The Pero Story

Pero woke up with a scream.

Pero: What? Where? What's going on?

Pero had woken up in the apartment of Pillz. Pillz, Primus, and Pero were all there hanging out, waiting for a case to crack. Pillz and Primus were playing video games, Pero had fallen asleep on the couch.

Pillz: You dosed off. You had that dream again.

Pero: The dream about Colin Farrel on the treadmill?

Pillz: Uh, no. I think it was the dream about the gunmen at your school.

Pero: Why is there a dart sticking into my neck?

Pillz: Because every time you have that dream, you start to hulk out.

Pero: Oh. I'm sorry.

Pillz: It's not your fault.

Primus: I'm curious about something. How did you get to be the way you are?

Pero: I got new contacts. And my ear is pierced.

Primus: No, not that. How did you get to be PeroHulk? Do you even know?

Pero stared blankly ahead for awhile. Primus didn't think he was going to get an answer, but Pero began to spoke.

Pero: It happened last year. I don't like to talk about it, but you guys are my friends.

Pillz: You don't have to tell us if you don't to.

Pero: No, I need to tell this. Besides, if we're a team and you guys need to know.

Primus: Before you start, let me finish this level first.

Pillz slapped him across the shoulder.

Primus: Ow! What was that for?

Pillz: I felt like it. Now turn off the video game and listen to Pero.

Pero: It all happened one day at school.....

Flashback!

Pero was sitting at his desk in class. The teacher had called on him to answer a question.

Pero: The event horizon is the part of a black hole where nothing can escape. This includes light and some would even say time.

Teacher: That's very good Pero.

Pero: Thank you.

Teacher: But this is math class and I asked you what the Pythagorean theorem was.

The class let out a laugh.

Teacher: It's ok Pero, I'm glad to see at least the science teacher is getting somewhere with you.

After the class was over, the students went out into the hall. Pero went out the door and headed towards his locker. A few students were following him.

Student 1: Good job in math class Pero!

Student 2: Yeah, you seem to know a lot about those black holes. Is that because your heads always up in space?

Student 3: Maybe those aren't the black holes Pero's interested in.

Student 2: How about it Pero? You only like the black holes that you can stick your rocket into?

The three boys let out a laugh and high-fived each other. A female student had stepped up behind them.

Female Student: You guys leave Pero alone.

Pero had been ignoring the three boys, but when he heard the girl speak, his ears perked up. The voice belonged to Michelle, the girl Pero had a crush on since the fourth grade.

Student 1: Ah come one Michelle, we're just joking with him. Ain't that right, Pero?

Pero: I don't know who you are.

The boy gave Pero comical look and took off with his two friends.

Michelle: I hate guys like them.

Pero: They're just trying to have a little fun.

Michelle: Yeah, at your expense!

Pero: I don't let it bother me. Life's too short to let assholes like them get in your way.

Michelle: You really amaze me sometime. Will you walk me to my next class?

Pero: Yeah.

On the way to the class, Michelle talked to Pero about a boy she liked. It hurt Pero's feelings to hear her talk about other boys, but Pero listened all the same.

Michelle: Sarah told me she heard him tell Jim that he thought I looked hot in my outfit the other day. But I just don't know if he likes me as a person.

Pero: How could he not?

Michelle: You are so sweet Pero. I'm glad we're friends.

Pero: Me too.

Pero wanted to munster up the courage to tell her he wished they could be more than just friends, but he couldn't. He never could. They arrived at her classroom.

Michelle: Where, here I am. Thanks for walking me here.

Pero: Anytime.

Michelle: What class you going to now?

Pero: Science.

Michelle: You always do so well in science class. I wish I had your smarts there.

Pero: I just like trying to find out how the world and the universe work.

Michelle: Sometimes I think it's harder trying to figure out how you work.

As she it, she gave Pero a wink and I smile.

Michelle: See you later.

She went into the classroom and Pero took off to science class. When he got there, he sat next to his best friend, Jason.

Jason: You look down in the dumps man, what's wrong?

Pero: Nothing. I'm fine.

