The Power Pack in "Triple Threat!"

Through odd circumstance, three mighty heroes have teamed up to form the great group known as The Power Pack. Pillz, Primus, and Pero fight for all that is good in the world. Unfortunately, there are evil forces that would like to stop them from doing so! Get ready, true believers, as your heroes face their toughest battle yet



Primus: This is unbelievable. It's horrible.

Pillz: I never thought I would ever come face to face with something as terrible as this.

Primus: I don't think I can survive this.

Pillz: Just be strong. We've been through some pretty tough battles and we can get through this.

Pero: We need to pick up some more laundry soap the next time we go to the market.


The three heroes were sitting in the TV room of their hangout watching the Screech Porno Movie.

Pillz: That's it. I've had enough of this. I'm turning it off.

Primus: I'm going to have nightmares for a week.

Pillz: Well, I think it's time for a good training session to take our minds off that video.

Primus: I hate training!

Pillz: I'm sure the feeling is mutual. You know we have to train to hone our skills.

Primus: I don't see why. I mean, it's not like there is a lot of super villains out there. Besides, we already kick ass.

Pillz: You never know what's out there. We have to prepare ourselves for anything.

Pero: When Mortal Kombat 2 came out, that had two separate ads. One said, "Nothing can prepare you", while the other one said, "Prepare yourself". The two ads contradicted themselves, but it was still an awesome game.

Pillz: See, Pero agrees with me.

Primus: How do you figure that.

Pillz: Because Pero and I already talked about it. He wants to have more control when he hulks out.

Primus: That's nice. But I hate having to go to the basketball court in the park to train. We need to have a Danger Room or something like that.

Pillz: And how do you suggest we fund for something like that? It's not like I'm a millionaire playboy.

Primus: We can be heroes for hire.

Pillz: Listen here, Luke Cage. We are not doing this to make money. We ignore wealth and fame. The action and the fact that we are doing what is right is our reward.

Primus: That's stupid. We at least could get sponsored by somebody. Or become sponsors ourselves. We could endorse Pepsi or Papa John's Pizza. Or something.

Pillz: Whore ourselves out, you mean? What a good idea. Let's start putting ads on our costumes.

Primus: Now we're talking.

Pillz: No. We'll get by.

Primus: We could always sell your comic book collection.

Pillz aimed his ring at Primus and projected a green lion out of it. The lion leapt toward Primus. The lion almost attacked him, but seemed to run into an invisible wall.

Pillz made the lion disappear.

Pillz: How in the hell did you do that?

Primus: I don't know.

Pillz: Your powers seem to change every week. Wolverine claws, then Bullseye-like aim, then this Unus the Untouchable crap. Why don't you generate some good DC powers?

Primus: I don't know what I am capable of.

Pillz: That's what I am talking about. That's why we need to train. We need to know the full extent of our powers. And even more important, the full extent of our weaknesses.

Pero: I'm allergic to peanuts.

Pillz: I'll put that on the list. Right now. Let's go train.

Primus: I still think we need to talk more about finding a sponsor. There must be some organization looking to hire people with superpowers.



Elsewhere in the country.

We find a building. On the outside, it looks like a beaten down factory. On the inside, that is hardly the case.

Inside is the most state of the art equipment you would ever see. Super computers of every sort, prototype suits and weapons, you name it, they have it.

The building went down ten stories below the ground. On the very last floor, was a conference room.

This building is the main headquarters of The Agency. A group that is determined to run the world their way.

In the conference room are six men. One of the men is standing in front of the room, addressing the four men standing at the table. The sixth man, is standing in the back of the room watching the meeting with slight interest.

The man in the front of the room is Theodore Lichton, head of The Agency's Super Human Affairs.

Lichton: As you gentlemen are well aware, there is a new threat on our radar. These three heroes known as the Power Pack are a serious potential thorn in our side. It is up to us, here right now, to start coming up with a solution to eradicating this threat.

One of the men spoke up. This was Agent Travis.

Agent Travis: We already have the answer here in this room. He's standing back there.

Travis pointed to the gentleman who was standing in the back of the room. The gentleman stood motionless, with his hands behind his back. The man was dressed like a character out of a Shakespeare story. His face was tilted upwards while his eyes looked down on the men sitting at the table.

The gentleman was simply the best assassin The Agency had ever seen. The only problems The Agency had with him, were his steep prices and his air of superiority. But those were worth putting up with, because he was efficient at getting the job done.

He is the Jaded Poet.

Jaded Poet bowed to the man who spoke at him and when he raised his head, a sly smile was on his face. Jaded Poet was a man who hardly spoke, but when he did, his words were always met with different reactions. Jaded Poet stepped forward towards the table, and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Jaded Poet: And so, the seemingly invincible warrior has been charged with a task. The warrior is never one to contemplate the motives of those who would send him out to his commission, but he is not afraid of acknowledging certain specifications which may have been unobserved. For a true warrior to emerge from the battlefield victorious, he must be aware of all things that will greet him on said battlefield. For the blind have never won a war. Those with discernment of those which shall call him enemy are those who stand victorious when the cloud of engagement has cleared.

Jaded Poet stepped back to where he was originally and put his arms behind his back.

Agent Travis turned to Lichton.

Agent Travis: What the fuck did he just say?

Lichton: What he said was he'll not go fight the Power Pack until he knows what they are capable of.

Agent Travis: That's good thinking. But we already know what one of them is capable of. I believe you were behind that failed mission to bring him in.

Lichton: You are talking about Pero?

Agent Travis: Yes. Pero killed many good Agency men when we tried to get our hands on the formula that created him.

Lichton: You're right. We underestimated him. This is the main point I want to present to you here. I want to set up a "task force" so to speak, to engage the Power Pack. By watching them fight, we'll be able to find out their weaknesses and we shall exploit them.

Agent Travis: Who do you have in mind?

Lichton: We will not use are usual people in this matter. We need outsiders. Those we can deem "expandable". I want you gentlemen to research the people listed in the files before you. I want the top three potentials in here for interviews in two days time.

Agent Travis: That's asking for a lot. We'll have to work extra hard!

Lichton: Then I suggest you get started.

The four men at the table left the room.

Lichton went over to Jaded Poet.

Lichton: You and I will personally observe our three guys fighting the Power Pack.

Jaded Poet: I'll be sure to bring my opera glasses.

Lichton: This needs to be done just right. The Power Pack is probably out there honing their powers as we speak.


Now we go back to the Power Pack, who is training on the basketball court.

Primus: Stop it! It's not going to happen!

Pillz: We need to figure out why. You were able to block my attack with the ring, but you are unable to block all of the basketballs I have thrown at you.

Primus: Maybe if you would stop aiming for my head and my groin, we might get somewhere.

Pero: My brother threw a basketball at my groin once. It hurt like hell. We were always playing sports together. His favorite sport was football. My favorite team is the Bengals. I like the fact that there is a football team full of transvestites. My Uncle Max was one. He would wear a bra and a blonde wig and make us call him Aunt Maxine. He was never invited over for Thanksgiving dinner. My favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner is pumpkin pie. I like to put whip cream on it. It tasted good. One time, my brother was sleeping, so I put shaving cream into his hand and tickled his face. He smeared the shaving cream all over his face. He got me back by throwing a basketball at my groin.

Pillz: You would make millions writing an autobiography.

Primus: Speaking of which, we still need to talk about getting some sort of income.

Pillz: I told you we will finish that conversation after we are done training today. Now, brace yourself.

Pillz picked up a basketball and threw it Primus.

Instead of taking the hit, Primus struck at the ball with his fist. When his fist struck the ball, it propelled away with the force of a shooting gun. The ball shot towards a building and broke a window.

Pillz: Well, that was something.

Primus: It was crazy. We'd better get out of here.

The group went back to Pillz' apartment.

Pillz: As far as I can tell, your powers have mainly been defensive in nature.

Primus: Yeah, well they sure didn't come to my defense when we went up against that Reverend.

Pillz: I know. We need to find a scientist. Someone who will take a look at you and do some tests.

Primus: Whoa! I am not going to get poked and prodded around like some guinea pig.

Pillz: Why not? It never stopped you before.

Primus: What's that supposed to mean?

Pillz: It means that I hear you are into some pretty freaky stuff.

Primus: No you didn't. You are making that up.

Pillz: Oh no I'm not. Hey Pero, didn't we listen in on a phone conversation with Primus and that girl? Wasn't there a ball gag and anal beads mentioned somewhere in there?

Pero: Yeah. And he mentioned some guy named Dirty Sanchez.

Primus: You've been listening in on my calls?

Pillz: Not only that, but I tape recorded them too. Thought they might come in handy some day.

Primus: Give me those tapes!

Pillz: I will, as soon as you go see a scientist to get tested.

Primus: But I don't want to!

Pillz: Fine. I'll just be mailing a copy of a tape to your mother.

Primus: Fine! I'll go see a scientist!.


The next day, Pillz took Primus to Professor Pryce, who was a reputable scientist in the field of mutation. After several hours of painful physical tests, the doctor was ready to declare his findings.

Prof. Pryce: I can find absolutely nothing extraordinary about Primus' physiology.

Primus: What?

Prof. Pryce: All of the test came back with no evidence for any type of super-human powers. As far as I can tell, you are a normal male human being.

Primus: But that's impossible. I was able to do things! I had powers!

Pillz: Could it be that his powers are mystical in nature?

Prof. Pryce: That could be an explanation. And with what you said about his resurrection, it would be a strong possibility. I want him to come back tomorrow. I'll bring out some of the more non-traditional equipment. We'll get to the bottom of this.

Primus: Aww, more test, you are killing me here, Doc.

Prof. Pryce: I'm sorry, but that's the way it has to be. Go home, get some rest, and I'll see you here first thing tomorrow afternoon.


Pillz and Primus returned home.

Primus: I think that scientist of yours is a Grade-A Quack.

Pillz: Prof. Pryce is a brilliant man. If he can't find out what's going on with you, no one can.

Pero: What about the goat man?

Pillz: Who?

Pero: The goat man. The guy who made Primus what he is today.

Pillz: Satyr.

Primus: Yeah! Why don't we ask him? He's got to have some clue.

Pillz: I doubt it. The last time we saw him, he didn't even remember you. Anyway, I doubt if he knows or even cares how your powers work.

Primus: It still wouldn't hurt to ask him.

Pillz: If Prof. Pryce can't figure out what's up, then we'll ask Satyr. Right now, let's get to sleep.

The next day, Pillz and Primus went back to see the professor. Prof. Pryce still could not figure out what was going on with Primus.

That same day, at The Agency headquarters, Lichton, Jaded Poet, and the four agents were ready to interview the three potential clients for the Power Pack Task Force.

