmen rushed outside.
PeroHulk saw them running out and picked up a school bus. He threw it at the gunmen, killing eight of them. The remaining six opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk leapt forward, grabbed two of them, and bashed their heads together.
The other four took off running, hopped into one of the vans, and got the hell out of there.
PeroHulk let out a victorious yell.
As he calmed down, he started turning back into regular Pero.
Pero saw the destruction he had caused and saw most of the school out in the lawn, staring at him.
Pero: What happened?
Jason ran to his side.
Jason: You won't believe, but let me tell you now, it was the coolest fucking thing I ever did see.
Jason told Pero what happened outside. Another student who was in Pero's class when it started told him what happened in there.
Pero listened to all of it. He almost couldn't believe it, but he was looking at the bodies and the school bus and knew it was true.
He scanned the faces of the students that were all staring at him and found the face he was looking for. Michelle was looking at him with shocked horror.
Pero: I saved your life, just like I have always dreamed about. Now I can ask you, will you go out with me?
Michelle: No! You are a monster Pero! Look at what you did! If I had known ,I never would have hung out with you. Please don't ever talk to me again!
Michelle ran off crying. Pero stared after her, not saying a word.
End of the flashback!
Pillz: That was a hell of a story.
Primus: Wait a second. Who was The Agency? I've never heard of them. How did you know what was going on between Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee? What happened to them? Why aren't you locked up in a government facility?
Pillz: Those are good questions. I'm curious about that myself. Pero?
Pero just stared ahead blankly. They though they weren't going to get an answer, but then he finally spoke.
Pero: Why do you guys always ask me stupid fucking question?
The End
Pero: What? Where? What's going on?
Pero had woken up in the apartment of Pillz. Pillz, Primus, and Pero were all there hanging out, waiting for a case to crack. Pillz and Primus were playing video games, Pero had fallen asleep on the couch.
Pillz: You dosed off. You had that dream again.
Pero: The dream about Colin Farrel on the treadmill?
Pillz: Uh, no. I think it was the dream about the gunmen at your school.
Pero: Why is there a dart sticking into my neck?
Pillz: Because every time you have that dream, you start to hulk out.
Pero: Oh. I'm sorry.
Pillz: It's not your fault.
Primus: I'm curious about something. How did you get to be the way you are?
Pero: I got new contacts. And my ear is pierced.
Primus: No, not that. How did you get to be PeroHulk? Do you even know?
Pero stared blankly ahead for awhile. Primus didn't think he was going to get an answer, but Pero began to spoke.
Pero: It happened last year. I don't like to talk about it, but you guys are my friends.
Pillz: You don't have to tell us if you don't to.
Pero: No, I need to tell this. Besides, if we're a team and you guys need to know.
Primus: Before you start, let me finish this level first.
Pillz slapped him across the shoulder.
Primus: Ow! What was that for?
Pillz: I felt like it. Now turn off the video game and listen to Pero.
Pero: It all happened one day at school.....
Flashback!
Pero was sitting at his desk in class. The teacher had called on him to answer a question.
Pero: The event horizon is the part of a black hole where nothing can escape. This includes light and some would even say time.
Teacher: That's very good Pero.
Pero: Thank you.
Teacher: But this is math class and I asked you what the Pythagorean theorem was.
The class let out a laugh.
Teacher: It's ok Pero, I'm glad to see at least the science teacher is getting somewhere with you.
After the class was over, the students went out into the hall. Pero went out the door and headed towards his locker. A few students were following him.
Student 1: Good job in math class Pero!
Student 2: Yeah, you seem to know a lot about those black holes. Is that because your heads always up in space?
Student 3: Maybe those aren't the black holes Pero's interested in.
Student 2: How about it Pero? You only like the black holes that you can stick your rocket into?
The three boys let out a laugh and high-fived each other. A female student had stepped up behind them.
Female Student: You guys leave Pero alone.
Pero had been ignoring the three boys, but when he heard the girl speak, his ears perked up. The voice belonged to Michelle, the girl Pero had a crush on since the fourth grade.
Student 1: Ah come one Michelle, we're just joking with him. Ain't that right, Pero?
Pero: I don't know who you are.
The boy gave Pero comical look and took off with his two friends.
Michelle: I hate guys like them.
Pero: They're just trying to have a little fun.
Michelle: Yeah, at your expense!
Pero: I don't let it bother me. Life's too short to let assholes like them get in your way.
Michelle: You really amaze me sometime. Will you walk me to my next class?
Pero: Yeah.
On the way to the class, Michelle talked to Pero about a boy she liked. It hurt Pero's feelings to hear her talk about other boys, but Pero listened all the same.
Michelle: Sarah told me she heard him tell Jim that he thought I looked hot in my outfit the other day. But I just don't know if he likes me as a person.
Pero: How could he not?
Michelle: You are so sweet Pero. I'm glad we're friends.
Pero: Me too.
Pero wanted to munster up the courage to tell her he wished they could be more than just friends, but he couldn't. He never could. They arrived at her classroom.
Michelle: Where, here I am. Thanks for walking me here.
Pero: Anytime.
Michelle: What class you going to now?
Pero: Science.
