1-900-Satyr

Satyr: "Ha Ha! Gweg! I got it figured out!"

The Satyr was excited about something and Gweg could hardly wait to find out what it was. Actually, Gweg couldn't wait to watch the Satyr fail at whatever he was doing this time.

Gweg: "What is it?"

Satyr: "You know how all of these women keep telling me I have a sexy voice?"

Gweg: "Uh...no."

Satyr: "Well they do. It has been mentioned many times. So I thought to myself, 'Hmmm, what would be the best way to benefit from such a great gift?' And like that, poof!, the answer came to me."

Gweg: "I am going to regret asking this, but what?"

Satyr: "I am going to create my own 900 number."

Gweg: "Yep, I can see this working."

And so it came to pass, the Virtual Satyr came up with his own phone sex hotline: 1-900-SEXY-SATYR.

Satyr: "All right. Everything is in place. Soon, I will be talking to hundreds of lonesome ladies out there, all in need of some Satyr Spice in their life."

Gweg just shook his head.

After a few hours, the first call came in.

Satyr: "Hello. This is the Satyr speaking. I am ready to please you. Why don't you tell me your name.

Caller with a deep female voice: "My name is Martha."

Satyr: "Martha, what a sexy name. Tell me Martha. What would you like me to do for you?"

Martha: "First you can start by cleaning this damn floor."

Satyr: "Uh ok. Would you like me to do this in the nude?"

Martha: "I don't care if you do it wearing a tank top and bell bottoms, that fucking floor better be clean."

Satyr: "But Martha, there is so much more I can do for you."

Martha: "I hear a lot of talking, when I should be hearing a lot vacuuming."

Satyr: "Ok. I'll vacuum. Uh..vroom vroom vroom...you know Martha, there is a lot of nifty things I could be doing with this vacuum cleaner."

Martha: "The only thing you had better be doing with it is cleaning the goddamn floor, bitch."

Satyr: "Oh that's it."

Satyr hanged up the phone. He looked at Gweg. Gweg was laughing.

Satyr: "Ok. So the first one was a freak. You'll get that from time to time in this business. But, it doesn't matter. The next call will be some poor undersexed chick, and I'll be so good, she won't be able to get enough.

Gweg: "Whatever you say, Romeo"

Satyr gave Gweg an angry look. Soon after that the phone rang again.

Satyr: "Hello. This is the Satyr at your service. What can I do for you, sexy lady?"

Caller with a high pitched male voice: "Well oh so sexy Satyr let me tell you this; it's not what you can do for me, it's what I can do to you."

Satyr immediately hanged up the phone. He looked over at Gweg, who was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

Satyr: "Oh, you think it's funny, huh? Well then Gweg, why don't you give it a shot then. Let's see how well that squeaky voice of yours does on the phone. We'll get a lot of money from the next caller, because they wont be able to hang up the phone from laughing to hard."

Gweg: "You're on."

The phone rang and Gweg picked it up.

Gweg: "Hello. My name is Gweg. Let's talk, about anything you'd like."

Caller with a throaty, sultry, sexy voice: "Hello Gweg. You have an interesting voice for a 900 phone sex guy. You sound like a person I could talk all night to."

Gweg put his hand over the phone and looked at the Satyr.

Gweg: "I'd better take this to the other room."

Gweg got up and went to the other room. As Gweg was leaving, Satyr could hear him say, "Wow. It must be really cold where you are at."

The Satyr watched Gweg leave with a disgusted look on his face. "That damn bastard" he grumbled. All of the sudden there was a fierce pounding on the front door.

Satyr: "Yeah! Just a second! I'll be right there."

Satyr got up and went to the door. When he opened it, he saw a very tall, very big woman standing there. The Satyr knew who it was, even before she spoke.

Woman at the door: "Guess what, bitch. My windows need washing too."