Jason: You got that same look you had when your parents told you you weren't adopted. So what is it?

Pero: Michelle.

Jason: Oh key-riste!!! How many times have I told you to stop thinking about that chick?

Pero: A lot.

Jason: And I'm telling you again. Forget about her. Remember when she said you were like the brother she never had? Oh, it would have been much better had she killed you right then and there.

Pero: I like her.

Jason: Tell me something I don't know. Which reminds me, did your mom come home last night?

Pero: Yeah she did.

Jason: Good.

Pero: I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. My eyes are getting bad.

Jason: That sucks.

Pero: Mom says it's because I sit to close to the TV. I like to sit to close to it. That way people can't walk in front of it and block the TV from me. Dad blocked the TV one time, and I missed part of a commercial about some body spray that's supposed to attract women. I thought about buying some, maybe that will help Michelle like me, but dad was blocking the TV and I didn't see the name of the spray. I tried to wear cologne one time, but I accidentally put too much on and I really smelled. I like the smell of my dad's cologne. He always puts it on before he gets into bed with mommy though. He said it helps mommy not smell the horrors on him. I don't know what kind of horrors he would have on him, but my favorite horror movie is The Blair Witch Project. Somebody tried to tell me it's real, but I think it's fake. I saw one of the actors on Conan O'Brian. I like his show, it's on at late night. Whenever I watch it, I sit close to the TV so no one will interrupt it for me.

Jason: Shhh dude, class started, like, two minutes ago.

The science teacher, Mr. Colvin, was drawing a diagram on the chalkboard.

Mr. Colvin: Now, I have drawn the diagram of a black hole on the board. Can anyone explain to me what an "event horizon" is?

The class looked to Pero. Pero answered flawlessly.


When the period bell had rung, Pero and Jason got up from their seats and went to their next class, which they had together. It was P.E.

As he watched the students leave his classroom, Mr. Colvin felt warm inside. It was his free period. Time to go to the teacher's lounge and enjoy a smoke. It was the only thing that kept him sane after 15 years of teaching.

He grabbed his bag and was ready to head out of the door, when the other science teacher, Mr. Lee, came running into the classroom, almost knocking him down.

Mr. Lee: We have got a big problem!

Mr. Colvin: What is it?

Mr. Lee: The Agency has found out about the formula that we have been working on!

Mr. Colvin: How? There's no way they could know! Unless they have the school lab bugged.

Mr. Lee: I don't know how they know. But they just called me and demanded I give them the formula!

Mr. Colvin: Damn. All that research. All that work! Just for them to come in here and steal it! No. I won't let that happen. No one will get it! I will burn the all the papers and pour the formula down the drain!

Mr. Lee: No! We can't let the formula be wasted like that. We need to do something!

Mr. Colvin: Like what? We don't even know if the formula works. We never has tested it on anything! And I sure am not going to drink it.

Mr. Lee: Wait a second. What's the name of that one student who always gets picked on but never gets angry about it?

Mr. Colvin: Pero?

Mr. Lee: Yes, Pero! He would be perfect. We can give him the formula and test him later on when we have the time. If the formula does what we hope it does, it will be perfectly safe to give it to him.

Mr. Colvin: You are right. I think he's in gym class now.

Mr. Lee: Excellent. He'll be mighty thirsty after gym and we'll have the drink to quench his needs.

Mr. Colvin: Call the Agency back and tell them they are shit out of luck.

Mr. Lee: They won't like that.

Mr. Colvin: What are they going to do? We're in a school.

Meanwhile, at the school gym. The P.E. teacher had the boys doing laps around the gym.

Jason: I hate P.E. This is cruel and unusual punishment, that's what this is.

Pero: I like it.

Jason: Well, you're just weird. Oh great, Brandon is behind us.

Brandon: Come on losers, let's pick up the pace!

Brandon was the most popular boy in school. Good looking and captain of the football team. He was also the boy Michelle had a crush on.

Jason: Just because you are two laps ahead of us doesn't mean you're better than us.