Michelle: You always do so well in science class. I wish I had your smarts there.
Pero: I just like trying to find out how the world and the universe work.
Michelle: Sometimes I think it's harder trying to figure out how you work.
As she it, she gave Pero a wink and I smile.
Michelle: See you later.
She went into the classroom and Pero took off to science class. When he got there, he sat next to his best friend, Jason.
Jason: You look down in the dumps man, what's wrong?
Pero: Nothing. I'm fine.
Jason: You got that same look you had when your parents told you you weren't adopted. So what is it?
Pero: Michelle.
Jason: Oh key-riste!!! How many times have I told you to stop thinking about that chick?
Pero: A lot.
Jason: And I'm telling you again. Forget about her. Remember when she said you were like the brother she never had? Oh, it would have been much better had she killed you right then and there.
Pero: I like her.
Jason: Tell me something I don't know. Which reminds me, did your mom come home last night?
Pero: Yeah she did.
Jason: Good.
Pero: I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. My eyes are getting bad.
Jason: That sucks.
Pero: Mom says it's because I sit to close to the TV. I like to sit to close to it. That way people can't walk in front of it and block the TV from me. Dad blocked the TV one time, and I missed part of a commercial about some body spray that's supposed to attract women. I thought about buying some, maybe that will help Michelle like me, but dad was blocking the TV and I didn't see the name of the spray. I tried to wear cologne one time, but I accidentally put too much on and I really smelled. I like the smell of my dad's cologne. He always puts it on before he gets into bed with mommy though. He said it helps mommy not smell the horrors on him. I don't know what kind of horrors he would have on him, but my favorite horror movie is The Blair Witch Project. Somebody tried to tell me it's real, but I think it's fake. I saw one of the actors on Conan O'Brian. I like his show, it's on at late night. Whenever I watch it, I sit close to the TV so no one will interrupt it for me.
Jason: Shhh dude, class started, like, two minutes ago.
The science teacher, Mr. Colvin, was drawing a diagram on the chalkboard.
Mr. Colvin: Now, I have drawn the diagram of a black hole on the board. Can anyone explain to me what an "event horizon" is?
The class looked to Pero. Pero answered flawlessly.
When the period bell had rung, Pero and Jason got up from their seats and went to their next class, which they had together. It was P.E.
As he watched the students leave his classroom, Mr. Colvin felt warm inside. It was his free period. Time to go to the teacher's lounge and enjoy a smoke. It was the only thing that kept him sane after 15 years of teaching.
He grabbed his bag and was ready to head out of the door, when the other science teacher, Mr. Lee, came running into the classroom, almost knocking him down.
Mr. Lee: We have got a big problem!
Mr. Colvin: What is it?
Mr. Lee: The Agency has found out about the formula that we have been working on!
Mr. Colvin: How? There's no way they could know! Unless they have the school lab bugged.
Mr. Lee: I don't know how they know. But they just called me and demanded I give them the formula!
Mr. Colvin: Damn. All that research. All that work! Just for them to come in here and steal it! No. I won't let that happen. No one will get it! I will burn the all the papers and pour the formula down the drain!
Mr. Lee: No! We can't let the formula be wasted like that. We need to do something!
Mr. Colvin: Like what? We don't even know if the formula works. We never has tested it on anything! And I sure am not going to drink it.
Mr. Lee: Wait a second. What's the name of that one student who always gets picked on but never gets angry about it?
Mr. Colvin: Pero?
Mr. Lee: Yes, Pero! He would be perfect. We can give him the formula and test him later on when we have the time. If the formula does what we hope it does, it will be perfectly safe to give it to him.
Mr. Colvin: You are right. I think he's in gym class now.
Mr. Lee: Excellent. He'll be mighty thirsty after gym and we'll have the drink to quench his needs.
Mr. Colvin: Call the Agency back and tell them they are shit out of luck.
Mr. Lee: They won't like that.
Mr. Colvin: What are they going to do? We're in a school.
Meanwhile, at the school gym. The P.E. teacher had the boys doing laps around the gym.
Jason: I hate P.E. This is cruel and unusual punishment, that's what this is.
Pero: I like it.
Jason: Well, you're just weird. Oh great, Brandon is behind us.
Brandon: Come on losers, let's pick up the pace!
Brandon was the most popular boy in school. Good looking and captain of the football team. He was also the boy Michelle had a crush on.
Jason: Just because you are two laps ahead of us doesn't mean you're better than us.
Brandon: Yeah. I know. Because I'm handsome and have gotten laid, that makes me better than you. Oh, and Pero, say hi to Michelle for me. I'd tell her myself, but I'd be too busy staring at her perfect tits.
Brandon laughed and pushed himself in between Pero and Jason to get ahead of them.
Jason: What a fucking jerk.
Pero: If we colonized the moon, would you live on the side that's always dark or the side that gets illuminated by the sun?
Jason: We just get mocked by the jerk that wants to take your woman and you ask a question like that? You have got the hide of a rhino.
Pero: I've never seen a rhino. I saw a raccoon once. but it was dead on the road. I can't wait until I get my license.
Jason: You and me both. Maybe we should tell the Dungeon Master over there we don't need to run, cause we're going to drive to get where we are going.
