We find out heroes desperate to find some information on their new enemy, The Agency. Primus has been sitting at the computer for four hours trying to find whatever he can.
Primus: I give up! I can't find a damn thing on them. It's like they don't even exist!
Pillz: Are you sure you are using that search engine right.
Primus: Yes. I've been doing advanced searches and I have used about every single Internet search engine available.
Pero: Did you use the Google?
Primus: Yes. That was the first one I used.
Primus was getting annoyed with their questions. All of his life, people always assumed he never knew what he was doing. He could only take so much of it.
Pillz: Maybe you just aren't looking in the right places.
Primus: That's it! If you think you can do better, by all means, sit down and search! And if you can find anything, I'll be the first to get on my knees and suck the mighty dick of Pillz!
Pillz: Hey! There is no need to get fired up! I'm just trying to help.
Primus: Well, I'm getting a little sick of the "Primus is incompetent" attitude you always have. I have done everything, and that includes even trying to use my powers to bring up something. I have found nothing.
Pillz: Ok, ok. I apologize. We just need to take a break from all of this.
Pero: You have powers Primus?
Primus just stared at him.
Pillz: Ok guys, listen up. The mayor needs us to help him with problem. Seems there is a gang of bank robbers out there.
Primus: Fantastic! We get to take a break from fighting The Agency by fighting bank robbers.
Pillz: As long as there is crime and injustice in the world, crime fighters never get to take vacations.
Primus: How long have you waited to use that in a conversation?
Pillz: A week. I thought it up when I was making plans for a vacation.
Pero: My cousin David has been on vacation for a long time. At least that's where my mother told me he went. He went on vacation right after he showed up at school dressed up as Don Quixote and went around spreading his feces on the wall.
Pillz: Well, we won't be taking that kind of vacation. At least not all of us.
Primus: What are you looking at me for?
Pillz: No reason. Ok, let's back on topic here: The bank robbers.
Primus: Let's just get out there and kick these guy's asses.
Pillz: They are girls.
Primus: What?
Pillz: 3 of them to be exact. Witnesses say that two of them are dressed up as cats and the other one is dressed up in what appears to be a dominatrix costume. The dominatrix appears to be the leader.
Primus: I might have a problem with this.
Pillz: Why?
Primus: Well, they are girls. I can't fight girls.
Pillz: When it comes to evil, there is no gender. And before you ask, I just came up with that.
Primus: I just don't know about this.
Pero: I'll tell you all this, if those hos want to step up to Pero's plate, I'll give them a bitch slapping they won't soon forget.
Pillz: That's the spirit Pero. See, he's got the right attitude.
Primus: Good for him. I'm still not going to be comfortable with this.
Pillz: That's fine. Let's go to the last bank they robbed and look at their security video.
As our heroes go to the bank, let's check out their latest enemies, who are shacked up in the duplex they are renting together.
Radioactive Dude: What in the Sam Hill are all these boxes doing out here.
Evil Gnome: Oh, those must be my new lawn gnomes. Sorry, I should have told you I was expecting a delivery.
Radioactive Dude: Don't worry 'bout it partner.
Evil Gnome: The new gnomes are custom made. I had them designed with machine guns and swords and all sorts of neat gimmicks.
Radioactive Dude: That's good thinking there Gnome. That's the kind of ingenuity that's going to get us ahead. Coming up with new ideas to improve our game.
Dealy Llama: Me and Mrs. have been working on doing just that. Want to see the video?
Radioactive Dude: I think I'll pass. Especially since you've had your missus transformed into a donkey most of the week.
Dealy Llama: We're just trying to reach out to all markets.
Dealy Llama honked his nose and the Mrs. turned into Brad Pitt.
Dealy Llama: See that? That is how we are going to fund this little operation.
Evil Gnome: Let me guess. You are going to film yourself having sex with the Mrs, while she looks like Brad Pitt, and then blackmail him for money not to release the tape.
Dealy Llama looked over at his Mrs and smiled brightly.
Dealy Llama: Blackmail him! That's an even better idea.
Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll leave you to take care of that. In the meantime, we are going to have some guests tonight.
Evil Gnome: Don't tell me The Agency is going to send somebody over.
Radioactive Dude: Not that I'm aware of. No, our gusts are going to be of the female bank robbing variety.
Evil Gnome: Those three women that have been robbing the banks? Why exactly are they coming here?
Radioactive Dude: Well, I happened to be in the area of their last bank robbery and I followed them. After I caught up with them, I introduced myself and offered them our support. They are coming over to discuss a possible alliance.
Evil Gnome: With no offense to the Mrs. over there, it has been my experience that women are not to be trusted.
Radioactive Dude: Then we best keep on our toes. Come on, let's tidy up and have this place looking purty for our new friends.
Meanwhile, our heroes are checking out the surveillance tape.
