The place is New Orleans. The time is a couple days after Katrina hit the place hard. The man screaming his head off is Gweg.
Gweg: This is all your fault! I told you this was going to happen! Bun Nooooo, you insisted we had to come here for a vacation, well look at us now!!!!
The person Gweg was screaming at, was of course, Virtual Satyr. They were currently floating on an inflatable raft in the heart of New Orleans.
Satyr: It's not my fault. It's those damn "Girls Gone Wild" tapes. I just had to come down here Gweg. I had to see all that action in real life. Why do you think I bought all of these bead necklaces?
Gweg: You fool! It's not even close to Mardi Gras!
Satyr: Every day is Mardi Gras in the Big Easy.
And so they continued to float and argue. At one point, Satyr saw something that interested him.
Satyr: Hey Gweg! There's a girl over there.
Satyr reached down and grabbed a bead necklace.
Satyr: I'm going to throw her some beads so she'll show us her tits.
Gweg: Do you think the fact that she is not moving and she's face down in the water, that she might be dead.
Satyr: Hmmm. Well, then row over there so I can take her shirt off for her.
Gweg: You are a sick bastard.
And then they floated some more. An hour later, they saw some rescue workers and a news crew. They rowed over to them.
Gweg: If they interview us, you let me do the talking.
Satyr: You got it.
The rescue crew checked over Gweg and Satyr to see if they were all right. After they were done, the news crew came up to them.
Reporter: If you don't mind, I would like to ask you a few questions.
Gweg: Sure.
Reporter: Yes, could you tell me what happened?
Satyr: Somebody obviously let their bathtub overflow.
Gweg: Quiet. He meant what happened to us. Well, my friend and I decided to vacation here a couple of weeks back. And, we were just a little to slow to get out in time. Luckily we came across a raft and an oar.
Satyr: Pssst.
Gweg: What?
Satyr: If you don't mind Mr. Reporter, I would like a word with my pal here.
Reporter: Go ahead.
Satyr: You are going to leave out the part where I took that raft from a group of kids right?
Gweg: Uh, yeah. I think it would be best if we didn't mention that.
Satyr: Good.
They turned back to the reporter.
Reporter: Well, I'm sure your family is glad to see you made it out alive. Do you have anything to say to the American citizens?
Gweg: Yes. Please donate what you can to the Red Cross to support the Katrina victims. After seeing firsthand what the damage is here, I can attest to the fact that the residents of New Orleans need all the help they can get.
Reporter: And would you like to add anything sir?
Satyr: Yes. George Bush doesn't care about satyrs.
Reporter: Uhh, that will be all.
The reporter turned away. Satyr could feel Gweg's searing eyes pierce into his flesh.
Satyr: I know you are giving me that look Gweg, what is it?
Gweg: Why on earth did you say that?
Satyr: Well it's true. If Bush did care about satyrs, he would have sent in a helicopter to rescue us.
Gweg: There is a lot more people here that need help more than we do.
Satyr: You'll get no arguments from me there, but that still doesn't change the fact that what I said is true.
Gweg: People are going to hate you for saying that.
Satyr: And they will be labeled racist.
Gweg: Well, once again you have crossed the line, only I will not pull you back this time. You can deal with the backlash from this yourself!
Meanwhile, at the White House.
George Bush: Well, now. What kind of backlash do ya reckon I'm gonna get from this?
Advisor: Severe. I predict another email letter from Michael Moore, several celebrities agreeing with the statement, and probably a couple songs about it too. Not to mention t-shirts and bumper stickers.
George Bush: Crap crap crap! Dear God, tell me what to do!
Donald Rumsfeld: I told you to stop calling me that. You need to stand firm, hold your stance against this satyr, and if he makes another move, declare war on him.
Advisor: I think that would be very unwise. I think you need to show America that you do care about satyrs. Let's give him a lot of money for his hardship in Louisiana and for all of the hardships satyrs have endured.
George Bush: Yeah, it feels good when I do stuff like that. Like filling in a pothole. Let's give him some money. Now, someone please tell me what the hell a satyr is exactly?
One week later, Satyr came home with a big smile on his face. He was wearing a new t-shirt and carrying a briefcase.
Gweg: I can't believe they put what you said onto a t-shirt.
Satyr: Then you are not going to believe this Gweggy-boy.
Satyr laid the briefcase on the coffee table and opened it up. Inside was a lot of money.
Gweg: Where did you get all that?
Satyr: The government gave it to me. All I had to do was retract my statement on TV. You see Gweg, speaking you mind does pay off.
Gweg: There is no justice in this world.
Gweg stared at the floor, but a moment later, he looked up at Satyr with determination in his eyes.
Gweg: Yes, yes there is. That money, you will donate to the Red Cross Katrina Relief Fund.
Satyr: Over my dead fucking body!
Gweg: No, you will give it to them. Or I release the pictures of you and Louie Anderson over the Internet.
Satyr: You wouldn't dare!
Gweg: Oh yes I would.
Satyr: Fine Gweg. Just fine. But, I want to be alone with the money for a little while, just to look at it.
Gweg: There better be the same amount in there when you come out as there is now.
Satyr: Yes Gweg. You'll always get your way.
An hour later, Satyr came out of his room with the briefcase. He opened it up, and showed Gweg that the money was still in there.
Satyr: You take it to the Red Cross though. I don't think I could it myself.
Gweg: I know you couldn't. And don't worry, I planned to do it myself anyway.
Gweg took the briefcase and left.
Four Hours Later.
The TV was on in Gweg & Satyr's Living Room. The Local News was on. Satyr was the only one in the apartment, but he wasn't watching the news. He was talking on the phone.
Anchorman on TV: And tonight's top story. A local man was arrested tonight after he tried to give counterfeit money to the Red Cross. The money was instantly identified by Red Cross workers as counterfeit, because they had a picture of movie director George Lucas on them and the inscription "In Bob Dylan We Trust". The workers immediately called the authorities and the man was arrested within minutes. The police have withheld his name, but they do say, that when the man was apprehended, he kept shouting "Satyr is going to die".
As we all know, this past week, Congress made a law stating a crime against satyrs is a hate crime, so there may be an investigation into whether or not this man has committed said crime.
Satyr (on the phone): You know Gweg, I am honored that you used your one call to call me. If you want to blame me that's fine....no, placing blame is not going to solve anything. Well, I only gave some of it to that church, the rest I kept in my closet. Oh come on, you didn't really think I would give that money away? Fine, fine, I'll pay your bail, but you'll owe me one.....well, you should have taken a closer look at that money. Fine, I'll be there in a few. I want to finish watching this rerun of Desperate Housewives.
The End.