Pero: What does she see in him?
Jason: Oh, we're going back to that now? She sees a popular jock who's strong and already has a car.
Pero: Maybe if I were strong she would like me.
Jason: She already likes you, but as a friend. That's your problem right there. She'll never be able to see past that, no matter what you do.
Pero: I should start lifting weights.
Jason: Waste of time. It's not your forte. God, this is the longest class ever.
Pero: Homeroom is longer, we have an extra 15 minutes in that class.
Jason: I know, I wasn't being literal. Oh, nevermind.
Pero: Next class is one of my favorites.
Jason: You only like it because you sit behind Michelle in that class.
Pero: Yeah. Maybe I'll ask her out this time.
Jason: You say that every time.
Pero: I always daydream in that class. I always dream about something bad happening during class and I end up saving her from the danger.
Jason: Keep dreaming man, because that's all you are ever going to have.
Pero: What's it called when you can write with both of your hands.
Jason: If it wasn't for you, I would skip this class everyday.
After P.E. was over, Pero and Jason headed towards their next class. Mr. Colvin was standing out in the hall, holding a water bottle in his hand.
Mr. Colvin: Hello Pero, my, you look sweaty.
Pero: I just got done with gym class.
Mr. Colvin: Well here, take the rest of my water, that will make you feel better.
Pero: Thanks.
Pero took the bottle and drank from it. They walked a little farther, and Jason took a look back at Mr. Colvin.
Jason: That was weird.
Pero: Did you watch Fear Factor last night too?
Jason: No. I'm talking about Colvin back there. I've never seen a teacher give a student a water bottle. It doesn't taste funny, does it?
Pero drank the rest of the bottle.
Pero: It taste a little like strawberries.
Jason: Nice. Well, I won't see you 'till after school, so have fun.
Pero: See you later.
Pero made it to his next class. As soon as he walked into the room, Michelle greeted him.
Michelle: Hey Pero!
Pero: Hi.
Michelle: So, did Brandon say anything about me in Gym?
Pero: He asked me to tell you hi.
Michelle: He did! That's great! Sarah just told me that she heard Jim tell Eric that Brandon wants to ask "her" out to prom. Sarah didn't hear who "her" was, but I bet it's me.
Pero: Yeah, it probably is.
Pero sat down in his chair. He wanted to scream at her, "You are too good for him! He just wants you for your body! You need to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are! Like me!"
But he couldn't. He never could. Although this time around, he felt something within him that he never felt before. It felt as though some force inside him was starting to build up.
Michelle: Oh, if there was just some way I could find out! Have you ever been that anxious about something Pero?
Pero: Yeah, I have.
Michelle: You know what's great about talking with you Pero? You always know how I feel.
Pero thought, "Things would be much better for me if you only knew how I feel".
As Pero and Michelle were having their conversation, Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee were having one of their own.
Mr. Colvin: Pero drank the whole thing.
Mr. Lee: That's good, but I have bad news.
Mr. Colvin: What is it?
Mr. Lee: The Agency is sending a bunch of men here to get the formula.
Mr. Colvin: Didn't you tell them we got rid of it?
Mr. Lee: I did, but they didn't believe me.
Mr. Colvin: great. We need to get the fuck out of here.
Mr. Lee: Agreed.
The left the school.
Pero's class had already started and Pero was already daydreaming. As he did this, he always stared at the back of Michelle. It was the best view he ever had in any of his classes.
Outside in the school parking lot, 3 large vans had pulled up. And out of the vans, came out five men each. Each one of them had ski masks on and were holding rifles.
They went into the school.
In Pero's daydream, Pero had just rescued Michelle from a pack of rabid ant/gorilla hybrids. Michelle declared Pero her hero and flew into his open arms. As Pero held her close to his body, he leaned in for a kiss.
As Pero was getting into the good part, 4 of the gunmen had entered into his classroom.
Gunman 1: We are not going to hurt anyone! We just need the student named Pero!
Pero awoke from his daydream. The gunman was asking for him! He didn't know what it was all about, but Pero decided not to mess with guy holding a gun.
Pero was about to get up from his desk, but Michelle jumped out of hers.
Michelle: You're going to have to get through me before you get to Pero.
Gunman 2: Girl, we don't want to shoot you, but if you force us too, we won't hesitate.
Gunman 3: No need boys, I'll take care of this.
Gunman 3 grabbed Michelle and pulled out a handgun and held it to her head.
Gunman 3: Alright Pero, just come with us and your lady friend will live to see another day.
Pero watched all of this happen with horror. For the first time in his life, he was becoming utterly pissed. As Pero seemed to get angrier, that feeling he had earlier seemed to build up even more.
As the gunman pushed the gun deeper into Michelle's head and as she screamed in pain, Pero completely blacked out.
Then he began to change.
Before the shocked eyes of all of those in the classroom, Pero grew taller. His skin turned into a yellow shade and he became stronger. For the first time ever, Pero had become the incredible PeroHulk.
Gunman number 3 dropped his handgun and Michelle ran away from him, never taking her eyes off of PeroHulk.