Primus: Well, you have to hand it to them, they sure are hot.
Pillz: Don't let their sexuality fool you. These women are dangerous. You saw what that one did with the whip.
Primus: I can't even make one simple little comment without you blowing it out of proportion.
Pillz: That's not what I'm doing. I know how your mind works. You have to realize that we are going to fight these women. The last thing this team needs is for you to back down from the fight because you are too busy fantasizing about them.
Primus: I'm still not excited about fighting women. Unlike your mother, mine taught me how to be a gentleman.
Pillz: You are right. Mine taught me that if I was ever in a fight with a woman, I should have paid up front. Let's not have this argument now. We need to study this tape.
Pero: Can I have a copy of it to study in my room tonight?
Pillz comptemplated on exactly what Pero meant by this. Innocent comment or not, it wouldn't hurt to give Pero a copy.
Pillz: Sure Pero. Primus take notes. The leader walks in and begins to sing. Her song seems to put all of the people in the bank in a trance. Except this man, who happens to be deaf. He runs toward the three women. At this point, the one cat dressed as a tiger, hell let's call her Julie Newmar for the time being, thrust her hands out in front of her revealing claws at the tips of each of her fingers. This scares the man and he takes off running in the other direction. The Michelle Pheifer catwoman than takes out her whip and manages to catch the man and ties him up with the whip. The two cats then get the cash while the leader stands guard. Ten minutes in and out. They are pros.
Pero: Maybe they are men dressed up in drag.
Primus: Why would you think that?
Pero: I saw that movie about Julie Newmar.
Pillz: Never mind Pero, these are women. This is going to be just like out first case, Primus. We are going to mark down all the banks they hit on a map and see if we can't find a pattern. If we do, we will stake out the next bank. But first, we need to profile their powers here and develop a defense strategy against them.
Primus: Fine. Let's get to it.
As the heroes were strategizing, the Fucktastic Four were getting ready for their guests.
Radioactive Dude: The Fucktastic Four?
Dealy Llama: Hell yeah! You know damn well we need a name. And that's a name ain't nobody going to forget.
Evil Gnome: It does have a certain ring to it.
Radioactive Dude: Well, if you three are pleased with it, then I reckon it's all right with me as well.
Dealy Llama: Fucktastic! So, when are these bitches supposed to get here?
Radioactive Dude: Should be any minute now. Remember to be ready for anything.
Moments later, there was a knock at the door.
Evil Gnome: I'll get it.
Gnome walked to the door and opened it. The three femme fatales walked in.
Evil Gnome: Hello ladies, let me introduce you to the people in the room. The cowboy over there you all already know is Radioactive Dude. The two couples over there are Dealy Llama and his Mrs. and I am known as Evil Gnome.
Evil Gnome took the hand of the nearest woman and kissed the back of her hand.
The Lady blushed.
The Lady: Well, let me introduce you to us. I am the Sadistic Siren, although you may all call me Saddy. The tigress over here is Purrrrrrr and the black cat here is MED.
The three ladies bowed to their hosts.
Dealy Llama: Well, let's get this fuckin party started!
MED: You certainly do have a mouth on you.
Dealy Llama: Bitch, that ain't the only thing I have on me that'll amaze you.
Saddy started at Llama.
Saddy: You need to watch yourself around us boy.
MED: Oh lighted up Saddy, he's kind of cute.
Radioactive Dude: You'll have to pardon him, mam. His mouth is faster than his mind.
Med: Along with other things I'm sure.
Llama wasn't sure how to take that comment.
Saddy: Anyway, what is the purpose of our little meeting?
Radioactive Dude: The reason that I asked you ladies to visit us is one out of self-preservation. For all of us. As you ladies are now high profiled criminals, it's only a matter of time before you have a run in with the Power Pack.
Purrrrrrr: What? Those 3 little boys? I'm sure we would have no problem dealing with them.
Evil Gnome: With all due respect miss, but we've fought them ourselves and they no how to fight. I'm more than certain that they are not something you can just brush off.
Saddy: That may be, but we have powers of our own that will handle the Power Pack's powers. My singing voice can stop any man. MED is excellent with the whip, and Purrrrrrr can move with the grace of a cat.
Dealy Llama: Those powers suck! "Ooohhh. Look at me, I can use a whip!" Wow, whoopdy-doo! And the reason that men stop when you sing is so they can spare their ears from the god awful sound that comes out of that cock chasm you call a throat. And you, "Miss cat like grace", I don't know how that's possible with hips that big. Hey Mrs, show 'em what a real woman can do.
Dealy Llama honked his nose twice. The Mrs. then turned into a tigress. The three ladies looked on in shock.
Dealy Lama: "Moving with the grace of a cat" don't sound like no hot shit now, doesn't it. I've said before and I'll say it again, the Mrs. is the best pussy around.