Lichton: So, these three were the best ones you could weed out?

Agent Travis: Yes. And we have our backups picked out as you requested.

Lichton: Good, bring the first one in, Radioactive Dude.

Radioactive Dude stepped into the room. He was dressed as a cowboy.

Lichton: Please, have a seat.

Radioactive Dude pulled a chair away from the table and sat down in it. He sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, one crossed over the other. He hung his head down so his cowboy hat would cover his eyes. He crossed his arms in front of him and chewed on the cattail weed that was sticking out of his mouth.

Lichton: Please, give us a broad description of your talents.

Radioactive Dude: Well son, it's like this here. I done got bitten by a radioactive cowboy on one of my trips out west. I can shoot lassos out of my wrists, I can stay on bull longer than 8 seconds, I'm the fastest draw on any side of the Mississippi, I car ride any horse, and I have what I call a "cowboy sense" that let's me know when danger's afoot.

Lichton: I see. And what makes you think you can go up against the Power Pack?

Radioactive Dude: Well, it's like this. I done seen the one called Pero in action. There hasn't been a beast born that I couldn't rope and brand, and this Pero would prove no different. And as for them other folk, well some fancy city ring and a case of teenage angst ain't going to stop the likes of me. I'd like nothing more than the opportunity to round up these varmin.

Lichton: Thank you. You may go back out in lobby.

The Dude left. Lichton took a look at the sheet containing the basic information for the next man.

Lichton: Well, he seemed ok enough. Send the next one in.

The next man came in. When he entered the room, the mood of them men changed. Except Jaded Poet, who took one look at the man and shook his head with a smirk on his face.


Agent Travis: Oh my god!

Lichton: Please, sit down. Mr. Evil Gnome.

Evil Gnome: Thank you sir. You may call me Evil Gnome or simply Gnome, I don't mind either way.

Lichton: Ok. Gnome, please tell us about your powers.

Evil Gnome: Oh, how to start? Let's see...this is funny, you know those lawn gnomes.

Lichton: Yes.

Evil Gnome: I can control them. Only when I get drunk though. Sometimes, I have a whole army of them things following me.

Lichton gave Travis and menacing glare.

Lichton: Is this power real or is it all in your head.

Evil Gnome: Oh, it's quite real. Watch, I'll demonstrate.

Agent Travis: I thought you said you needed to get drunk first.

Evil Gnome: I'm almost there.

Evil Gnome reached into a duffel bag he brought with him and pulled out a bottle of liquor. Then he pulled out a lawn gnome.

Evil Gnome threw his head back and guzzled down the liquor.

Evil Gnome: Now, watch this!

The lawn gnome began to move. It began to dance around the table.

Lichton: That's amazing.

Evil Gnome: I can make them do whatever I want. Gnome is where the heart is.

Lichton: And do you think they'll be effective against the Power Pack?

Evil Gnome's face became real serious.

Evil Gnome: Let me tell you about the Power Pack. That Pero bastard killed the only man I ever loved. My lover Sparks! I want nothing more than to get my revenge.

Lichton: Good. Nothing like revenge to be a proper motivator.

Evil Gnome: To quote a great man, "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

Lichton: Thank you. You may step out.

Evil Gnome: Thank you sir.

Evil Gnome left the room.

Agent Travis: I saw the photos, but he is even freakier looking in real life.

Lichton: He was one of the best three?

Agent Travis: Well, there was not that many to work with.

Lichton: You'd better hope this last one isn't a disappointment.

The four men looked at each other uncomfortably.

Lichton: Bring him in.

The next person came in and he wasn't alone.

A man dressed as a clown, came into the room being followed by a female midget.

Lichton: Oh shit! I saw a video of you guys on the internet.

Dealy Llama: That was good stuff, wasn't it?

Lichton: No. It was disgusting. I don't even want to know what your powers are.

Dealy Llama: That's crazy talk! Get a load of this shit!

Dealy Llama squeezed the red ball on his nose. The midget lifted up in the air and turned into a small dragon. Dealy Llama threw a Frisbee in the air and the dragon breathed fire at it, burning it to a crisp.

Lichton: Holy shit!

Dealy Llama: That's right! The Mrs. here can turn into whatever I'm thinking of when I honk my nose.

Dealy Llama then honked his nose again and the dragon turned back into a midget.

Lichton: That's was amazing. You'll have no trouble going up against the Power Pack.

Dealy Llama: You're goddamn right. I'll take those mothafuckers down like they was a pageboy in Congress.

Lichton: That's the spirit. Now, go join the other two and get ready to attack.

Dealy Llama: You're the boss.

Dealy Llama left the room.

Lichton: Now, there is no doubt that they are the oddest individuals I have ever seen, but they will prove to be quite a challenge for the Power Pack. The Power Pack will have to use their full force to contend with them.

Agent Travis: What if they are successful against the Power Pack.

Lichton: That would be even better. Then we would have new people to exploit for our purposes. What do you think, Jaded Poet?

Jaded Poet: Three unique souls have presented themselves for our approval, and I must say, approval they did receive. For when these soldiers march onto the arena of combat, they will be met with the most paramount of foes, but they shall clash until their final breath, dying as they have lived.

Lichton: Well said.

Ten floors above them, the individuals who have just been assigned to fight the Power Pack meet with each other outside of the building.

Dealy Llama: Those guys certainly were impressed with us, don't you agree Mrs.?

The midget nodded.

Evil Gnome: That may be, but I don't quite trust them, I'm sorry to say.

Radioactive Dude: You're right not to trust them. Especially since they are sending us to our death.

Evil Gnome: What do you mean, may I ask?

Radioactive Man: Ask you may. Y'all would do well not to trust these folks. The moment I stepped foot into this here building, I knew something wasn't right. I didn't even need my Cowboy Sense to tell me that.

Evil Gnome: What do you think they are up to?

Radioactive Dude: I reckon they are fixing to set us up against them boys to see how well they fight.

Dealy Llama: That's fucking whack, man. Why would they do that?

Radioactive Dude: The simple fact that this here Agency has plenty of boys that are good at killing. Why hire us? They don't want to send their good boys in until they know what they are up against.

Dealy Llama: Well, I got bad news for them, we are going to kick the Power Pack's ass.

Radioactive Dude: No, we ain't.

Evil Gnome: What do you mean? Do you not have confidence in our abilities?

Radioactive Dude: Oh, I'm plenty confident in our abilities. The Power Pack's too. I have had a first hand seat at the destruction of Pero. There is no way we are going to defeat them on the first try. We, like our employers here, need to know what we are up against.

Evil Gnome: It sounds like you have a plan.

Radioactive Dude: Oh yes, now, I'm going to saddle up and head to my ranch. I want you boys to meet me there.

Radioactive Dude got on his horse.

Evil Gnome: Is it too much to ask for a ride? I have been drinking after all.

Radioactive Dude: Not at all, get on up here.

The Dude turned to Dealy Llama and the midget.

Radioactive Dude: If y'all need a ride, I'm sorry, but ol' Betsy here can't hold any more.

Dealy Llama: Not a problem. I already got a ride.

Dealy Llama honked his nose and the midget turned into a full grown llama.

Radioactive Dude: Well, your Mrs. there sure is a good woman to have around.

Dealy Llama: You don't know the half of it. I got these videos if you want to see them?

Radioactive Dude: I think I'll pass.

On the way to the ranch, Evil Gnome and Radioactive Dude engaged into conversation.

Evil Gnome: You have a good point about The Agency sending us to their demise, but I'm reminded of something George Carlin once said.

Radioactive Dude: What's that?

Evil Gnome: "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

Radioactive Dude: That's a mighty good quote.

Evil Gnome: What if they actually believe we are capable of getting the job done?

Radioactive Dude: I must say, I admire your faith in other people.

Evil Gnome: I guess I'm not as cynical as most.

Radioactive Dude: That's a good thing, it's a hard thing to find now a days. If you are right, then we have two paths ahead of us. We succeed or we fail. If we succeed, The Agency keeps us on their payroll. If we lose, well, we lose.

Evil Gnome: True. I hate to admit, but I think you are right though.

Radioactiveve Dude: Well, we'll just have to see what the future brings.


The next day.


Pillz: I fucking hate Satyr. Why did he answer the phone just to tell us he doesn't like to talk on the phone and then hangs up?

Primus: Well, he's a bit odd.

Pillz: Oh no, he's the model of normalcy.

Pero: I had a model of a Tyrannosaurus once.

Pillz: That's nice.

The trio were on their way to Satyr's apartment.

Primus: I hate the fact that we have to walk. Why did you take the Power Porche to the body shop?

Pillz: It's being detailed. Besides, the walk will do you good.

Pero: I didn't know the parade was today.

Primus: What parade?

Pero: That one up there.

Pero pinted towards the horizon. Pillz could barely make out what was there, but he didn't like what he was seeing.

Pillz: I don't like the looks of this. Get ready.

Primus: What is it? What's going on.

Pillz: As far as I can tell, there are two guys on horses up ahead.

Pero: Three guys. One of them is a clown.

Primus: How in the hell can you see that?

Pero: I have my new contacts in.

Pillz: Just get ready.

The riders on the horizon approached. Soon enough, Pillz was able to make out the desrciption of the riders.

Pillz: This is trouble guys.

Radioactive Dude, Evil Gnome, and Dealy Llama stopped twenty feet in front of the Power Pack. The Dude and Gnome dismounted, as did Llama, who honked his nose and had the Mrs. change back to her original form.

Pillz: Well, Radioactve Dude, it sure is good to see you again.

The Dude tipped his hat.

Radioactvie Dude: Likewise.

Pero: Hey, you're the guy who gave me those video games.

Radioactive Dude: That's right.

Primus: Wait a second, you two know him?

Pillz: Yes, he and I met a couple of years ago. Although he wasn't a cowboy then.

Radioactive Dude: I've been though some changes, you might say.

Pillz: And what brings you here?

Radioactive Dude: Seems there's an agency out there that want you fellas dead.

Pero tensed up at the mention of "agency".

Pillz: So, you are working for the bad guys. I thought you'd be on the side of good.

Radioactive Dude: Well, there's nothing wrong with a man doing good work like that. There's a lot of honor in it, but not much pay.

Primus: Ain't that the truth.

Pillz: Quiet. So, Dude, how is this going to go down.

Radioactve Dude: Well, I figure there's three of you and three of us. Those two over there count as one. I say we do this duet style. It's unfortuneate this is not noon, that's when the best time for a duel is.

Pillz: That's quite alright. Because when it come to the Power Pack, ass kicking is a 24 hour buisness.

Primus: Oh my...