Gunman 4: Shit! He did drink the formula! It works!
PeroHulk: You bad men hurt the girl Pero loves! Pero smash!
PeroHulk grabbed Gunman 3 by both of his arms and tore them tight off of his body. Gunman 3 screamed in pain and Pero clubbed him over the head with his own arm, killing him.
The other 3 gunmen opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk screamed in rage as the bullets ricocheted off of his body.
PeroHulk clapped his hands together and sent out a shockwave that knocked the gunmen over. The gunfire had drawn the other gunmen into the class room. As soon as they saw PeroHulk, they opened fire.
PeroHulk let out a roar and leapt through the roof and out of the school building. He landed in the front lawn.
The gunmen rushed outside.
PeroHulk saw them running out and picked up a school bus. He threw it at the gunmen, killing eight of them. The remaining six opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk leapt forward, grabbed two of them, and bashed their heads together.
The other four took off running, hopped into one of the vans, and got the hell out of there.
PeroHulk let out a victorious yell.
As he calmed down, he started turning back into regular Pero.
Pero saw the destruction he had caused and saw most of the school out in the lawn, staring at him.
Pero: What happened?
Jason ran to his side.
Jason: You won't believe, but let me tell you now, it was the coolest fucking thing I ever did see.
Jason told Pero what happened outside. Another student who was in Pero's class when it started told him what happened in there.
Pero listened to all of it. He almost couldn't believe it, but he was looking at the bodies and the school bus and knew it was true.
He scanned the faces of the students that were all staring at him and found the face he was looking for. Michelle was looking at him with shocked horror.
Pero: I saved your life, just like I have always dreamed about. Now I can ask you, will you go out with me?
Michelle: No! You are a monster Pero! Look at what you did! If I had known ,I never would have hung out with you. Please don't ever talk to me again!
Michelle ran off crying. Pero stared after her, not saying a word.
End of the flashback!
Pillz: That was a hell of a story.
Primus: Wait a second. Who was The Agency? I've never heard of them. How did you know what was going on between Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee? What happened to them? Why aren't you locked up in a government facility?
Pillz: Those are good questions. I'm curious about that myself. Pero?
Pero just stared ahead blankly. They though they weren't going to get an answer, but then he finally spoke.
Pero: Why do you guys always ask me stupid fucking question?
The End
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Da Satyr Code Part 1
Gweg had gotten up at 7 am as usual. He was surprised to see Satyr already up. He was standing at the kitchen window, drinking a Dr. Pepper and shaking his head.
Gweg: What are doing up so early?
Satyr: Couldn't sleep.
Gweg: What's going on outside.
Satyr motioned towards the window.
Satyr: See for yourself.
Gweg went to the window and looked out. A large group of people had gathered on the street.
Gweg: Who are all of those people?
Satyr: Protesters.
Gweg: Oh god, what did you do now?
Satyr: I didn't do anything. The movie Theater down the street is showing The Da Vinci Code. Those people down there are from the Catholic Church.
Gweg: Don't these people get it's just a movie? Imagine if they found out the real truth about Jesus?
Satyr gave Gweg a cautious look.
Satyr: You haven't told anyone about that, have you?
Gweg: Who would I tell? Who would believe me?
Satyr: Yes. Who indeed.
Satyr gave Gweg a sideways glance and continued to look out the window. Gweg decided to have one last look out the window.
He saw something peculiar. There was an old man standing away from the group and looking up at Gweg and Satyr.
Gweg: Who's that old man?
Satyr: I don't know. I'm done with this nonsense, I'm getting on the computer.
Satyr left the kitchen. Gweg continued to look at the old man. The old man started waving at Gweg and then motioning him to come down. Gweg waved at the old man and left the window.
Gweg: I'm going out.
Satyr: Don't you know who I am?
Gweg: What?
Satyr: I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
Gweg: What was that about.
Satyr: This video on the net. A couple of guys dubbed over an X-Men cartoon. It's better than that craptacular X-Men: The Last Stand.
Gweg: That's nice. See you later.
Gweg went outside. The old man had been waiting for him.
Old Man: You must come with me Gweg! Your life may be in danger!
Gweg: Who are you?
Old Man: Just come with me, I'll explain everything!
The Old Man led Gweg into a car. The both got into the back.
The Old Man: Here, put this on.
The Old Man handed Gweg a blindfold.
Gweg: Why? Where are we going!
The Old Man: We are going to a secret place. The blindfold is just a precaution.
Gweg put the blindfold on.
The Old Man: Driver, we are ready.
The car took off.
The Old Man: My name is Alexander Livingston. I am the head of a secret organization that has been watching the movements of your friend, Virtual Satyr.
Gweg: Geez, I'd say I'm surprised, but I would be lying my ass off.
Livingston: I'll explain more when we get to our headquarters.
20 minutes later, the arrived at the secret headquarters. Livingston had gotten Gweg out of the car and led him inside the building. When they got inside, Gweg was allowed to take the blindfold off.
Gweg was in a giant room. The only furniture in the room was a great long table with 50 chairs around it. 30 of the chairs were occupied.
Livingston: Please, Gweg, have a seat.
Gweg: Who are you people?