Saddy turned to Radioactive Dude.
Saddy: We didn't come here to be mocked by some juvenile clown and his freak wife.
Radioactive Dude: I apologize mam, but Llama doeas have a point. I don't reckon your powers would do much good against the Power Pack.
Saddy: Oh, you don't huh? Well, we'll see about that. If the Power Pack wants to try and stop us, I say let them come. And you'll see how women achieve where men have failed.
And with that, the 3 women left the room.
Evil Gnome: That went well, didn't it.
Radioactive Dude: It went exactly as I hoped it would. Good work, Llama.
Dealy Llama: As always.
Evil Gnome: ok. Mind explaining to me what the hell just went down.
Radioactive Dude: I apologize for keeping you in the dark, but I had to make sure your reactions to Llama's outbursts were genuine. It helped create the illusion that we were being sincere with our hope to team up with them.
Evil Gnome? We weren't being sincere?
Radioactive Dude: No. I want to see how they match up against the Power Pack. But I need them to be prepared. I want them to go at the Power Pack with all they got.
Evil Gnome: You're very serious about studying the Power Pack before we go up against them again, huh.
Radioactive Dude: You're darn right. "Know thy enemy." I take those words to heart.
Dealy Llama: The Mrs. has turned into a bird and is following the girls as we speak.
Radioactive Dude: Good. She'll come back to us when the girls have planned out their next bank heist. And we'll be there to watch and hopefully, the Power Pack will come by and put up a show.
Dealy Llama: I'll bring the popcorn.
Meanwhile...
Purrrrrrr: I have never been so humiliated in my life!
Saddy: Let it go.
MED: Yeah, besides, who are they? I've never knew about them until today. We already have 3 bank robberies under our belt and what do they have? Nothing.
Purrrrrrr: Good point.
Saddy: And it is a good point. They probably wanted to team up with us just so we could do they heavy work and they could pick up on the rewards. Fucking men.
MED: But what was up with that crazy midget bitch?
Saddy: Who knows? Bunch of freaks. Let's get back to the lair and make plans for the next heist.
The three ladies hopped into their car and drove off. The didn't speak to each other on the drive back, as they were each going over the event that had just took place in their minds. None of them liked to be embarrassed by men and each secretly decided to take their frustrations out on the Power Pack if the Pack decided to try to stop them.
One of them did speak however.
Purrrrrrr: My hips aren't that big.
As they drove on, none of them noticed the bird doing it's best to keep up with them.
The next day...
Pillz: No! No! No!
Primus: What am I doing wrong?
Pillz: Everything!
Pillz, Primus, and Pero were now working out in an Rent-A-Gym they referred to as the Practice Pad.
Pillz: What did I tell you? Since you refuse to fight these girls, I need you on defense. And so far, you have not some up with one good defense against this whip I've been cracking at you for the last half hour.
Primus: Maybe you aren't using it right.
Pillz: I know how to use a whip.
Pero: My mother once had a whip. She used it to punish daddy the way he liked. She also used it to punish other men too. Dad was usually at work late when the other men got punished. Mom never used it to punish me though. She had a paddle for that. I remember one time she spanked me for playing with matches. I found them in my dad's desk drawer and decided to light my GI Joes on fire. Snake Eyes was my favorite Joe so I never lit him on fire. When I was 8, I decided not to talk to anybody so I could be more like Snake Eyes. My mom didn't know why I wouldn't talk, because I couldn't tell her, so she took me to see a doctor. He tried to get me to talk but I wouldn't. He said, "Come on kid, I'm desperate." I was young and wasn't paying too much attention to him so I thought he said that he was Destro. That's when I kicked him in the face and ran out of the room. That night the doctor came by to see how I was doing. I decided to talk to him and told him I didn't like Cobra in my house. He laughed and said he wasn't Cobra. He then talked to my mom. He must have been a bad guy anyway cause later that night mom was punishing him with the whip.
Pillz: So, Pero, since you seem to be an expert on the subject; am I using the whip right?
Pero: I don't know. The whip she used had like nine different ends on them.
Pillz: Ok then, never mind.
Primus: Maybe my power only works when I know that there is a real danger to me.
Pillz: Well, there is going to be a real danger, because I'm going to start whipping you for real.
Primus: I don't know what your problem is. When it comes time for us to stop those women, I'll be ready.
Pillz: That's my main concern. I don't think you will.
Primus: Why don't you trust me.
Pillz: It's not that I don't trust you, it's just the fact that I'm not 100% convinced of your ability to come through when we need you the most.
Primus: I have proven myself time and time again.
Pillz: But your reluctance to fight these women is concerning. I need to make sure you are giving your all to stopping our enemies.
Pero: Hey guys, will you stop acting like my parents for one second and look on the TV.
Pero pointed to the little TV they had set up in a corner. On the TV was live coverage of a bank robbery.