Evil Gnome: Excuse the interruption, but I want to make it clear that Pero is mine.

Pero: Bring it on, freak.

Pillz and Primus glanced over at Pero.

Pero turned to look at them.

Pero: Have you guys seen that movie? This is just like that. Except we are super heroes and not cheerleaders.

Pillz: Yes. It's just like that. Primus, you take on the clown and the midget, I'll take on the cowboy.

Primus: Why do I have to fight two people?

Pillz: It's always interesting to see equals fight.

Primus: What? I'm not equal to a clown and a midget!

Pillz: Shut-up and fight!

Evil Gnome walked up to Pero.

Evil Gnome: You killed my man, you bastard.

Pero: And you want to join him?

Evil Gnome: No, I just want some retribution.

Evil Gnome drank the last of his tequilla.

Evil Gnome: Gnomes, attack!

15 lawn gnomes emerged out of a huge bag that Evil Gnome had carried with him. They descended on Pero, hitting him with their woodden fists.

Primus had walked over to Dealy Llama and the Mrs. very slowly.

Primus: Listen clown, I don't even know what my powers are, so let's just arm wrestle or something.

Dealy Llama: You don't know what your powers are? Sucks to be you loser. As far as arm wrestling goes, well, you are just shit out of luck.

Primus: Fine, let's get this over.

Dealy Llama: What shall it be dear? The machette? Neh, too bloody. Nun chucks? No, I can't use those things. Wild animal? Sexy as hell, but not for him. I know! The Whoopie Cushion!

Dealy Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. turned itno a giant Whoopie Cushion.

Dealy Llama jumped on it, causing a massive amount of air to blow out, sending Primus high into the sky.

Pillz and Radioactive Dude stood ten paces away from each other.

Pillz: I hate to see you like this.

Radioactvie Dude: What, a few minutes away from victory?

Pillz: No. Corrupt. Sold out. Willing to sell yourself out to do other's dirty work.

Radioactive Dude: Well, if the money's right then so is the fight.

Radioactive Dude sent out his lasso from his wrist. The lasso wrapped around Pillz.

Pillz: Were not going to act out Brokeback Mountain now, are we?

Pillz activated his ring and created a giant pair of scissors. It cut the rope.

Radioactive Dude: Well, that fancy ring of yors sures comes in handy.

Pillz: That's right. It slices, it dices, and it even changes the channel.

Radioactive Dude: So, you can change it from the Lifetime Network to WE without even lifting a finger?

Pillz: Nice. A gay joke for a gay joke.

Radioactive Dude: You see, there is justice in the world.

Pillz: Yes there is, and you're about to meet it.

Pillz aimed his ring at the Dude and created a giant bull. The bull charged towards the Dude, but he jumped out of the way in time.

Radioactive Dude: Not much smarts in sending a bull after a cowboy.

Pillz: You're right, how about this.

The green light from Pillz' ring that was in the shape of a bull, now changed into the shape of an Indian. The Indian was carrying a hatchet, It ran toward the Dude, who shot a lasso out of his wrist and got it around a light pole. The Dude climbed to safty.



The gnomes had unleashed a barrage upon Pero. Until Pero began his change. Pero hulked out and ripped the gnomes off of him and smashed them.

PeroHulk: Creepy man's elves hurt Pero. Pero hurt creepy man!

Evil Gnome: I'm sorry for that. As a wise man once said, "Those who fight and run away, live to fight another day".

Evil Gnome turned around and got on Radioactive Dude's Horse. They took off.

Dealy Llama changed the Mrs. back into her midget form.

Dealy Llama: It looks like that emo freak doesn't need to buy a stairway to heaven. He's already well on his way.

Primus was 500 feet up in the air when he found out he could fly.

Primus didn't know how it was possible, but he didn't care at the moment. The fact that he was actually flying made him happy, he flew back down towards Dealy Llama and the Mrs.

Primus: Nice try. Got any other tricks up your sleave?

Dealy Llama: Yes I do.

Dealy Llama was about ready to honk his nose, when he heard Radioactive Dude give out a whislte.

Radioactive Dude: It's time for our retreat Llama!

Dealy Llama looked over and saw the Evil Gnome had picked up the Dude on his horse. Llama turned back to Primus.

Dealy Llama: We'll finish this later, fag.

Llama honked his nose and turned the Mrs. into a big hot air balloon.

Llama climbed in and and the Dude and Gnome on the horse jumped in. The balloon took off.

Primus: I'm going after them.

Pillz: No. Just stay here.

Primus: I can fly!

Pillz: I see that. Just let them retreat.

Primus: Fine.

Primus then fell to the ground.

Primus: Ow!!! What the hell?

Primus jumped up, attempting to fly again. He couldn't.

Primus: What happened? I was flying! This is so not fair!

Pillz: Speaking of which, let's go do what we set out to do and talk to Satyr.

Primus: I don't understand why you let them get away. We were winning.

Pillz: That was hardly a fight. I have the feeling they were holding back. Besides, I got the sense there was more going on here than what was displayed.

Primus: What do you mean?

Pillz: I don't know. Let's just deal with one thing at a time.


Besides several of the townfolk, there were two very specific spectators.

Lichton: Well, that was a huge dissapointment.

Jaded Poet: It seems our group of rouges have not even lived up to our lowest of expectations.

Lichton: We'll deal with them in time. We've got a general idea of what the Pack is capable of.

Jaded Poet: As scant as though that inforamtion is, it is adventageous.

Lichton: I'm glad you feel that way. Let's head back.

Up in the balloon.

Evil Gnome: I hate to add more gloom to this already dismal day, but The Agency will not be happy about what just happened.

Radioactvie Dude: I'm not much concerned with them.

Evil Gnome: May I ask why not?

Radioactive Dude: Well ,they are going to be madder than a branded bull, no doubt, but they are small potatoes compared to the three gents we just faced.

Dealy Llama: Speak for yourself Butch Cassidy, me and the Mrs. could take on all three ourselves.

Radioactvie Dude: The first man to fall is the one whose arrogance has weighed him down.

Dealy Llama: Whatever.

Radioactvie Dude: We'll train hard and one day, we'll defeat them. But I'm telling you all now, those three are the most powerful men on the planet right now.



The Power Pack arrived at Satyr's apartment building.

Pillz: You see why we need to train now?

Primus: Yes.

Pillz: Well, I just hope the trip here was worth it.

They got to Satyr's apartment and knocked on his door.

Satyr answered.

Satyr: What is the goddamn emergency?

Pillz: We just have a couple of questions that we hope you might ahve the answers too. We want to know what is up with Primus' powers.

Satyr: Who?

Primus: Me! Me you goat legged mother fucker!

Satyr: Oh yeah, the whiny bitch. Listen, you got resurrected by the Duce X Machine, so some of it's power must have transferred to you.

Pillz: That's a great explanation. His powers do seem to emerge to help him out with the given situation.

Primus: But how can I control it? How does it know what to do and when to do it?

Satyr: I don't know. You'll have to figure that out for yourselves. I ain't the answer man.

Pillz: I understand. Well, thanks for your help.

Satyr: Hey! While you guys are here, you want to check out this video of a clown with a midget on the internet?

The End.

Collision Course 2: Electric Boogaloo

Satyr was surfing the net when news of The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin's death was being reported.

Satyr laughed at the fact that it was a stingray that did him in. Satyr went to the Internet Movie Database page for Steve Irwin to post a joke about his death and was surprised to see an outpouring of sympathy for the Crocodile Hunter.

After an hour of "discussions" with other posters on the message board, Satyr found himself banned from the IMDB boards. Satyr decided not to waste his time on a dead guy anymore and went to YouTube.com to watch videos.

He was still watching videos a few hours later when Gweg woke up.


Gweg walked past Satyr sitting at the computer and laughing at something on the screen.

Gweg noticed Satyr was wearing headphones.

Gweg: Well, I'm shocked. You are actually being considerate for once.

Satyr: Don't get used to it. I couldn't hear what they were saying to well.

Gweg: What are you watching?

Satyr: Videos on YouTube.com. These here are great. They are Drive-By Insult videos. Funny as hell.

Gweg: Drive by insults?

Satyr: Yeah. 3 guys in a car drive down the street and yell random insults at pedestrians.

Gweg: Wow, that sounds very stupid.

Satyr: It's funny. I've decided to do something similar, I'm going to go around and video tape me shouting out drive-by compliments!

Gweg: Drive-By compliments? Wow, you've actually managed to come up with something even more pointless than the insults.

Satyr: Pointless? I thought you'd be happy. Going around and complimenting people, making them feel good about themselves, I'd be doing something nice for a change.

Gweg: You got a point there.

Gweg sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to the news. The news show was talking about Steve Irwin.

Gweg: Holy shit! The Crocodile Hunter died.

Satyr: Yeah, I know.

Gweg: Why didn't you say something?

Satyr: I didn't think it was that worthy to say something to you the moment you woke up.

Gweg: Well, hurry up and get off the computer, I want to do some research.

Satyr: On what?

Gweg: On Steve Irwin.

Satyr: Why?

Gweg: Because the man just died. I want to write an article about him, honoring what he has done for animals.

Satyr covered his face with his hands and let out a scream. Satyr got up and went to his room. He came back out holding a tape.

Satyr: I'm glad Steve Irwin is dead!

Gweg: Why? What did he ever do to you?

Satyr: I'm about to show you.

Satyr put the tape in and played it.

On the TV: (remember to read Irwin's dialogue with his Australian accent!)

Steve Irwin: Hello, The Crocodile Hunter here on the trails of one of the most unique creatures ever to walk the face of the earth. Look, there he is enjoying a nice meal.

The camera panned over to Satyr, who was sitting on a park bench eating a ham and cheese sandwich.

Irwin: There he is, the majestic satyr. Now, we need to sneak up on him carefully.

Irwin and his camera crew walked toward Satyr, in full view.

Satyr: Uh, hello.

Irwin: Crikey, the satyr is alert to our presence. If I want to get closer to him without startling him, I need to move very slowly in a non-threatening manner.

Satyr: I can hear you.

Irwin: Now, satyrs are known for their incredible hearing. It helps them stay alert to enemies.

Satyr: Can't I eat in peace?

Irwin: Satyrs enjoy eating their freshly caught meals in peace.

Satyr: I bought this at the deli.

Irwin: Of course, satyrs are known to scavage for food when they can't hunt for things themselves.

Satyr: Why are you narrating everything I say? What's that camera for? Who the fuck are you?

Irwin: Satyrs are one of nature's most curious animals. He also seems to be getting riled up. Let's see what happens when I poke him with this stick.

Irwin grabbed a stick off the ground and moved toward Satyr with it.