Livingston: We are the ASL, the Anti-Satyr League. We exist for this sole purpose: to makes sure the Virtual Satyr does not bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it.
Gweg look at Livingston, stunned.
Livingston: Please Gweg, take a seat, we have much top discuss with you.
Gweg sat down.
Livingston: The League has existed since around the year 1550, 50 years after the Satyr had arrived on earth.
One of the ASL members stood up.
Livingston: You have something to add, ASL 23MNY?
23MNY: Yes. It should be noted to Gweg that when the League first started, it was not an Anti-Satyr League. Quite the contrary. It was not known as the Anti-Satyr League until the 1800's. The League first existed as a group of people studying the satyr, monitoring his movements in a scientific study of the mythological creature.
Livingston: Thank you, that is correct. Yes, the life of the satyr was pretty boring until he came to America. That's when things started to happen. Satyr was a resident of the Roanoke Colony, having moved out right before the other inhabitants disappeared.
Gweg: Listen, I know about that. What I've always been curious about, but have been afraid to ask him, is how he has managed to live so long. Everything I have read about satyrs tells that they are not immortal.
Livingston: Neither is the Virtual Satyr. However, the ASL has uncovered his secret to his seemingly eternal youth. We know that he was kicked out of Mt. Olympus by Pan himself, for reasons we do not yet know.
Gweg: I think it had something to do with frogs.
Livingston: That may well be, but we do know that time moves slower in that world than it does on ours. A lot slower in fact. We believe that Virtual Satyr had likened himself magically to his world before he was banished to ours. He may be living in our world, but he is aging as though he were in his.
Gweg: That explains a lot. But please tell me why you think he is going to cause the destruction of civilization. I know he is a sociopath who is capable, but I don't think he really cares about doing that. He's only interested in himself.
Livingston: That may be the image he projects, but we know better. ASL 30FMI, if you would please?
Gweg saw a beautiful woman stand up. She was holding a piece of paper. She began reading from it.
30FMI: We have confirmed reports that Virtual Satyr was at Pearl Harbor the day it was attacked. He was in Dallas when Kennedy was assassinated. He was in Florida when the Challenger exploded. He was in Oklahoma City when the bombing occurred. He was in New York City on September 11th.
Livingston: You see, almost every major tragic event in American history, the satyr has been present for.
Gweg: Listen, I know far too well of what he is capable of. I know that he doesn't hold human life in high regard. But he isn't capable of causing that much damage. He's too lazy. He does things on a whim most of the time, and I doubt he would do those things on a whim. Yes, he is mentally capable of doing those things, but he they're too big for him. Most days he hardly even moves out of bed.
Livingston: You must trust us Gweg. You have only known him for a couple of years. Our group has known him for 450 years. Not only is he capable of causing these events, he has been orchestrating these things and studying the effects. That's why each event keeps on getting bigger than the last. He will not be happy until he has brought about complete anarchy to our country.
Gweg: How could you possible know all of this?
Livingston: We have cracked his code.
Gweg: What code?
Livingston: I'm sorry Gweg, but we have not made everything clear to you yet. You see, the satyr has not acted alone, he has been backed up by a group, whom he used to communicate with through the newspapers, but now has contact with through the internet.
Gweg: What group?
Livingston: The LOL, the Liberators of Life. An organization who believes the government is corrupt and is trying to bring it down. They hail Satyr as their leader and inspiration.
Gweg: You've got to be kidding me.
Livingston: NO. Satyr had sent messages to them to organize them in his next attacks. He would do this my writing fake articles in newspapers. The first letter in each paragraph had spelled out the plot of the next attack.
Gweg: If you knew this, why didn't you stop the attacks?
Livingston: The ones he got away with, he had done so using another code, or so we believe. The plots we did discover, we did stop.
Gweg: Such as?
30FMI: An attempt to feed all of the cows in the country Pepto-Bismal so their milk would come out pink. A plot to discredit the Secretary of Defense by calling him a Doo-Doo Head on the Santa-Monica Freeway. A plot to exchange Pauly Shore with an orangutan to see if anyone notices the difference.
Gweg: None of those make sense. Actually, in regards to Satyr, those make perfect sense. But they are nowhere near related to what you claim he has done.
Livingston: Well, we think he planned those just to distract us.
Gweg rubbed his hand over his head.
Gweg: And you say he's talking with them over the internet now? He does spend a lot of time on it.
Livingston: Yes. When the internet first started up, Satyr and the LOL immediately took advantage of it. They would only talk in private chat-rooms, but they made each other aware of their presence through a code.
Gweg: And what code was that.
Livingston: To see id there were any members in a public chatroom who were with the Liberation Of Life, they would tell some random joke, and the members would respond with LOL.
Gweg stared on, in disbelief.
Livingston: We followed suit, in chatrooms, we would ask the chatters ASL?, and then our members would respond by giving the asker their alphanumeric code name.
Gweg: Ok. I'm starting to see the picture here, but I have to ask, if you think Satyr is that big of a threat to society, why don't you just kill him?
Livingston: Because the backlash from the LOL would be disastrous! They hold Satyr in such high regard, that some even worship him!