Pillz: Great timing.
Pillz turned to Primus.
Pillz: Moment of truth. Are you going to back us up?
Primus: Yes.
Pillz: Good. Let's go.
At the Bank...
MED: Saddy, what are we waiting for? We got the money, let's split.
Saddy: No. We are waiting for the Power Pack to arrive.
Purrrrrrr: Good. It's time to prove ourselves once and for all.
Saddy: Don't forget how we decided to do this. I subdue them and then you two have your way with them.
MED: I always like your plans.
The Power Pack arrived.
Pillz: Ok ladies, your fun time is over. Come out with your hands up and surrender peacefully.
Saddy: I'm coming out with my hands up.
Saddy walked out, hands in the air. She began to sing.
Pillz was too fast for her. A green light shout out of his ring and formed a rope. Which then wrapped itself around Saddy's head, covering her mouth.
Saddy struggled to remove it, but could not manage to get it off.
MED and Purrrrrr moved outside to attack.
MED went after Pero with the whip.
MED: You've been a bad boy. It's time for your punishment.
MED cracked her whip at Pero.
Pero's mind flashed back to all the men who let out those moans of pain when his mother punished them. Pero began to shake.
MED: Awww. The little boy is shaking in his shoes.
Pero hulked out.
PeroHulk: You no hurt Pero. Pero no like whip!
Pero chased after MED, who took off running.
Purrrrrrr had decided to confront Primus.
Purrrrrrr: Good. I get to take on the cute one.
Primus: You think I'm cute?
Purrrrrrr: You bet. So, is that your superpower in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Primus looked away, his cheeks were flushed.
Purrrrrrr: What's the matter? Never been this close to a woman before?
Primus: I've been close to plenty. My sister and I used to share the same bed.
Purrrrrrr just laughed at this.
Purrrrrrr: And they said this was going to be tough.
Primus: Who's they?
Purrrrrrr: We met these guys over at this Duplex on 23rd....
Purrrrrrr stopped when she saw PeroHulk chasing after MED.
Purrrrrrr: Hold that thought cutie, I'll be right back.
Purrrrrrr ran over and lept on PeroHulk's back. She began clawing at him. PeroHulk tried to grab at her, but he couldn't reach her. MED began to whip him from the front.
Pillz saw this happening.
Pillz: Primus, help Pero out!
Primus: You help him out!
Pillz: I can't. I need to keep this one's mouth shut.
Primus: I don't know what to do!
Pillz: Damn it!
Pillz let go of Saddy and aimed his ring at Purrrrrrr. He managed to get her off of PeroHulk's back, but then Saddy began to sing.
Pillzs and Pero were frozen in their spots. Primus was not affected.
Primus: My power is drowning out her singing. I can't hear it.
MED: sothis one is immune huh. Saddy, you keep on singing your song. We'll deal with this one.
MED cracked her whip at him. Primus caught it with his hands and pulled it away from her.
MED: Ho did you? No one can? What the hell?
Purrrrrrr: I knew there was something special about this cutie. I'll handle him.
Purrrrrrr ran ar Primus at full speed. Primus' hand flew out, shooting the whip out at full speed. The whip found it's way around Purrrrrrr's legs and brought her to the ground.
Purrrrrrr: That's impossible! No one can catch me like that.
Primus: it's easy when you have hips that big.
Purrrrrrr began to cry.
Saddy stopped singing.
Pillz immediatly captured her with his power ring. PeroHulk picked up both MED and Purrrrrr.
A few minutes later, the police arived to take the women into custody.
Primus: See, I told you I would come through. I saved both of your guy's bacon.
Pillz stared quietly at Primus.
Primus: What?
Pillz: I am dissapointed in you.
Primus was hurt to hear this.
Primus: What do you mean. I stopped them, didn't I? I saved both of you from her singing.
Pillz: That never should have happened. If you had helped PeroHulk like I told you to, she never would have had the opportunity to sing in the first place.
Primus: You are never pleased are you? You always have to bring out the negative in a situation.
Pillz: No. I always bring up what went wrong in the situation.
Primus: No. You're right. I'm sorry Pillz, you have my word that this will never happen again.
Pillz: I would hope so. But I honestly have to tell you, I have my doubts.
Primus: This is one promise I'll keep.
An Hour Later...
Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll hang my hat up and say that that was a complete success.
Dealy Llama: That was the most fucking boring 10 minutes of my life.
Evil Gnome: I thought it was very educational myself.
Radioactive Dude: And it was. Dissension among the ranks. That will be the Power Pack's downfall.
Voice At The Door: You have no idea.
The four villains turned to see who had spoken. They were shocked to see who it was.
Radioactive Dude: Well, I'll be. What brings you to these parts?
Primus: I want to join up with you guys.
TO BE CONTINUED