Satyr: Don't you poke me with that fucking stick.

Irwin: Now, I have to be careful of the satyr's natural defenses. Those include the horns on his head and his hard hooves.

Satyr: Don't forget about my unnatural defenses, like the glock in my pocket.

Irwin: Crikey, this satyr is really on the defense now. It's best to leave him alone for a while, let's take a look at the satyr's natural habitat.

Satyr stopped the tape.

Satyr: He then showed footage of Mt. Olympus and I'll be damned if I know how he got there, but does that answer your question?

Gweg: Yeah, I guess it does. But I'm still writing an article on him.

Satyr: The five year anniversary of 9/11 is in a few days, are you going to write an article about everyone who died during the attacks?

Gweg: No.

Satyr: Why not?

Gweg: Because...Well, first of all, over 2,000 people died, so that would 2,000 articles to write, second of all, it was five years ago, third of all I didn't know any of them.

Satyr: You didn't know Steve Irwin.

Gweg: It's different.

Satyr: Of course it is. Because he's a celebrity. This country idolizes celebrities to an extent that beyond comprehensible. Here, we have a guy who gets killed by a stingray. Now, was he out swimming just to get a little R&R? No. He was there to film the thing. To get near it. The man hangs around dangerous animals and the world comes to a halt when he is killed by one. Oooh, shocking! Oh, why did it have to happen to him? The man was viewed by most when he was alive as a joke. Then, when he gets killed, he is hailed as a martyr for the animal kingdom. The guy was nothing more than a showboat. Sure, he may have loved animals and spread some of his so-called knowledge about them, but he did it such a manner, that it wasn't so much about the animals, it more about whether or not he would get attacked by the animals. It was the educational version of Jackass. His death was not shocking, it was only a matter of time. Now, regular Joes, just doing there day to day business, get killed by planes crashing into skyscrapers or from the buildings collapsing to the ground, are not worthy of a few words? They certainly did not put themselves into harms way. Sure, the Trade Center has been a target before, but from a bomb in the garage that hardly did anything. The fact is, those faceless names meant nothing compared to the symbols that were destroyed that day. All we could see were the planes and building and a few people jumping to escape smoke inhalation. We saw no people actually getting killed, all we saw were images. All of those deaths were wrapped up into one. The death of a thousand faceless names equals the death of one celebrity in the eyes of America. And don't you even dare compare Irwin to the firefighters and the policemen who lost their lives. That is completely different and you know it. Now, since this was the biggest fucking rant I have ever given, I'm going to go out and do something good, I'm going to drive by strangers and yell out compliments to them from a blowhorn.

Satyr went out the door.

Gweg sat down and thought about what Satyr had to say. He hated to admit it, but he agreed with Satyr. He decided not to write the article.


Meanwhile, on the other side of the world.

We come to a secret lab hidden somewhere in the Outback of Australia. Inside the lab, we see two doctors, a man in a suit, and another man, naked and lying on a table.

Doctor 1: Everything seems to check out. He is perfectly healthy.

Doctor 2: Yes. He is in great condition, for a dead man.

Man in Suit: Good. Now gentlemen, your payment.

The man pulled a gun out of his pocket and shot the two doctors. The man on the table sat up and walked over to his pile of clothes lying on the floor.

As he was putting his clothes on, the man in the suit spoke to him.

Man in Suit: It's great to have you back, Mr. Irwin.

Steve Irwin finished putting on his clothes. (remember, Australian accent)

Irwin: It's good to be back, mate. Is everything in order.

Man in Suit: Yes sir, we'll be ready to go public two days from now.

Irwin: Great! This is going to be incredible.



Two Days Later.

Satyr was sitting at the computer, showing Gweg his video. On the video, Satyr would drive by somebody and yell out random compliments such as "You look good in those pants" or "Hey, that dog your walking looks like it would come in first place at a dog show", although most of the time, the person he was yelling the long compliments at didn't hear it all, because Satyr was already a block away from them when he finished it.

A few hours after uploading the video onto YouTube, Satyr was sitting at the computer, cussing up a storm.

Gweg: What is your problem?

Satyr: My Drive-By Compliments video hasn't gotten any hits!

Gweg: Hits?

Satyr: Yes. As in, "nobody is watching the damn thing". I wonder why.

Gweg: It might have something to do with this:

Gweg directed Satyr toward the TV.

A reporter was on TV.

Reporter: Extraordianry news from the Land Down Under, just three days after his death, the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has come back to life. We are going to show our footage of the press conference held by Steve's press agent, who revealed the return of the Crocodile Hunter to the world.

The video of the press conference ran.

Steve's press agent, aka the Man in the Suit, aka John Redding, walked to the mic.

John: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am pleased to stand before you today, because I bring you incredible news. Our beloved Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, who was so viscously taken from us in a freak accident, has returned from the beyond.

Large audible gasps were heard from the crowd.

John: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back, Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin came out from behind a curtain and almost disappeared behind a blinding light of flashbulbs going off.

Steve: It's great to be back and returned to my homeland of Australia.

Applause.

Steve: Now, I haven't come back for no reason. I am here to lead humanity into a society where they treat all animals as equals. A world where no animals are hunted for sport. A world where no animals are made into products for the humans to wear. A world where animals are allowed to roam in peace, where they only have to fear what is natural to them. A Better World.

This was met with thunderous applause and cries of "We love you Steve".

Satyr: I'll be a son of a bitch. Everyone is watching this shit instead of my videos!

Gweg: Now I wish I had wrote that article about him.

Satyr rolled his eyes at this and got back on the net.

Satyr: Look at this! Every single page I go to has something about Steve Irwin. Hell, even Newgrounds and Albino Blacksheep has something good about him. And even Ebaum's World has the Newgrounds and Albino Blacksheep stuff on his site.

Gweg: Well, you have to admit that him coming back to life is a miracle.

Satyr: Typical humans. Somebody comes back from the dead and you treat them as a messiah.

Gweg: It's not exactly something that happens every day.

Satyr: Sure it does. People die and get brought back all the time. CPR and all that.

Gweg: This is not the same. He came back 3 days later.

Satyr: You don't know that. You just buy into it because there was a press conference. Lord, I thought the Iraq War taught you all better than that.

Gweg: I don't want to hear another rant from you.

Satyr: No need. I'm done complaining. Time for action. I'm going to take care of Irwin myself. An not because he is a fraud, because I want people to watch my video.

Satyr got on a plane and headed for Australia.

After Satyr landed in Australia, he asked around where he could find Steve Irwin. After having to pretend to be a representative of the Animal Kingdom, Satyr finally found out where Irwin was staying.

Satyr arrived at the hotel Irwin and his press agent were staying at and entered the room.

Satyr: All right Irwin, I'm here to put a stop to whatever it is you are up to.

Irwin: Well, somebody put a shrimp on the barbie. We have a guest!

Satyr: Your clichéd Australian sayings being spoken in a clichéd Australian accent will not stop me.

Irwin: You are right. And the fact that you here just proves to me that what I am doing is right. I needed you to be a part of my plan and fate has brought you here.

Satyr: What do you mean?

Irwin: After our last encounter, I went to your home dimension.

Satyr: I know this already.

Irwin: What you don't know, is that I learned a lot while I was down there. Mostly, your weaknesses. You see, I'm pretty good at dealing with wild animals, but animals that can walk upright and talk, well, that's a little different.

Satyr: Looks like you couldn't handle that stingray too well.

Irwin and John laughed at this.

Irwin: When I was at Mt. Olympus, I managed to get my hands on something that could tame the wild beast that is the satyr.

John brought out a suitcase that had a lock on it. After unlocking it, John took out the contents and handed them to Irwin. It was something wrapped in a towel. Irwin took the towel off of it and Satyr let out a gasp.

Irwin: That's right Satyr, it's one of Pan's Pipes. The very one he uses to control satyrs.

Satyr: You son of a bitch. You can't use that against me. Only Pan can.

Irwin: Let's test that theory. Here's a little ditty I learned from Mt. Olympus.

Irwin blew into the pipes and played a song.

Satyr started to shake and then stood completely still.

Satyr: Your will is my command.

Irwin: Perfect. You will be a great part of my plan.

Later that day or night, or whatever the hell is going on with the time zone difference.

Gweg turned on the TV to find another press conference by Steve Irwin. Gweg was shocked to see Satyr standing right next to Irwin and his press agent.

Irwin: That's right mates. This here representative of the Animal Kingdom has stepped forward to offer his support in my campaign to bring animal equality to the masses!

The crowd cheered.

Satyr stepped up to the podium.

Satyr: Yes. Mr. Irwin has my full support. He is a god among the animal community. Unfortunately, the stingray that took Mr. Irwin's life has committed suicide, because he knew that what he did was wrong. I, and I'm sure as with the rest of you, am looking forward to shaping this world for the better with Mr. Irwin leading the way!


Gweg: Oh my holy god.

Gweg rushed into Satyr's room out found his cell phone. He got a hold of Cyber Centaur's number and gave him a call.

Cyber answered the phone.

Cyber: I just saw your stupid ass on the TV, Satyr. I'm not going to join you and I don't care how much money is in it. And you still need to give me my DVD camcorder back.

Gweg: This isn't Satyr, it's Gweg.

Cyber: Oh, hi Gweg. Why are you calling me?

Gweg: I may need some help and you are the only person I could think of that would want to help Satyr.

Cyber: Help him? Why. He's all high and mighty now being in The Crocodile Hunter's little entourage there.

Gweg: That's just the thing. Satyr hates Irwin.

Cyber: Maybe Irwin promised him something. Who knows what Satyr's motives are.

Gweg: I don't know. Satyr did bring up a good point about how Irwin came back and nobody bothered to question it. I think Satyr has been brainwashed somehow.

Cyber: That would be hilarious to see. Ok, count me in. I want to see this and I want my camcorder back. Stupid Drive-By Compliments.

Gweg and Cyber flew down Australia.

After having to pretend Cyber was a representative of the animal kingdom, Gweg and Cyber found out were Irwin and Satyr were staying.

Gweg: You go up there and distract them. Say you want to be part of the cause.

Cyber: What if Satyr isn't under some spell and blows my cover?

Gweg: Improvise the best you can. I'll find another way in and see if I can't figure out what Irwin is doing to control Satyr.

Cyber: All right. I've got to tell you, this doesn't sound like a very good plan.

Cyber went inside the hotel. Gweg went around back and discovered the balconies were arranged to allow someone to climb up them all the way to the roof.

Gweg: I cannot believe I'm going to climb a building to help out Satyr. I need to kick my own ass tomorrow.

Gweg began to climb.

Cyber knocked on the door to the apartment.