Gweg: Ok. Now tell me this: Why am I here?
Livingston: You are here because you are the only one who can get close to Satyr. We need you to put download this trojan horse into your computer so we can see what he is discussing with the LOL.
Livingston slid a computer disk to Gweg.
Gweg: Listen, I don't want to get involved in this. I get conned into Satyr schemes enough as it is and I don't need this burden. I'm just going to forget any of this ever happened.
Gweg threw the disk up in the air toward Livingston. Livingston screamed out No! as he got up to catch it. He never caught it, because the disk was hit by bullet and flew away from the table.
Everyone at the table looked toward the doors. Standing there, was a tall man, wearing a black trenchcoat with a bloody smiley pin on the lapel, identical to the one Satyr wears. He was also holding two guns in his hands.
Livingston: You! But how did you find us?
The Man: You stupid old fool! I was staking out the apartment when you took Gweg. I simply followed you here. You thought your driver was on the lookout for anyone following you, but your driver was secretly working for us! But you don't have to worry about him anymore, because I put a bullet through his head.
Gweg: Who is that?
Livingston: That is Sinister Isles! The LOL's best hitman.
Sinister Isles: Speaking of the LOL!
Isles opened the doors. A flood of people came rushing through. It was the Liberators Of Life.
Livingston: ASL attack!
The Anti-Satyr League members all stood up from the table and drew guns out from robes.
Gweg ducked underneath the table.
The gun battle was underway. Blood was quickly painting the walls as the bodies piled onto the floor.
A few minutes later, the fighting had stopped.
Gweg was uninjured. He got out from under the table and surveyed the scene. No one seemed to have survived. But Gweg heard a faint voice call out his name.
It was Livingston. He had been shot twice, once in the chest and the other in his arm. Gweg got down next to him.
Livingston: You need to watch out for him. When the Satyr tries to make his next move, promise me you'll stop him.
Gweg: I promise. But you need to get out of here, I'll call for an ambulance!
Livingston: No. Whether I live or die, it's not up to me.
Livingston looked up in horror, Sinister Isles was standing behind Gweg.
Sinister Isles: You're right. It's up to me.
Isles shot Livingston in the head. Gweg turned around, Isles was pointing the gun right at him.
Gweg: Just make it quick.
Sinister Isles: I'm not going to kill you. You are the Satyr's right hand man. But I warn you this, if you ever think about double-crossing him, I will make you suffer. You see all of these people? They got off easy. Death is not a punishment, it is an escape.
Isles smiled at Gweg and took off out the door.
Gweg left the scene of the carnage. Unfortunately, he didn't know where he was.
Gweg had finally managed to find a familiar landmark and made his way home.
An hour later, he had arrived at the apartment and walked in. Satyr was watching TV.
Gweg stared at Satyr intently.
Satyr: You look like hell. And by the look on your face, it's somehow my fault.
Gweg: In a way, it is.
Satyr: How? I've been here all day.
Gweg explained what had happened.
Satyr sat there and soaked it all in. He sat there, silent, for a couple of minutes after Gweg had finished his story. Finally he looked up at Gweg.
Satyr: Gweg, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Gweg: What?
Satyr: You are trying to tell me that there are two groups out there who are following my every movement, one for me and one against me? Gweg, I have never known you to have an imagination, but when it finally decides to show itself, it come out like the fucking Death Star and all I can do is just look at it and say, "Look at the size of that thing!".
Gweg: You don't believe me?
Satyr: You actually expect me to swallow a whopper that size? ASL? All I have to say to that is: LOL!
Gweg was stunned. He honestly didn't know how to react.
Satyr: Gweg, either you have been smoking something you shouldn't have, or you are tired. I suggest you lie down.
Gweg: That's a good idea.
Gweg turned to go to his room. As he left, he didn't see the odd smile creep up on Satyr's face.
To Be Concluded
Gweg: What are doing up so early?
Satyr: Couldn't sleep.
Gweg: What's going on outside.
Satyr motioned towards the window.
Satyr: See for yourself.
Gweg went to the window and looked out. A large group of people had gathered on the street.
Gweg: Who are all of those people?
Satyr: Protesters.
Gweg: Oh god, what did you do now?
Satyr: I didn't do anything. The movie Theater down the street is showing The Da Vinci Code. Those people down there are from the Catholic Church.
Gweg: Don't these people get it's just a movie? Imagine if they found out the real truth about Jesus?
Satyr gave Gweg a cautious look.
Satyr: You haven't told anyone about that, have you?
Gweg: Who would I tell? Who would believe me?
Satyr: Yes. Who indeed.
Satyr gave Gweg a sideways glance and continued to look out the window. Gweg decided to have one last look out the window.
He saw something peculiar. There was an old man standing away from the group and looking up at Gweg and Satyr.
Gweg: Who's that old man?
Satyr: I don't know. I'm done with this nonsense, I'm getting on the computer.
Satyr left the kitchen. Gweg continued to look at the old man. The old man started waving at Gweg and then motioning him to come down. Gweg waved at the old man and left the window.
Gweg: I'm going out.
Satyr: Don't you know who I am?
Gweg: What?
Satyr: I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
Gweg: What was that about.