Brandon: Yeah. I know. Because I'm handsome and have gotten laid, that makes me better than you. Oh, and Pero, say hi to Michelle for me. I'd tell her myself, but I'd be too busy staring at her perfect tits.

Brandon laughed and pushed himself in between Pero and Jason to get ahead of them.

Jason: What a fucking jerk.

Pero: If we colonized the moon, would you live on the side that's always dark or the side that gets illuminated by the sun?

Jason: We just get mocked by the jerk that wants to take your woman and you ask a question like that? You have got the hide of a rhino.

Pero: I've never seen a rhino. I saw a raccoon once. but it was dead on the road. I can't wait until I get my license.

Jason: You and me both. Maybe we should tell the Dungeon Master over there we don't need to run, cause we're going to drive to get where we are going.

Pero: What does she see in him?

Jason: Oh, we're going back to that now? She sees a popular jock who's strong and already has a car.

Pero: Maybe if I were strong she would like me.

Jason: She already likes you, but as a friend. That's your problem right there. She'll never be able to see past that, no matter what you do.

Pero: I should start lifting weights.

Jason: Waste of time. It's not your forte. God, this is the longest class ever.

Pero: Homeroom is longer, we have an extra 15 minutes in that class.

Jason: I know, I wasn't being literal. Oh, nevermind.

Pero: Next class is one of my favorites.

Jason: You only like it because you sit behind Michelle in that class.

Pero: Yeah. Maybe I'll ask her out this time.

Jason: You say that every time.

Pero: I always daydream in that class. I always dream about something bad happening during class and I end up saving her from the danger.

Jason: Keep dreaming man, because that's all you are ever going to have.

Pero: What's it called when you can write with both of your hands.

Jason: If it wasn't for you, I would skip this class everyday.

After P.E. was over, Pero and Jason headed towards their next class. Mr. Colvin was standing out in the hall, holding a water bottle in his hand.

Mr. Colvin: Hello Pero, my, you look sweaty.

Pero: I just got done with gym class.

Mr. Colvin: Well here, take the rest of my water, that will make you feel better.

Pero: Thanks.

Pero took the bottle and drank from it. They walked a little farther, and Jason took a look back at Mr. Colvin.

Jason: That was weird.

Pero: Did you watch Fear Factor last night too?

Jason: No. I'm talking about Colvin back there. I've never seen a teacher give a student a water bottle. It doesn't taste funny, does it?

Pero drank the rest of the bottle.

Pero: It taste a little like strawberries.

Jason: Nice. Well, I won't see you 'till after school, so have fun.

Pero: See you later.

Pero made it to his next class. As soon as he walked into the room, Michelle greeted him.

Michelle: Hey Pero!

Pero: Hi.

Michelle: So, did Brandon say anything about me in Gym?

Pero: He asked me to tell you hi.

Michelle: He did! That's great! Sarah just told me that she heard Jim tell Eric that Brandon wants to ask "her" out to prom. Sarah didn't hear who "her" was, but I bet it's me.

Pero: Yeah, it probably is.

Pero sat down in his chair. He wanted to scream at her, "You are too good for him! He just wants you for your body! You need to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are! Like me!"

But he couldn't. He never could. Although this time around, he felt something within him that he never felt before. It felt as though some force inside him was starting to build up.

Michelle: Oh, if there was just some way I could find out! Have you ever been that anxious about something Pero?

Pero: Yeah, I have.

Michelle: You know what's great about talking with you Pero? You always know how I feel.

Pero thought, "Things would be much better for me if you only knew how I feel".

As Pero and Michelle were having their conversation, Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee were having one of their own.

Mr. Colvin: Pero drank the whole thing.

Mr. Lee: That's good, but I have bad news.

Mr. Colvin: What is it?

Mr. Lee: The Agency is sending a bunch of men here to get the formula.

Mr. Colvin: Didn't you tell them we got rid of it?

Mr. Lee: I did, but they didn't believe me.

Mr. Colvin: great. We need to get the fuck out of here.

Mr. Lee: Agreed.

The left the school.

Pero's class had already started and Pero was already daydreaming. As he did this, he always stared at the back of Michelle. It was the best view he ever had in any of his classes.