John answered.

John: May I help you?

Cyber: I'm here to see Mr. Irwin.

John: Do you have an appointment?

Cyber: No. I just heard about the wonderful thing he is going to do for the animals and I want to be a part of it.

John: Stay right there, I'll get Mr. Irwin.

Lucky for Gweg, they were only on the third floor. As Gweg reached the balcony to the room they were staying in, John was approaching Irwin and Satyr, who were talking in the back room that led out onto the balcony.

John talked to Irwin and Irwin nodded. John left the room. Gweg saw Irwin ring a funnily looking instrument to his mouth and he blew into it.

Satyr got a funny look in his eyes and nodded toward Irwin.

Gweg thought, "So, that's how he is doing it."

Irwin and Satyr left the room. Gweg snuck inside.

Irwin and Satyr met John in the front room where John had Cyber tied up.

Irwin: My good friend, the Satyr here, told me to be on the lookout for a pathetic excuse for a centaur and some dumpy looking moron with gay blonde hair.

Cyber: How could you do this to me, Satyr?

Satyr: I do every thing for the Crocodile King.

Irwin: That's my new name, The Crocodile King, sounds good, don't it?

Cyber: It sounds ridiculous.

Irwin: I don't take too kindly to unnecessary criticism, so Satyr, take care of our guest here.

Irwin brought out the pipes and started to play them, Gweg ran into the room and snatched the pipes out of Irwin's hands.

Gweg brought the pipes down over his knees, snapping it into two pieces.

Satyr came out of his hypnotic trance.

Satyr: Wow, Gweg, you came to rescue me.

Gweg: I had nothing better to do.

Irwin: Well, I'll be a brown-eyed mullet. None of you are going to get away with this.

Satyr: Oh, yes we will.

Satyr pulled out his gun and shot John.

Satyr: That guy got on my nerves. As for you Irwin, I've got something special planned.

Gweg had untied Cyber. The three of them left the room while Irwin was screaming at them.

Irwin: You'll never stop me. This has already begun, you don't become the Crocodile King without having a contingency plan!

Gweg: What's he talking about?

Satyr: I'll tell you when we get out of here.

Cyber: Good, I want to get home as soon as possible.

Satyr: We can't go back to the states just yet.

Cyber: Why not.

Satyr: We have more business here.

The three of them got their selves a hotel room.

Satyr: Ok, here's what is up. Irwin was planning on using me to talk to the animals to get them to revolt against mankind.

Gweg: How?

Satyr: He thinks I can talk to animals.

Gweg: You can't talk to animals.

Satyr: I can't, but other satyrs can. Irwin found this out when he went to Mt. Olympus. He expected I could, so he stole one of Pan's Pipes to use on me.

Cyber: Well, looks like he can't go along with his plans.

Satyr: Don't count on it. He does have a back up plan, but it slightly different than his master plan. You've seen 12 Monkey's right?

Gweg and Cyber nodded.

Satyr: Remember when the Army of the 12 Monkeys turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of hoodlums letting animals out of a zoo? Well, Irwin has an Army of a 1000 Monkeys just ready to unleash animals everywhere.

Gweg: PETA and ALF. Right?

Satyr: What does bread and a bad 80's TV show have to do with is?

Gweg: Nevermind. But can you explain why Irwin came back from the dead.

Satyr: Oh that's easy, he didn't.

Cyber: I knew he was a zombie! I could smell it on him.

Satyr: He's not a zombie, he never died. He faked his death. And I can prove it.

Gweg: How?

Satyr: All in good time, we have a day to get ready. I have to go get a few things and I need you two to help me set things up at the place where Irwin is holding his next press conference.

Gweg: What's going to happen then?

Satyr: During that press conference, Irwin is going to send out his secret code to his minions. You two are going to set up a little video. This is going to be fun.

Cyber: And what are you going to do?

Satyr: It's a surprise.

The next day.

Steve Irwin began his press conference.

Irwin: I have sad news to report. My press agent was killed last night by anti-animal terrorists who wish to destroy our cause! But the sacrifice of my agent has done nothing but made my resolve in this matter stronger.

Backstage.

Gweg: Satyr said to play the tape before the end of Irwin's speech, so we'd better play it now.

Cyber grabbed for the remote control.

Cyber: Where is Satyr anyway?

Gweg: I don't know. He said he'd be here in time for his surprise.

Cyber pressed play on the remote.

Behind Irwin, a large video monitor dropped down from the ceiling. A video began to play on it.

The video showed Steve Irwin swimming in the ocean.

Irwin: Crikey! Here I am in the ocean getting ready to search for one of the underwater's most docile creatures, the stingray!

Irwin began to swim underwater, with an underwater video camera following him.

Irwin swam up to a stingray and cornered it. The stingray stuck out with it's stinger, catching Irwin in the arm. Irwin's team rushed in and pulled him out.

One of Irwin's crew checked him out.

Crewman: We need to get him to a hospital, he'll be alright, but he needs medical attention.

John, Irwin's former press agent, stepped into the view of the camera.

John: Leave that to me. I know exactly where to take him.

The video turned off.

The crowd began booing. Chants of "fraud" and "phony" could be heard.

Irwin screamed through the microphone.

Irwin: No, I can explain! It's the satyr, he did this to me! I just want to help the animals! No!

Someone threw a boomerang and hit Irwin in the head.

When Irwin got back up, he saw Satyr standing before him.

Satyr: G'day mate.

Irwin: Why are you doing this to me?

Satyr: No one watched my video.

Irwin began to run toward Satyr, but Satyr threw a bucket of strange goo all over him.

Irwin: What is this?

Satyr: It's just some glue. I need it on you to cover you with these.

Satyr held up a bag and dumped the contents all over Irwin.

Irwin: What in the bloody hell?

Satyr also had brought a crate up with him.

Irwin: What are you doing to me?

Satyr: No worries mate, just giving the animals what they want.

Satyr opened the crate. Five koala bears climbed out and latched themselves onto Irwin.

Satyr (In a perfect imitation of The Crocodile Hunter): Crikey! What we have here is Australia's own favorite marsupial, the Koala. The koala has picked up the scent of it's favorite food, the eucalyptus leaf, covered all over this man here. Let's see what happens.

The koalas ate away ate the leaves, eating most of Steve Irwin's skin with them. One of the koala's made it's way to a leaf that was covered over Irwin's jugular vein and bit down. Thus was the end of Steve Irwin.

Satyr: And they thought a death by a stingray was surprising.


Days later, back at the apartment of Gweg and Satyr.

Gweg woke up to find Satyr at the computer.

Gweg: Got any hits for your Drive-By Compliments video yet.

Satyr: Just a few, but that's ok. The video of me killing Steve Irwin is a hit.

Gweg: Well, good for you. Before I go into the kitchen, I should ask, did any other celebrities die?

Satyr: Just Eric Bauman.

Gweg: I don't know him? What's he famous for.

Satyr: He's got his own internet site. Somebody broke into his house and killed him.

Gweg: Hmm. Oh well. Doesn't concern me.

After Gweg left the room, Satyr looked at his computer.

Satyr: Teach that fucking guy to put my video on his fucking website without my permission.

THE END

V For Virtual Satyr

8 days away.

The failure with the snakes did not prohibit Satyr from being any more excited about Snakes on a Plane. In fact, the closer Aug. 18th got, the happier Satyr was getting. The night he sat in the movie theater, watching the greatest movie known to man, was going to be the greatest night ever.

Gweg was happy about it too. The sooner the date had came and went, the better. Gweg was going to be happy when it was all behind him. But then there would be the DVD to worry about.

The morning of Aug 10 was like any typical morning in the apartment of Gweg and Satyr. Gweg woke up at 9 AM, made himself some breakfast, read the paper, and went into town.

Satyr woke up at 11:30 AM, logged onto the computer, ate his left over Chinese food, and watched TV.


At 1:30 PM, there was a knock on the door.

Jimmy Neutron was just getting ready to start, and Satyr loved to sing along to the theme song. He got to "To buy candy bars" when the knocking came. Satyr groggily got up from the couch and looked through the peephole.

It was some guy in a suit. Holding an envelope. Satyr knew it could only be one thing...a summons. Satyr hated court.

Satyr yelled through the door.

Satyr: Who is it?

The man answered that his name was Chad and that he had something for Gweg.

Satyr smiled and opened the door. Chad couldn't hide the shock on his face when he saw Satyr. Satyr saw this and knew he had another jackass to fuck with.

Chad: I'm sorry, I've heard stories, but I never actually...uh, is Gweg here?

Satyr just shook his head no.

Satyr's nonverbal response made Chad even more nervous.

Chad: Um, well uh, who are you?

Satyr stared at Chad for 10 seconds before answering. In a deadpan voice, Satyr answered him.

Satyr: I am Satyr, I take care of the place while the master is away.

Chad: Yeah, could you make sure Gweg gets this.

Chad threw the envelope at Satyr and took off running. Satyr laughed as he bent down to pick it up. He always felt good when he intimidated people.

The envelope had Gweg's name on it, so naturally, Satyr opened it up.

The contents were two movie tickets. What in the hell did Gweg need two movie tickets for? The tickets didn't specify which movie they were for. Satyr wondered if Gweg knew he was even getting them. He hadn't mentioned it. Maybe Gweg didn't know?

Whatever the case, Satyr wasn't going to mention the tickets until Gweg did, even then, Satyr might just deny he had them. It's not everyday two free movie tickets fall into your hands. Two opportunities to watch Snakes On A Plane for free.

Satyr sat back down on the couch with a big smile on his face.

Three hours later, Gweg arrived home.

Gweg came through the door, angry as usual. Satyr never could understand why Gweg was always in a pissy mood all the time.

Gweg: What in the hell did you do to Chad?

Satyr: I didn't do anything to him.

Gweg: He says you scared the hell out of him.

Satyr: It's not my fault your friends are a bunch of pussies.

Gweg: My friends are not pussies. Chad happens to be a very well respected member of this community. He donates to all the charities and volunteers his time to worthy causes.

Satyr: I rest my case.

Gweg: Where are the tickets at? And don't deny that you have them, because Chad told me he gave them to you.

Satyr reached under the couch cushion, where he hid the tickets. He flung them at Gweg.

Satyr: If Chad was going to see you today anyway, why did he stop by here to drop them off?

Gweg: We bumped into each other on the street.

Satyr: Where did you meet this pansy anyway?

Gweg: I met him at the soup kitchen a few months ago.

Satyr: What the hell where you doing in a soup kitchen?

Gweg: Research.

Satyr: Research? You are always doing "research". What in the hell are you always researching? For that matter, what in the hell do you do for a living?