Satyr: This video on the net. A couple of guys dubbed over an X-Men cartoon. It's better than that craptacular X-Men: The Last Stand.
Gweg: That's nice. See you later.
Gweg went outside. The old man had been waiting for him.
Old Man: You must come with me Gweg! Your life may be in danger!
Gweg: Who are you?
Old Man: Just come with me, I'll explain everything!
The Old Man led Gweg into a car. The both got into the back.
The Old Man: Here, put this on.
The Old Man handed Gweg a blindfold.
Gweg: Why? Where are we going!
The Old Man: We are going to a secret place. The blindfold is just a precaution.
Gweg put the blindfold on.
The Old Man: Driver, we are ready.
The car took off.
The Old Man: My name is Alexander Livingston. I am the head of a secret organization that has been watching the movements of your friend, Virtual Satyr.
Gweg: Geez, I'd say I'm surprised, but I would be lying my ass off.
Livingston: I'll explain more when we get to our headquarters.
20 minutes later, the arrived at the secret headquarters. Livingston had gotten Gweg out of the car and led him inside the building. When they got inside, Gweg was allowed to take the blindfold off.
Gweg was in a giant room. The only furniture in the room was a great long table with 50 chairs around it. 30 of the chairs were occupied.
Livingston: Please, Gweg, have a seat.
Gweg: Who are you people?
Livingston: We are the ASL, the Anti-Satyr League. We exist for this sole purpose: to makes sure the Virtual Satyr does not bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it.
Gweg look at Livingston, stunned.
Livingston: Please Gweg, take a seat, we have much top discuss with you.
Gweg sat down.
Livingston: The League has existed since around the year 1550, 50 years after the Satyr had arrived on earth.
One of the ASL members stood up.
Livingston: You have something to add, ASL 23MNY?
23MNY: Yes. It should be noted to Gweg that when the League first started, it was not an Anti-Satyr League. Quite the contrary. It was not known as the Anti-Satyr League until the 1800's. The League first existed as a group of people studying the satyr, monitoring his movements in a scientific study of the mythological creature.
Livingston: Thank you, that is correct. Yes, the life of the satyr was pretty boring until he came to America. That's when things started to happen. Satyr was a resident of the Roanoke Colony, having moved out right before the other inhabitants disappeared.
Gweg: Listen, I know about that. What I've always been curious about, but have been afraid to ask him, is how he has managed to live so long. Everything I have read about satyrs tells that they are not immortal.
Livingston: Neither is the Virtual Satyr. However, the ASL has uncovered his secret to his seemingly eternal youth. We know that he was kicked out of Mt. Olympus by Pan himself, for reasons we do not yet know.
Gweg: I think it had something to do with frogs.
Livingston: That may well be, but we do know that time moves slower in that world than it does on ours. A lot slower in fact. We believe that Virtual Satyr had likened himself magically to his world before he was banished to ours. He may be living in our world, but he is aging as though he were in his.
Gweg: That explains a lot. But please tell me why you think he is going to cause the destruction of civilization. I know he is a sociopath who is capable, but I don't think he really cares about doing that. He's only interested in himself.
Livingston: That may be the image he projects, but we know better. ASL 30FMI, if you would please?
Gweg saw a beautiful woman stand up. She was holding a piece of paper. She began reading from it.
30FMI: We have confirmed reports that Virtual Satyr was at Pearl Harbor the day it was attacked. He was in Dallas when Kennedy was assassinated. He was in Florida when the Challenger exploded. He was in Oklahoma City when the bombing occurred. He was in New York City on September 11th.
Livingston: You see, almost every major tragic event in American history, the satyr has been present for.
Gweg: Listen, I know far too well of what he is capable of. I know that he doesn't hold human life in high regard. But he isn't capable of causing that much damage. He's too lazy. He does things on a whim most of the time, and I doubt he would do those things on a whim. Yes, he is mentally capable of doing those things, but he they're too big for him. Most days he hardly even moves out of bed.
Livingston: You must trust us Gweg. You have only known him for a couple of years. Our group has known him for 450 years. Not only is he capable of causing these events, he has been orchestrating these things and studying the effects. That's why each event keeps on getting bigger than the last. He will not be happy until he has brought about complete anarchy to our country.
Gweg: How could you possible know all of this?
Livingston: We have cracked his code.
Gweg: What code?
Livingston: I'm sorry Gweg, but we have not made everything clear to you yet. You see, the satyr has not acted alone, he has been backed up by a group, whom he used to communicate with through the newspapers, but now has contact with through the internet.
Gweg: What group?
Livingston: The LOL, the Liberators of Life. An organization who believes the government is corrupt and is trying to bring it down. They hail Satyr as their leader and inspiration.
Gweg: You've got to be kidding me.
Livingston: NO. Satyr had sent messages to them to organize them in his next attacks. He would do this my writing fake articles in newspapers. The first letter in each paragraph had spelled out the plot of the next attack.
Gweg: If you knew this, why didn't you stop the attacks?
Livingston: The ones he got away with, he had done so using another code, or so we believe. The plots we did discover, we did stop.
Gweg: Such as?