Outside in the school parking lot, 3 large vans had pulled up. And out of the vans, came out five men each. Each one of them had ski masks on and were holding rifles.

They went into the school.

In Pero's daydream, Pero had just rescued Michelle from a pack of rabid ant/gorilla hybrids. Michelle declared Pero her hero and flew into his open arms. As Pero held her close to his body, he leaned in for a kiss.

As Pero was getting into the good part, 4 of the gunmen had entered into his classroom.

Gunman 1: We are not going to hurt anyone! We just need the student named Pero!

Pero awoke from his daydream. The gunman was asking for him! He didn't know what it was all about, but Pero decided not to mess with guy holding a gun.

Pero was about to get up from his desk, but Michelle jumped out of hers.

Michelle: You're going to have to get through me before you get to Pero.

Gunman 2: Girl, we don't want to shoot you, but if you force us too, we won't hesitate.

Gunman 3: No need boys, I'll take care of this.

Gunman 3 grabbed Michelle and pulled out a handgun and held it to her head.

Gunman 3: Alright Pero, just come with us and your lady friend will live to see another day.

Pero watched all of this happen with horror. For the first time in his life, he was becoming utterly pissed. As Pero seemed to get angrier, that feeling he had earlier seemed to build up even more.

As the gunman pushed the gun deeper into Michelle's head and as she screamed in pain, Pero completely blacked out.

Then he began to change.

Before the shocked eyes of all of those in the classroom, Pero grew taller. His skin turned into a yellow shade and he became stronger. For the first time ever, Pero had become the incredible PeroHulk.

Gunman number 3 dropped his handgun and Michelle ran away from him, never taking her eyes off of PeroHulk.

Gunman 4: Shit! He did drink the formula! It works!

PeroHulk: You bad men hurt the girl Pero loves! Pero smash!

PeroHulk grabbed Gunman 3 by both of his arms and tore them tight off of his body. Gunman 3 screamed in pain and Pero clubbed him over the head with his own arm, killing him.

The other 3 gunmen opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk screamed in rage as the bullets ricocheted off of his body.

PeroHulk clapped his hands together and sent out a shockwave that knocked the gunmen over. The gunfire had drawn the other gunmen into the class room. As soon as they saw PeroHulk, they opened fire.

PeroHulk let out a roar and leapt through the roof and out of the school building. He landed in the front lawn.

The gunmen rushed outside.

PeroHulk saw them running out and picked up a school bus. He threw it at the gunmen, killing eight of them. The remaining six opened fire on PeroHulk. PeroHulk leapt forward, grabbed two of them, and bashed their heads together.

The other four took off running, hopped into one of the vans, and got the hell out of there.

PeroHulk let out a victorious yell.

As he calmed down, he started turning back into regular Pero.

Pero saw the destruction he had caused and saw most of the school out in the lawn, staring at him.

Pero: What happened?

Jason ran to his side.

Jason: You won't believe, but let me tell you now, it was the coolest fucking thing I ever did see.

Jason told Pero what happened outside. Another student who was in Pero's class when it started told him what happened in there.

Pero listened to all of it. He almost couldn't believe it, but he was looking at the bodies and the school bus and knew it was true.

He scanned the faces of the students that were all staring at him and found the face he was looking for. Michelle was looking at him with shocked horror.

Pero: I saved your life, just like I have always dreamed about. Now I can ask you, will you go out with me?

Michelle: No! You are a monster Pero! Look at what you did! If I had known ,I never would have hung out with you. Please don't ever talk to me again!

Michelle ran off crying. Pero stared after her, not saying a word.

End of the flashback!


Pillz: That was a hell of a story.

Primus: Wait a second. Who was The Agency? I've never heard of them. How did you know what was going on between Mr. Colvin and Mr. Lee? What happened to them? Why aren't you locked up in a government facility?

Pillz: Those are good questions. I'm curious about that myself. Pero?

Pero just stared ahead blankly. They though they weren't going to get an answer, but then he finally spoke.

Pero: Why do you guys always ask me stupid fucking question?

The End