Gweg: We have lived together for three years and you still don't know what my job is?

Satyr: Well, I never actually cared until now.

Gweg shook his head and sat down in his chair.

Gweg: I am a journalist. I write articles about society.

Satyr burst out laughing.

Gweg: I don't know why you think it's so funny. At least I do legitimate work for my money.

Satyr: I do legitimate work. Remember when I was the bell ringer for the Salvation Army last year?

Gweg: The sign you had posted said "Salxation Army" and you kept that money for yourself.

Satyr: I did that to prove a point. A point you should write about in one of your articles. "People never pay attention to details". They saw my little set up, me ringing the bell with the little pot and they automatically thought "Salvation Army". If they had just took a moment to read the sign, they would have known I was a fraud.

Gweg: I've heard a speech like this before. You said the same thing about the counterfeit money. And look how well that turned out.

Satyr: Quit living in the past Gweg. What movie are we going to see?

Gweg: "We" are not going to see any movie. I am going to watch "Little Miss Sunshine". I am doing an article about the growing popularity of independent films.

Satyr: Why can't I go with you? You've got an extra ticket. You and I hardly ever do anything together.

Gweg: You and I do plenty.

Satyr: You let me go see this movie together and I'll do anything you want.

Gweg: Anything?

Satyr: Yes.

Gweg: Fine. You can see the movie with me. But, you have to get that fucking fish tank out of this room.

Satyr: Done.

The next night Gweg and Satyr went to the movie.

They went into the theater. They had to walk through a hall that had movie posters on the wall to get to the ticket collector.

Satyr looked at all the posters. They were posters of movies that were now playing and movies that were coming out in the near future.

Satyr: That's curious.

Gweg: What's curious?

Satyr: Something seems to be missing here.

They got to the ticket collector. Before Gweg could hand him the tickets, Satyr spoke up.

Satyr: Excuse me, is the manager here?

Ticket Collector: Yes sir. You want me to get him for you?

Satyr: Yes.

The ticket collector left.

Gweg: What the hell are you doing?

Satyr: Trust me. I need to find out something.

The two waited for the manager to show up. The ticket collector came back with the manager. The manager was an older man, who reminded Gweg of Mr. Rogers.

Satyr: Those posters you have in the hall there, are they posters for movies this theater is going to be showing?

The Manager: Yes sir.

Satyr: Ok. Then, where in the hell is the Snakes On A Plane poster?

Gweg: Oh Jesus Christ!

The Manager: Well, the reason we don't have that particular poster is because we will not be showing that movie.

Satyr: Why not?

The Manager: Well, the movie has garnished a very bad reputation for being a movie for pot-heads and rabble rousers. That is not the kind of audience we want to have in this family theater.

Satyr: Rabble rousers? Listen jerkfest, you better show this movie if you know what's good for you.

The Manager: I will not respond to threats.

Satyr: Fine.

Satyr turned around and faced the line that had grown behind them.

Satyr: Remember in disgust, the 11th of August, for they denied the movie with the greatest plot. To me it's not known, why Snakes on a Plane should not be shown, so I'll set this theater to rot!

Satyr stormed off and left the theater.

Gweg handed one of the tickets over and watched the movie.

After the movie was over, Gweg came home to find Satyr on the computer.

Gweg: What the hell was that all about?

Satyr turned to look at Gweg.

Satyr: You want to know what that was about? It was about injustice.

Gweg: Why is it such an injustice that this theater is not going to show your precious Snakes On A Plane?

Satyr: Let me tell you something Gweg. If God hadn't of thought of sacrificing his only begotten son as a gift to show his love to the world, he would have given us Snakes On A Plane.

Gweg: That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. Snakes On A Plane is nothing more than some campy B-grade movie that became popular on the internet. After the movie comes out and the silly catch phrase gets worn out, it will be looked upon by society as the joke it has always been.

Satyr: There you go with your "society" again, that thing you love to write about. Here, let me give you a little editorial on "society". Society is in the shitter. This is a society where they hail no-talent losers such as Paris Hilton. Where they pay more attention to some second rate anti-Semite getting drunk than they do a war they are losing in the Middle East. A society that is in love with "reality programming". A society that loves to recycle everything. Movie plots, TV shows, everything! And now, something like Snakes On A Plane comes along. Something that dares to be different. Something that dares to go against the grain and you "normal" people have to crap on it! How dare it not be ashamed of what it is! How dare it cavort itself around and not hide itself from your sensitive eyes! Sometimes, I think you people don't deserve Snakes On A Plane.

Gweg: You are not going to order a whole bunch of snakes again, are you?

Satyr: No. I have something else planned.

Gweg: Good. Just keep me out of it.

Satyr: Don't worry. The last thing I want you to do is get involved.

After Gweg went to bed, Satyr left the apartment. He was definitely up to no good.

The next day, Gweg woke up to an empty house. Whatever Satyr was up to, Gweg was just happy he was doing it somewhere else.

Gweg wrote his new article on the computer. After he was finished, he decided he wanted to go to the theaters again. During the previews, he saw one for a movie that was already playing at the theater. It looked good and Gweg still had that extra ticket.

Gweg went to the theater, got his popcorn and drink, and sat down to watch the movie. As soon as the film began to ran, there seemed to be a problem. It looked as though the projector was eating the film. The screen went white. A few seconds later, the film started running again.

But it was showing something no one expected.

There was somebody sitting behind a desk. He was wearing a plastic mask. Gweg couldn't tell who the mask was supposed to represent, but his gut instinct told him who was wearing it.

And as soon as the man started speaking in a bad British accent, Gweg knew he was right.

The Man wearing the mask on the screen: Good evening, movie goers. I'm sorry to interrupt your movie, I, like all of you, love the joy of watching a movie in the theater. But, in the spirit of good movies, I implore you to stand up for your theatrical rights. This theater, the very theater you are sitting in, is going to be participating in a tragedy. It will not be showing the greatest movie to ever be shown. They are afraid. As they should me. Audiences should not be afraid of their theaters, theaters should be afraid of their audiences. This theater does not recognize Aug 18th, so I think we shall make them. Follow me and we shall give them an Aug 18th they will never forget.

The film stopped running and the regular film began. Gweg could hear the murmurs of confusion throughout the room. Gweg couldn't wait to hear this one explained.

After the movie, Gweg went back home. Satyr was watching the news. They were talking about what happened at the theater.

Gweg: Well, that sure was something.

Satyr: Wasn't it though? I've got that theater shaking in it's boots.

Gweg: Yeah, "Audiences should not be afraid of their theaters, theaters should be afraid of their audiences." What does that even mean?

Satyr: I'll tell you what it means. It means that audiences will not stand for atrocity. It means that audiences will fight for their right to be entertained. It means that will wear the mask and stop the totalitarian behavior of those in charge.

Gweg: About that mask, who in the hell is that supposed to be.

Satyr: John Wilkes Booth.

Gweg: John Wilkes Booth? Why?

Satyr: It's symbolic. John Wilkes Booth fought the power in a theater and so shall we.

Gweg: I fail to see how a Southern sympathizer shooting the President in the back of the head has anything to do with you wanting a movie theater to show Snakes On A Plane.

Satyr: I never expected you to. I stopped expecting good things out of you a long time ago. Now, help me get these masks sent out.

Gweg: Sent out where?

Satyr: To everyone in town. They are going to wear the masks and protest the theater.

Gweg: Nobody in this town is going to do that. I was there when your little film ran. Everyone thought it was a big joke.

Satyr: You have a point there, Gweg. I can't rely on these ignorant fools. I need people with a hint of intellect. To the internet!

Satyr got on the computer and went to SnakesonaBlog.com.

Satyr: There, I sent out the word. We'll see what happens.


Two days later, Gweg woke up to find Satyr standing at the kitchen window. He was looking out the window while drinking a Dr. Pepper.

Gweg: What's going on?

Satyr motioned out the window.

Gweg looked out and saw a large group of people. They were all wearing John Wilkes Booth masks.

Gweg: Oh god.

Satyr: After I finish my Dr. Pepper, I'm going out to join them.

Gweg: I'm going back to bed.

Satyr finished his Dr. Pepper, put on his JWB mask and went down to join the crowd.

One of the protestors saw Satyr.

Protestor: Are you the guy in charge?

Satyr: Yeah.

Protestor: We all saw your request on the blog. We are here to help. But I have to ask, what's with these funny masks?

Satyr: Don't worry about it. Let's protest.

Satyr led the group in a chant of "Stop being such a pain, show Snakes On A Plane!".

After two hours of chanting this, the theater manager showed up.

The Manager: What is going on here?

Satyr: We are here to demand that you show Snakes On A Plane!

The Manager: I explained this to you already. Yes, that silly disguise is not fooling me. I can still see your stupid goat legs. This nonsense you have going on here is just proving my point. This film caters to the drecks of society. This protest is almost ironic. The last time I dealt with a protest, the were against us for showing a movie. You are against for not shoiwng a movie. There is no pleasing people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have got a theater to run.


The manager turned around to walk away. As he did, Satyr took a gun out of jacket and pointed it at the back of the manager's head.

Satyr: Sic semper tyrannis!

Satyr pulled the trigger, painting the marquee of the theater with the manager's brains.

Protestor: What the fuck? Let's get out of here!

The protestors took off running in all directions.

Satyr: You bunch of pussies! You are all worse than Chad!

Satyr went back up the the apartment.

Later that night.

Gweg: Tell me you didn't shoot him.

Satyr: I didn't.

The news had been talking about the protest and the murder all day. Satyr and Gweg were now watching the local Evening News.

Newscaster: Due to the crowd congestion, witnesses could not positively identify which protestor pulled the trigger. The Police Chief said they will do their best to track the protestors down, but because they were all wearing masks and costumes, he said it would prove difficult. The new manager of the theater said the theater does not want to see any more violence, so they will show the movie, Snakes On A Plane, for the weekend of the 18th only.

Gweg: Well, you got want you wanted. I hope you are happy.

Satyr: Quite.



August 17th. 9:00 PM.

Satyr: I'm heading out, I got to get in line for the midnight premiere early.

Gweg: You are going out to get in line for Snakes On A Plane now?

Satyr: Yeah. I want to get to the theater early and it's a good hour drive to get there.

Gweg: An hour drive? It's only a block away.

Satyr: I'm not going to that theater. I'm going to Cineplex in the other town. They got a bigger screen and better seats.

Gweg: You mean to tell me you pulled off all that shit at the theater down there and you are not even going to watch the movie there?

Satyr: Why in the hell would I want to watch it there for? That theater sucks.


The End.

The Power Pack: South Park Style

Pero Hulk

Pero



Primus


Pillz

Gweg Watches TV.