30FMI: An attempt to feed all of the cows in the country Pepto-Bismal so their milk would come out pink. A plot to discredit the Secretary of Defense by calling him a Doo-Doo Head on the Santa-Monica Freeway. A plot to exchange Pauly Shore with an orangutan to see if anyone notices the difference.
Gweg: None of those make sense. Actually, in regards to Satyr, those make perfect sense. But they are nowhere near related to what you claim he has done.
Livingston: Well, we think he planned those just to distract us.
Gweg rubbed his hand over his head.
Gweg: And you say he's talking with them over the internet now? He does spend a lot of time on it.
Livingston: Yes. When the internet first started up, Satyr and the LOL immediately took advantage of it. They would only talk in private chat-rooms, but they made each other aware of their presence through a code.
Gweg: And what code was that.
Livingston: To see id there were any members in a public chatroom who were with the Liberation Of Life, they would tell some random joke, and the members would respond with LOL.
Gweg stared on, in disbelief.
Livingston: We followed suit, in chatrooms, we would ask the chatters ASL?, and then our members would respond by giving the asker their alphanumeric code name.
Gweg: Ok. I'm starting to see the picture here, but I have to ask, if you think Satyr is that big of a threat to society, why don't you just kill him?
Livingston: Because the backlash from the LOL would be disastrous! They hold Satyr in such high regard, that some even worship him!
Gweg: Ok. Now tell me this: Why am I here?
Livingston: You are here because you are the only one who can get close to Satyr. We need you to put download this trojan horse into your computer so we can see what he is discussing with the LOL.
Livingston slid a computer disk to Gweg.
Gweg: Listen, I don't want to get involved in this. I get conned into Satyr schemes enough as it is and I don't need this burden. I'm just going to forget any of this ever happened.
Gweg threw the disk up in the air toward Livingston. Livingston screamed out No! as he got up to catch it. He never caught it, because the disk was hit by bullet and flew away from the table.
Everyone at the table looked toward the doors. Standing there, was a tall man, wearing a black trenchcoat with a bloody smiley pin on the lapel, identical to the one Satyr wears. He was also holding two guns in his hands.
Livingston: You! But how did you find us?
The Man: You stupid old fool! I was staking out the apartment when you took Gweg. I simply followed you here. You thought your driver was on the lookout for anyone following you, but your driver was secretly working for us! But you don't have to worry about him anymore, because I put a bullet through his head.
Gweg: Who is that?
Livingston: That is Sinister Isles! The LOL's best hitman.
Sinister Isles: Speaking of the LOL!
Isles opened the doors. A flood of people came rushing through. It was the Liberators Of Life.
Livingston: ASL attack!
The Anti-Satyr League members all stood up from the table and drew guns out from robes.
Gweg ducked underneath the table.
The gun battle was underway. Blood was quickly painting the walls as the bodies piled onto the floor.
A few minutes later, the fighting had stopped.
Gweg was uninjured. He got out from under the table and surveyed the scene. No one seemed to have survived. But Gweg heard a faint voice call out his name.
It was Livingston. He had been shot twice, once in the chest and the other in his arm. Gweg got down next to him.
Livingston: You need to watch out for him. When the Satyr tries to make his next move, promise me you'll stop him.
Gweg: I promise. But you need to get out of here, I'll call for an ambulance!
Livingston: No. Whether I live or die, it's not up to me.
Livingston looked up in horror, Sinister Isles was standing behind Gweg.
Sinister Isles: You're right. It's up to me.
Isles shot Livingston in the head. Gweg turned around, Isles was pointing the gun right at him.
Gweg: Just make it quick.
Sinister Isles: I'm not going to kill you. You are the Satyr's right hand man. But I warn you this, if you ever think about double-crossing him, I will make you suffer. You see all of these people? They got off easy. Death is not a punishment, it is an escape.
Isles smiled at Gweg and took off out the door.
Gweg left the scene of the carnage. Unfortunately, he didn't know where he was.
Gweg had finally managed to find a familiar landmark and made his way home.
An hour later, he had arrived at the apartment and walked in. Satyr was watching TV.
Gweg stared at Satyr intently.
Satyr: You look like hell. And by the look on your face, it's somehow my fault.
Gweg: In a way, it is.
Satyr: How? I've been here all day.
Gweg explained what had happened.
Satyr sat there and soaked it all in. He sat there, silent, for a couple of minutes after Gweg had finished his story. Finally he looked up at Gweg.
Satyr: Gweg, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Gweg: What?
Satyr: You are trying to tell me that there are two groups out there who are following my every movement, one for me and one against me? Gweg, I have never known you to have an imagination, but when it finally decides to show itself, it come out like the fucking Death Star and all I can do is just look at it and say, "Look at the size of that thing!".
Gweg: You don't believe me?
Satyr: You actually expect me to swallow a whopper that size? ASL? All I have to say to that is: LOL!
Gweg was stunned. He honestly didn't know how to react.
Satyr: Gweg, either you have been smoking something you shouldn't have, or you are tired. I suggest you lie down.
Gweg: That's a good idea.
Gweg turned to go to his room. As he left, he didn't see the odd smile creep up on Satyr's face.
To Be Concluded
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