The week had been going so well for Gweg, but a phone call on Friday changed all of that.

The Fair was in town and Satyr was spending his nights there. Despite Satyr trying his best to convince Gweg to go, Gweg stayed home those nights. It was in Gweg's best interest not to be seen in public with Satyr. For quite a while now, Gweg had been getting strange looks from people wherever he went, although he couldn't prove it, he knew it had something to do with Satyr.

The first two nights of the fair, Satyr would come home exhausted and go straight to bed. Gweg was thanking God for the Fair.

On Wednesday, Satyr came home excited.

Satyr: Quick Gweg, get a bowl!

Satyr came rushing into the apartment holding a plastic bag. The bag contained water and a goldfish.

Gweg saw what Satyr was holding and rolled his eyes. He went to the kitchen and got a good sized bowl, one of Satyr's. (Gweg made sure they had their own separate kitchen bowls, glasses, plates, and silverware.)

Gweg brought the bowl out to the living room and sat it on the coffee table.
Satyr poured the water and the goldfish into the bowl and looked at them like a proud father who's wife had just given birth to a boy.

Satyr: So, what do you think Gweg?

Gweg looked at the bowl and the fish with the same amount of enthusiasm a death row inmate would have after he was told his execution would be scheduled a day earlier than originally thought.

Gweg: It's a goldfish.

Satyr rolled his eyes at Gweg's ignorance.

Satyr: This is not just any old goldfish, Gweg. This goldfish happens to be first prize in a ring toss game.

Gweg: Good job. You managed to defeat a rigged game to win a useless prize that will be flushed down the toilet a few days from now.

Satyr: Gweg, do you honestly think the fair is going to give away ordinary goldfish as a first prize. I had to toss ten rings over the bowl to get this fish. If they just handed me over some regular fish, I would be pissed. But this fish is something special.

Satyr pulled one of the rings out of his pocket.

Gweg: Wow, they let you keep one of the rings too. The Fair just keeps getting more generous year after year.

Satyr: Just be quiet. He needs absolute silence for this.

Satyr held the ring above the bowl with the goldfish in it. The goldfish jumped out of the bowl, went through the ring, and fell back into the bowl.

Satyr: Taa-daa!

Gweg lightly clapped his hands together in a mock applause.

Gweg: That was the most exciting thing I have ever seen. I can't wait to tell all of my friends.

Satyr was hurt by Gweg's non-appreciation for his new pet's trick.

Satyr: You don't have friends. Now, apologize to Flipsy.

Gweg shook his head.

Gweg: I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm going to bed. I've got to get up early tomorrow because I'm going out of town to meet some people.

Gweg walk to his room. Before going in, he looked back at Satyr, shook his head and rolled his eyes, and said one last thing to Satyr in a sardonic tone.

Gweg: Flipsy.

Satyr got on his computer and let the rage flow through his fingers and onto the keyboard. If Gweg only knew what has been going on the past six months, he wouldn't be so mocking of Satyr, that's for sure. He would be begging for Satyr to stop, but Satyr would only laugh at Gweg and then kick him in the balls for good measure.

Satyr was done typing and looked at what he wrote. He was pleased.


The next day, Gweg arrived home from his meeting sometime in the evening. Gweg was not pleased to find a very big fish tank in the living room.

Flipsy was the only fish in the tank.

Gweg looked at the tank with much disapproval. Especially since Satyr moved Gweg's bookshelf and put the tank in it's place.

An hour later Satyr arrived home, carrying a few shopping bags in his hands.

Gweg: Why in the hell did you buy this gigantic fish tank for one fucking fish!

Satyr: Keep your voice down Gweg, Flipsy will hear you. Flipsy needs all of the room he can get.

Satyr sat his bags down next to the tank and took out a bunch of fish food.

Satyr: Only the best for Flipsy.

Satyr put the food in cabinet that the tank sat on. He turned to Gweg.

Satyr: I'm going to need a favor from you. I'm going to be out of town for a next few days for a meeting.

Gweg: What the hell, you copying me now?

Satyr: Fuck you Gweg. You are not the only one with a life outside of the apartment. I'll have you know, that I have been doing some great work the past several months. I'm what's known in the business as a "creative talent". I'm in demand. And I'll be out of state until Tuesday. You see, my creation is getting licensed and I'll be making a lot more money.

Gweg: What creation?

Satyr just laughed and went to his room. A few minutes later, he came out with a piece of paper.

Satyr handed it to Gweg.

Satyr: This is Flipsy's feeding schedule.

Gweg looked it over.

Gweg: Oh come one! I have to get up at 3 AM to feed your stupid fish.

Satyr went to the fish tank and opened the top to talk into it.

Satyr: He didn't mean that Flipsy. You are the smartest fish in the whole word. Here Flipsy, do your thing.

Satyr grabbed Flipsy's new hoop. It was gold colored and had Flipsy's name engraved in it. Satyr held it above the tank and Flipsy jumped through it.

Satyr: You are the best fish in the whole world, yes you are. Here's your special treat.

Gweg watched this with disinterest. He was thinking that feeding a stupid fish was a small price to pay to get rid of Satyr for a few days.

Satyr: Do you understand that chart? Do you think you are able to perform the resposibilities asked of you?

Gweg: I think I can handle it.

Satyr: Good.

Satyr went back to his room to pack.

Friday.

Satyr left for the airport around noon. Gweg secretly hoped there would be some Saudis with boxcutters on Satyr's flight. Scratch that, Gweg thought it would be better if the plane had a bunch of snakes on it, yeah, that would be more poetic, but Gweg knew he couldn't get that lucky.

Despite the fish tank and the stupid fish, this week went surprisingly well for Gweg. He could hardly believe his luck. With Satyr gone now for a few days, things seemed to good to be true. Gweg knew his luck wouldn't last.

Later that night, Gweg got the call.

"Hello, this is Gweg."

"Hey Gweg, this is Frank, we met at the meeting a couple of days ago."

"Ah, yes, hello Frank, what can I do for you?"

"Well, curiosity is getting the best of me you could say, and I just need to know something."

Gweg found this statement a little odd, but dismissed that thought until he found out more.

"Ok, what do you need to know?"

"That cartoon is based off of you right? I mean, the name, the likeness, it's too much of a coincidence."

"What cartoon?"

"Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about?"

"No. What cartoon?"

"Well Gweg, there is this morning show on the Kid's Network called Randy's Funhouse, and everyday, they feature a cartoon. It's supposed to be some moral safety type cartoon, but it's a little too graphic for my taste, but my kids love it."

"When's it on?"

"Every weekday at 8:30 AM. But, when I met you, you reminded me so much of the cartoon, and even the name is the same."

"What's the name of the cartoon?"

Frank said two words and Gweg hung up the phone. Gweg knew Frank was right, it was too much of a coincidence.

Gweg knew that if his hunch was right, there was going to be one dead satyr on Tuesday.

Gweg's anger clouded his common sense, so it never occurred to him to look up the show on the internet.

Gweg spent the weekend trying his best not to keep the cartoon on his mind. He fed Flipsy according to the schedule.

Monday arrived.

Gweg turned on the TV and found the program.

What he saw on TV was a bit surreal.

Randy's Funhouse was set in a treehouse. But inside the treehouse it looked like a mansion.

There was a big screen TV, an entire wall that was an aquarium, miniature planes, helicopters, trains, and cars moving around everywhere.

The only furniture was bean bags that had different designs on them.

Randy, the host of the show, was one of the freakiest characters Gweg had ever laid eyes on. Randy wore a two foot tall black and white top hat, that had two motorized penguins skating on it. He wore a purple coat that went down to his ankles. He wore a white shirt that had two cartoon kids on it looking at a skinny cartoon clown with a caption reading, "This Clown Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us!". Randy's pants had pockets on almost every square inch of them and they were all a different color.

Randy spoke to the camera with an awful English accent..

Randy: Heya kids! It's time once again for Randy's Funhouse!

The scene cut to five children climbing into the funhouse. When the kids all got inside, Randy started playing a song on a trombone and the kids danced.

10 minutes of kooky nonsense went by. Finally, Gweg saw what he was waiting for.

Randy had heard a scratching at the door.

Randy: Hey kids! Listen close! It's Scraggly Squirrel!

Randy went to the door and opened it up. Sure enough, a squirrel came through the door. He was holding a large bag over his shoulders.

One of the kids asked: What's in the bag?

Randy looked the kid over like a kitten looks over a ball of string.

Randy: Why, he doesn't have any old bag, that's his special nut sack!

Scraggly Squirrel reached into his nut sack and threw acorns and peanuts at the kids and Randy.

Scraggly Squirrel: That right kids, you'll always find the best of nature's goodness right here in my nut sack!

Rand: You got anything special in your nut sack today?

Scraggly Squirrel: I sure do Randy! Why, there's always something special ready to come out of my nut sack!

Scraggly Squirrel reached in and pulled out a DVD.

Scraggly Squirrel: It's today's cartoon, "Gweg's World"!


As Gweg watched the cartoon, his eyes tightened and he clenched his fist.

The cartoon consisted of a small boy, who resembled Gweg a great deal, going to the town fair. Cartoon Gweg decided to go on the rides first and went on the roller coaster. The carnie operating the roller coaster, whose name was Richard, told Cartoon Gweg not to stick his arms out. Cartoon Gweg did, but nothing happened to him on the ride. However, Richard the Carnie saw this, chopped Gweg up into tiny pieces, and fed Cartoon Gweg to the goldfish in the ring toss game.

After the cartoon was over, Randy asked the kids in his funhouse about what they just saw.

Randy: So kids, what lesson did you learn from today's cartoon?

One of the kids: We learned to always follow rules.

One of the other kids: And to trust the experts.

Randy: That's right kids! So remember, don't disobey like Gweg did or else you will get hurt.


Gweg turned off the TV in disgust. Only one thought remained in his head throughout the rest of the day:

The satyr will pay.

Tuesday.

When Gweg woke up, he decided to look up Gweg's world on the computer. It seemed that almost every episode involved Gweg getting killed by a guy named Richard. Various times, Gweg would get killed by someone else, but the one theme remained constant, Gweg gets killed in everyone.

A little bit later, Satyr arrived home.

Gweg was sitting on the couch waiting for him.

Gweg: How was your trip?

Satyr: It was ok. Some kid kept kicking the back of my seat on the plane ride over there, but I got him back, I had sex with his mom.

Gweg: Ha ha, you sure know how to stick it to the man. That's why I admire you.

Satyr: Uh yeah, you're not some weird opposite duplicate of Gweg are you?

Gweg: No Satyr, it's just that over the weekend, I realized how smart and clever you are.

Satyr was shocked to hear these words coming out of Gweg's mouth.

Satyr: Well Gweg, I don't know what to say. That's, uh, very nice of you. Kind of creepy too, but very nice. Well, I see that you took good care of Flipsy.

Satyr went over to the fish tank and tapped the glass.

Satyr: How's my little Flipsy Ipsy? Were you a good boy for Gweg?

Gweg: Oh, he was great. Him and I watched our new favorite show, "Randy's Funhouse".

Satyr: Well, he's a fish, Gweg. I don't really think he watches TV....

Satyr paused and gave a horrified look at Gweg.

Satyr: Did you say "Randy's Funhouse"?

Gweg nodded.

Satyr started to panic.

Satyr: listen Gweg, there's something you need to here first.

Gweg put up his hand to stop him.

Gweg: I don't want to hear it. In fact, I only have one thing to say to you: stop doing the cartoon, or I will make you regret it.

Satyr: I can't just stop Gweg. I just made one hell of a licensing deal. I'm racking in some good cash writing these cartoons. There is no way I'm going to stop.

Gweg walked up to Satyr and got nose to nose.

Gweg: Stop it or regret it.

Gweg turned around and went to his room.

Satyr went stayed out in the living room. He played with Flipsy for a little bit, watched some TV, and got on the computer. Gweg never came out of his room.

There was no way in hell Satyr was going to stop doing the cartoon. The deal he just made was going to bring in more cash than Satyr could hope for. There was a plan that would have brought in even more, but Satyr passed it over. Best to keep things as simple as they can be.

Gweg was just being to stubborn. He should be happy, but typical Gweg, he was being Mr. Negativity. Oh well, what the worse that he could do?

Satyr went to bed.

Wednesday.

Gweg woke up when he heard a scream.

Gweg turned to look at his clock, it was 8 AM.

Gweg went out to the living room. Satyr was down on his knees, crying. When Satyr heard Gweg come out, he turned to him, eyes red, and screamed.

Satyr: You son of a bitch!

Gweg didn't know what the hell was going on.

Gweg: What are you talking about?

Satyr: He was innocent! He had nothing to do with it! You didn't need to do that to him, you murdering bastard!

Gweg was confused. He was even more puzzled when he saw something drip on Satyr's head. Gweg followed the drip's path up and let out a gasp.

Flipsy was stapled to the ceiling.

Gweg: I did not do that!

Satyr: You liar! Who else would do it? Somebody wouldn't just come in here in the middle of the night and staple a goldfish to the ceiling! You told me "Stop or else" and now I see what else is! You cruel bastard!

Gweg: I swear, I didn't kill your fucking fish!

Satyr stood up and dried his eyes.

Satyr: "Gweg's World" teaches morals today's youth in a unique way that stays with the kids. You should be proud to be a part of something like that. And just so you know, that meeting I went to was to license my cartoon for various products. I just settled on doing action figures, but I think I'll give a call to my agent and say I went to go the full gamit of products. T-Shirts, lunch boxes, book bags, coloring books, PEZ Dispensers, video games, and Underwear, that's right Gweg, underwear. Every time some little kid wets the bed, he'll pissing right into your face.

Gweg: First of all, "Gweg's World" is not a moral cartoon. From what I read, it seems like it is some sort of psychological purge for you. The first day we met, Richard was going to kill me, but you accidently ran him over. This cartoon seems to be your half-ass attempt to make up for that.

Satyr: Why do you always have to read more into the situation then what there is? I am doing these cartoons to make money you silly bastard! I'm calling my agent after I get Flipsy down.

Satyr went and got the step ladder.

Gweg: I'm going out for a drive.

Satyr: Try not to run over any goldfish, killer.

Gweg: I don't think that's going to be a problem. Besides, I didn't kill your fish! Maybe when I get back, we can discuss this like adults.

Satyr: I'm sorry Gweg, I didn't understand that. I don't speak murderese.

Gweg: I'm done with your insanity today.

Gweg got into his car and drove around town.

Gweg didn't kill the fish and he would have been convinced Satyr did it himself, but he knew Satyr actually loved it.

But that wasn't what Gweg was concerned with. It was "Gweg's World".

Gweg did not want a cartoon version of his face plastered over everything imaginable. But if Satyr gets his way, that's exactly what was going to happen.

Then do something about it.

There was that voice. The dark side of Gweg's conscience. It usually spoke up when Satyr wanted Gweg's help with something. And more times than Gweg would like to admit, Gweg listened to it. This was the first time it spoke out to oppose Satyr.

What can I do?

You want to get rid of "Gweg's World" don't you?

Yes, but...

To get rid of it, you need to go down to his level.

That's the last thing I want to do.

Then he has already won. The only way to defeat him in this is to beat him at his own game. You may not like it, but the fact is, he plays a rotten game and you need to get your hands dirty to win.

Yeah, but what can I do?

You need to think like him.

I'm afraid.

Don't worry, just listen to me. You need to give the show a bad name.

Gweg listened, but didn't like what he heard.

Just go find a kid in a store, wear a hat and sunglasses. Tell the kid you work for Randy's Playhouse and you want him to be on the show. Take off your hat and sunglasses to show him you are the real Gweg. Then tell him if he wants on the show, he has to come out to your van alone. Make sure his parent or somebody else overhears. When the parent comes to confront you, get the hell out of there. Do this several times and the gossip will spread.

I don't like this.

Just do it.

Gweg went to a comic book store.

He saw a young kid, maybe ten years old, looking at comics. There was an older woman standing 12 feet down from him.

"Show time", Gweg thought.

Gweg: Hey kid, what are you looking for.

The kid gave Gweg a menacing glare. The kid was dressed all in black and had black hair.

The Kid: What's it to you shit brains.

Gweg: Nice language there. Listen, have you ever seen "Randy's Playhouse"?

The Kid smiled.

The Kid: That's my favorite show!

Gweg took off his sunglasses and hat.

Gweg: Recognize me?

The Kid: Oh my god, you look like an older version of Gweg.

Gweg: That's because I am Gweg.

The Kid was happy now.

Gweg: Listen, I work directly for Randy and I think you should be in an episode of our show.

The Kid: Really?

Gweg looked over at the woman, she was standing a little bit closer now. Gweg raised his voice a little more.

Gweg: Well then, all you have to do is come out to my car, alone.

Gweg glanced at the woman, she didn't seem to have heard what Gweg said.

The Kid: That's great, let's go.

Gweg looked at the woman again. She still did nothing.

Gweg: Don't you want to tell your mom were you are going?

The Kid: She's passed out at home. She was with Uncle John #87 last night and she got drunk off of her fat ass. She was still in bed, holding the money Uncle John gave her, so I took it and came here.

Gweg: Oh well, forget about it.

Gweg turned and left, he got into his car, but the kid opened the passenger side and climbed in.

The Kid: You are not leaving without me, Tubby.

The kid reached into his pocket and grabbed a stun gun. He stun Gweg with it.

Gweg woke up hours later, tied to a chair.

The kid was standing in front of him.

The Kid: My daddy sure would be proud.

Gweg: Your daddy?

The Kid: Yes, my dad, Richard the Hunter. I'm Richard Jr.

Gweg: Oh my fucking god.

Richard Jr: Dad kept a journal. I have it now. I read it every day. I read his last entry in there the most. It says: "I've got Gweg in the trunk now. My buddy will be joining me in the hunt tonight. I think killing this Gweg will give me the most satisfaction I will ever receive from killing someone. This will be fun."

Gweg: Your dad was a lunatic killer.

Richard Jr: My dad was a hero! And because of you, he died!

Gweg: It wasn't my fault! It was Satyr, he ran over your dad!

Richard Jr: I already dealt with him, I killed his goldfish last night.

Gweg: You did that?

Richard Jr: Yes, I did. Wait, you know about it?

Gweg: Yeah, I live with him.

Richard Jr: So, you two teamed up to kill my dad.

Gweg: It wasn't like that at all.

Richard Jr: I can't believe you were in there. Dad always told me, "When you break into a house, make sure you know what you are going for. In and out as fast as you can, that way you leave little evidence behind". Well, I'll have to work on changing that. I've already decided to do things different from Dad anyway.

Gweg: How's that?

Richard Jr: Well, dad liked to kill people. Not me, I get no satisfaction from killing things. I think death is nothing more than a cheap escape. I like to punish someone physically and mentally. And let them live with the pain of their experience with me.

Gweg: You and Satyr would get along just fine.

Richard Jr: Shut up! Don't you mention him! Now it's time to hurt Gweg, and believe me, you will hurt.

Richard Jr. then told Gweg what he planned to do.

Gweg was really scared now.

Richard Jr: And after I finish, I will give you some pills that will keep you asleep for a couple of days, you will wake up with a headache and a lot of emotional pain.

Richard Jr. did his thing.

Friday.

Gweg stumbled through the door. Satyr was on the couch, watching TV.

Satyr: That must have been a hell of a drive Gweg. Where have you been.

Gweg: I don't want to talk about it.

Satyr: Something happened, you look like hell.

Gweg: I got into a little altercation. It's over now.

Satyr: No, there's something you are not telling me. Come on, tell the truth and shame the devil.

Gweg: You want to know what happened?

Satyr: Lay it on me.

Gweg walked up to Satyr and got nose to nose with him. Gweg cleared his throat and screamed.

Gweg: I, A 26 YEAR OLD GROWN MAN, WAS RAPED BY A 10 YEAR OLD BOY!

Satyr: Holy shit!

Gweg: Yeah, and it was your old buddy's son!

Satyr: What?

Gweg: Yeah. Richard. You never told me he had kids!

Satyr: I didn't know! Hell, Richard was a player. He's probably got kids in all 50 states. God knows how many he's got in Mexico.

Gweg sat down on the couch.

Gweg: He killed your goldfish.

Satyr: Makes sense. I found a note written in crayon next to the fish food. It said, "Now we are even."

Gweg: None of this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your damn show.

Satyr: Well, Flipsy getting killed would have happened. You getting raped by a kid, yeah, that probably wouldn't have gone down. But you don't have to worry about that any more, Randy's Funhouse got cancelled.

Gweg: What> Why?

Satyr: The cops found Randy masturbating to some porn on his video Ipod last night in a park. The Kid's Network immediately pulled the plug on the show and everything associated with it. So no more "Gweg's World".

Gweg: Good. At least I get to end this day with some good news. I'm going to bed and am going to do my best to put these two weeks behind me.

Satyr watched Gweg go to bed. He really did feel somewhat sorry for him. So much in fact, that he decided not to tell Gweg what exactly Randy was watching.

It was a 10 year old raping a full grown man that was gagged and bound.


The End